"Maybe you're not losing. Maybe you're gaining something better." Jessica hesitated. "A man who can be an equal partner, who can take an equal share of the load."
Katherine started to protest, then thought better of it. Jessica knew her well, knew that she'd had some concerns about Elliott's irresponsibility. He spent lavishly, then laughed off her worries.
Now Elliott had an uncharacteristic interest in the books – in fact, in everything that concerned the business. Long after she retired for the evening, he stayed in the study, immersed in the records and accounts. He would stay up so late that she would fall asleep before he came to bed. And often he slept in the study, explaining that he had fallen asleep while working. She remembered that before the accident he used to chase her up the stairs, eager to tumble into bed.
"Katie?"
Katherine pulled herself out of her reverie and grinned ruefully. "I sound as if I'm not grateful for Elliott's return, but I really am."
"Of course you are. I know how sick with worry you were when you thought Elliott wasn't coming home. But it's natural with his amnesia for him to act a bit differently."
"Do you see it, too?"
Jessica hesitated.
"I knew it!" Katherine pounced.
Jessica held up one hand. "Hold it! Yes, I see that he's not quite the same, but don't go ballistic on me. I had the feeling it was the amnesia thing. For a moment I felt as though he thought be had never seen me – like we were complete strangers. But then he seemed okay."
Katherine walked the length of the room, then stopped abruptly at the window. "Do you think amnesia can change a person's feelings?"
"How so?"
Katherine fiddled with the shutter. "Do you think it can make someone love less?"
Shocked, Jessica stared at her friend. "Did he say that?"
"Of course not. It's just … he doesn't seem as interested in me."
"Interested?" A light of understanding dawned in Jessica's eyes. "Romantically?"
Katherine nodded miserably.
"Is that what's worrying you?"
Katherine nodded again.
"Oh, Katie. The man almost died – that takes something out of a person. He probably spent a lot of time wondering what would happen to you and Dustin if he didn't make it. That's probably why he's so concerned about the business, about the responsibilities. And with the amnesia, maybe he's not as sure of himself in any arena, including the bedroom. Give him time, Katherine. Don't look for dents in his armor. Just be glad your white knight returned."
A remorseful Katherine took her friend's hand. "I can't believe how insensitive I've been. I know you would give anything to have Michael back, for him to have survived."
Jessica shook her head as though dispelling a torrent of painful memories, her voice shaky. "You're right. I'd take him back in a heartbeat, warts and all. But that's in the past and Michael won't ever be coming back. Those are the breaks." She squeezed Katherine's hand. "That's why I'm telling you not to bite Lady Luck on her elegant behind. You've done well by her."
"I know. And I am grateful, Jessica. I'll take Elliott however I can get him. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should be thinking of all the positives, instead of the negatives. I always did secretly wish he was a little more responsible."
"Then give him a chance to be," Jessica advised. "Don't insist on being the strong one. Lean for a change." She smiled wistfully. "When you can't anymore, you miss it."
Katherine fidgeted. "And you think the other … thing will come around?"
Jessica laughed. "I didn't realize you were such a sex maniac."
Flushing, Katherine concentrated on the toe of her sandal. "I'm not. It's just that Elliott always had an insatiable need. I can't help wondering what happened to it."
"It nearly got killed in an airplane crash. I think that deserves recovery time, just like his head."
Katherine considered this. "I hadn't thought about it that way."
Jessica smiled widely. "Besides, you can always dream up a romantic setting – it's practically what you do for a living. So what's to worry about?"
* * *
Chapter 5
«^»
The teddy bear landed with a thump on Paul's lap. Dustin wasn't far behind. The child had just come home from Jessica's. As a commercial artist, Jessica worked out of her home, and she cared for Dustin, who was a playmate for her son, Brian.
Dustin's grin matched his enthusiasm. Paul was trying to hold the kid at a distance, but it was proving damn hard.
"Bobby Bear didn't mean to play rough," Dustin told him as he scrambled onto Paul's lap, staring at his head, clearly looking for the supposed wound.
"That's okay, tiger. I'm not so fragile." Even though he wanted to keep the child a stranger, Paul found himself securing Dustin on his lap. Didn't want the kid falling, he told himself. Still, he felt awkward with the toddler, unsure of what to say or do. "So, what did you do today?"
Dustin blinked, those huge eyes of his seeming to grow. "Me and Brian went to Zorak."
"Zorak?" Paul asked hesitantly. Was that an almost-four-year-old's pronunciation of something he should know?
"Sure. That's where the space monsters live."
"Oh." Paul considered this. "Do you know many space monsters?"
Dustin shook his head. "'Course not. They eat people – you musta knowed that."
"Can't say as I did," Paul admitted, intrigued by the little guy's tale in spite of himself. "Good thing you warned me. Why do you visit Zorak if the space monsters live there?"
Dustin looked at him in disbelief. "'Cause it's fun."
"Sure. Guess I forgot you have to do some stuff just for fun."
"You could go with us sometimes," Dustin offered. "But you'd hafta be a rider. Brian's always the pilot."
"Why's that?"
"'Cause he's older. He's five!" Dustin confided, clearly impressed.
"That old, huh? You sure he'd let a grown-up come along?"
Dustin scrunched his face in concentration. "I dunno. But Brian knows you got hurted and you act funny now."
Paul cleared his throat, suddenly alerted. "I act funny now?"
Dustin cocked his head. "Uh-huh. Not like before."
"Um … have you told anybody I act funny?"
"No. Mommy already knows."
Alarms started clanging at a ferocious rate. "She does?"
Dustin nodded his small head earnestly. "She says it's 'cause you got hurted and so we have to play careful with you."
"Oh. Anything else?"
Dustin pulled his brows together. "Like what?"
Paul shrugged, striving for a casual tone. "Nothing special. Just anything else Mommy might have said."
Suddenly Paul was appalled at himself. He was asking the child to rat on his mother, and with the information Paul could completely change Dustin's life. "Never mind, Dustin, it doesn't matter. Tell you what – when I was a little boy, we didn't know how to get to Zorak, but I knew how to play soldiers or cowboys."
"Cowboys!" Dustin decided in an instant, grinning as he struggled to get down.
Paul helped him, sharing the child's smile as he scampered toward his room to get some toys.
Within a few minutes Dustin was back, his arms so full of toys he could barely see around them.
Laughing, Paul reached over to unload him. "Hey, tiger, are you under there somewhere?"
Dustin's head bobbed in assent, as he chewed on his lip in concentration. "Uh-huh. You wanna be the cowboy or the Indian?"
"Which one do you want to be?"
"Indian," Dustin answered promptly. "He gets to wear the feathers."
"Sounds fair to me. When we were kids, my brother and I used to take turns. That way we got to play everything from cowboys to Martians."
Dustin frowned. "What's Martians?"
Paul laughed. "Sort of like the space monsters on Zorak, but they don't eat people."
"You don't talk about your brother much." Katherine surprised him, he
r voice coming from the doorway of the living room.
Paul glanced over at her, noticing her bare feet. That was why he hadn't heard her come into the room. He wondered if she'd done that on purpose, so she could eavesdrop. He also wondered how long she'd been standing there. "Well, we…" What in the hell had Matthew told her? Estranged, he thought.
"I know. You said you'd been on the outs for a while, with only a vague hope for reconciliation." She crossed to him and rested a hand on his shoulder, her eyes thoughtful. "I'm just glad you remember you have a brother."
Thrown off guard, Paul felt as though he'd just piloted himself into the fantasy world of Zorak. "Well…"
She smiled again, that rainbow burst of light. "Maybe everything else is close behind." Her fingers ruffled his hair, which was growing to an unaccustomed length. Since his return, it was only one of many subtle changes. "You know what? We haven't had a picnic for dinner in ages. What do you say, guys? The great outdoors?"
Dustin was already jumping up and down, so Paul nodded.
"Super." Katherine headed out of the room, then paused, meeting Paul's eyes. "In case I haven't told you today, I'm awfully glad you're home." Without waiting for his reply, she disappeared into the kitchen.
Paul heard her humming in the next room as she opened cabinets, then rummaged through the pantry. At the same time he felt something pressing at his knees and glanced down. Dustin was pushing a toy rifle at him.
"Cowboys!" Dustin insisted.
"Right, tiger. I think we'd better go outside, though. Your mom probably doesn't let you have horses in the house."
Dustin giggled in reply and Paul found himself warming again. He told himself it was because he liked having a receptive audience to his dubious humor, not because of the small hand curled so trustingly in his. As they headed outside, it occurred to him that a man never felt taller than when walking hand in hand with a child.
* * *
"Curry?" Paul asked. "I don't think I ever had curry on a picnic before."
"I was going for a theme – you know, to fit with cowboys and Indians."
"Isn't curry from India, a place decidedly lacking in cowboys?"
She threw a linen napkin at him. "Okay, okay. You can see now why I couldn't be the chef. I don't think the guests would understand my themes, either."
"Is Dustin going to eat curry?" Paul asked. It didn't seem like something a little kid would like.
Katherine produced some sandwiches. "Peanut butter and jelly. I think that'll keep him happy. Unless you were thinking maybe beef jerky for trail grub in keeping with the theme." She held up some other bags. "Chips, granola and, of course, his favorite – brownies, since he's not a fan of my éclairs or napoleons."
Paul decided to take advantage of her relaxed guard. "Help fill in the gaps – why did you decide to be a pastry chef?"
"You mean, instead of a real chef?" Katherine retorted, her smile and raised brows taking the sting out of her words. Before he could reply, she waved her hands in dismissal. "It's okay. I'm used to the kitchen class system. As you well know, many pastry chefs look down their noses at you guys, too!"
At the moment Paul was feeling the inexplicable desire to tap her petite and very appealing nose. Perhaps it was because she kept twisting her face in a flirty teasing fashion. Distracted, he grunted a reply. "Somehow I don't see you as being easily intimidated."
"Exactly," she replied, surprising him. "So why should I pretend to like something I don't? My passion has always been pastries. Give me a torte, tiramisu, or cheesecake any day. Who wants to concoct vegetable or meat dishes when you can create a fabulous dessert?" Katherine's eyes grew dreamy. "How often has someone raved over the carrots? But the dessert, that's another matter. That's what everyone remembers!"
Her enthusiasm was infectious and Paul didn't have to manufacture an answering smile. His cell phone rang suddenly and he suppressed a flinch. He'd forgotten to turn it to vibrate only.
Katherine turned a startled face in his direction. "What was that?"
"Just the cell phone," Paul said dismissively, knowing he would let it ring rather than answer it. No doubt it was one of the operatives trying to make contact.
"When did you get a cell phone?" she asked incredulously. "And why? You said you'd never own an electronic tether!"
Was there no end to the differences between him and his brother?
Paul sighed. "I know. But if I'm going to work on the business end of things, I need to be accessible. And smoke signals won't cut it."
Katherine reached to caress the line of his jaw. "You don't have to take on the whole world for us, you know. It's enough that you're here for Dustin and me." She blinked away the tears that filled her eyes and began spilling down her cheeks. "I never knew before how very important that is."
Without volition he wiped the tears away, smoothing them over velvet skin, his fingers lingering near the line of her lips. In that instant she seemed so very believable. With a start he pulled back. Was this how Matthew had been sucked in? Had he been taken in by her huge violet eyes and quivering lips?
Dustin came running back from the slide, where he'd been playing, and moments later Katherine tilted her face heavenward, pointing out the shapes in the clouds to him.
Ignoring the endless sweep of sky, the evocative call of the gulls, Paul watched her, determined she wouldn't beguile him, as well.
* * *
The days continued to pass, but the nights seemed to drag.
Tonight the moon was full to bursting, sending lush tendrils of light into the darkness. Katherine watched the shadows creep down the flowered wallpaper, animating the cabbage roses. The room was the first she had redecorated since she and Elliott had married.
She had always dreamed of an English country cottage, and Elliott hadn't minded the flowers, the lace, the antiques or the sea-washed pastels she had chosen. He had told her, with that endless grin of his, that his mind was on other things besides curtains and lace when he entered that particular room. As long as she was in the bedroom, he'd said, she could add anything else she wanted.
Katherine longed to see that grin again, the grin that seemed to have disappeared with his plane crash. She should have been asleep hours earlier, but her mind refused to take that escape. She reached out across the expanse of empty mattress, her hand closing convulsively around the soft cotton coverlet. Once again Elliott had chosen to stay up late in the study. Why did he prefer the company of dry accounts to … to her? she wondered, a hot tear slipping beneath nearly closed lids.
Now he seemed to avoid her touch nearly as much as he avoided her. Restlessly Katherine tossed back the covers. The room seemed to be closing in on her, it felt too warm, despite the cooling breezes dancing in from the ocean.
She swallowed a sob, turning to bury her face in a pillow. Had he realized that a single mother and a small child were a huge burden? One he needn't have assumed, one that was now choking him? The tears that had threatened now escaped, along with the sobs she could no longer contain.
Vaguely she heard the careful creak of the, door as it opened, the hesitant footsteps approaching the bed. But, unable to stop the emotions racking her, Katherine buried herself more deeply in the pillow, trying to muffle the sounds of her distress.
"Katherine?" Elliott's voice was hesitant, uncertain. "What's wrong?"
She could only shake her head. What if this was the beginning of the end? She had faced too many endings already. She was uncertain she could face another.
"What is it?" Elliott sat on the bed and leaned over her, his arms flanking her, trapping her.
Katherine didn't want to look at him, but he was gently turning her to face him. "I can't…" She tried. "I can't…"
"You can tell me," he prompted, his voice mild, uncensoring. "Did you have a bad dream?"
She shook her head, tasting the salty wash of hot tears as they slid over her lips. "No, I wasn't asleep."
"Then what?" he asked, his hand awkwardly smoothing
the tangle of her hair.
"I want us back," she finally blurted, the tears nearly choking the words.
"I'm back," he replied cautiously.
"But not all the way back," Katherine said, her voice raw with emotion.
"I don't know what you mean."
"You never used to stay up in the study all night!" she cried.
"I'm going over the books, I told you—"
"I know what you said." She broke in. "But I can't believe that's all. You … you stay away from me."
He drew back slightly. "It's been hard for me since the accident."
Katherine hesitated, her heart wrenching painfully. She was afraid to ask, but had to know. "Is it me?"
Once again he sounded cautious. "What do you mean?"
She agonized over revealing what was left of her shattered emotions, to lay bare the secrets of her soul, yet she had to know. "Am I ugly to you now? Are you wishing you hadn't taken us on – Dustin and me?"
She heard the muffled curse, then felt Elliott's hand as he took hers.
"Of course not." Again he smoothed her hair. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? I don't think you'll see anyone ugly there."
Her eyelids fell briefly, then opened so she could study his face. He looked so serious! No grin to shrug away the problems, no teasing to dismiss unwanted thoughts. "I'm not sure what I should be seeing. What you're seeing."
His eyes met hers and in the low light Katherine wondered if she imagined their darkening. His voice was husky. "That hasn't changed."
"I need you," she admitted, scared to voice the thought, afraid not to. "Don't you want me anymore?"
She saw the flash of uncertainty that even the dim light couldn't hide.
"It's not a matter of want…" he replied finally. Their faces were close, his merely a handbreadth away. Desperately needing that connection, Katherine reached out to caress his jaw, then she twined her fingers in the hair that curled around his collar. With practiced ease, she found his lips. But there the familiarity ceased.
THE WRONG BROTHER Page 4