by Gary Smalley
Gary: I’ve experienced more peace and joy since I began following these truths than I have my whole life. See, when we think our happiness is dependent on things going the way we want or on circumstances we can’t control or on people doing what we want them to, we’re unhappy all the time. But when we realize that joy comes from the Lord, that it’s the fruit of faith and obedience, we realize that being joyful is something we can do all the time, every day. In Matthew 7, Jesus taught a parable about a house that either stands or falls when the storms hit, based on whether or not it had been built on rock or sand. Then he tells us what building on rock is like . . . it’s simply hearing his commands and obeying them. Obeying Christ’s commands brings incredible stability and peace into our lives.
At the Last Supper, he emphasized obeying his commands again, and this time he said he was telling us these things “so that our joy might be full.” That’s why God wants us to obey him, so that we can experience the fullest possible joy anyone can have in this life. And we can have it simply by trusting in him and doing what he says. No matter what happens, no one can take that kind of joy away from us. So I began studying Christ’s commands, and I saw that we can actually obey all his commands if we’ll obey these four: humble ourselves, love God, love others, and rejoice in our trials.
Dan: One of the main themes in Guarding Your Child’s Heart is how our beliefs directly connect to the way we live. Could you explain a little more about how what we believe, whether true or false, dramatically affects how we live and the choices we make?
Gary: Everyone lives by what they believe, whether that belief is true or false. Our beliefs are formed by our thoughts, which is why the Bible teaches us to be careful about the things that influence us or our children, and why it’s necessary for our minds to be renewed by God’s truth. What we think really matters. If we think about something that’s not true long enough, we will start to believe it. Once we start to believe it, our emotions get involved, and now it feels like the truth.
For example, if I believe I can’t be happy unless my wife changes, then I’ll constantly be focused on her, nagging her, pressuring her to change. And I’ll stay unhappy. But this belief is based on a thought that isn’t true. If I allow my mind to be renewed by God’s truth, which says I’m supposed to love her as Christ loves the church no matter what, then my focus shifts from her performance to my own behavior, to the way I treat her, and the things I say. This new belief can radically change our relationship.
Dan: In our book The Desire, Michele is reading this children’s ministry notebook and discovers some things about humility she never understood. I loved what you wrote about humility in Guarding Your Child’s Heart, particularly the part about needing to become aware that we are all helpless without God and need to seek his help every day. What you shared were some pretty radical lessons for someone to be learning at your age. Why do you think pride comes so easily to us and humility is so hard to grasp?
Gary: I think pride is built into our nature. Then it is reinforced by our parents and the culture around us, which pushes us to succeed and emphasizes that it’s all up to us. The focus is always on us. Pride makes us envious of others, so we’re always striving to impress people or craving recognition. But Jesus shows us something brand new—humility. He lived a life of total dependence on God and taught his disciples that this is the way he wants them to live too. He tells us that true joy comes from being “poor in spirit.”
The truth is, spiritually, we are all beggars. We’re crippled. On our own, we can’t produce things like love, joy, peace, patience, and the other fruits of the Spirit. We can try, but we can’t pull it off. Humility is simply seeing this and admitting it, owning it. And God promises that when we do see ourselves accurately and look to him as our source, he pours abundant grace on us. But the Bible also says that God resists and opposes the proud. That really motivates me to want to cultivate humility.
Dan: In Guarding Your Child’s Heart you talked about four major beliefs, or commands, we need to learn and live by as Christians. But in The Desire we didn’t really have time to get to the fourth one, which is “Rejoice in Trials.” Why do we need to embrace this command as essential, and why is this so important to our faith and even our own happiness?
Gary: It gets back to the idea about control. We don’t have control over so much of what happens in our lives. Trials and troubles happen all the time. Christians aren’t promised that we won’t have them; we’re promised that we will. But we’re also promised that God is always in control, even in times of trouble. So we are commanded to rejoice in times of trouble, even to be thankful. It’s an expression of faith that God is in control and that he can work all things together for good, even though it may take some time.
What we normally do is get angry or frustrated when trouble comes, or become afraid. This is a normal reaction, and it’s not necessarily sin. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry but do not sin.” It’s what we do with that anger that makes the difference. If we turn to the Lord and ask for his help (humble ourselves), he will help us. He’ll give us grace to endure the trial and peace to guard our hearts. But Paul tells us in the next two verses in Ephesians 4 what happens if we don’t resolve our anger properly, if we let “the sun go down on our anger.” This unresolved anger gives the devil a foothold in our lives.
Many Christians go days, weeks, and months allowing this unresolved anger to contaminate their hearts. The light inside grows dimmer and dimmer until finally it becomes nighttime in their hearts. This is why it’s so critical for us to obey God and rejoice when trouble comes.
Acknowledgments
In addition to our wonderful publishing staff at Revell, Gary and I would like to thank some very special people who helped us with the research of this book. At the top of that list would be Gary’s son-in-law, Roger Gibson, and Gary’s daughter (and Roger’s wife), Kari. It’s fair to say we could never have written this book without them. Most of the scenes set in Ethiopia came out of conversations and emails with them.
You can find out more about their story by watching the trailer for Man Up and Go, an award-winning film that actually features Gary sharing their experiences in Korah (manupandgo.com/trailer). Also, check out Kari Gibson’s amazing blog at mycrazyadoption.org/blog/.
Gary and I would also like to thank three other women—all of them writers—for their invaluable insights about the current struggles women face with infertility. They are:
Kym McNabney (find her at kymmcnabney.blogspot.com/)
Elizabeth Maddrey (find her at www.ElizabethMaddrey.com)
Marlo Schalesky (find her at www.marloschalesky.com)
Dan Walsh is the award-winning author of The Unfinished Gift, The Homecoming, The Deepest Waters, Remembering Christmas, The Discovery, The Reunion, and The Dance. A member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Dan served as a pastor for twenty-five years. He lives with his family in the Daytona Beach area, where he’s busy researching and writing his next novel.
Gary Smalley is one of the country’s best known authors and speakers on family relationships. He is the author or coauthor of sixteen bestselling, award-winning books, along with several popular films and videos. He has spent over thirty years learning, teaching, and counseling, speaking to over two million people in live conferences. Gary has appeared on national television programs such as Oprah, Larry King Live, Extra, the Today show, and Sally Jessy Raphael, as well as numerous national radio programs. Gary and his wife, Norma, have been married for forty years and live in Branson, Missouri. They have three children and six grandchildren.
Books by
Dan Walsh and Gary Smalley
* * *
THE RESTORATION SERIES
The Dance
The Promise
The Desire
Books by Dan Walsh
* * *
The Unfinished Gift
The Homecoming
The Deepest Waters
Remembering Christmas
<
br /> The Discovery
The Reunion
What Follows After
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