She was surprised to find a light dusting of hair on his chest, never having seen a man shirtless before. She hadn’t known men grew hair on their chests. It was odd and springy, but she liked the feel of it in her fingers. After a moment, she found his flat nipple and touched it with her fingers. She hadn’t even thought that men might have nipples since they didn’t use them to nurse babies. She wondered why God had given them to men.
Pushing his shirt off his shoulders completely, she ran her fingers over his bare back, enjoying the heat she felt radiating off his skin. She’d been concentrating so hard on her exploration of him, that she hadn’t noticed he’d stopped touching her and exploring her. She looked up and saw him watching her oddly. “Is this wrong?” she asked.
“No, of course not. Nothing is wrong between us!” He moved his mouth to her lips again, kissing her with more passion than before. He kissed a path from her mouth down to her shoulder and then to her nipple, catching it between his teeth and sucking it into his mouth.
She was startled to see him suckling her that way, not having realized men did that. While his tongue toyed with her nipple, his hand wandered down her body stroking along her stomach and down between her legs. He stroked his finger up her inner thigh to her opening and along her pleasure bud. She was startled to feel him there and clamped her legs together, but only succeeded in trapping his hand which he continued to wiggle against her bare flesh.
He moved up to kiss her lips, keeping his hand between her clenched thighs. It wasn’t long before she’d relaxed enough that he could slide one finger inside her to test her readiness for him.
She squirmed beneath him, shocked that he would put his finger where her mother had said his male part would go inside her. Was he really supposed to do that? Whether he was or not, she enjoyed his touch and moaned softly beneath his lips.
At her moan, he removed his hand from her body and got to his feet, quickly kicking off his shoes and removing his pants, bending down to remove his socks. When he stood before her, his manhood stood straight out from his body and she stared at it with wonder. Her mother had said that would fit inside her body? She knew her mother had been married for twenty years and had done this eight times, but that was hard to believe.
She reached out to touch it, and was surprised at the heat coming off him. “It’s so hot!”
He reached down and removed her hand, taking deep gasping breaths as he climbed back into bed, settling atop her, settling himself into the notch of her thighs. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her passionately, before pulling away for a moment. “This is going to hurt a bit, but it will get better.”
She stared up at him. Her mother had said the same thing, so she nodded, bracing herself for the pain the act promised. He reached down and guided his manhood into her, pushing hard against her. Just as he started to slide inside her, he crushed her mouth with his, and caught her cry of pain.
Once he was fully embedded within her, he stilled himself, obviously waiting for her to do…something. She turned her mouth from his, not wanting his kisses while he hurt her this way. “What are you waiting for?” she asked.
“For you to get used to me, so I won’t hurt you more.”
She sighed. “I don’t think I could ever get used to that.” Why would she even want to get used to something invading her body this way? Hopefully she would get pregnant this first time and not have to worry about it happening again for a long time.
He laughed. “You will. I promise.” He waited another moment, before pulling out and then pushing back in quickly.
She stared up at him in surprise. Yes, there was still some pain, but the movement had felt good inside her. “I like that!”
He smiled, his lips going to her neck. “Good!” He began moving in earnest then, obviously trying to take them both to a place where there was no more pain and only passion. His strong thrusts felt so good within her, she began to move with him.
She felt anxious as something felt like it was going to happen inside her. She needed it badly, whatever it was, and he seemed to know how to get her there. Finally, it was as if something burst, and she cried out with pleasure, her hips arching off the bed and into him.
He thrust inside her a few more times, and let out a groan, collapsing beside her on the bed. He pulled her into his arms, hugging her to him, happy with his little bride who felt everything so passionately. He was sure they’d have a good marriage. For now, he was content to just lie with her in his arms.
She lay panting, trying to catch her breath. Why hadn’t her mother mentioned it would feel like that? Surely she had never felt what Rose had just felt, or she would have said something.
Rose lay with her head on Dr. Shawn’s shoulder, her hand toying with the hair on his chest. She sighed happily, so happy he was the man she’d decided to marry. “I love you so much,” she whispered.
She waited for him to say the words back to her, but he was silent, his hand still stroking her back. She propped herself up on her elbow and stared down at him, frowning. She’d had declarations of love from at least fifteen men in her life, but this man, the one whom she’d married who had just brought her such intense pleasure said nothing? “Well?” she demanded.
He stared up at her, unsure what she wanted. “Well, what?”
She blinked. He didn’t know he was supposed to say the words back to her. That must be it. “You’re supposed to tell me you love me, too.” Her voice was like that of a school teacher instructing a young pupil.
He sighed. “I’m not going to lie to you, Rose. I never claimed to love you.”
She sat up in bed, suddenly realizing just how naked she was. She pulled the sheet over her bare body and stared down at him. “You don’t love me?” she asked, startled. “Why did you marry me then?”
He shrugged. “I live in a town where every woman has several men wanting to court her. Your aunt told me you wanted me to court you. I wasn’t stupid. I knew if I wanted a wife, this was the best opportunity I’d get. I don’t dislike you or anything, and obviously your body brings me a great deal of pleasure. Why wouldn’t I marry you?”
Rose felt her entire world crashing down around her. “But all the men love me.” What kind of cruel twist of fate would make the only man she could ever love not love her back?
He laughed. “I’m sorry, Rose. Maybe love will come with time. I just knew I needed a wife and you made it very clear to me that you were available. I wasn’t about to say no.”
Rose stared at him for another moment, refusing to let him see the tears that wanted to fall. The man she loved, the only man she’d ever loved, didn’t return her love? And he told her on their wedding day?
She got out of the bed, dragging the sheet with her and left the room to go into the bathroom. She filled the tub with water. If he didn’t love her, then she wouldn’t love him either. She climbed into the tub and sank into the water. How could she stop? How could a woman ever stop loving a man?
She cried softly, glad that he couldn’t see her. She had no desire to spend her life with a man who didn’t love her. How could her parents have let her marry him? What were they thinking?
She sat in the water for over an hour, until she was too chilled to stay there for another minute. How on earth was she supposed to tell her parents she needed to move back home the day after her wedding?
Chapter Five
Shawn lay in bed long after Rose had run from the room, realizing he’d handled the situation badly. He’d never said he loved her, of course, but she had assumed he had. He guessed that was not a crazy assumption, given the number of men who had told her they loved her and the fact that he’d asked her to marry him. He sighed. How was he going to convince her that he didn’t need to love her for them to have a good marriage?
All he really needed for a good marriage was companionship and sex. Why did she think there needed to be love between
them? She probably spent all her spare time reading trashy novels that talked of love. The kind of love that was never messy, where the heroine rode off with the hero on a big white horse into the sunset. Well, he didn’t own a white horse, and he was a dentist, not a cowboy.
Finally, he got out of bed and dressed, picking a nightgown out of her carpet bag and taking it to the bathroom. He knocked once on the door, before opening it. “I brought your nightgown,” he told her, keeping his eyes averted. “I think we need to talk.”
Rose stared at the nightgown and finally she said, “Fine. I’ll be out in a moment.” She couldn’t think of anything else they had to say, though. She loved him and he didn’t love her. That seemed to sum up their entire relationship.
He waited in the hall for her, listening to the sounds she made in the bathroom. He should have waited until the sweat had dried from their bodies before he told her he didn’t love her, but she’d asked. Didn’t she know it was better to be married to a man who didn’t lie to you?
When she finally came out wearing her nightgown, the sheet still wrapped around her, he didn’t say anything. Her eyes met his, and he could see she’d been crying. He felt like a heel, but he wasn’t going to lie to his wife about something so important. “What do you want to talk about?” she asked. “It seems to me everything important has already been said.”
He sighed. “Let’s go talk in the bedroom.”
She shook her head adamantly. “I’m not going in the bedroom with you again.” Why would she follow him to the place where she’d made a fool of herself?
He stared at her for a moment. Did she really think they could only make love in the bedroom? Was she really that naïve? “Okay. How about one of the parlors downstairs, then?”
She nodded. “Wait here while I get my dressing gown.” She walked away from him, still clinging to the sheet for dear life like he hadn’t already seen her with no clothes on.
He kept reminding himself she was young while he waited for her. So young as to know nothing about the real world. Probably too young to be his wife. He shook his head. He’d had no idea he was making this kind of mistake when he married her, or he wouldn’t have done it.
When she emerged she was wearing a pale pink dressing gown over her night clothes, and she nodded to him. “Lead the way.” The dressing gown covered her from her neck to her ankles and looked to have been knotted three times. She held it closed at the throat.
He led her down the stairs to the smallest and most intimate of the three parlors, hoping he could get through to her by sitting close to her. She sat on the sofa, and when he sat beside her, she stood and moved to the small armchair beside it. Her eyes met his unflinchingly, daring him to say something about the way she’d moved.
“I’m not handling this well at all,” he began. “I’ve never had a wife before.” He knew it was a terrible excuse for not knowing the right things to say, but she was young. Maybe she’d not argue with him about it.
She shrugged. “And I’ve never had a husband. I do know what I shouldn’t say to my husband, though.” She folded her arms over her chest and glared at him.
He nodded. “I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. I hope you realize that.” He watched her carefully. “I don’t know you well enough to fall in love with you. When your aunt came to me to see if I was amenable to courting you, it took me a minute to remember who you were. It wasn’t until after I met you and Lily again that I was sure you were the one I was thinking of.”
She shook her head in confusion. “You didn’t remember me? Why did you agree to dinner that night, then?” Her heart sank. He’d met her and hadn’t remembered her, but she’d taken one look at him and known he was the only man she’d ever love. What was wrong with her?
He shrugged. “I thought you might be the girl from the park, but I’ve only been in Seattle a couple of months. I’ve met a lot of new people, and they were all running together at that point.” He made a face. “Anyway, I realized soon after I arrived that there were virtually no available women here. I wasn’t certain how I was going to be able to find a wife, and I was tired of being alone.” His expression implored her to understand his position.
“Go on.” She was obviously not warming up to him, and her face made that clear. She was still very angry.
“So one evening when I was thinking I needed to send back East for a bride, or find a wife somehow, I got a letter from your aunt asking me to meet with her. She didn’t tell me what it was about, but I didn’t care. I was tired of always being alone after I finished work for the day. So I went to have tea with her.” He tilted his head to the side for a moment. “She never actually served tea, though. How odd.” He hadn’t realized there was no tea until just that moment.
“Is that relevant?”
He shook his head. “I guess not. Anyway, I went to tea with no tea, and she told me about you. I thought you might be the girl from the park, and I jumped at the chance to get to know a young lady here. I didn’t want to be alone forever.”
“So, you met with my aunt, had no idea who I was, but agreed to have dinner with me to see if we’d suit?”
“Exactly.” He was pleased she understood. “So I went to dinner, and you were pretty, and I didn’t dislike you, so I agreed to court you. Doesn’t that make sense?”
“So you agreed to court me, not because you loved me, but because you didn’t dislike me? You agreed to court me because of a lack of emotions rather than because you felt emotions for me?” Her face was livid, letting him know she didn’t understand nearly as well as she’d let on.
“Well, I guess I liked you some, but I really didn’t even know you. I thought we’d get to know one another better while we courted.” He turned his hands up in an unspoken plea for understanding.
“And did we get to know one another better during our short courtship? You couldn’t wait another few weeks to figure out if you loved me before proposing? You were the one to ask me to marry you, if you’ll recall.”
“I didn’t see a point in wasting any more time. I hate wasting time. It’s tiring to work all day and then spend every evening, or almost every evening, with a young lady. I knew I liked you. You were a good woman who would make a good hostess for the parties I wanted to throw. You’re part of the Seattle social scene in a way that I, moving here as an adult, wouldn’t be without you. We both wanted children. Why wait?” To him it was all perfectly logical, and logic had been something that had always ruled his world. He could never understand the men he’d gone to school with who would fall for a woman and let their emotions rule them.
She stood up, obviously furious now, and began pacing the room. “You don’t think I deserved to marry a man who loved me? Who respected me? Who thought I was more than someone to carry his children?” She stopped and glared at him. “Do you have any idea how many men have declared their undying love for me in the past four years? Any idea at all?” Her voice was a shriek at this point, but she didn’t care. All the hours of practicing keeping her voice calm were lost in the face of her new husband.
He shook his head helplessly.
“Dozens. Dozens of men who would have done anything for me and told me they loved me on a daily basis. And you? You thought I was good enough because you liked me and I could probably throw a good party?” The last words came out as a scream. She couldn’t believe he was so uncaring. What was it about him that had convinced her she was in love with him?
“I’m sorry.” The words were spoken sincerely. He was sorry. She was a decent young lady, and she did deserve better, but it was too late now. Their marriage had been consummated.
“You’re sorry? Sorry that you’ve turned the day I’ve been looking forward to since I was a young girl into a farce? Sorry that you’ve doomed me to spending the rest of my life in a loveless marriage? Sorry that you have no feelings or emotions? Sorry that you have the con
sideration of a rock?” She turned and stormed from the room, running up the stairs. She took her small carpet bag from the floor in his room and went to the room next door, locking it behind her.
From downstairs, Shawn heard the slam of the door. He sighed. “I really didn’t make that any better, did I?” He climbed the stairs to ready himself for bed. His lonely bed that he would sleep in alone. Again.
*****
As Rose readied herself for church the next morning, she decided she would sit with her family and pretend she didn’t have a husband. He wouldn’t care. It wasn’t as if he loved her anyway.
She couldn’t believe everyone had allowed her to marry a man who had all the tender feelings of a frog. Wasn’t that why Aunt Harriett had made her wait until she was eighteen? Wasn’t that why she’d investigated every man Rose was interested in? Why hadn’t she been able to find out about Shawn? In her mind, Rose had already dropped the Doctor. It was a term of endearment and respect to her, and he no longer deserved it.
She wore a pale pink gown, and put her hair back in an elaborate twist. She was just leaving the room she’d chosen to sleep in when she saw Shawn coming her way. “Are you ready for church?”
She nodded, refusing to look at him. She wasn’t going to tell him of her plan to go home with her family either. He didn’t deserve to know what she was thinking or feeling. She walked beside him through the quiet streets, passing a few people she knew along the way. She waved in greeting, but said nothing, unwilling to answer questions about how happy she was.
Once they reached the church, she started toward her family’s pew, but Shawn caught her arm. “Where are you going? I usually sit over here.” He pointed to a spot on the right side of the church, but her family sat on the left.
Her chin rose and her eyes met his in defiance. “I’m going to sit with my family. They love me.” She shrugged off his hand and moved toward her family again.
He caught her hand this time. “No. You’re my wife and you’re sitting with me in church this morning.”
Rose: Book One in Suitors of Seattle Page 6