by Jamie White
When did that happen? Tying herself down to any one person or any one place was never an option. Yet she considered it for a moment, and look what happened. Fiona pulled out a small rag from one of the desk drawers and wiped the table down as her vision from the carnival came to mind again. Enough already. She needed to focus on the task at hand. She finished with that task and moved on to putting back any books that had been left lying around.
Just as the last book was placed back where it belonged, the chimes over the door rang. “Sorry, we’re closed now.”
“I know; that’s why I’m here.”
Fiona spun around, coming face-to-face with Amy. “What are you talking about?” She raised an eyebrow. “Did we have plans tonight?”
“No, but you do now.” Amy motioned for the door without bothering to explain herself any further.
Fiona smirked. Her friend could be very abrupt sometimes. “What plans? Look, I’m really not in the mood right now…”
“That’s my point exactly—you never are anymore. Something’s obviously wrong, so let’s talk about it.” She paused before adding, “Becca called me. She’s worried about you. According to her, you’ve been having all these weird dreams you never tell her about and you’re barely sleeping.”
Fiona wanted to be angry at her sister, but she knew that wasn’t fair. While she’d been adamant about keeping her parents out of this, she’d forgotten to add her friends were off-limits too. “She shouldn’t have done that.”
“Yeah, well…too late. Are you coming, or do I have to tell your parents you’re turning into a head case?”
Fiona opened her mouth to protest but decided against it. She shrugged and then motioned for Amy to take a seat. “All right. Give me a sec to finish up.”
* * *
Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in Amy’s backyard. Fiona leaned back in her chair, looking up at the sky as she considered how to even begin telling her friend what happened. The abundance of stars overhead made her and her problems seem small in comparison. When was the last time she’d taken the time for something like this, to get perspective? “This is going to sound really crazy, but I guess you’re pretty much the only one who might not think so…” Fiona told her friend everything—all the dreams, what she’d seen about Ted, and how much that had hurt. When she finished, she realized there must be something to that whole “confession is good for the soul” thing—she felt lighter than she had in days.
“Wow.” Her friend sat back, appearing to get lost in thought.
Amy was silent for so long Fiona wondered if she’d managed to weird even her out. The thought made Fiona smile; she’d never thought such a thing was possible.
“Are you sure it was him you saw?”
“There’s not a doubt in my mind.” She laughed as she shook her head in disbelief. “Can you believe I was actually considering breaking my ‘nothing serious’ rule for him? I mean, I must’ve lost my mind.”
“That’s not crazy.” Amy’s voice was soft as she reached over and took Fiona’s hand to give it a squeeze.
“Sure it is, when the guy has something to do with you burning at the stake.”
Amy leaned over and hugged her friend, then pulled away and looked Fiona in the eye. “Look, whatever happened, you aren’t crazy. So maybe he’s not what you thought. So what? He’s cute; he was sweet—why wouldn’t you like him? And, you’re thinking clearly enough to walk away, so no crazy there either.”
“Maybe.” Fiona smiled. She was really going to miss seeing Amy all the time once the summer was over. She was one of the few people who could cheer her up that fast. “Thanks.” Maybe nosy sisters aren’t such a bad thing…
* * *
Later that night, Fiona dreamed about Alice Rose again. This time, there was no separation between the two of them; allowing her to feel everything her former self had. It must’ve happened not long after the fight with Charles—she sat on a train, staring out the window. The scenery went by in a blur as she thought about what she’d done. Alice Rose had only been on the train for a short time, but already she’d re-played that argument in her head a hundred times. I should’ve told him. He’d been right to be angry with her, and she hated to leave like that. More than anything, she wanted to get off at the next stop and run straight back, but something stopped her.
The jostling of the train caused her already sensitive stomach to lurch further and her head pounded from the constant chatter surrounding her. All she wanted was to be alone and not have to think. She glanced out the window and allowed herself to get lost in the hypnotic sensation of the blurred countryside before her.
She couldn’t help the vague sense of anger and betrayal he inspired in her. What he’d done, she had no clue. She just knew that getting as far away from him as possible was the only option, for too many reasons. A horn blared as the train began to slow down, snapping her out of her trance. A man walked through to warn any disembarking passengers to get ready, and Alice Rose sighed. She still had quite a distance ahead of her. Before long the train came to a full stop and she glanced down, brushing off her skirt as she waited for the journey to continue.
“Excuse me, miss. May I have this seat?”
Alice Rose looked up to see a young man staring down at her. He was shorter than Charles and not nearly as fit. As she looked him over, she noted the slight gut he sported beneath his fancy clothing. Clearly, this was a man who wanted for little—something Alice Rose was not accustomed to. She nodded. “Yes, please do.”
He smiled at her and tipped his hat. “Thank you.” He sat down beside her, regarding her with a curious look in his eyes. “What, may I ask, is a young woman like yourself doing traveling alone?”
“I’d rather not discuss it, if it’s all the same to you.” She gave him an apologetic look, ashamed at how rude she sounded. The whole thing was just too much for her to discuss, especially with some stranger.
He shook his head. “Quite all right. May I ask where you’re headed?”
Alice Rose looked back to the window. “Anywhere far away.”
* * *
Fiona stirred in her sleep, mumbling inaudibly. Moments later, she gasped and sat up. A sigh of relief came when she saw it was just her sister standing there. Rebecca must’ve shaken her awake. “What is it?” Fiona cleared her throat.
“You were talking in your sleep. Are you having one of those dreams again?”
Fiona’s dream ran through her mind. The young man had been familiar—she was pretty sure he was Sloane. She frowned as more memories came back to her. Yes, she was definitely making the right choice by telling Sloane she couldn’t see him anymore. As nice as Sloane was—as he’d been—he wouldn’t make her happy, and she knew it. No sense in pretending and maybe hurting the guy worse than she already would. “Yeah, but it’s all right. At least, it will be.”
Chapter Sixteen
The next morning, Fiona picked up her cell phone and selected Sloane’s name from her contact list. There was no sense in waiting—she’d probably already waited too long as it was. The phone rang several times before she heard the familiar voice.
“Hello?”
“Hi.” She took a deep breath and forced the words out. “Can we meet somewhere to talk?”
“Sure…where?”
Fiona could hear the hesitation in his voice—she guessed he had an idea of what she wanted to talk about, and she winced in pain as she thought about what she was going to do. “How about the park down the street from my house? I can be there in about ten minutes.”
* * *
It’d taken Sloane a minute to answer, but he agreed, so Fiona had gone straight there. Now that she’d made up her mind, she didn’t want to waste more time. She sat on the bench and glanced down the road. He should arrive soon.
Just as she thought that, she saw him in the distance. A couple of minutes later, he was standing in front of her with a nervous look in his eyes.
“Hi. So…what’d you wa
nt to talk about?”
Fiona raised an eyebrow at his abrupt tone. Maybe he was just as anxious to get this over with as she was. “Yeah,” she gestured to the bench she was sitting on, “have a seat.”
He did as she asked without saying a word. The nearly-deserted area was deafeningly silent as a breeze brushed against her skin, causing her to shiver. She shifted to face him and steeled herself for the potential fallout.
“Look… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I keep coming back to the same thing. You’re a sweet guy, but I just don’t think it’s going to work. Not long distance. I’m sorry.”
“Is this because of Ted?”
That name. It was like a knife in her heart, especially with him assuming they were together. Why did he have to say that? “No, I’m not going to be seeing him anymore. It’s just me. I really did try, but I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
Before he could ask her any questions, Fiona stood and walked away. She half expected him to try to stop her, but he didn’t. She walked back to her house feeling lighter than she had all day. She just needed to find a way to forget Ted, and she might even get back to her old self.
* * *
Forgetting him was easier said than done. That night, she went outside to put the trash on the curb with only the porch light as her guide. Crickets chirped in the air as the wheeled can vibrated against the stone driveway. As she turned to go back inside, she found herself staring into those eyes—eyes that could see right through her. Her stomach flip-flopped as she fought to find her voice.
“So, I’ve been thinking a lot about the other night at the carnival. I still can’t figure out what happened though. Want to explain it to me?”
Fiona closed her eyes and summoned her courage. She figured now was as good a time as any to settle this whole thing. She’d been planning to talk to him tonight or the next day anyway. “I guess so.” She motioned to the porch swing. “Why don’t you sit down?”
He shook his head and spoke in a serious tone. “I’d rather talk to you alone.”
Fiona hesitated before answering, trying to keep her voice steady against the fear the idea inspired in her. “I don’t know about that.”
“Please? I think this really would be better somewhere else.”
He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. She saw the hurt in his eyes, but she reminded herself she couldn’t let that bother her right now. “All right, I guess. Let me just tell my family I’m leaving. I’ll be right back.”
She retreated into the house, returning minutes later with a jacket. She hoped his knowing she informed everyone where she was going, and who with, would make him hesitate to try anything. They walked for a little while in silence before stopping at the Richards’. How Fiona knew that’s where they’d end up, she had no idea. The house was dark as they approached, and the cars were gone. Still, it’d be an easy run to a neighbor’s house if she needed to make an escape. She insisted on talking outside, and he agreed before disappearing inside a moment to turn on the lights in the backyard.
The two sat down on the patio chairs across from each other, as far as she could get the chair while still being able to talk without shouting or straining to hear each other. Fiona finally broke the silence after several minutes. “I was rude, I know. I shouldn’t have run off like that, but I wasn’t sure what to do. How I could explain things.”
“Explain what? What’d I do?” Frustration tinged his words as he studied her face, clearly trying to read her expression again.
She shook her head as she put on the mask she’d been wearing ever since that night to avoid showing anyone her pain. “You didn’t do anything—it’s not that. This is really hard to say, but here it is: I can’t go out with you anymore. I realized the other night that I was making a huge mistake by going out with you. I know that sounds really bad, but it’s true.” A feeling of pride swept through her at managing to keep her tone so calm and matter-of-fact—like this didn’t really mean anything to her at all.
He watched her a moment, an unreadable expression in his eyes. He looked down at the ground, appearing to mull over what she’d said before meeting her gaze again. “You’re lying. What gives?”
His words stung. What was he doing, reading her mind again? What right does he have to question me like this? Her temper began to flare as she narrowed her eyes and hardened her voice. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Look... I’m sorry about this, but you both wanted me to make a choice, and this is it.”
“Get off it, Fiona.” His voice rose in challenge, his gaze never leaving hers. “You were acting like I was something straight out of a monster movie and took off like you were running for your life. Doesn’t sound like you deciding you’d rather not see someone to me.”
It didn’t matter that he was right; her temper only grew as he continued to call her into question. She didn’t owe him anything but an apology for running away in the middle of a date. It was like she said—they’d been pushing her to choose. If he didn’t like her choice, he was just going to have to live with it. “I guess I just panicked, that’s all. Look…I’m sorry I ran off like that, I really am. That was wrong, but I’m telling the truth.” Exasperation colored her words as she gripped the arm of the chair tight to settle herself down. Why did he have to know her so well? Why couldn’t he just leave it at that?
She stood to leave, but before she could, she felt a hand on her arm, holding her in place. She turned to face him, glaring at him as she struggled to keep the fear under control. “Let me go.”
“As soon as you tell me the truth—that’s all I’m asking. You saw something, didn’t you—something that scared you?”
Her eyes widened as her heart began to pound. He knew. Worse yet, he was forcing her to admit it. “Maybe.” The word came out of her mouth before she could stop herself. She pulled away in an attempt to escape his grasp. She didn’t want to talk about this and began to regret agreeing to chat with him alone in the first place. She should’ve insisted she was too busy and waited until she had a friend for backup. He moved much faster than she’d guessed he could—she didn’t have a chance of running for help.
“What was it?” He loosened his hold on her but didn’t let go completely.
She wanted to lie, but what good would that do her? Hadn’t he already shown he could see right through her lies? There was a chance this could be bad, but she didn’t have any other options. She had to tell the truth. Fiona took a deep breath and let it all out: the dreams she’d had and what she thought about them. Fiona was amazed to see he didn’t look at all surprised. She paused before continuing, “Anyway, I started seeing more of the one where I burned while we were on that ride—you were there.”
Once again, he failed to look even the least bit surprised. In fact, she thought she noticed guilt in his expression. “I was right. You’ve known all along, haven’t you?” Her voice rose in accusation as she put her hands on her hips.
“What if I did?”
“I can’t trust you then, that’s what! How could you just watch it happen? You didn’t even try to help me! Was it because you helped put me there?” Fiona spat the words out; she could feel the centuries of baggage flooding to the surface, coming out like a volcanic eruption. She found the strength to pull her arm free.
“Fiona, listen.” He took a step closer, reaching for her.
She stepped back and shook her head. “No. Just get away from me. I don’t want to see you again. Not in this life or any other. If you see me again, just go the other way.”
“Fi—”
Before he could get another word out, Fiona sidestepped him and turned to run away. She raced through the yard, thinking again of what a huge mistake this had been. She should’ve just ignored him. This was so much more painful. The emotions flooding through her were threatening to overtake her. Tears stung her eyes, but she fought to hold them back. There was no way she could let herself give in to them now, not when she needed to get out of
here. She was startled once again by the feeling of an arm wrapping around her, preventing her escape. “Let go of me!” A shriek escaped her.
“No. Not until you let me explain.” His tone was hard, but his eyes were pleading with her to listen.
“I said, ‘let go’, Ted. Now, or I will scream so loud…” What could he possibly say to justify everything that had happened? He’d betrayed her, plain and simple, and now he was trying to keep her from getting away.
“Fiona, please.” He loosened his grip on her and turned her around to face him. “Just hear me out; that’s all I’m asking. Can’t you just give me five minutes?”
Fiona looked into his eyes—there was so much pain in them. Maybe he wasn’t quite as dangerous as she’d feared. It might be good to find out what his side of the story was. At the very least, it might appease him enough to let her leave. She nodded. “All right. You have five minutes, so start talking.”
He nodded and released her. “You were right before when you said you saw me in that crowd, but I don’t think you saw everything. I was there, true, but there was nothing I could do to help.”
She raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief before giving him a questioning look “What do you mean there was nothing you could do?”
“I wasn’t just standing there to watch, Fiona. I was next on their list.”
Fiona blinked. “Say what?” Had she really heard him right? It didn’t seem possible considering it was mostly women who burned then.
“It’s true.”
Something in his voice gave her pause, and she nodded. “I’m listening…”
* * *
The cheering crowd made him sick. An innocent woman was about to die, and they were acting as if they were at a joust. He could barely look at the post, too conscious of the fact that in minutes, the woman he loved was going to be tied to it— he was going to be forced to watch as the flames consumed her.