by Carl Weber
His smile was also enough to bring me to my senses and make me sit down. What was I thinking? I couldn’t very well go to the front for altar call and announce my burdens to everyone. What would I say? “Please pray for me, because I just went through a very difficult false pregnancy.” No, I had just received a smile from the bishop and some friendly gestures from a few members of the church. I was not about to ruin that progress by going up there and sharing my business with everyone for their gossip fodder. I had made a good first step, so I sat myself back down and listened to other people unburden themselves at the altar. T.K.'s smile had already done more for me than any altar call ever could.
When services ended, I stayed in my seat while the church cleared out so I could talk to God one-on-one. With everything that had been going on, I had stayed away from church for too long, and I wanted to set things right with Him. I kneeled down, my hands clasped tightly and my head bowed.
“I have been through so much, Lord, and it has caused me to stay away from Your house when I needed You most. Please, Lord, forgive me for my absence and help me to understand the trials You have sent my way. You know my heart, and You know that what I desire most is the love of a good man. But if that is not what You have planned for me, then please give me the strength to move on.” I paused for a moment, considering the idea that maybe, no matter how much I wanted T.K., it wasn’t in God’s plans to bring us together. That would be painful for me to get through, but somehow I would manage. I always did, every time some man broke my heart. But this time, I didn’t want things to end that way. I decided to cling to hope.
“But if by chance my heart’s desires are part of Your plan for me, I ask for a sign, God, so that I will be able to recognize the way in which You are ordering my steps. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”
I stood up and made the sign of the cross on my chest.
“Um, excuse me, Sister Monique …”
I heard the voice coming from behind me, and I closed my eyes to say a quick thank you to God. I turned around and looked into the eyes of the man I loved.
“Hello, Bishop,” I said warmly. He gave me that smile again, and I had to fight the urge to run to him and jump in his arms.
“I’m sorry, Sister Monique,” he said, “but I’m getting ready to lock up the church.”
Well, I might have preferred it if he’d said something a little more romantic, but at least he was here with me. God had given me the sign I prayed for, and now the rest would be up to me.
“I’m sorry, Bishop,” I said. “I was just in here praying, and I didn’t know what time it was.”
“I understand, Sister. I’m just glad to see you back at church.”
“It’s nice to see you too,” I told him, wishing I could tell him just how I felt. We were both a little awkward, so many things still left unresolved between us. But I couldn’t just blurt it all out, and I knew he wouldn’t speak his mind, especially not here in the sanctuary, where anyone could walk in.
“So, how have you been?” he asked.
“Okay … I guess.” I wondered if Trustee Black had told him anything about our conversation, but I doubted it. If T.K. thought I had been pregnant, it would have been written all over his face right now.
“Well, I’m glad that you’ve come back to church. I’ve missed seeing you here.”
“And I’ve missed being here.”
His eyes traveled over my body, and I knew that my pink dress had the desired effect on his memory. I watched his face as he fought unsuccessfully to suppress a smile. He cleared his throat and looked away from my body, but it was too late. I knew exactly what he was thinking about, and it encouraged me.
“So, Bishop, how have you been?” I asked. “And how is Sister Lisa Mae?” I asked boldly to test the waters. The mention of her name might put a damper on this whole reunion. Or, if I were right about his true feelings, she wouldn’t have much of an effect at all, and then I would know that I had a green light to reenter the competition for his heart.
“Oh, Lisa Mae … ,” he started, but his voice trailed off momentarily, as if he were quite sure what to say about her. He definitely wasn’t gushing forth with praise for her, and that made me a very happy woman. There was some kind of weakness in their relationship, and once I found out what it was, I would be there to tear things down. “She’s fine. Thanks for asking, Sister Monique.”
“Of course, Bishop.” I turned to exit the pew. “Well, it really was nice to see you again. I’ll see you next Sunday at services. I look forward to another one of your inspiring sermons.” I headed down the aisle, my hips performing their trademark sway for his benefit. There was no doubt that his eyes were glued to my perfect behind. Lisa Mae was probably being crowded out of his heart with every single swish of my hips.
That’s right, I thought. Push her to the side and make room for me, T.K.
“Um, Sister Monique,” he called out before I made it to the doors. I turned around to look at him, and he asked, “I was just about to head out to get a bite to eat. Would you like to join me?”
Bingo! Bye-bye, Lisa Mae. Things were happening even faster than I expected.
“That’s nice of you to offer, Bishop. Will Lisa Mae be joining us?” I asked, trying to make the question sound innocent.
“No, she won’t,” he answered. “She made plans to have lunch with her friend Loretta today.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. It might be good for Lisa Mae and I to get to know each other a little better, don’t you think? I mean, if you and I are going to be friends, right?”
I had obviously made him uncomfortable, but I didn’t regret the question. His answer would tell me everything I needed to know about my chances. If he agreed that it would be good for Lisa Mae and me to become friends, then I’d know to give up immediately. If a man is interested in you romantically, he does not want you to get to know his current woman.
“Friends … yes, friends. Maybe someday you and Lisa Mae will get to know each other.” Ah-ha! The best he could do was, “Maybe someday.” He didn’t want me to spend time with Lisa Mae any more than I wanted to.
“So, as my friend,” T.K. said, “will you join me for lunch?”
“I would love to,” I answered happily. I waited for him to meet me by the doors, where he placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me outside. The gentle pressure of his touch sent a small shiver through my body. I couldn’t wait to feel his hands on my skin again, and I hoped it was only a matter of time.
At the restaurant, we made small talk for a while after we placed our orders. We skirted around the major issues and unspoken words that hung in the air between us. I wished I could tell him about the false pregnancy, about how frightened and guilty I had felt in the abortion clinic. But it was too soon to talk about those things, for both of us. A few times I caught him looking at me like he wanted to say something, but then he would quickly look away when I met his gaze. Finally, when we were halfway through our meals, T.K. broached the subject of our sudden breakup—or rather the relationship that never really had a chance to get off the ground.
“Monique,” he said solemnly, “I want you to know how sorry I am for the way things happened between us. I never meant for you to get hurt. I hope you believe me when I say that.”
I looked into his eyes and felt my heart softening. How could
I not forgive a man with eyes like those, eyes that seemed to look right into my soul? “I accept your apology, T.K. I’m not going to lie, it hurt like hell, but I forgive you.”
“I appreciate that, Monique. I spent many nights feeling guilty about the way I ended things with you. I hadn’t planned for things to happen this way, you know. It’s just that the members of the church—”
I held up my hand to stop him. “Please, Bishop. Don’t explain. We’ve been through this all before. I don’t think I need to be told again how the church feels about me. I don’t know if my self-esteem could handle it.”
He dropped his head, the
n raised it again and looked into my eyes. “You’re right. I apologize. I just don’t want you to be hurt, Monique.”
“I’ll be fine, Bishop,” I assured him, hoping it was true. I would be fine, as long as he was mine in the end.
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said. “Does that mean you’ll be coming to church regularly again?”
“I think so. I can only stay away from First Jamaica Ministries for so long, you know.”
Besides, I thought, how can I get Lisa Mae out of the picture unless I’m always around, like a thorn in her side, my beautiful body reminding you every Sunday of what you’re missing with that dried-up old woman?
Just as I thought of her, Lisa Mae appeared before us at the table, with Loretta at her side. Was this woman some kind of witch or something?
“T.K.,” she said. I think she was trying to sound pleased to see him, but she couldn’t hide the truth from me. She was pissed! When he turned his head to look at her, I smirked at Lisa Mae. “I didn’t know you were going to be here, dear. And I certainly didn’t know you would be having lunch with Sister Monique.” She tried to force a smile onto her face, but it came out more like an ugly grimace. Not the most flattering expression, I thought with satisfaction.
“Well, Sister Monique just happened to be at the church as I was getting ready to leave,” he explained innocently, “so I asked her if she’d like to come along. She hasn’t been to church in a while, you know, and—”
“Yes,” Lisa Mae said arrogantly, “I had noticed your absence, Sister Monique. I do hope everything is all right with you.”
“Everything is fine, Sister Lisa. Thank you for asking.” Everything is fine, I thought, especially since I’m sitting here with your man, you fake bitch. Ha!
“T.K.,” Lisa Mae said, turning her back to me as if she wished I would just disappear, “I’d like to speak to you about the interview I’m trying to set up with the Amsterdam News. Can we step outside for a minute?”
I looked at T.K., and he squirmed ever so slightly in his seat. I tried to will him to stay put. No, T.K., don’t do it. Don’t give in to her demands. Please!
“Well, Lisa, I thought we had already discussed the particulars of that interview, but if there’s more you’d like to tell me, we could discuss it later. Sister Monique and I are just finishing up our meal, and then I’ll come join you and Loretta at your table. How does that sound?”
I had to actually bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing out loud. Lisa looked like she was about ready to bust, the way he had just brushed her off.
“No, T.K.” Her voice was suddenly several decibels louder than before. Oh, she was getting ready to show out, I could tell. “I really think that now would—”
“Um, Sister Lisa Mae,” Loretta interrupted, grabbing Lisa’s arm hard. She was obviously trying to stop her girl from letting her claws out in front of T.K. I wondered how many times before now Loretta had been there to save the day for Lisa Mae. “I’m really getting hungry, Lisa. You can talk to the bishop later, okay?”
The muscles in Lisa Mae’s shoulders visibly relaxed as Loretta’s calm words pulled her back from the edge of a tantrum. “Fine. We can go sit down, but I think I’ve lost my appetite.” She cut her eyes at me, then glared at the bishop. “T.K., we’ll talk later,” she said, then walked stiffly away from our table.
“I’m sorry, T.K. Maybe I should just leave so you can go talk to her,” I suggested when they were gone, though of course I had no intention of leaving anytime soon. And just like the gentleman he was, T.K. politely declined my offer.
“Don’t be silly, Monique. Lisa Mae will be fine. She’s a trooper.”
A trooper, huh? That sure didn’t sound like the way a man describes a woman he feels passionate about. Oh, yeah, there was definitely a chance for me and T.K. I would battle Lisa Mae as hard as I had to, and round one had just been decided in my favor.
35
LISA
“Can you believe what just happened?” I asked Loretta, slamming my fist down on the table. A few patrons’ heads turned my way. They were probably going to report me again, but I didn’t care. I was good and pissed off. I had remained a lady long enough, but now there was just something about that Monique that brought the ghetto up out of me.
“Yes, I can believe it, but what you have to do is get over it,” she responded.
“And just whose side are you on here?”
“I’m on your side. But what everyone seems to keep forgetting, including you, is, Bishop is a man. I’m not saying he was here with Monique on other business than to just have a cordial meal. I’m just saying men love attention just as we women do. You told him you were having lunch with me today. What? Did you expect him to call Trustee Black and go out with him?”
“Why not? Anybody except that slut Monique. You can say what you want to, Loretta, but if that was your man over there having dinner with a tramp, you’d be pissed too.” Loretta shrugged, then continued eating. “How do you think I feel sitting over here while they’re on the other side of the restaurant, laughing and talking like they’re in love? I’m his girlfriend, not her.”
“Oh, Lisa Mae, you’re making way too much out of this.” I noticed Loretta glance toward the door. I turned to see what she was looking at. “Well, they’re leaving now,” she continued, “but even if they were laughing and talking, that’s what you should be doing. Bishop ain’t going nowhere. Considering who Bishop is and what he means to the community, do you really think he’d slide you off his arm for someone like Monique—a female with no class?”
“I hear you, but I just can’t help the way I feel right now. Monique Johnson—the nerve of him.”
“Well, don’t look now, but him is on his way over to the table.”
“You mean he came back?” I whispered to Loretta, but before she could reply, T.K. walked up to the table.
“Excuse me, Loretta, but do you mind if I borrow your lunch date for a moment?” he said, nodding toward me. “Lisa Mae, could you join me outside for a moment?”
“I guess so, considering how I’ve lost my appetite anyway,” I said with attitude, sliding from the booth and storming right past T.K. and out the door.
“Lisa Mae, can you wait, please?” T.K. asked as he exited the door behind me.
“Damn it, I’m tired of waiting,” I said as I spun around to stand face-to-face with him. “Pardon my French, but I’m mad. As a matter of fact, I’m not mad, I’m hurt.” I stood there staring into T.K.'s eyes. I quickly folded my arms and turned my back to him. Looking into those gorgeous eyes was just too much. How could I stay mad at him gazing into those eyes of his? And I wanted to stay mad for at least ten more minutes. That much he deserved.
“I never meant to hurt you, Lisa Mae,” T.K. said, reaching out and touching my arm.
I took a step forward so that I would no longer be within his reach. He still had a good nine minutes coming. “It’s too late; I’m already hurt. I gave you the courtesy of knowing who I’d be having lunch with, and I didn’t even choose a man.”
“Monique’s a friend. I never saw the rule in the date book that says friends shouldn’t have lunch when involved in a relationship with someone else.”
I turned around with my hands on my hips and managed to give him a stern look. “It’s only okay for friends to have dinner when neither of them wants to get the other one into bed.”
T.K. looked shocked. “What?”
“C’mon, T.K., don’t give me that ‘what’ stuff. You know Monique Johnson would love to have you. And if the shoe were on the other foot, you might not be so accepting of me going out with a man who obviously has feelings for me, especially if I didn’t tell you in advance about the meal.”
T.K. scanned the parking lot, seemingly thinking. He looked at me, then reached for my hands. “You’re probably right. Perhaps I should’ve told you. I apologize. But, if you ever plan on being my wife, then you need to have some faith.”
T.K.'s la
st comment threw me off. I was flattered by the fact that he all but confirmed that he’s going to ask me to marry him. But at the same time, I wanted to be mad that he was also calling me weak.
Eight minutes left. “Don’t you think I’ve had enough faith?” I snatched my hands from him, then spun around, my purse almost hitting the couple walking past us.
“Come on, Lisa Mae, let’s go to my car and discuss this,” T.K. said, showing a little embarrassment.
We walked to his car. T.K. opened the passenger door for me and I slid in. He walked around to the driver’s side and got into the car. Once settled, he turned to face me.
“Like I was saying, Lisa Mae, God comes first in my life, so being a bishop takes priority, and before I’m anything, I’m the bishop. I have a herd of sheep that I must lead to heaven.”
“Well, you need to open your eyes, because some of those sheep don’t want to be led anywhere but to your bedroom.”
“Lisa Mae, I take offense for the women you are referring to.”
“You mean you take offense for Monique. Yeah, I said it, T.K. Do you think I’m blind? How much more of this do you expect me to take? Do you really think I’m going to put up with Marlene, the woman you have a child with, living with you? Savannah in and out of your house every other day? And now meals with Monique? Do you really think I’m going to put up with that, T.K.?”
“Well, you don’t have a choice,” T.K. said sternly. “Those women, and countless others, are my friends. I’m not going to give up my friendship with those women any more than I’d give up my friendship with you if the tables were turned.”
I took in T.K.'s words before speaking. “Sounds like your mind is made up about your relationship with these women.”
“Lisa Mae, these women are your so-called sisters of the church,” he reminded me, “and Charlene never seemed to have a problem with it.”