by Carl Weber
“You ready?” Loretta started the engine and put the car in drive.
“Ready to take my man back from that crackhead? Loretta, I’ve never been more ready for anything in my entire life,” I told her as she drove slowly up to his house.
We glanced at each other quickly, then got out of the car and headed up the walkway. Marlene answered the door a few seconds after we knocked. She looked much better than the last time I saw her. No more rat’s nest on top of her head; her hair looked smooth and shiny. Her face had filled out, as had her hips, and she wore clean, well-fitting clothes. None of this made me very happy. She’d risen so far in such a short time; maybe it wouldn’t be so easy to get her back on crack.
Marlene greeted us cheerfully. “Well, hello, Sister Lisa Mae, Sister Loretta. I’m sorry, but Thomas Kelly isn’t in right now.” Lord, I hated it when she called him that. Why couldn’t she recognize that he wasn’t the same man she knew when they were kids in Virginia? He was Bishop T.K. Wilson, for goodness sake!
I smiled at her while I imagined putting my hands around her neck, but when I spoke, I was sure not to give away my true feelings. “That’s okay, Marlene. We’re not here to see T.K.,” I said sweetly. “We’re here to see you.” I extended my hands and held out a medium-sized box with a pink bow on top. Marlene looked down at the box but didn’t reach for it. I saw the hesitation in her eyes. This definitely wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.
“Go ahead, Marlene,” Loretta urged her. “It’s a gift from Lisa Mae and me. Nothing special, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it nonetheless.”
Marlene stared at the box as she took it from my hands. I really couldn’t blame her for being a little suspicious about me bringing her a gift. After all, the last time I stopped by, I’m sure she could tell that I was not happy. Not only did T.K. have Marlene living with him, but he also had Savannah Dickens supposedly helping him with her recovery. T.K. seemed oblivious to my feelings, but women sense these things about other women, so I know that Savannah and Marlene knew how I really felt.
“Well, thank you, but I—”
“No need to thank us, Marlene,” I interrupted. I was not about to let her refuse now that I’d set my plan in motion. “Besides, you’re family … church family, so we just want you to know that you have our support.”
“Go ahead and open it,” Loretta insisted.
Marlene lifted the lid off the box and pulled out the package inside. The muscles in her jaw relaxed a bit. I guess she’d been expecting to find a poisonous snake or something. Come to think of it, that wouldn’t be a bad way to see her go …
“This is nice, ladies. Thank you.” Marlene interrupted my morbid fantasy.
“T.K. told me how much you like tea,” I said.
“Yeah, I really do. Will you ladies join me for some?” And just like that, we were in. I would have to thank Loretta later for the great idea of bearing gifts when we came to set our trap.
Marlene led us into the kitchen. I liked the wench better when she didn’t have any manners. I couldn’t stand the idea that she was escorting us through T.K.'s house like she owned it. God, I couldn’t wait to get rid of her junkie behind.
“The bishop has such a lovely house,” Loretta said as she took a seat at the kitchen table. “And it was so nice of him to open it up to you during a bad time.”
“Yes, it was.” Marlene stared off into space for a minute as if she were daydreaming about my man, whose heart was too big for his own good. T.K. had a heart so big that he couldn’t see this crack whore for what she really was. But all that was about to change.
“I appreciate the two of you taking your time to bring me all these different teas,” Marlene said as she pulled out the pot. “I mean, I drink regular ol’ Lipton mostly, but when I got a few extra dollars, I like to splurge a little.”
Thank God her back was turned to Loretta and me so that she couldn’t see us laughing our asses off at her. The woman had no class. I was starting to wonder why I ever saw her as a threat in the first place, but then I reminded myself that she was T.K.'s first love. Whether or not she had class, a man’s first love always holds a special place in his heart.
Loretta nodded to let me know it was time for my show. “Um, Marlene, dear,” I said politely, “why don’t you sit down at the table and let me take over? Loretta has a brother who has struggled with a crack addiction for years, and she’d like to talk with you, if you don’t mind. Maybe you could offer some insight for her and her family, since you seem to be doing so well now.”
Marlene set the pot on the stove, then walked over to the table. “Well, I don’t know how much help I could be, but okay. At least I can start off by listening.” She took a seat while I took over preparing the tea.
Loretta began to go into a fictitious spiel about how her brother had been smoking crack cocaine on and off again and how she just didn’t know what she could do to help him. When the water came to a boil, I took the pot off the stove. Marlene was so engrossed in Loretta’s tale that she didn’t even seem to notice the kettle whistling. That was good. Then she wouldn’t be watching me as I lifted up my long, loose shirt, removed a tiny bottle of brandy from each front pants pocket, and poured them into an oversized coffee mug. The smell was strong, so I had to think of something quick.
“Excuse me, ladies. I don’t mean to interrupt, but I was wondering, Marlene,” I rambled. “Do you mind if I mix the cherry flavor with the chamomile? There’s only one sample of each flavor, but the packets are only strong enough for two servings. Two packets should be enough for all three of us.”
“Cherry and chamomile?” Marlene asked, wrinkling her nose at the sound of the awful combination.
“Oh, it will be fine,” I said. “I’ve done it many times before.”
“Well, since you know what you’re doing, go ahead.”
Loretta continued chattering to distract Marlene as I finished the tea. “Here you ladies go,” I said, setting three cups on the table in front of them. “Marlene, you go ahead and take the larger mug.”
“Oh, no, that would be rude of me. One of you ladies take it, please,” Marlene said. Oh, so not only was she clean, but the heifer also had some manners now, too, huh? Ooh, I couldn’t wait to get her out of here.
“Don’t be silly, Marlene. The tea was supposed to be for you to enjoy, so you should have the larger cup.”
“You didn’t have to do that, but thank you,” she said as she lifted the large mug and took a sip. I held my breath, waiting for her response. If she tasted the brandy, our plan would fail, and I might be in big trouble with T.K. She swallowed, then frowned slightly, but at least she didn’t spit it out.
“Oh, Marlene, I forgot to mention, you shouldn’t let the superior taste fool you. The two flavors mixed together will shock the taste buds at first, but keep drinking. You’ll fall in love with it,” I said to reassure her.
By the time I had taken my first sip, Marlene was humming. “Mmm, you’re right. This mixture is good.”
Well, that was even easier than I could have hoped, I thought with satisfaction.
We made plenty of small talk while we watched Marlene finish her special tea.
“Marlene, do you ever jones?” Loretta asked.
She looked surprised when the conversation abruptly returned to drugs. “What do you mean?” she asked. Oh, please, I thought, she knew exactly what Loretta meant.
“I mean for crack,” Loretta explained, although it was obvious Marlene was just acting. “I understand you’re clean and all, but my brother has explained why he’s relapsed so many times. He says he can’t seem to get rid of that jones feeling he often gets.” Loretta began to describe her brother’s cravings—or at least what he might have told her if she really had a brother who was an addict. She made the high sound so enticing that it was as if she were a paid advertiser for the crack industry. “He says all he can think of is experiencing the ultimate high that comes in less than ten seconds of taking in that smoke. Then fo
r ten minutes, he’s on cloud nine, but ready to get the next hit after that. He says if he can’t get that next hit immediately, he’s restless, irritable, and will stop at nothing to get the next taste in his system.”
Shoot, by the time Loretta finished talking, even my throat was dry. Loretta’s description had obviously affected Marlene, too, because she started taking even bigger sips from her laced tea, apparently unable to respond. Loretta finished her cup, then asked if she could be excused to use the bathroom.
“Sure. I’ll show you where it is.” Marlene set her glass down and stood.
Loretta stopped her. “No, no, you can just point me in the right direction. I’ll find it from here. Sit back down and finish your tea with Lisa.” She winked at me.
“Okay. Go out the kitchen to your right. It’s the first door on your left.”
“Thank you,” Loretta said as she disappeared around the corner.
Marlene returned to her seat and immediately picked up her mug again. She was quiet, probably busy thinking about that ultimate high Loretta had reminded her of. I let her reminisce for a few minutes, then figured I better make some idle conversation with her to end the awkward silence.
“Marlene, we just want you to know that you are a sister of the church, and we are here for you,” I said. “And I hope you will take Loretta and me up on attending Bible study with us tomorrow evening.”
“Well, I’ll have to get back to you on that. Thomas Kelly, Sister Savannah, and I have Bible study here.” Marlene stared off again. “I swear I don’t know what I would do without that man in my life.”
I imagined jumping across the table and tearing her apart, one limb at a time, but as I looked at her eyes and noticed they were becoming slightly glazed, I knew I could afford to just sit back and watch. It was only a matter of time before Marlene would do herself in.
From her silence, it was clear she had a lot on her mind. So, I made certain to add to her troubles. “Would you look at this,” I said, pointing on the floor. “How’d this crack get down here?”
Marlene jumped to my side of the table. “Huh? Where?”
“See. Right here.” I traced my finger over a broken piece of tile. “It’s cracked. I wonder how this happened. I’ll have to mention it to T.K. when I see him.”
I looked up at Marlene and felt satisfied. When I saw how uncomfortable she appeared just from having heard the word crack, I knew that Loretta’s plan would work. Once she found the other little gift that Loretta had just left for her in the bathroom, Marlene would be on a fast trip right back into the gutter—and out of my man’s house.
Loretta stepped into the kitchen, relieving me of the responsibility to further entertain the pathetic little being. “Well, Lisa Mae, are you about ready to go?” she asked.
“I’m ready when you are,” I replied.
“Fine, then I’m all set.”
“Well, Marlene,” I said, rising, “it’s been an absolute pleasure.”
“Same here,” she said as she escorted us to the door, her steps a little less steady than they were when we’d arrived. “We’ll have to do this again sometime.”
“Yes, but hopefully next time it will be in your own apartment,” I said, then quickly softened my tone. “I mean, because you’ll be drug-free and strong and independent.”
“God willing,” Marlene said.
“You take care,” Loretta told her. “And you keep on keepin’ on. We’re so proud of you, Marlene. We know how hard recovery can be for a drug addict.”
“We’ll be praying for you,” I said right before Marlene said her final farewell to us, then closed the door.
“So, did you leave it in the bathroom?” I asked anxiously as we walked to the car.
“I left it right there on the sink,” Loretta answered, pulling out her keys.
“How can we be so sure she’s going to go in the bathroom and find it?”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Loretta assured me as she unlocked the car and opened the driver’s side door. “We fed her so much tea, I’m sure she’s in the bathroom this very moment, fixin’ to cook up her real surprise. And you can damn sure bet it ain’t no chamomile tea!”
30
MARLENE
I closed the door behind Lisa Mae and Loretta, then made my way back into the kitchen, glad to be rid of them. I know I was supposed to be trying to be a churchwoman now, so God forgive me, but I couldn’t stand either one of them. My instincts told me to steer clear of certain women, and Lisa Mae and Loretta were at the top of the list. I didn’t have a clue what Thomas Kelly saw in that uppity Lisa Mae. And I didn’t know who Loretta thought she was fooling with that “I’ve got a brother who’s on crack” crap, but it sure as hell wasn’t me. I got ten dollars right now that says she didn’t even have a brother. As far as I was concerned, I knew they were both phonies since the day I saw them campaigning for Thomas Kelly’s love like it was some kind of political prize.
In spite of their visit, I was feeling pretty good when I got back to the kitchen table. I reached for my Bible and began to read. Thomas Kelly said his meeting would be short and that he would be home early, and I was looking forward to his return. I couldn’t wait to tell him about the positive things that were happening to me with his and Savannah’s help. I had to give them credit, I thought as I reread an inspiring passage. This whole God and Jesus thing was really intoxicating. As I sat there and read, I actually felt like I had a little buzz.
I enjoyed a few more passages, then realized I had to pee. That fancy tea those two phonies had brought me would probably have me in the bathroom all night. Lisa Mae might as well have given me the entire pot with that sixteen-ounce cup she gave me. Who ever heard of mixing chamomile and cherry together anyway? Give me some plain old Lipton any day.
I relieved myself in the bathroom, then went to the sink to wash my hands. Looking in the mirror, my reflection made me smile. I had only been in recovery a couple of weeks, and already I looked healthier. My cheeks didn’t look so hollow, and my skin was returning to its natural tone. But then I ran my hand through my coarse hair and my smile disappeared. My hair was the one feature that still reminded me of how far I had fallen. At one time it was manageable, but after months of smoking crack and not taking care of it, the texture had changed into something fierce—something I dreaded and despised putting a comb through.
If only I could do something with my hair, I thought. Tanisha had promised to send Thomas Kelly some money so that I could get it done. Her friend, Niecy, could probably hook it up with little to no problem. That girl was good. As soon as Tanisha sent the money, I would call Niecy for an appointment. It was time for my outside appearance—all of it—to reflect the positive changes I was making inside. Thomas Kelly would be proud of me when I sat in the front pews at First Jamaica Ministries.
I reached down to shut off the water and dry my hands, and that’s when my heart almost stopped. I blinked several times, thinking my vision wasn’t clear as I gazed at the object lying on the counter beside the sink. Were my eyes playing tricks on me? It couldn’t be what I thought it was—ten nickels of crack. Maybe I was hallucinating, I thought, but as I leaned in closer to focus on what lay before me, I saw that my eyes hadn’t been lying to me at all. What lay before me was definitely crack. But how had it gotten there?
I tried to look away but found it impossible to stop my gaze from wandering back there again and again, as though the crack might disappear if I didn’t keep an eye on it. And that’s what worried me. I didn’t know how the stuff had come into Thomas Kelly’s house, but I didn’t want it gone. Suddenly, all the sensations that came along with my urge to get high were starting to overwhelm me: the sweat on my brow, the telltale itch in my arms that I could never quite scratch away. With a shaking hand, I reached for the crack. Only when my fingertips reached the plastic bag did I pull back.
Maybe this was some sort of test. Maybe Thomas Kelly had left the crack there to test my strength. Or what about Savannah? Would
she do something like this? Perhaps it was even God Himself who put this ultimate temptation in front of me. I turned toward the door, expecting to see Thomas Kelly or Savannah standing there, but the doorway was empty.
My soul knew I was supposed to run from that bathroom without looking back, get as far away from that poison as I could. But my body wasn’t ready to let go just yet. I turned back to the sink, staring longingly at the small plastic bags. My thoughts traveled through the series of events that might come to pass. What would happen if I picked up that bag and just took one hit? Maybe I had come far enough in my recovery that I could just take a hit and then be strong enough to get rid of the rest. You know, just one hit for old times’ sake. Or maybe not. Maybe I would take that first hit, and just like all the other times, that first hit would only leave me wanting that feeling again, and I’d keep going until I’d smoked up the very last bag.
I cursed myself for my weakness. When I sat at the table reading Bible verses just a few minutes before, I’d felt a little buzz. Why couldn’t that be enough for me? I wanted to be able to just march back into the kitchen and sit down with God’s word as my comfort, the desire for drugs totally gone. That was probably what God wished for me, too, but first I had to pass this test He’d put in front of me. I wasn’t feeling too confident about resisting this temptation.
As I wondered why God would test me this way, I had a sudden sickening realization about how this had all come to pass. And I had let the devils into the house! Considering ten nickels had just happened to land in Thomas Kelly’s bathroom, ten nickels that weren’t there just an hour before, I now understood that God had allowed Lisa Mae and Loretta to step into His work. There was no longer a doubt in my mind about where the drugs came from.
I screamed toward the ceiling, “Lord, You know I’m weak! Why? Why, Lord? You know me better than I know myself. Why would You put this burden on me when You know I can’t handle it?” I was near tears, but I was also angry, bitter about the test God was putting me through. “I guess if this is my cross to bear, then I better carry it, huh?” The tears began to rapidly flow.