by Diana Palmer
“No, of course he’s not all right,” he said heavily. He sighed. “My God, Bess, he’s been hell to live with. Why do you think we’re all heading for the windows and doors? He gets up raising hell in the morning and comes home raising hell at night. When he isn’t doing that, he’s working himself and the men to death or sitting in his study with a whiskey bottle.”
“Cade doesn’t drink,” she pointed out huskily.
“Cade didn’t used to drink,” he replied. “He also didn’t used to go around with dizzy redheads and wreck bars, but he’s done a fair amount of that since you left,” he added with a calculating look.
Her face closed up. “The dizzy redhead is going to be the new matriarch of Lariat. He told me so. He’s going to make a merger with her daddy, and she’s part of it.”
“So that’s what he’s up to,” he mused, smothering a grin. His eyes began to twinkle as if he had some private joke in his mind. He wiped the smile away. “Well, just between you and me, I don’t think Cade is really that serious. Even though she’s done everything but walk around naked in front of him. She’s after him for sure.” He studied her face. “Bess, what went wrong?” he asked. “There’s never been anybody but you for Cade, but he let you go and he won’t even have your name mentioned. Why?”
She smoothed her hand over her purse. “We thought I couldn’t have children,” she said finally, letting the secret out. “The doctors said I wouldn’t be able to, because of the wreck.”
“My God.” He touched her arm gently. “I’m so sorry. I know how he feels about kids. I guess he just couldn’t take it. There wasn’t any chance, then, was there?”
She shook her head. “He wanted children more than he wanted me. Don’t worry about him, Robert. He’ll enjoy his redhead. She can give him children,” she said bitterly.
“That’s not likely,” Robert returned, hesitating. “Uh, I heard her telling Mama that she wasn’t going to ruin her figure at twenty-five to produce any squalling brats.”
“What did Cade say?” she asked.
“He didn’t hear her. Gretchen and her daddy have been staying at Lariat for a few days, but they left this morning.”
“How’s your mother?” she asked. “And Gary?”
“Mama is sick about your divorce. So is Gary. Are you really going to let this divorce go through?” he asked quietly. “Because I think you might as well put a bullet in Cade if you do.”
“Cade doesn’t want me,” she said stubbornly. “He said so.”
“Well, he’s a fool,” Robert said with considerable venom. “I’m sorry he doesn’t realize it.” He studied her with piercing eyes, his red hair almost standing on end. “You look so different. Soft and pretty and radiant, in spite of everything. Gussie told Mama you’d been sick. I guess you’re better now.”
“Much better,” she replied, moving suddenly when she felt the baby. It had been the most ecstatic discovery of her life when the first flutters began. They were like butterfly movements inside her stomach, and the first time she’d felt them, she cried. The baby was alive and happy and healthy, and her face began to glow with a creamy light as she smiled.
“Something wrong?” Robert asked, puzzled by that very visible radiance.
She held her breath. She almost told him. But she didn’t dare. “No. Nothing at all.”
“How’s the job going?”
“Just great. I’m doing some modeling on the side.” It was safe to tell him that. He wasn’t the type to go to fashion shows. “At Henri’s, a French restaurant. They’re having a fashion show there tonight, and I get a bonus for helping out. It’s for charity, so it should be great fun. I’m a little nervous, so I thought I’d buy some new makeup to cheer me up.”
“I wouldn’t have said you needed makeup,” he murmured with a smile. “You look lovely.”
“Thank you, Robert.” She looked at her watch. “I’ve got to run. I’ll be late for work. It was good to see you. Robert...don’t tell Cade you saw me, okay?” she added gently. “He’s got a new life, new priorities. Don’t let the past interfere with his happiness.”
Robert’s face hardened. “Damn him for what he’s done to you, Bess,” he said coolly. “I hope he chokes on his pride. See you.”
It took Bess the rest of the day to put Robert’s disturbing remarks out of her mind. She wished she hadn’t run into him, she didn’t want to hear about Cade’s redhead or his anger. That was part of the past. Not for the world was she going to admit how lonely she was or how hopelessly alone she felt.
She got dressed at the apartment in one of the ensembles she was to model at the benefit. It was a two-piece gold-and-cream evening dress, and it made her glow even more. She left her hair long and wavy around her bare shoulders and put on enough makeup for the cameras, along with a perfume she hadn’t used in years. She looked presentable, she decided, and she was grateful that Gussie didn’t know about the fashion show. She’d managed to fool her mother about her condition so far by wearing baggy, unconstructed clothes. But she was beginning to show, and very soon her pregnancy was going to be so far advanced that nobody would be fooled.
There was a huge crowd at Henri’s for the fashion show. Bess went in through the employees’ entrance along with Julie and the other models and hurriedly lined up the ensembles she’d be wearing with the shoes and other accessories for quick changes between presentations. She ran a brush through her hair and got in line, exchanging a nervous wink with Julie as the music started and she heard the announcer’s soft voice.
Her cue came and she walked out onto the restaurant’s carpeted floor with wobbly knees, but with a forced smile that made her look more relaxed than she was. She walked past the crowded tables as the announcer described her pregnancy outfit, pausing to explain prices to the patrons who asked.
She should have known Robert would say something to Cade. But somehow she hadn’t expected it. When she moved around a table in the corner of the room and came face-to-face with Cade and his redhead, she almost tripped and fell.
She recovered quickly, keeping the smile pinned to her face, but her eyes cursed Cade with every breath in her body.
He stared back at her with equal darkness, shadowed by pain and something deeper. He was wearing a dinner jacket and a pleated white shirt with his black tie, looking elegant and frightening. Beside him the redhead’s hair was fashionably disheveled around a pale, freckled face with cold blue eyes. The woman was wearing a green dress that washed out her complexion, but it looked like pure silk and probably was. So his new woman was rich. That boded well for Lariat. She could help him build his empire.
Cade stood up slowly, towering over her. “What are you doing here,” he asked coldly, “modeling that kind of outfit? Is it some kind of self-torment for you, or just a way to get back at me for the things I said to you?”
She didn’t understand what he was saying. She tried to move around him. “I’m doing a job,” she said. “And nothing I do is any concern of yours anymore,” she added icily, glaring up at him. “Why did you come here? Did Robert tell you where I’d be?”
“Yes...” he began.
“You’re Gretchen, aren’t you?” Bess asked the redhead, forcing a bright smile for her. “Well, congratulations, I hear you’re being groomed to replace me at Lariat. You’re obviously rich and fertile, and that will suit Cade admirably.”
Gretchen’s eyes popped. She stared at Bess blankly. “I beg your pardon?”
“Haven’t you told her that you’re in the market for a broodmare?” she asked Cade. “Or are you keeping it a secret?”
“Look, it isn’t that at all,” Cade said quietly. He looked around, scowling at the attention they were drawing. “I’ve got to talk to you.”
“We talked at Lariat, remember?” she asked him. Her eyes darkened. “You threw me out because you found out I was barren.
”
He actually winced. “I didn’t know it was because of the wreck,” he said, grinding out his words. “You told me nothing!”
She drew in a slow breath. “So that’s why you came. Robert told you. I don’t need your pity, as it happens, and I don’t care about your conscience. I’m not part of your life anymore.”
He reached out toward her, and she jerked back. “Don’t you want to know the real irony, Cade?” she asked in a voice that was half whisper. She smiled shakily, furious that he should bring her successor here and flaunt her. She was hurt and hitting back, just as hard as she could.
“What irony?” he asked, fighting for time.
She reached down and pulled the gown tight across her swollen belly. She didn’t say a word.
He scowled. “So, they put a pillow in to make you look—”
She moved closer, grabbing his hand and suddenly putting it flat right over their child. The expression on his dark face was worth every tear, every sleepless night, every anguished word, every miserable day since he’d asked her to leave.
“Oh, my God,” he whispered, and his voice faltered. The lean fingers on her belly shook, pressing down, feeling, caressing. “Bess, my God...!”
She moved away from him in one swift step, her eyes hating him. “Take that back to Lariat with you and see how well you sleep now. You should have waited a few more weeks. Miracles still happen, you know. Then you’d have had the child you wanted, even if you didn’t want his mother!”
He couldn’t move. He felt the blood drain out of his face, and in slow motion he watched her give him one last icy smile before she turned with regal pride and went back the way she’d come, oblivious of the curious stares and soft whispers around her.
“Cade, what is she talking about?” Gretchen asked when he sat down. “Where did she get the idea that I was trying to take her place at Lariat?”
“From me, and from Robert, I’m afraid,” he said heavily. “I’m sorry to put you in such a position. I was hoping against hope that she might be jealous and come home and give me hell about you. But she didn’t care enough. Now I know why. She’s carrying my child. I let her go. I made her go, and the reason for her possible barrenness was a car accident I caused. My God, I could shoot myself!”
“So I’m the scarlet woman.” She grinned. “Robert should have asked me before he volunteered me for this mission, but since it’s in such a good cause, and you are my future brother-in-law, I guess I can bear the shame. You really ought to go talk to Bess, though.”
“You heard her. She doesn’t want to talk to me. She hates me.”
“You can’t hate people you don’t love,” Gretchen said. “That sounds corny, but it’s true. You aren’t going to get anywhere until you take the first step.”
“Maybe not. At this point I’m not sure a step will help.” He got up wearily. “I’ll be back.”
He walked toward the place where the models vanished after each showing, his tall, elegant body drawing appreciative female eyes. He didn’t even notice—his mind was on Bess and the terrible way he’d treated her.
He found her putting on another maternity outfit. She glared at him.
“You can’t come back here,” she said. “It’s the women’s rest room and I’m between turns.”
“I’m here and I’m staying,” he said curtly. “You can’t drop a bombshell like that on me and expect me to sit down and watch you strut around a fancy restaurant.”
“I don’t strut—you do.” She brushed her hair, the temper coloring her cheeks, darkening her eyes, so that he couldn’t look away from her. “Your redhead will miss you,” she said venomously.
“Jealous?” he taunted. “I didn’t think you cared if I had other women. You wouldn’t even come down to Lariat to check it out.”
“I didn’t care,” she said shortly. “You threw me out.”
He turned away, his hands deep in his pockets. He leaned against the wall with a weary sigh. “Yes, I did. God knows why.”
“Simple. I couldn’t give you a child, or so we thought.” She lifted her chin pugnaciously. “I guess I got this one from a toilet seat,” she added fiercely. “Or maybe I had a wild passionate affair with one of the men in the office. Maybe it’s Mr. Ryker’s!”
“It’s mine,” he said. “I know damned good and well you didn’t go from me to another man.”
“At least you’ve revised your former opinion of my morals,” she snapped back. He looked blank. “Forgotten already? The night in your study when I flung myself at you...?”
He actually flushed and averted his eyes. “We have to think about the baby.”
“It’s mine,” she told him. “I’ll have it and raise it. You can go back to Lariat and father a family of redheads!”
“God almighty, I’m not going to marry her!” he exploded. “I’m married to you...!”
“Sure. That’s why you’re out dating other people,” she said. “And for your information, you’re not going to be married to me much longer. The divorce will be final soon.”
“Bess, you’re my wife!” he said.
She smiled at him sweetly. “Not for much longer. Do go back to your date, Cade, before she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”
“I don’t love her,” he began.
“Well, you sure don’t love me,” she replied, and for an instant the hurt showed through. “Or want me. I guess you want the baby, but I won’t stay married just to placate your conscience. You can have visitation rights, but I won’t come back to Lariat. Now, do you mind? I’m trying to model clothes.”
He took a slow breath, his eyes going over her softly, warmly. “You’re so beautiful like that,” he said absently. “I’ve missed you almost beyond bearing.”
She could have echoed that sentiment, but she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. She straightened the skirt of her next ensemble, a black-and-white concoction. “I hope you and Gretchen will be very happy together. I don’t imagine she’ll ever try to ravish you...”
He caught her upper arms and pulled her against him with rough tenderness. “I loved what you did to me that night,” he whispered curtly, lowering his voice so that only she could hear. “I didn’t mean the things I said later. You had a hold on me that I couldn’t break and you threw me off balance so bad that I felt like less than a man. I’ve been fighting it all this time, but you haunt me. I don’t want to go back to Lariat alone.”
Her legs were wobbly, but he wasn’t going to know. She glared at him. “You won’t be going home alone, Cade dear,” she said. “Gretchen will be going with you.” She brought her foot down hard on his instep, and when he groaned and stepped back, she brushed past him out into the restaurant just in time for her to be called out to the promenade.
After the show was over, Bess ducked out the back with a helplessly giggling Julie, who’d seen the whole thing.
“Poor man,” she told Bess. “How could you!”
“Didn’t you see why?” Bess asked, aghast. “She was hanging on his every word, damn her. Damn him, too!”
“He’ll limp for a week.”
That reminded her of another time he’d limped, such a long time ago when he’d been hurt in the rodeo. Other unwanted memories came back of the times they’d been together, the long path they’d traveled to marriage and the tragic end of the relationship. He had Gretchen. Why was he here, upsetting her? His face as it had been when he discovered her condition flashed across her line of vision. Awe, delight, wonder, fierce possession—all those things had been in his dark eyes, along with a depth of feeling that shook her even in memory. She was carrying the child he wanted, and she knew he wasn’t going to give it up easily. She was in for the fight of her life, but it was one she had to win. She couldn’t live in the shadows of love. She couldn’t live with Cade just to satisfy his gu
ilt at his treatment of her or his hunger for the child they’d made.
She went back to her apartment in a miserable haze of emotional limbo, feeling as if she’d been beaten. Why hadn’t Cade stayed away? Why had he come running to San Antonio with his kept woman the minute Robert had told him where Bess was going to be? It wasn’t fair that he should haunt her.
She lay down and closed her eyes. Her hand found the mound of her belly and touched it, and she smiled at the sudden, fierce pressure of a tiny foot or hand hitting out so hard that she gasped and then teared up with delight.
“Well, hello, little one,” she whispered, smiling as she left her hand there. “How are you tonight?”
It was a form of silent communication that was the most precious thing she’d ever experienced. She closed her eyes and lay back, everything else forgotten for the moment in the magic and mystery of creation.
* * *
THE NEXT DAY she started to work and walked into Cade in the parking lot behind the office. Her eyes opened wide, as if she didn’t believe he was really there.
He was wearing a tan suit and matching boots and a Stetson. He looked very good, and she had to tear her eyes away from him.
“What do you want?” she asked icily.
“You of course,” he replied. He stuck his hands in his pockets. “But I can see that it’s going to be a long, uphill battle.”
She almost smiled at the resignation in his voice. “Look, why don’t you just go and play with your redheaded toy and leave me alone? I like my job, I’m happy living alone and the past is best left in the past.”
“You aren’t happy,” he said. “You’re as dead without me as I am without you.”
“I don’t have a redhead,” she said sweetly. “But don’t worry, I’m working on it. A man in my office is just about to become available, and I think he likes kids... Cade!”
He’d lifted her in his hard arms, his face cold and hard and furious as he turned and carried her back toward his pickup truck. “I’ll be damned if you’re going to be available to any other man,” he said curtly.