by Diana Palmer
Gussie lifted her head, and her eyes looked sad. “Neither am I,” she replied. “I’ve never had to be. Bess, when I was a little girl, we were poor,” she said, and it was the first her daughter had ever heard of her youth. “I had to go barefoot, and sometimes I was hungry because we were so poor. I had a brother, but he died when I was very young, and my parents never seemed to care as much for me as they had for him, so I never had a lot of love. When your father came along, I risked everything trying to get him to marry me.” She grimaced. “He did, but only because I was carrying you.” She averted her eyes from Bess’s shocked face. “I suppose I was lucky in a way because he grew to love me. But I never forgot my roots and I always felt that I wasn’t good enough for him.” She twisted the handkerchief in her hand. “Or for anybody else in his circle. I bought expensive clothes and tried to live up to the image he had of me, so I wouldn’t embarrass him. Eventually I lost myself in the image. Now I’m not sure I know who I am anymore.”
Bess had to work at comprehending it all. Gussie had never talked to her like this before, and she realized that it was the first time she’d seen her mother without the flighty-rich-woman mask she usually wore.
Gussie looked up, smiling faintly at her daughter’s face. “Frank spoiled me rotten. I hate being poor again, and I’ve been fighting back. But it’s not going to work, is it?” She leaned back wearily. “Bess, I can’t get a job. I’d be hopeless at it, and I’d grow to hate my life. I’ve been rich too long. I think you can adjust, but I never will.”
“Then what will you do, Mama?” Bess asked solemnly. “The money’s gone. We can’t get it back. And really,” she added with a tiny smile, “I can’t see you as a matronly bank robber.”
Gussie smiled. “Neither can I.” She sighed. “I still have some friends who care about me. I’ll travel, I think. I’ve got enough jewels left to manage to pay most of my expenses if I can impose on the hospitality of friends some of the time, and I can. I’ve let enough of them impose on me when their luck was off, you know.” She studied Bess quietly. “I hadn’t realized what a pill I’ve been for you to swallow. But people tend to lean when you let them, darling, and you never said anything.”
“I was a little intimidated,” Bess murmured.
“Well, you’ve found your way now, haven’t you? A job, and a good one, and new friends. You’ll manage, even without Cade.”
Bess’s heart leaped. She didn’t answer.
Gussie leaned forward. “You still don’t understand, do you? Bess, Cade is a hard, strong man. He’s not rich and he may never be. He needs a woman of his own kind, someone as strong as he is, someone who can stand up to him...”
“What do you know about it?” Bess asked shortly.
“I knew his father,” Gussie said simply. “And let me tell you, Coleman Hollister was one tough hombre. You were too young then to remember, but he used to break horses for your father from time to time when we had the riding stables just briefly. Elise worshipped the ground he walked on, and he walked all over her. She was never able to stand up to him, and he hurt her a great deal. There was a major misunderstanding on Cade’s part that ruined our friendship. I’ve never forgiven him for it.” She lowered her eyes to the carpet. “He’s just like his father.” She looked up again. “And you’re very much like Elise. He’d break your spirit in no time. You might not believe it, judging from the past few weeks, but I care for you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I thought you didn’t want me to get involved with Cade because you thought the Hollisters were beneath us socially,” Bess murmured.
“That was a good enough excuse at the time. Cade, of course, saw right through it.” She searched Bess’s quiet eyes. “I know how you feel about him. But the past is going to get in the way forever, and Cade might not be above using you to get back at me. I can’t be sure, so I’ve tried to keep you apart. It was for your own good, although I know you won’t believe that.”
“I love him,” Bess said, her voice soft with pain. “I always have.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Bess looked at her suitcase. “So am I.” She felt as if she’d been hit. Her mother’s antagonism for Cade had puzzled her, but now she began to understand that there was more to it than she was being told. She was worried about what Gussie had said, about Cade using her to get even with her mother. Surely he wouldn’t. But Gussie would make things difficult. “You must see that you and I are just not going to be able to stay together, the way things are.”
“I can see that now.” Gussie sat up straight. “I’ll write to you, and you write back. Be careful who you go out with.” She smiled. “Jordan Ryker isn’t really a bad man, and you could do worse.”
Bess wasn’t going to get into another argument with her mother. “You take care of yourself,” she said. “Even if you are a handful, I’m pretty fond of you.”
Gussie actually laughed. “I’m fond of you, too. And delighted to see that you do have a temper. I’d started to wonder.” She dabbed at her eyes. “Well, I have to make one long-distance call.” She gave Bess a rueful look. “I’ll have to owe you for it, too. I’m skint.”
Bess laughed, as well. “Okay.”
She took her suitcase back to her room, amazed at the new things she’d learned about her own mother. It seemed that you never really knew people at all.
Now at least she understood some of Gussie’s reasoning. But what had she meant about a misunderstanding? Had it had something to do with Cade’s father? And what was it?
The questions nagged at her all night, but she didn’t ask any more. Gussie managed to wrangle an invitation from some friends in Jamaica and she was going to be on a morning flight down there.
Bess was delighted at the change. She’d grown used to Gussie and she was going to miss her in a way. But in another way it was a taste of freedom that she’d never had. She could hardly wait to be truly on her own, for the first time in her life.
CHAPTER EIGHT
BESS DIDN’T GO with Gussie to the airport. They said a quiet goodbye in the apartment, and Bess said it with mixed feelings. It was scary to be away from her mother for the first time, and at the same time it was like opening a new chapter in her life.
“Don’t forget to write,” Gussie said. “I’ll send you the address. And I’m sorry to leave you with those things to return to the store,” she added with a careless smile, “but I have to go.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Bess said, thinking that it would probably be the last time and she shouldn’t complain.
Gussie kissed her cheek. “Don’t think too badly of me, Bess,” she said seriously. “I do care about you.”
“I care about you, too,” Bess replied. “Have a good time.”
“With Carie Hamilton I’m bound to.” She sighed. “She’s a widow now, and we used to double-date years ago. She and her daughter are staying in one of the old plantation houses there, right on the beach. I imagine we’ll have plenty of time to socialize.”
“Send me a postcard,” Bess said.
“Certainly.” Her mother picked up her suitcase, grimacing. “I can’t really remember the last time I had to carry my own things. But I suppose I’ll get used to it, since I have to. Goodbye, darling. Good luck with the job.”
“I’ll be fine. So will you,” Bess said.
Gussie paused, frowning worriedly. “Will you be all right on your own?” she asked with maternal feelings she hadn’t known she possessed. “It’s a big city and you don’t really know anyone here.”
Bess had thought the same thing herself, but she couldn’t backslide now. “I’ll be fine,” she repeated. She smiled, fighting back tears. “Don’t worry about me. But do let me know that you arrived safely, will you?”
“Yes, I’ll do that. Be careful.” Gussie opened the door and the cabdriver was standing
there. She sighed and put down the case. “Oh, how lovely. Can you carry that for me, please? It’s so nice to have a big, strong man to lug these heavy cases about. Goodbye, darling,” she called to Bess, and followed the burly cabdriver down the hall.
Bess watched her walk to the elevator, waved and closed the door. She wiped away her tears and leaned back against the door. Well, she’d done it now. She was completely on her own. She had to make it now; she’d burned her bridges. And while it would be a little unnerving at first, Gussie was out of her life, temporarily at least, and she had a chance to be her own boss, to make her own decisions without having to argue for them or justify them.
The apartment was so small, hardly more than the size of a bedroom in the house she’d grown up in, and it was in a section of town that was far from the best San Antonio had to offer. The furniture was shabby and the curtains were dingy, but it was her home now, and she loved every crack and peeling bit of paint in it.
She made herself a cup of coffee and two pieces of cheese toast and sat down to eat before she went to work. She put on a creamy-beige knit suit, brushed out her hair so that it curled toward her face, dashed on some makeup and started out the door. Then she remembered the fox jacket and the other things her mother had bought that had to be returned.
With a resigned sigh, she picked up the fox jacket and what was returnable of the things Gussie hadn’t ripped, along with the receipt, and started out the door.
She carried them to work, because the department store wasn’t open until ten. She could take them back on her lunch hour, she decided.
The presentation was being made that morning. She gave all her finalized drawings to a nervous Julie, wished her luck, and settled down to work on the next ad campaign, this time for a new jeweler in town.
At lunch she went out alone to the department store, the fur jacket draped over one arm and the other things in their distinctive bag in her hand.
San Antonio was a big city. There were thousands and thousands of people who lived here. But as fate would have it, there was a visitor in town that particular day, a familiar visitor who hailed from a ranch near Coleman Springs. And Bess turned a corner, with her mother’s purchases in her hand, and almost collided with Cade Hollister.
He stopped dead. He was wearing a blue pin-striped suit with his best Stetson and boots, and he looked every inch an up-and-coming businessman.
His dark eyes gazed at what she was carrying. “What kind of job did you get?” he asked with a lifted eyebrow, and the old suspicion was in his eyes again. “Or did your new friend buy this for you?”
Bess sighed. Just like old times, she thought, he was ready to think the worst the minute he saw her.
“Well, actually—”
“Oh, there you are!” A tall, elegant brunette came around the corner before she could open her mouth and took Cade’s arm with a familiarity that made Bess weak in the knees. No wonder he hadn’t written. No wonder her last letter had gone unanswered. He’d already found another woman, and after the ring he’d given her and the things he’d said... She knew her face was white.
The older woman was wearing a very expensive oyster-gray wool suit with silk accessories, and she was a knockout.
“I’m sorry, I’d forgotten my purse, Cade,” she said. Her eyes went to Bess and she smiled. “Hello. I’m Kitty.”
“Hello,” Bess replied numbly, because this was the last thing she’d expected, that Cade would have a woman with him.
Cade didn’t have time to explain. After seeing the hunted-doe look on Bess’s face, he wanted to. Damn the luck, he thought angrily, she’d just have to think the worst. But as his eyes went again to that fox thing on her arm, he wondered why he should have to justify himself to her. It looked as if her mother had managed to find her a nice rich man, and here he was with bills piling up and having to sell off one of his best seed bulls to this brunette’s husband just to stay alive.
Once more all the old, irritating differences between his lifestyle and Bess’s came back to sit on his shoulder. He’d wondered ever since the last time he saw her how it was going to be when she got a taste of city life and her mother’s close influence. Now he knew. Whatever hopes he’d been harboring were just so much smoke.
“We have to hurry. See you,” Cade said curtly, as if he didn’t mean it. His eyes cut at Bess’s with icy contempt. He took the brunette’s arm, smiling down at her in a way he’d never yet smiled at Bess, and led her down the street and through the door of a very expensive French restaurant.
Bess felt as if she’d been hit in the head, and she knew she was never going to get over it this time. Numbly she walked on toward the department store.
She barely realized what she was doing when she took the things back. She had to explain why she was returning them, but there was an understanding clerk who didn’t ask any irrelevant questions and was very nice about it. Bess had the charges removed from her charge account and then wondered how she was going to manage the several hundred dollars the two damaged dresses had cost. Well, she thought, it was probably worth it to have Gussie temporarily out of her hair.
On the way back to work, she had to pass the French restaurant again. She was torn between hunger for just one more glimpse of Cade and the realization that a quick, clean break was best. She forced herself not to look in the window as she passed it. Opening old wounds helped nobody. He thought she was getting expensive presents from other men. He didn’t know that Gussie had left. He just assumed, as he always had. Well, she thought with a spark of temper, let him think it. If he couldn’t trust her enough, even knowing how she felt about him, to stop from making unfounded assumptions about her character, she didn’t need him. And he was one to look contemptuous, him with his elegant brunette! He was squiring other women around town, and he’d never even asked Bess out for a hamburger. But he seemed to expect her to wait forever just to have him turn up once in a blue moon to raise her hopes and then dash them with his usual arrogance. Well, not anymore! She’d had it with his moods. From now on he could go away and stay away.
Back at work she kept her mind on the job and appeared perfectly normal to her coworkers. But when she got to the apartment, she collapsed into tears, her momentary flare of spirit vanishing in the wake of cruel reality. He’d found another woman already. He was going out and having a good time, and Bess was just a bad memory to him. How quickly he’d erased her from his life, just as he’d said he would before she ever left Spanish House. He’d only come to see her that night to taunt her. Maybe there was even something in what Gussie had said, that he wouldn’t be above taking out his revenge on Bess for whatever he held against Gussie. She brooded on that thought, and it made her hurt. But she couldn’t afford to let the past affect her future. If she had to go on without Cade, she’d just have to do it. The experience would make her stronger at least.
But he wasn’t all that easy to erase from her life. She mourned him as surely as she’d mourned her father. The days went by in a dull gray haze, and they seemed to merge after a time. She felt as if she was just going through the motions of living, without any real enthusiasm for it. When she’d lived at Spanish House, there was always the possibility that any day might bring a visit from Cade or a glimpse of him. But here in San Antonio that wasn’t likely. It was a trick of fate that she’d run into him.
She wondered what he was doing here. He had business interests all over the place these days, but she imagined he’d brought his lady love here for the cuisine. Odd that he’d be on a date in the middle of the day, but then Cade didn’t do anything by the book. The woman had been really beautiful, and she seemed friendly enough. But the thought of her in Cade’s arms broke Bess’s heart. She’d lost so much in the past few weeks, but it seemed unkind that she should keep having Cade dangled over her head. Fate seemed determined to taunt her with him.
During the weeks that followed,
Bess began to come out of her shell. She put Cade in the back of her mind and concentrated on learning how to live as an ordinary person. It wasn’t really all that hard, adjusting to being without a great deal of money. She found that budgeting her salary was a delightful challenge. She enjoyed mundane things such as going to the Laundromat and the grocery store. She did her own hair and nails instead of going to a beauty parlor, and she even learned to cook after a few near-fatal mistakes.
The apartment where she and Gussie had been staying didn’t allow cooking, so Bess found a new one that did. It was just as small as the one she’d left, but it had charm. It was located in a group of older apartment buildings. It even reminded her of Spanish House, with its adobe facade and graceful arches, and most of the residents were elderly people who’d lived there for a long time. Bess made friends quickly, and some of the older ladies took an interest in her. She found herself on the receiving end of cuttings from flowers and small potted plants to set on her small balcony, because it was already early spring. They also gave her little things, such as homemade pot holders and refrigerator magnets.
Work had become delightfully familiar. She was given bigger and better accounts as she went along. Her drawings improved, like her personality, and before long her status was elevated so that she wasn’t only drawing mechanicals, she was writing copy, as well. That brought her a small raise, and she began to feel her worth as a person. And to top it all, one of her ads was slated for a national television advertising campaign. She was so excited to have accomplished so much so soon, and she wanted to share it with someone. But Gussie still hadn’t sent her a telephone number where she could be reached, and nobody else would be interested. It took a little of the joy out of her achievement.
The thought of Gussie made her uncomfortable. In the back of her mind she worried that Gussie might run out of people to visit and come home. Then there was Cade, like a handsome ghost, haunting her dreams. She still wore the small silver ring on her hand, and it was something of a link to him. Even if he didn’t want her, she wanted him. Love was hard to define, but it must have something to do with stubbornness, she told herself as night after lonely night passed. She couldn’t give up, even knowing there was no hope.