“That there’s Alan.”
He straightened his glasses with two fingers and nodded curtly before sizing me up. I crossed my arms around my chest when I caught him staring unabashedly at my breasts, but he made no effort to look away.
Skip put one of his heavy hands across a young girl’s shoulders. She was wearing a dark hoodie over her head, obscuring most of her features.
She glanced at me cautiously when Skip said, “And this little lady here is Kris.”
I smiled at her and she looked down to the floor. I noticed a linear scar on the left side of her face that ran the length of her jaw. It was pink, obviously still healing, which told me it had happened after the city was ravaged with illness. I did my best not to stare at her as I wondered what, or who, had cut her face.
“Well, this is Connor.” I turned and gestured to him, without making eye contact and he said a simple hello to the group. “And this is Fin. He was the first here.” I smiled weakly and he sighed heavily before grumbling out a hollow hello.
“I guess you already met Matt,” Skip said, behind me.
I looked over my shoulder at him and noticed that the group was watching me carefully. Jacks shifted on his feet and sent a glance Connor’s way. I noticed Alan pocket the small item he had been holding before he looked around the room.
“Uh. Yes, we met in the City, downtown.” I glanced at Connor before aiming my question at Skip. “Where’s Mariah?”
He shrugged. “Don’t know a Mariah.”
“Matt’s sister? You haven’t seen her?” I looked around the group and Bobby stared at the ground while he shifted his heavy weight around from foot to foot. His red face all but glowed in the dim and natural light of the lobby. If he knew anything, he wasn’t going to say so.
“Matt’s had some issues with all of us,” Jacks said to me. “He hasn’t exactly spilled his life story out but he hasn’t said anything about a sister.”
When I looked away from Jacks, I glanced at Connor, and he met my gaze for the first time during the entire conversation. Part sadness, part confusion, and part mistrust reflected in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if the look was meant for me, or for Mariah.
“Hello! I need a place to put my stuff. I don’t want to stand around here all day,” Ana said impatiently.
Jacks sighed and looked at her. “So, go get a room.”
She sent a scathing look in his direction before she turned on her heeled boots, clicking and clacking out of the room and cursing under her breath at us in Spanish.
“She seems lovely,” I said to no one in particular. Jacks and Skip laughed.
Jacks crossed the room and put his arms around my waist. “Hope you have space for me.”
I blinked at him, embarrassed, and slightly annoyed. One thing I could count on was that he always spoke what was on his mind.
“Uh, I’m staying by the lake,” I answered, fully aware that Connor and Fin were both staring at my back.
“Sounds romantic.” Jacks grinned and hugged me.
Skip clapped Jacks on the back and smiled down at me. “I’m really glad we found you, hon. This boy here was pretty worried about you.”
I smiled faintly back at him and felt the heat from Jacks body pass through my clothes and warm my skin. Just that morning, Connor’s hug was almost identical. I stood still, my feet stuck to the same spot on the floor, with one man holding me, and another man wanting to and I didn’t know what to do. For the first time in weeks, I wanted to be alone again.
***
Connor stood outside on the back porch next to Fin, while the group toured the inside of the lodge. He kept wondering when the shock would pass, the shock of seeing Riley flee from the trees and run into the arms of another man. And that kiss…it took his breath away, and not for good reasons. He hadn’t said much of anything. He wasn’t sure he could speak, even if he wanted to. He knew she wanted to talk to him, but it was obvious that Jacks wasn’t going to leave her side any time soon, and what he wanted to talk to her about couldn’t be said in front of the other man.
He kicked at the dirt around the path with one foot, while Zoey paced nervously around them. The dog hadn’t sat down all morning. She seemed afraid of everything and everyone. He bent down and rubbed her head and tried to soothe her while she waited for Riley to come outside.
“It’s okay girl. It’s okay,” he said to her while stroking her head and back.
Eventually the dog sat down beside his feet with a heavy sigh and he looked up to see Fin watching him with curiosity.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing. Was just wondering how long it was going to take before you crack, and lose it,” Fin replied.
“What, you read minds now?” Connor asked with a sigh.
“Well, it seems like Riley’s past has caught up with her. At least for now.” Fin shrugged, peering into the windows of the second floor. “He seems to really care about her,” he said, almost as an afterthought.
“Jesus, Fin. Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Connor reached his hands behind his neck and looked up at the sky.
“Damn.”
“We’re all damned, man. You should know that by now.” Fin started walking away from the building, across the lawn, in the direction of the cabins.
“No point standing around here.” He plodded through the grass, and kicked a twig out in front of him before adding, “I need a damn drink.”
Connor watched Fin march down the slope towards the lower pathways until only the top of his blonde head could be seen through the trees. He knew Fin was right. Jacks did care about Riley, it was obvious. And it would be selfish to fight his way in between them. She had a chance to hold onto a piece of her past everyone else had lost. A connection.
“Damn,” he said again, into the crisp breeze. “Come on girl, let’s go for a walk.” He patted at his leg for the dog to follow him in Fin’s direction, but she stayed, sitting at the porch door, her ears up and her head cocked to one side as if asking, ‘Where ya going?’
He set off through the grass without her, the thickness of it wetting the toes of his shoes from the moisture trapped among the blades from the night before. He had to get back to the cabin and grab his stuff before Riley figured out he was even there. He wasn’t going to share the cabin with another man, and she seemed confused enough at Jacks arrival…putting space between them was the right thing to do. It was easier that way. He walked down the winding trail, listening to the insects in the brush, a bird chirping in a tree above him, and the sounds of his own beating heart.
When Connor got to the end of the pathway, Fin was sitting on Riley’s cabin steps, his arms hung loosely over his knees, a knowing look on his face.
“What?” Connor asked.
“Thought I’d help you pack,” Fin said casually.
Connor stared at him, wondering if he had spoken his thoughts out loud on the walk to the cabin.
“I figure, you’ll want your own place now, right? I mean, that’s what I would do, if my girl was making out with another dude, unless you’re into that kind of kinky stuff.” Fin winked.
“Nice, very nice, Fin. I love your tact,” Connor grumbled at him, but let Fin inside anyway to help him gather up the few things he had in the cabin.
Fin helped him drop off his bags at the cabin next to his, and urged him next door for a beer. He would unpack later. Morning or not, right now all he wanted was to join Fin for a drink…a strong one. As they sat on Fin’s messy couch, he drank the steady flow of alcohol that Fin supplied without argument until his body buzzed and the room jumped when he turned his head.
Fin eyed him carefully and then warned him, “Just to be clear, the only room of the house I care about keeping clean is the kitchen. I don’t care if your drunk ass crashes here, but I’ll toss you out if you take the last cold beer from the fridge and don’t replace it. And you better keep your clothes on. I catch you walking around the place naked--I’ll shoot you myself.”
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
After coming out of the main building and finding Fin and Connor gone, Jacks pulled me aside and sat me down next to him on a wooden bench. Zoey stretched out along my feet, her eyes flicking quickly back and forth between Jacks and the other strangers who branched out, some to explore the grounds, the others to get their things from the vehicles out front.
“Riley. Tell me everything. What happened?” he asked. He leaned his head into his hands and began absentmindedly twirling his thick hair between his fingers. Some things never change.
I sat quietly for a moment, watching the trees sway gently and listening to the sounds of people around the lodge. People. Talking, laughing, and whispering. Life.
I turned to look at Jacks with his tanned face and bright eyes. While I watched the others, he had pulled a knit hat over his brown hair, which made the ends curl outward from under the woven fabric. He leaned against the bench, watching me. Waiting for the story.
“What is it you want to know, Jacks?” I asked.
He blinked at me, surprised. “Everything. What happened at home? What happened in the city? How you got here.” He stared at me, waiting. His arm rested behind my shoulders on the bench, and he reached out to twirl the ends of my hair.
“How’d you find us, Jacks?” I shifted in my seat.
“What do you mean? You told us where you were going. Remember?”
“No. I didn’t. I mean I didn’t say we were here.” I looked past him, at the lodge.
“Oh. Well, we drove down every driveway and road near that fire station. Figured you would have to be close. Didn’t make sense to sit there and wait for night-fall. Took some time to find you, but it was worth it.” He smiled and tugged gently on a section of my hair.
I watched a leaf lift off the ground, and then roll into the grass, pushed by the force of the breeze. I pulled my hair from his grasp, tossing it onto my back, away from his curious finger tips.
I sighed, “Jacks, I haven’t seen you in years. I can’t just sit here with you and talk about my dead children.”
“Right. We used to be able to do this. Talk about anything,” he said, after a heavy pause.
“You’re kidding, right? You walked out of my life. Then this and you show up here.” I stood up and raked my hands down my face. “I just can’t believe this is happening--any of it.”
He pushed off the bench and faced me. “I walked out because you broke my heart.” His eyes bore into mine so fiercely I was afraid to blink. “I never stopped loving you, but you didn’t choose me, remember? You chose that cheating bastard, John, and look how that turned out.”
I glared at him and felt my fingers twitch as my brain fought against my will to slap him across the face as hard as I could, even though he was right.
“Marrying John might have been a mistake, but I would never change that. He gave me Shannon and Dean. I’ll never feel guilty about marrying him.” I stared viciously at Jacks, challenging him to say anything degrading about my dead ex-husband.
He nodded and sighed heavily, studying the tops of his boots. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be,” I snapped.
After an awkward pause, I was surprised when Jacks leaned forward and hugged me tightly. I tried not to inhale his familiar smell, but I let myself burry my face into his chest for just a moment before he gently pulled away.
“We shouldn’t be doing this, Riley. All these people…they lost everything too and now we only have each other.” His words stung.
“I know that.” I sat down again, exhausted, the fight gone from my entire being.
“How about we start over?” he said, gently as he took the seat next to me again.
“Fine.” I took a deep breath. “So…why Portland? Work, fun or a girl?”
“A girl, of course. Some work, maybe a little fun.” We laughed together.
“You never could be alone, could you?” I nudged his arm.
“Yep, you know me so well.” He grinned.
We sat on the weathered bench together, close and yet far away at the same time. I thought it would feel better finding someone else, someone who knew me. In the first few moments of seeing Jacks I was deliriously happy but after the shock of his arrival wore off, it seemed that even the end of the world couldn’t erase our complicated past.
“I was with them when they died. I left, and everywhere, everyone was dead.” I started my condensed story. “Connor found us in the city. He helped me and I guess you could say we’ve been together since.” I exhaled sharply.
“Connor. The dark, brooding one.” He sat back and folded his arms over his chest. “When you say ‘together’ what do you mean?”
I didn’t answer him, just looked at him and tilted my head to the side.
“Ah. So, that kind of ‘together’.”
“To be honest, it’s a bit confusing.” I rubbed my hands on my jeans. “And I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this.”
“I’m surprised. He’s not really your type.” He stretched his legs out straight in front of him, digging his heels into the dirt.
“But the other one, the tall guy…who looks like he was born in a nest at the top of one of these pine trees…Fin, is that his name? He seems your type.” Jacks cocked his head to the side and laughed at my shocked expression.
If only he knew about the kiss I shared with Fin. I looked away before he read my mind, something Jacks had always been too good at.
“So, for you and me…does this mean no more kissing?” He playfully kicked one of my feet.
“Jacks don’t get me wrong. I’m really happy to see you. But I can’t pretend the last several years didn’t happen. And I can’t pretend the last few months didn’t happen with Connor.”
“I think I understand,” he leaned in close and slowly, softly kissed my cheek, “But you understand something. When I found that note on your door, I knew for sure that all the hell I went through to get here became worth it. I couldn’t lose you like that. Riley, I’m never leaving you again.”
***
I left Jacks with Skip to unload the vehicles after I had given them all a rudimentary tour of the property, but I didn’t show anyone the greenhouse. For some reason I wanted to keep that a secret until someone stumbled upon it on their own.
I walked with Zoey down the cabin trail, hoping to find Connor and Fin. The energy was different in the forest. The trees moved and swayed and creaked the same as they did before. I could hear the birds chirping, and a random twig snap in the distance, but the bird calls and shrieks were louder, almost competing with the sounds of the new people. I wanted to apologize to the birds, to tell them it was my fault this new, clamorous group had arrived, but all I did was walk quietly down the trail. Even the dog seemed subdued and a little tired.
I knew as I neared Fin’s cabin that both the men were inside, since I could hear their conversation through the open front door. My feet crunched along the dirt and tiny rocks until I stepped onto Fin’s wooden deck. Zoey’s nails clicked to a stop just before the door, she already knew she wasn’t allowed inside Fin’s place, so she sat down against the wall and looked up at me curiously before closing her eyes for a nap.
Their voices had stilled when I stepped onto the porch but I announced my arrival anyway. “Hello?” I popped my head into the main room, and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darker space.
“She remembers we exist after all,” Fin’s animated voice said, from the far corner.
I stepped into the room. They had moved the smaller chairs that had been near the couch to the other side of the cabin, so that they were facing the windows that overlooked the pier. And the trail.
“Ah, so you saw me coming.” I smiled at them. Connor lifted his hand up to his face quickly, and then slammed it down hard on his thigh. Something in his grip glinted in the sunlight.
“Are you...drinking?” I asked as I moved closer.
Fin waved a bottle at me, half-full of an amber-colored liquid. “Course we are. What
else is there to do?” He chuckled and Connor snorted.
“You’re doing shots...before lunch?” I was standing between their chairs when Connor raised his hand out to Fin, who eagerly filled his shot glass, before taking a swig directly from the bottle. Connor laughed and pointed at Fin.
“So, who’s going to take care of you boys when you fall on your faces, drunk?” I put my hands on my hips and acted annoyed with them. Truth was, I was happy to see them bonding, even if it was most likely because they were upset with me.
“Oh, no. We’ve got that covered, baby.” Fin winked at me. Connor snorted again.
“Really?” I cocked an eyebrow at him, and crossed my arms at my chest. “Do tell,” I said, sweetly.
“We’re gonna take care of each other. Cuz Connor’s my next-door neighbor now.” Fin slapped Connor’s arm, and took another long swig from the half-empty bottle.
“Yup,” Connor laughed, downing his shot. “Another! Keep them coming, brother.”
“What do you mean, neighbor?” I asked, but both men ignored me.
I sighed, no longer pretending to be upset with them. “You know what, fine. Drink yourselves into a coma, I don’t care.” I stomped out the front door so fast that I startled Zoey awake.
I heard Fin chuckle after Connor said, “Coma sounds nice, don’t ya think?”
Not sure where else to go at that moment, I walked back to my cabin and plopped down onto the sofa and leaned into the pillows. I was too edgy to sit still, so I went into the kitchen and began peeling an orange. Halfway through the task, I slammed it down onto the counter, ignoring the gooey puddle that oozed from the smashed fruit. I went up the stairs, taking two at a time. After I looked down the hall, I saw Connor’s door standing ajar, and peered in to see the bed neatly made. As I slowly crossed the threshold into the room I realized all of his things were gone. He wasn’t joking, he had moved out.
The bed sagged around me as I sat on the edge of the mattress and looked out the window at the pine trees that filled the entire view. While I stared absentmindedly into the forest, a shadow of some kind seemed out of place. I focused on the dark shape standing a few yards inside the tree line. It looked like a person. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and my arms broke out in goose bumps. I blinked slowly, certain that when I opened my eyes, the figure would be gone, but it was still there several seconds later. I moved off the bed and approached the window carefully, not breaking my gaze from the person in the trees. With my nose almost touching the glass, and the lacy curtains tickling my cheeks, the figure took several small steps forward into a patch of sunlight that had filtered through the tree tops.
I Hope You Find Me Page 18