Definitely mad.
I frowned to myself. Quinn was just a kid, and even though the family joked about her little crush on me over the years, she did kind of have a special place in my heart. She hadn’t had it easy, after all.
Well, she hadn’t really had it rough, either. She had everything she could ever want, as the daughter of Jason Caruthers would. But she was on a short leash. Her father hovered, and when he didn’t, her brothers did.
I was the one who had let her do things no one else would.
I was the first one to put a rifle in her hand out at the shooting range. She was nine, and I got slapped over the head for it. And I also gave her her first ride on a motorcycle when she was eleven. I realize now it was a mistake not to have a helmet on her, but it’s not like I was racing down the highway, either. I thought everyone in the family was going to kill me.
I shook my head, blowing off Fallon’s little concern. “Well, she starts high school in the fall, right? She’ll be too busy with boys and teen drama to even remember my name.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” she retorted. “You’re pretty much the only non-family member male she’s allowed to be around.”
I smiled at the joke, taking off my baseball cap and running my hand through my hair before putting it back on. “Well, like I said…high school. All the men in her life will miss the days when it was just me letting her swim without a life jacket. They’ll realize I was the least of their problems.”
Fallon laughed to herself and then looked up, stopping as she peered over the track. “Oh, no,” she grumbled. “I’ll be right back.”
Looking over, I spotted Kade and some kid I didn’t recognize getting into a fight. Fallon rushed over and immediately planted herself between them.
Over their heads, I saw Jared and Madoc heading for the finish line, head to head. I peered closely as they got nearer and nearer, and then…
I saw it.
It was a moment, and it was small, but I was pretty certain. Jared laid off the gas.
He’d done the same thing years ago when I was a kid, and I saw him race Tate. I don’t think anyone noticed but me.
Madoc crossed the finish line, and screams and cheers filled the air, everyone rushing the truck after the cars had passed.
I wasn’t sure why Jared did it. Maybe he didn’t want to win, or maybe he wanted to let Madoc have the day.
Or maybe he was paying Madoc back for all the black eyes he’d given him over the years and Tate back for the fifty shades of dick he was in high school.
Maybe he just felt guilty.
Dropping my gaze back down, I saw Quinn looking at me again, but once more, she quickly turned away.
I let out a sigh, starting to feel some of that guilt Fallon talked about. Quinn had known me her entire life. I guess I could muster up a ‘goodbye’ even when all I wanted to do was leave.
Walking over, I stopped next to her and knelt down. “I’m going to miss your croissants, you know?”
Her frown deepened as she continued to stare at her paper. “They’ll probably have better food and restaurants where you’re going anyway.”
“But they won’t be made by you.”
I was trying to soothe her, but she wasn’t having it. I didn’t want her to be mad at me, but I knew it was hard for a kid her age to understand.
And there were things I couldn’t explain to her right now. She was too young. She should be happy and excited without a care in the word, and I hated that she was wasting even one minute of her time thinking I was going to be worth missing.
“Well, stay trained up, okay?” I nudged her shoulder with my hand. “I might be back to visit soon, and I’ll expect to try some of your new recipes.”
“You won’t be back at all,” she mumbled, still not looking at me.
“How do you know?”
“Because everyone lies to make people feel better.”
I narrowed my gaze, studying her. Where the hell had she come up with a thought like that?
She finally turned her head and looked up at me, her brown eyes sad. “You’ll find new friends and forget about us.”
I shook my head, no clue what to say next. Would I make friends where I was going? Probably. Was I sure I’d be back? No. Right now, I never wanted to come back here.
But I wanted her to feel better, so, without thinking, I took off my cap and fit it over her head, chuckling when the visor part fell over her eyes.
“I will be back,” I argued. “I’ll have to get my cap back, right?”
She plucked the hat off her head, her eyes going wide as she studied it.
“You can’t give me this,” she breathed out, stunned. She knew it was my father’s and how much I loved it. But for some reason, I didn’t feel like I would miss it if I knew it would mean something to her.
“I already did,” I shot back. “So take care of it, okay?”
Standing up, I cast her one last smile before turning around to head to my car. I needed to get out of here. I was lying to her. I was lying to everyone. I had no intention of returning, even for the baseball cap. I just didn’t want her to hate me. She was the only person who still thought I was something.
“Lucas!” I heard a yell behind me.
I spun around just in time to see Quinn dig in her backpack and pull out something small. Rushing over to me, she handed me the circular metal case.
“Now you have to come back.” She smiled, and then she dashed off, back to her seat on the ground.
Pinching my eyebrows together, confused, I opened my hand, immediately recognizing the compass her mom gave to her one year for Christmas.
Shit. This was vintage and an heirloom. If she didn’t want it back, her family would. I couldn’t keep it.
I flipped it over, studying the piece and saw the words inscribed on the back. “Happiness is a direction, not a place.”
Aggravation heated my skin, the words hitting home harder than they should. They implied that no matter where I went, nothing would really change.
Had to hand it to her. she knew how to make a hard situation worse.
Letting out a sigh, I took a step forward to return the compass to Quinn, or to someone in her family, but then I spotted her dad charging over the field straight for her, and I stopped, watching.
He never came to the Loop. What the hell was he doing?
“Quinn!” he called, his necktie hanging loose around his neck. “Get your things. You’re coming home.”
She popped her head up, looking startled.
But Madoc immediately stepped in, coming up next to his father. “What the hell’s wrong? Why can’t she stay?”
Mr. Caruthers ignored him, hurrying his daughter who had pushed up on her knees as she gathered her backpack. “Now,” he ordered.
“Dad, what are you doing?” Madoc barked, his expression turning angry now. “We already cleared this with Katherine.”
Quinn stood up, pulling my baseball cap down over her eyes and clinging to her backpack straps as she looked down at the ground, probably embarrassed.
“It’s nearly ten at night,” her father told Madoc, “and she’s on a schedule. She has a full day tomorrow, and I don’t want her running around town at all hours.”
“She’s not running around town,” Jared stepped in, his voice hard. “She’s with her family.”
“Dad, seriously,” Madoc chimed in again. “She’s fine.”
“Fine?” he challenged, looking sternly at his son. “She’s a teenage girl, and maybe you have more confidence in your kids to be around this element and not be influenced, but I’ve raised a teenager, Madoc.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I should’ve been more heavy-handed with you,” his father lowered his voice as Fallon, Tate, and Juliet came closer. “I should’ve been there for you, and I should’ve laid down rules and enforced them. I’m not making that mistake again. Quinn’s getting a good father.”
“
I turned out fine!” Madoc nearly laughed.
But his father’s jaw flexed. “You were almost a sixteen-year-old father,” he retorted.
Madoc immediately straightened, rage crossing his face as Fallon closed her eyes, turning her head away.
A sixteen-year-old father? Well, that was something I hadn’t been aware of. Shit.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Mr. Caruthers added to his son. “It was mine, and I won’t be making that mistake again.” And turning to Quinn, he urged, “Come on.”
He turned, walking to his car with her slowly following behind. She turned her head, though, and I could see her eyes pooling with tears as she met my gaze. Quinn never cried, and something protective inside my head kicked in, and I was almost angry as we all watched her go.
My heart started beating harder and harder, and I tensed, feeling everything knot up so tight I thought I was going to explode. It was more than I’d felt in months.
But I was steel. I didn’t budge.
I was leaving, and if I came back, it wouldn’t be for years. I needed to cut my connection to this place and these people. Being nice and caring and considerate and a fucking pushover is what got me into the mess I was in, and as I watched Jason Caruthers drive off with his daughter, I ignored her little wave and dropped my eyes.
I didn’t care.
I didn’t care that Madoc was disappointed in me or that Fallon was worried for me.
And I didn’t care about Quinn or that she had looked up to me. Tomorrow I’d be gone, and she’d get over it sooner rather than later. Kids have short memories.
Still feeling the compass in my palm, I walked over toward Madoc to give it back, but then my eyes fell, seeing Quinn’s journal open and lying upside down on the ground. In the rush, she must’ve overlooked it.
Madoc picked up his daughter, and without looking up, I could tell everyone was slowly dispersing. Leaning down, I picked up the journal and quickly turned my head, seeing the shrinking taillights of her father’s BMW speed down the road.
Madoc could get this back to her before she missed it.
I flipped it over to close it, but I quickly caught sight of a page filled with black scribbles and stopped, opening it wide to look inside.
How do the stripes get in the toothpaste?
I narrowed my eyes. What?
Studying the page, I continued to read. Which language was the first? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Boxing ring. Shouldn’t it be called a boxing square? How come psychics never win the lottery?
A smile spread across my lips, and I fanned the book, taking in the each and every page, front and back, used to its fullest. No dates, no complete sentences. There were just lines upon lines of mindless doodles, small drawings, big drawings, recipes, lists, random thoughts, and…questions.
Questions on every page.
Why do they nail coffins closed? Are eyebrows considered facial hair? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor? Small candy bars are called fun-size. But wouldn’t the big ones be more fun to eat?
My chest shook, and I laughed. Yeah, questions.
I remembered that her dad—and Jared, Madoc, and Jax—all complained when she was little that she asked too many questions. She was always curious about everything, and it even annoyed me, too, from time to time. In fact, part of any daily activity involving Quinn would also involve a pause to answer all of her questions.
So Juliet got her a journal. She could write down her non-essential questions, and Juliet would help her research the answers. After a few years, though, Quinn stopped looking up the answers. She just wanted to ask the questions, I guess. To just wonder.
Flipping back to the page she’d been working on today, I ran my hand over the scaly paper, bumpy from all of her pen’s dent marks, and spotted one last question down at the bottom.
What if he gets married before I grow up?
***
A little Valentine’s note from Jax to Juliet . . .
Every year I try to do this right. I have a plan, and there are things I want to say to you. Things you need to know. But if there’s one thing we both know about me, it’s that everything goes out the window when we’re alone. Everything I’m feeling and want to tell you leaves my head, and I end up failing at giving you that special romantic night out and all the other things you deserve.
You think I just get carried away and cut our dinners short. You think it’s amusing that I have no control over myself, drag you out of restaurants, and let the brand new dress you bought go to waste when I take you home to bed early.
The truth is I’m not that selfish. I love your body, baby, and I love how good we are together, but there’s a reason we haven’t been separated a single night since that summer all those years ago when we first got together. There’s a reason I can’t wait to get home every day.
You’re irreplaceable.
I could tell you that I love how you make our house a home, how you make sure that Hawke always has everything he needs, and that you’re the mother to him that I never had. How you take care of everyone and how you still shiver when I touch you.
But most of all, the thing I want to make sure you know (that I can never seem to tell you in person) is how I’m happy every day.
Every single day.
These are things I wanted to tell you, but by the time the moment comes, my nerves are shot and I just say “fuck it” and act out. That’s usually why we end up in the car before the second course has started.
So tonight, I’m going to do things differently. Romantic dinners out don’t work for me. We’re going to an inn overnight where I’m going to feed you and put you in a bath and wash every inch of you myself, so pack a bag.
But first, we’re going to laugh and have some fun. Meet me on Woodmere Hill at the golf course and dress warm. I’ll bring the sled.
Character Conversations
Madoc: Damn, I love this picture of Tate and me.
Jared: When was that taken?
Madoc: Like a year ago.
Jared: >:(
Madoc: Don’t get mad. We were all drunk, but I kept her safe. Kept my arms wrapped around her the entire time.
Jared: Excuse me?
Madoc: You should be happy! She was very cold in that little bikini. I kept her warm.
Jared: Shut up.
Madoc: I wonder if Fallon lent her some of the expensive lotion she uses. Tate’s skin was...man. Nice and soft.
Jared: >:(
Madoc: But don’t worry! I was the only one who touched her!
Jared: Come here. I want to talk to you.
Madoc: *snorts* Sorry, gotta go!
***
Dylan: Daddy?
Jared: *sleeping
Dylan: Daddy?
Jared: Hmmmm?
Dylan: Can I sleep in here?
Jared: *opens eyes* Why? What’s wrong?
Dylan: I’m scared.
Tate: Hey, sweetheart. Come on. Climb in.
Jared: *whispers to Tate* We talked about this. One night will turn into six months, and our bedroom is our space. She needs to sleep in her own room now.
Tate: *grumbles
Jared: *looks to Dylan* What scared you?
Dylan: There’s something outside my door.
Jared: What?
*grabs phone, rushes to Dylan’s room, whips open doors*
Jared: You little...
*sees Hawke, Kade, and Hunter wearing Halloween masks and racing back through the tree over to Hawke’ room*
Jared: Get in bed!
Dylan: Yeah! Jerks! *looks to Dad* I knew it was them. I wasn’t really scared.
Jared: Okay, you get back in bed, too. I’ll lock the doors.
*dials Jax
Jared: You have Kade and Hunter sleeping over with Hawke tonight?
Jax: Yeah.
Jared: Well, get the kids in bed. It’s after midnight.
Jared: Think. Again.
Jax: Son of a... *hangs up
***
It’s Christmas morning, and Madoc and family have come over to Jared and Tate’s. But they’re still sleeping.
Madoc: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Tate: *groans* *still asleep*
Madoc: GET UP!!
Jared: *lifts head off pillow* I’m going to fuck him up. What time is it?
Tate: *moans, reaches over and cuddles* Ignore him. Come back here.
Jared: *lays back down
Madoc: Seriously!! I can’t believe you two are in bed when your ten-year-old daughter is outside the house unsupervised!!
Jared: *pops head up again* What?!
Madoc: I’M GUESSING RIGHT ABOUT NOW YOU’RE NOTICING A STRANGE SOUND, RIGHT?!
Jared: *listening
Tate: *listening
Jared: Oh, shit! *scrambles, throws on jeans and races out of room
Jared: What the hell is she doing?
Madoc: I’m guessing she found her Christmas present early.
Jared: *swings open front door, sees Dylan and Hawke racing down snow-covered Fall Away Lane on their four-wheelers.
Madoc: You realize it was kind of stupid for you and Jax to get them the same thing, right?
Jared: Dylan!! Get off that thing now!
Dylan: *carries on racing as the snow falls
Madoc: *snorts* It’s okay. Mine hear white noise when I start yelling, too.
Jared: *throws on sweatshirt, shoes, and runs to the street
Jared: Dylan, now!
Dylan and Hawke pull up to curb. Hunter and Kade watching. Fallon and Tate come outside…
Dylan: I love it! It’s so much fun!
Jared: Yeah, you don’t have a helmet on. You haven’t been trained on it, and you’re on a city street. Get off now.
Dylan: Did you wear a helmet when you raced?
Jared: I didn’t race four-wheelers.
Dylan: Were you trained how to race? I thought you told Hawke that a little danger is good for you.
Jared: Hawke’s not my child.
Dylan: Is it because I’m a girl?
Jared: Jesus…
Adrenaline: A Fall Away Series Bonus Content Collection Page 11