by Sosie Frost
“I have feelings for you,” she said. “Nate, I’ve never felt like this before, and that’s why we can’t rush into anything. I know you’re hurting, and this news is so shocking…but getting married for the wrong reasons isn’t noble or practical. It’ll only end in heartbreak. I don’t want that. It’d hurt too much.”
Now I did pull from her. I left my voice low. Raw.
“Yeah. Heartbreak sucks, doesn’t it?”
Mandy called my name. I ignored her.
The door slammed shut behind me.
What was I doing?
What was I supposed to do?
I had to be calm, rational, and, above all else, comforting to the woman who seemed terrified to be having a baby.
My baby.
So far, I was doing a piss poor job of it. It wasn’t fair to her to leave, but if I didn’t sort my own shit out first, I’d say the wrong thing and ruin everything. If I wanted to take care of her, I had to work through my own emotions.
Even if I felt…betrayed.
Not because she hid the truth, but because she feared that I wouldn’t have been there, helped her, or wanted her.
She didn’t trust me, and the thought tore me apart.
I drove to my bar, but I didn’t want to fight the crowd. Even isolated in my office, I’d have to fight through memories of her. Christ, she had tried to tell me about the baby that one day. Of course, I’d interrupted her and pressured her and chased her for all the wrong reasons.
Goddamn it. I was an idiot. Blind to the most obvious thing any other man would have instantly realized from his woman. I knew Mandy was in trouble. She acted distant, was sick with stress. She guarded herself as best she could against my charm, but I’d never met a woman I couldn’t seduce.
We hadn’t moved too fast, I just never stopped to see what she needed along the way.
And it was me.
Or I thought it was.
I drove until I had no other place to go. Then I pulled into my parents’ driveway.
It was late, but the light in the study was on. Dad said he prayed better at night, but he still enforced a strict silence during the day when Mom and I were home.
The curtains stirred. I had a key for emergencies, but I never used it. As far as I was concerned, I escaped the house. That severed all ties.
Except now.
Figured.
I knocked. Dad answered after a moment. He stood in the doorway, somehow colder than the door itself. I matched his scowl.
It was a mistake to come here.
“Nathan.” Dad’s voice rang with condescension. “Would you like to come in?”
Any other father would have extended the invitation as a means to console an obviously troubled son. Not my father. His sneer was vindicating, as though he expected this moment. He’d always warned me of my errant ways and womanizing.
Except Pastor Kensington wasn’t afraid for my mortal soul. He wanted to make sure our good name wasn’t marred by my indiscretions.
So he’d probably love this.
I accepted the invitation inside, but I lurked in the entryway like a stranger. I followed him to his study. Nothing had changed there. No dust. Not a spec of anything out of place. The only clutter he permitted was his Bible, and even that was for show.
He sat behind his desk with a brand new laptop, probably purchased through the church. The silence crackled.
“Where’s Mom?” I asked.
“Asleep, as most decent people are at this hour.” Dad didn’t blink. “Why is my son out so late?”
“I got news.”
“News? You don’t call your mother. You don’t attend church. You don’t respect me. What makes you think I’m interested in your news?”
“You’ll find out sooner rather than later. Probably best if it’s sooner.”
“Then perhaps you should start with an apology to your honored father?” Dad always was a stickler for humility. “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.”
I gritted my teeth. “Luke 15:21.”
“Very good.”
“I’m not the prodigal son returning.”
“Of course you aren’t. So why are you here?”
I sucked in a breath. “Mandy Prescott is pregnant.”
Dad didn’t blink. “Yours?”
“Yes.”
If he was surprised, he hid it well. I didn’t look away, meeting his green eyes. Mom always said we looked alike, but the similarities ended there.
“Marry the girl.”
I knew it was coming. “I tried. She refused.”
“Try again. This is important. Both of our families are respected in this community. I’d hate to think what a scandal like this would cause.”
“It’s not a scandal. It’s 2016. People get knocked—” I hated to say it. “These things happen.”
“Not to Kensingtons.”
“Even to us, Dad. We’re not untouchable.”
“No thanks to you. I’ve dealt with your misbehavior and foolishness long enough, Nathan. You’ve brought nothing but shame upon this family, and now you’ve caused more. Have you any idea what people will say about this? My own son, getting a woman into trouble? A Prescott?”
I stiffened. “What’s her family got to do with it? They’re members of your church.”
“It’s not her family, son. Use your head. She’s a…and your…”
I knew my father, and I expected that, but it still pissed me off. “That’s my child you’re talking about.”
“Don’t pretend to be attached to something you didn’t know existed an hour ago.”
“Who cares how long I’ve known?” I stood. “Since when does it matter what color my baby is?”
“Do you care nothing for the reputation of this family?”
I might have breathed fire. Every breath strained my lungs. “I care about Mandy. I care about my baby. And if you were a real father, you’d understand.”
“Sit down before you wake the neighborhood…or perhaps we should. Does her mother know?”
“No.”
“Well, I should be delighted that I’m the first to hear of this wonderful blessing.” He frowned. “You have ruined yourself and that girl. You must make it right, Nathan. Marry her.”
“I tried,” I said. “She doesn’t want to marry me.”
Dad snorted. “And why would she? Not like your reputation has been anything but disgraceful. I’ve known Amanda Prescott for some time, Nathan, and she is not a girl who would throw her future away on someone undeserving. And you have proven that you are a man who only seeks sinful pleasure. You’ve refused to take responsibility for anything in your life.”
I gritted my teeth. “What are you talking about? I left home at eighteen and started a business. No college. No help from you. I’m goddamned responsible. And successful. I pay my bills, my employees, and I could open a new location if I wanted.”
“There’s more to becoming a man than generating wealth,” Dad said. “You’ve created a life, but you’ve shown absolutely no maturity or responsibility towards the woman who carries it. You’re right. In this day and age, it is not uncommon for people to find themselves in these troubles, just as it is not necessary for a woman to wed because of pregnancy.”
“You said I had to marry her.”
“She as a right to refuse you, as well she should. You’ve never given her proof that you’d make a good father or husband.” Dad looked away. “It is a quality women want, and it’s the true mark of a man. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”
Dad said nothing else on the subject, and I doubted he ever would.
“Mandy’s afraid of marriage and relationships now,” I said. “Everyone’s divorcing or unhappy, and she has no faith in it anymore.”
“Perhaps it’s time for you to become a man and show her how a true marriage could last. Do you care for her?”
No reason to lie. “Yes.”
“T
hen why are you here in the middle of the night talking to me?”
I looked up. Dad folded his hands, not to pray, but to act. Kensington men never shied from a fight.
“You have a chance to fix this, Nathan. Not only for yourself, but so you don’t ruin the good name of both our families.”
“Believe me. I’m not doing it for this family.”
“Then whose are you helping?” Dad asked.
“My own.”
Twenty
Mandy
Taking the flowers from Great Aunt Mildred’s funeral wasn’t stealing.
Was it?
Technically, I planned to borrow them. The family knew she loved white flowers, and the funeral parlor crammed was full of lilies and orchids and roses and everything else that, quite frankly, was a little depressing.
Great Aunt Mildred didn’t need the flowers anymore, and our florist didn’t have enough time to deliver anything but red carnations. Lindsey hated red carnations.
So, for what I hoped would be the first, last, and only time in my life, I went grave-robbing. I borrowed the flowers from a dead woman and snuck out of the back of the funeral parlor with baskets, bouquets, and wreaths.
I might have felt bad, but it wasn’t possible to think of myself as anything lower than the scum of the earth.
Because I was pretty sure that’s what Nate thought of me too.
He hadn’t called. I tried once, but I couldn’t will the words out for a voice mail. Texting was just as horrible. I had no idea what to say, what to write.
How to fix it.
I loaded the flowers in the car and hurried to the church for the final wedding preparations and rehearsal…cheese and crackers? It wasn’t even a dinner at this point. My great aunt’s insulted spirit wouldn’t have to haunt us to wreck the wedding. It was already a disaster.
And I wasn’t sure how much energy I had left to pull us together.
I hopped out of the car and promptly broke the heel on my black shoes.
Yep. That was karma. They were my only pair for the night, and I hadn’t brought a change of clothes. The mourning black dress seemed less sincere as I limped into the party with an armload of stolen—borrowed—funeral flowers.
I set the bundle on the card tables haphazardly sprawled across the church’s back lawn. The bridal party hustled to set up chairs, finalize the seating chart, write out name tags, string the lights and load the premade food into the fellowship hall.
Mom and Dad screamed at each other, though I had no idea what the family vacation from 1999 had to do with stringing crepe paper between rows of off center chairs. The Washingtons and Rick struggled with a busted ladder and a strand of flickering Christmas lights.
Lindsey surveyed the yard in yoga pants and white pumps, trying to break in her shoes and memorize pitted places in the grass. Bryce followed behind, discretely searching the ground too, but for something smaller than potential divots…
I pretended not to see the empty ring box in his hand.
All normal chaos.
I searched, but one person was still missing.
Nate wasn’t here.
The thought crushed me, but I didn’t let it show. My family was already in shambles, and I ran out of material to patch them together. At this point, I tugged only on strings, and most of them were mine as I unraveled.
We only had to survive one more day, then Nate and I could really discuss things without the shock fueling our arguments.
If it wasn’t too late.
“Well, I hope you’re happy, Conrad,” Mom stood, hands on her hips as Dad strung more crepe paper. “You got your wish. A small wedding in a fellowship hall. Or outside of it. Why aren’t you celebrating?"
“My hands are a little full right now, Sandra. We’ll leap for joy later, when the kids have an extra ten grand they can use for a down payment on the house.”
“They have their entire lives to pay off a mortgage. This day is special.”
“They’re getting a special day,” Dad said.
“How? In the middle of a backyard? With traffic and noise and no string quartet?”
“What do you want from me? It’s not like I can do CPR on Mildred!” He laughed as Mom sputtered. “Go ahead. Tell me her dying is my fault.”
“Your attitude isn’t helping!” Mom shouted. “This is their only wedding day!”
“We hope.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She pointed a finger at him. “Don’t you throw that in my face today of all days.”
Dad snorted. “I’m getting real tired of playing hot and cold with you, Sandra. I’ve accepted my fault in our marriage. When will you?”
“I accepted fault for thirty years!”
“Like hell.”
I found a chair at the far corner of the yard where I could ignore the screaming. I checked my to-do list.
Cookies
Flowers
Find Nate
Try on dress
Apologize to Nate
Salon-Hair and nails in the AM
Declare feelings to Nate
Beg Nate to talk to me
Just be with Nate
Not much of it was doable.
I was supposed to check things off, not add more problems to solve. But nothing I said or did would forgive me for keeping the secret about the pregnancy.
Now it wasn’t about me. I had to think about the baby. I spent too long running scared, and it wasn’t fair to the little guy or girl who deserved as much love and attention and care as I could give. Part of that would include taking better care of myself.
After Nate had left, I tossed and turned and threw up all night. I was already a pregnancy-zombie, shuffling around in a state of tempered terror and exhaustion. I might have fallen asleep in the chair right there if Lindsey hadn’t screamed for the flowers.
That was my cue.
I rose, a little weepy and a lot nauseous. It was the classic pregnancy duo, back to strike me down. I emptied my car and dropped most of the baskets and wreaths near where we planned to set up the altar.
Lindsey stared at me like I’d dragged Mildred herself to the party.
She gasped. “Did you…take the flowers?”
“I borrowed the flowers. It’s not stealing. It’s resourceful.”
“But—”
I pointed at her, my voice a little too shrill. “Look. We’re pressed for time and it’s not looking any better. We have to adapt.”
“They’re funeral flowers.”
“So? We’re on our own right now, Lindsey. Do you understand? This is it. It’s our only shot. No one else is coming to help us. We can’t waste time and hope for the best. We have to do whatever we can to stay afloat. You’re either in or out, but I’m not going to stop when the only opportunity I have left is about to slip through my fingers. You got it?”
Lindsey’s mouth dropped open. She timidly nodded. “Yeah…yeah, whatever you want, Mandy. That’s fine.”
I headed back to the car for the last load of requisitioned flowers, but Rick stopped me before I snuck through the fellowship hall. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the dark and quiet beyond the set-up.
“Okay, Mandy,” he said. “What the hell was that?”
Rick didn’t take a shrug and frown for an answer. He stood in my way, arms crossed and doing his best impersonation of the big brother I never had.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“You’re not fine. You’re upset.” He lowered his voice. “Nate’s not here.”
“I hadn’t noticed.”
“Liar. Where is he?”
I wished I knew. “I don’t know. We had the talk yesterday. I haven’t seen him since.”
“You told him?” Rick swore. “And he ran off?”
It wasn’t like that. I covered my eyes.
“No. Look, he offered to marry me—”
“—Nate?”
“I said no.”
Rick took a little walk, huffing as he paced. “Why?
”
Why didn’t anyone understand? “I won’t get married just because I accidentally conceived child.”
“That’s the way it’s done.”
“It’s not the right way for me!” I bit my lip. “I know I’d be happy with Nate. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m completely overwhelmed by him. But I can’t marry him for the wrong reasons.”
“If you fell for him, then how can it be the wrong reason?”
“Because we’ve only been together for three months, and I’ve only been honest with him for like, eighteen hours.”
“You care about him.”
“I do, and that’s why I want to do this right. I want to know what we have is real. I’m not afraid of being alone in this. I’m afraid of losing Nate forever.”
Rick pulled me close. “Mandy, you will never be alone. You have your family. You have me. I promise you.”
I’d missed his hugs. He always knew what to say. I rested my head on his shoulder.
“It means a lot to me,” I said.
“It’s the truth. I want you to know if Nate doesn’t come through for you…I will.”
“You’re very sweet.”
He stroked my back. “This isn’t about being sweet. I know you don’t think it’s the right thing, but Nate offered to marry you so he could provide you with stability. It wasn’t just about how he felt, it was him taking responsibility.”
I hugged him closer. “Taking responsibility is a slippery slope into feeling resentment.”
“No.” Rick shook his head. “Not always. We’re men. We like to protect our woman and our families. What better way than to live with you, stay with you, take care of you?”
I sniffled. “I guess. But if I want more than that…?”
“Then you work at it.”
“I don’t even know if he’d ask again. Or what I’d say.”
Rick hesitated. “Mandy, I just want you to know you have more than one option here.”
“I do?”
“Yeah. You have me.”
I pulled away. Rick wasn’t smiling. He looked…serious.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You can marry me.”
I froze.