“Let me finish. My point is, there are never any guarantees when two people get together. Living in the same state, different states, same house. If one person’s not committed, it can always go bad. But I’m committed. I want to make this work.”
“Good. That’s the only way we can possibly be together.”
“Agreed,” he said. “I don’t care where you live. I don’t care if I can’t be with you every day. If being part of your life means all I get is weekends and video chats, I’ll take it. Whatever you’re willing to give me, I want to experience it. I want to be with you, whenever and wherever you’ll let me.”
“You don’t mind that I’m gone most of the time?”
“All relationships take work. We’ll figure it out. We’re too good together. We can’t walk away from this. I don’t expect you to give up a job you love for me, and I never should have suggested it.”
My heart lurched at his words. We were good together. So good. He made me forget all the reasons I avoided relationships. When Cody held me, I felt like I belonged. Ever since my mom left, I’d been running away from anyone who might hurt me. It was exhausting.
“Full disclosure: I was offered a job in Boston. At the game store.”
“Carla told me. Good for you for turning it down.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No. You have to follow your heart,” he said. “Besides, she hired Holly. Everyone wins.”
“Except you.”
“I don’t need you to live in Boston. Like I said, I’m happy with any part of you. I want you in my life. Let’s explore the world together.”
Tears of happiness prickled at my eyelids. From the moment we argued in Chicago, those words were all I wanted to hear.
“I’ve missed you,” I confessed.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
I’d been wrong, all this time. What I’d needed wasn’t hookups and lack of intimacy, but someone who cared enough to stick around. Even when I didn’t deserve him.
He ran one hand up my arm, so slowly, the anticipation took my breath away. By the time he got to my neck, my body was on fire. Closing my eyes, I nuzzled into his hand. Seconds later, his lips touched mine.
Every emotion I’d forced myself to suppress over the past few weeks came slipping out. I poured myself into the kiss, showing him how much I’d missed him and how sorry I was for jumping to conclusions. My heart pounded in my ears. Then a ding sounded, pulling me out of the moment. The fasten seatbelt light, turning off.
I pulled back. Both of us panted for breath. “I’m so sorry for putting you through all this. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I already have,” he said. “You can’t scare me away, Gwen. I’ve been in love with you since the moment you smashed cake into my pants.”
His words filled me with a feeling I barely recognized. But it didn’t take a genius to figure out what it was. “I love you, too. Pretty much since the first time you called me Carrots.”
He kissed me again, gently this time. A soft, lingering kiss I never wanted to end.
All I wanted was to climb into his lap and make the past month evaporate. But we were in public and would be for about another five hours. We could snuggle and hold hands, but making up for lost time would have to wait.
Then a thought hit me. With a mischievous grin, I licked my lips. “Come on.”
Before he could respond, I removed my seatbelt and jumped to my feet. When I got to the aisle, I turned. Cody still looked confused. He’d removed his seatbelt and moved to the edge of his seat, but that’s it. “Where are we going?”
Leaning forward, I made sure he got a good view down my shirt. My lips hovered centimeters from his ear. “We’re going to join the Mile High Club.”
Chapter 22
Once our flight landed, Cody and I spent the next few hours locked in a special non-allergen room he’d booked at the hotel. I fell asleep in his arms, awoken some time later by my growling stomach. Not wanting to wake him, I slowly reached for my phone on the nightstand, moving as little as possible to avoid jostling him or making noise. Five-thirty in the afternoon.
Well, no wonder I was starving. After waking up before the sun, I’d grabbed a donut and Diet Coke at the Boston airport, then eaten a tiny sandwich on the plane. Interspersed with lots of physical activity. I couldn’t get the room service menu without leaving the bed, which seemed like a terrible plan. Maybe I could order pizza on my phone.
My stomach howled, jerking Cody awake. “What was that?”
“Hey, it’s almost dinner time.” I ignored the question. “We should really talk about ordering some food.”
He pulled me close, nuzzling my neck. My phone fell out of my hand.
“This is not going to lead to food.”
“Who needs food when we’ve got this?”
“I do. It’s not romantic if I pass out from malnutrition,” I said.
“Fair point.” He stood, whisking the sheets away from me. I groaned and reached for them, but it was too late. “But if we’re getting food, we’re going out. No room service. No pizza delivery. We’re blocks away from some of the most amazing restaurants in the world. Come on.”
I started to argue, but he turned and headed for the shower. The enormous, glass-enclosed shower could easily fit a four-player game of Settlers of Catan. Maybe food could wait.
I had to admit, Cody was right. The bustle and hum and excitement of Vegas were worth experiencing, even if I had to get dressed. We’d have plenty of time to ourselves later tonight. Plus tomorrow evening after the winner was announced, all day Sunday, and every moment we could manage together after that, for as long as possible.
On our way to the restaurant, we passed through the lobby. A sign posted near the entrance halted me dead in my tracks. Cody took four more steps before he realized I’d stopped behind him. He turned to ask what was wrong, but I couldn’t breathe. Instead, I pointed at the sign.
“Welcome to the New York Medical Association’s Surgical Conference!”
Beneath the words was a large picture of the keynote speaker, who I’d never heard of. Below the main image, the sign featured four other speakers. Including the one doctor I’d spent the last few weeks trying not to think about.
Cody returned to my side, looking from me to the picture. Realization dawned. “She looks exactly like you.”
I nodded. The resemblance was undeniable. Even though we’d never had the same last name, there was no question as to the identity of the woman on the poster.
“You okay?”
It took a long moment, but finally, I shook my head. “I’m not sure. Can we eat somewhere else? I’d rather not run into her.”
“No problem. Let’s head across the street.”
By the time we finished eating, I felt much better. Vegas was an enormous place. Even if we saw Beverly back at our hotel, I was better prepared than last time. I’d spent a lot of time replaying our encounter in my head and thinking what to say. Even though the thought of running into her again made me want to throw up, I should be able to handle it.
After dinner, we passed through the casino to get back outside. Cody halted, head tilted to one side.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We’re in Vegas,” he said. “We should experience it right.”
“By giving more money to the hotel owners?”
“Come on! Don’t you want to experience the excitement? Think about the possibilities.”
“Yes, very much. I want to experience the excitement of being with you and think about the possibilities once we’re no longer in public.”
He chuckled and kissed me. “Later. Humor me, okay?”
Part of me wanted to go back to the room to hide, but I was determined not to let the idea of running into the woman who gave birth to me ruin my evening. Besides, I’d prom
ised my readers a gambling post.
It was still early, especially by Vegas standards, so I found an ATM and agreed to try things out. Not surprisingly, Cody had a knack for die throwing. I watched him play Craps for about half an hour, but never really got the hang of the rules. It was exciting to watch his pile of chips keep increasing, though.
Eventually, I wandered away to try out the slot machines, enticed by the ringing bells and flashing displays. When I was eighteen, Dad took me to a casino in Connecticut. I’d loved playing those machines, with the games and the video clips and the free spins. Maybe it helped that the money I’d been feeding those machines came from Dad, because the Vegas machines provided me significantly less enjoyment.
Less than ten minutes after leaving to play on my own, I returned to Cody’s side.
“How’d you do?”
“The machine ate my money.”
“Like, it malfunctioned?”
“No, like, it took my money and then a bunch of spins gave me nothing,” I said. “These machines are terrible. They were much better when I was a kid.”
He grinned at me. “You sound like a grumpy boomer.”
“Get off my lawn.” The bells were starting to give me a headache. “Anyway, how are you doing? Can I interest you in some nude room service?”
His eyes darted down to the front of my shirt, then back up. “I was going to say, I’m doing great and I could stay, but on second thought—let’s get out of here. Better to cash out while I’m ahead. I don’t want to use up all my luck before tomorrow.”
“You really don’t,” I said. “You’re going to need it.”
We walked across the hotel lobby hand in hand, trash talking and stopping for the occasional kiss. It took a very long time to traverse the fifty feet or so from the casino of one hotel to our destination, but I didn’t mind.
A ding signaled the opening of doors as we reached the elevator bank. I headed for the opening without stopping to look at the other people in the waiting area. Cody grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
“What?”
He pointed. With a flash of red hair, the woman ahead of us disappeared into the express elevator. I couldn’t tell if anyone else was with her, but I had a split second to make a decision: follow my mother into an enclosed space and force her to talk to me, or wait for the next one and let her go.
My mind may have hesitated, but my body charged for the opening, sticking one hand in the door to prevent it from closing. Cody followed. I went for the rear corner, not wanting her to see my face in time to escape. Only the three of us stood in the tiny space, but it felt full.
“What floor?” Beverly asked from her spot near the door.
“Nineteen, please,” Cody said. “Thanks.”
The doors slid shut, and as soon as we moved upward, I turned to confront her. “Hello, Mother.”
She started at my words before turning to face me. “Mother. No one has called me that in eighteen years.”
“That was your choice, not mine. Although to be honest, I don’t like the word much, either,” I said. “What should I call you? Abandoner? Deserter? Bitch?”
If the extent of my rage surprised me, it didn’t faze her at all. “I deserve that.”
The express elevator moved upward, passing floors two through eighteen with no ability to stop. Part of me wanted to hit the emergency button, force her to stay here until I got my answers. It would be so easy to release the full brunt of my rage, pummel her with words until she was left as hollow and empty as she’d made me. But the effort would cost me as much as her.
Instead of continuing my verbal assault, I switched tactics. “Just tell me why. I understand why you and Dad split up, but did you have to leave me, too? Why did you ignore me in New York?”
She pressed her lips together, staring at the numbers on the wall for so long, I thought she wasn’t going to answer. Finally, she turned to face me. “I was a terrible mother, Gwen. Surely you remember.”
“Maybe you weren’t Mother of the Year, but you were there. Up until you weren’t.”
“I thought I was doing you a favor. Leaving you with the more capable parent. Giving your father the chance to find someone who loved him and put together a normal life.”
“You think it was easier for him to raise me on his own, with no child support, than with your help?” For a moment, I didn’t know if I was more outraged on Dad’s behalf or my own. “You didn’t have to stay married to coparent.”
“That’s the point. I wasn’t helping. I made everything worse.” She shook her head. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Maybe I would, if you made any effort to explain. If you’d written or called or sent an email or even texted over the past twenty years. If you hadn’t pretended not to recognize me in New York.”
Her face went pale. “Running into you startled me. It was like looking at a ghost. I reacted badly.”
That was such an understatement, I didn’t know how to respond. We continued moving upward. Soon, we’d stop at her floor, so to fill the silence, I stated the obvious. “You could have called to apologize. We still have a landline. I can only imagine Dad kept the number because you might want to use it. Hardly anyone else does, except scam artists and telemarketers.”
“You’re right. I could have called, but I didn’t. I never wanted to be a mother. And I don’t know how to be one now.” She met my gaze squarely for the first time. The lack of emotion on her face punched me in the gut. This woman felt nothing for me. It wasn’t even worth talking to her.
The elevator ground to a halt, and the doors dinged open. Beverly started to leave, then paused, speaking over one shoulder. “I’m sorry if you feel you lost something by not knowing me. I always thought you’d be better off.”
She walked away, and Cody followed, leaving one hand in the doors to keep them from closing. “No, you’re the one who lost something. Your daughter is smart, brave, and passionate. She’s grown into an amazing woman, and you never got to know her. Now, you’ll have to live with the fact that you’ve lost the best thing that could’ve happened to you.”
With each word he spoke, my heart swelled. By the time he returned to my side, tears dripped down my face.
“Are you okay?” The doors slid shut behind him.
With a sniffle, I swiped at my face. “I will be, thank you. That’s just…the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.”
“And I meant it. I’m sorry she hurt you so much.”
She’d hurt me a lot over the years. And yet, somehow, after talking to her, it mattered less. I didn’t need a cold, unfeeling mother. I didn’t need to spend my childhood enduring forced visitation with a woman who resented and despised me. Dad gave me everything I ever wanted. He’d been father and mother, a much better one than the woman who gave birth to me ever could have been. I didn’t need her in my life. I had people who loved me, and that was what mattered.
Not knowing what to say, I pulled Cody in for a kiss. My arms slid around his neck, bringing him as close as I could get in this space. When we finally parted, we discovered we’d missed our floor, and the elevator had taken us back down.
The doors opened again, showing several people waiting in the lobby. We stepped apart, but I kept my hand in his. The closeness made me feel better.
“Do you want a drink or anything?” Cody asked, gesturing at the exit. “I know that was hard on you.”
Squeezing his hand, I shook my head. “Just take me back upstairs.”
* * * *
The only thing feeling better than walking into the conference hotel for the final round of the tournament was doing it with Cody by my side. I’d worked so hard to get here. It took years of saving and planning to work out the logistics on top of all the hours of practice, strategizing, and game play. I just needed to win a few more games, and then I’d be this year’s
American Explorers of Islay Champion. Victory perfumed the air, so sweet I could taste it.
Excitement filled this room, like the others, but at a heightened level. With each stage of the competition, the play grew increasingly more competitive. Whereas Boston’s event had buzzed with activity, good-natured trash talk, and nerves emanating from the players, here, most of the sound came from the event coordinators. John stood near the front of the room with Carla, both of them glowing. Her shirt read, “The force is strong with this one” across her baby bump.
A list at the front of the room laid out who would start at each table. One by one, players read the notice in an almost reverent silence. I gripped Cody’s hand while we read, nervous for the first time. We hadn’t played each other since the disastrous game in Chicago. We wouldn’t play each other now, either. He’d be against Angel during the first game, but I sat with three people I didn’t know. The next time we’d play each other would be the final table, assuming we made it.
When I sat, everyone stared at the empty board or their phones. They didn’t seem open to small talk. We had five minutes before the main event, so I texted Cody.
Me: Is it always like this?
Cody: Some people get pretty intense at the final, yeah. Try not to let it get to you.
Me: These guys will never know what hit ‘em.
Cody: That’s my girl.
Me: Loser buys dinner?
Cody: Winner gets $10k, a free night in the honeymoon suite, and food vouchers. I say winner buys.
I’d been so focused on the cash grand prize, I’d forgotten more came with the package. The evening he described sounded perfect.
Me: In that case, meet me in my new room after the competition. :-)
Cody: Your trash talk doesn’t faze me. No matter what happens now, I’ve already won.
The words made my stomach flip-flop. Glancing up from my phone, I caught him gazing at me with such intensity, my heart nearly burst. So this was what it felt like to be not just wanted, but cared for by a romantic partner. What a great feeling. I couldn’t believe I almost let him go.
Me: I love you.
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