He swallowed hard. “Maggie, I’m…”
She appeared to take a gulp of air, and then waved her hand dismissively. “It’s… Uh… Wow.” Embarrassed that she couldn’t manage a coherent thought, she only stared at him, mouth agape.
He stared back, as if in a trance. Finally, he shook his head to clear it. “Maggie, I’m sor—“ He abruptly shook his head, his eyes widening once again, as he realized something of import—something significant. He wasn’t sorry he’d kissed her. And he wanted to do it again.
He leaned in, intending to do just that, when she pulled back. She raised a hand to her lips, and he saw a flutter of apprehension in her eyes. She appeared so confused, so uncertain, he realized that what he wanted wasn’t relevant at this moment. He’d kissed her, without thought as to how she might feel about it.
Clearly, she wasn’t pleased.
He rose to his full height. “I’m sorry,” he said, but shook his head. “I mean, I’m not sorry I kissed you.” He gave a bleak smile. “I’m sorry that you didn’t want me to.”
She watched him, her brows low and her eyes reflecting confusion. She wrung her hands nervously.
While waiting for her to respond, he acknowledged something to himself he had been unwilling to before—he had feelings for Maggie and wanted to explore them further. He couldn’t run away from them, however, at this moment, he needed out of her house and back into his patrol car, where he could think.
“I should go.”
He turned to do just that, when he felt her hand on his arm. “John” she said tentatively, uncertainly, “I think I wanted you to kiss me.” She gave a self-conscious smile. “I mean, in retrospect, I … liked it.”
He smiled widely, clearly relieved. “I was wondering…”
“Yes?”
“Would you join me for dinner tomorrow? I can pick you up around seven.”
She paused only briefly, but nodded. “I … think so.”
He nodded, seemingly satisfied. “See you tomorrow.”
Chapter Twelve
Rickey stood at the top of the stairs. He’d just seen John kiss his mother. And then he realized with a flash of awareness, God had answered his prayers! God had sent him a daddy!
Why hadn’t he figured it out sooner? Sure, God had sent a camel, and a donkey, and tonight a lamb, but he’d sent John too.
With a beaming grin, he ran into his mother’s bedroom. He knelt down beside the bed. “Thank you, God!” he prayed. “I should have figured it out sooner. I was giving you a hard time about sending the animals, and I’m really sorry about that. I should have realized that you used them to bring John to me and Mama.” He glanced heavenward. “Thanks again! I like John. I was kinda mad at him before, but I’m over it. You made a good choice.” He rose and climbed into bed.
Maggie found him there a moment later. He’d already fallen asleep.
She stared down at his face. He looked so utterly and completely serene, his little features angelic. He almost appeared to be smiling in his sleep.
If only she was experiencing that same serenity. She smoothed a hand across his brow, and then turned to go back downstairs. It was still relatively early and she couldn’t sleep now if she wanted to. The memory of John’s kiss remained seared in her brain. She could almost feel the warmth of his lips on her own.
Downstairs, she dropped onto the loveseat and reached for a pillow. She gathered it against her chest. She relived the kiss again, acknowledging that she had enjoyed it. Remembering it, she felt a warmth surge through her, and discovered something she’d attempted to suppress for the past two years—she yearned for the comfort of a man’s arms around her.
She sighed. Was she weak to want the company of a man? Was she wrong to miss having someone to turn to when things got difficult? Or when she simply wanted to share a laugh with someone she cared about and who cared about her in return?
She shook her head. She was getting ahead of herself. One date didn’t portend a relationship was imminent. John might find he didn’t like her. She might find she didn’t like him. She still felt she might not be ready for dating, let alone a relationship.
Gloria had urged her to give dating a try, and maybe her friend was right. Maybe she should go out with him.
Maggie rose and climbed the stairs to her room. She smiled when she found Rickey splayed out across the bed, having tossed the covers off. She gently urged him to one side of the bed, noting that Pocomo was lying between the two pillows at the head of the bed. She gave the dog a pat on the head and rounded the foot of the bed and climbed into her side. She tugged the covers over her and then lay back, thinking.
Should she keep her date with John?
***
“Are you dressed and ready?” Gloria asked. “I’m only five minutes away.”
“I am,” Maggie said with a sigh. “And have I thanked you for babysitting?”
“Yes, many times. Don’t mention it. Rickey and I are going to have fun. And you’d be wise to try to do the same.”
“Hey, I’m going, arent’ I?” she said, chuckling uneasily.
“Everything’s going to be fine. Deep breaths…” Gloria urged, demonstrating. “I’m pulling in front of your place right now.”
“Okay.”
Maggie hurried downstairs to open the door for her friend, but found Rickey already there. “Gloria, Mama’s going to let us order pizza!” he announced. “I want pepperoni? What’s your favorite, because we can get what you like, even if you don’t like pepperoni…”
Gloria smiled at Maggie, and then turned her attention to the exuberant little boy. “You’re in luck,” she said eagerly. “I love pepperoni too!”
“All right!” he cried, and charged into the family room, where he had a puzzle waiting.
“What time is John coming?” Gloria asked, as she shed her coat.
Maggie took it from her. “He should be here any minute,” she said, and frowned. “I hope I’m ready for this.”
“You’re ready,” Gloria assured her.
Both women startled when the doorbell rang.
“It’s him!” Maggie said shrilly.
Gloria gave her a rueful look. “Probably. Answer the door,” she directed.
“Oh, right.” Maggie took a deep breath and ran her hands along the front of her dress. “Okay, I’m ready,” she said aloud. “Well, not really, but…”
“Open the door!” Gloria said, chuckling as she headed for the family room.
Maggie took a final shoring breath and pulled open the front door. John stood on her front porch, holding a bouquet of flowers. Dressed in dark slacks and a sweater, he looked crisp and handsome.
He passed her the flowers and she couldn’t help smiling. It had been years since she’d received flowers from anyone, let alone a handsome man.
“White roses, my favorite,” she said, smiling as she gestured him inside. She closed the door behind him and couldn’t help admiring the bouquet that featured holly berries and baby’s breath along with the roses. The effect was stunning. “Thank you so much,” she said, smiling shyly.
“You’re welcome,” he said, meeting her gaze. She saw his brown eyes were sparkling and that he was pleased to have made her happy.
“John’s here!” Rickey cried, and came running around the corner and into the foyer. “Hi, John! Gloria, John brought Mama flowers!”
“He did,” Maggie said. “And I need to find a vase.”
“There’s one in the kitchen,” Rickey informed. “Beneath the sink.”
Maggie hadn’t remembered she’d stored a vase there. She ruffled her son’s already unruly dark hair. “Thank you, son.”
John followed mother and son into the kitchen, where Maggie promptly retrieved the vase. Gloria also joined them at the kitchen island and watched her fill the vase with water and skillfully arrange the flowers in it. “I think you’ve done that before,” Gloria commented with appreciation.
“I worked at a floral shop years ago,” she said, a
s she stepped back to admire her handiwork. “The roses are just gorgeous,” she gushed.
“Mama has a present for you too, John!” Rickey told him.
John smiled in response, and Maggie turned as red as the berries on the holiday greenery.
“I baked cookies,” she said self-consciously. “It isn’t really a present…”
“Home baked cookies!” John enthused. “You can’t ask for a better present than that, eh Rickey?”
The little boy shook his head. “Well, except for Gloria’s fudge.”
Gloria laughed. “Honey, I’m sorry I didn’t bring any over. I promise I’ll make you a batch soon.”
“We should probably get going,” Maggie said.
As the couple stepped out of the house, Maggie was surprised to find a sedan parked out front, rather than John’s truck. She gave him a questioning glance.
“My other vehicle,” he told her. “I figured it would be more comfortable.”
She nodded as he opened the door, to allow her inside. After closing the door behind her, he rounded the hood and climbed in. He belted up and started the car.
“I hope you like Italian food,” he commented, noting they were headed to one of the town’s nicest restaurants.
“I love Italian food,” she assured him.
Soon they were sitting at a table in a corner of the restaurant. A candle flickered on the tabletop, lending a cozy feel to an already intimate space.
“This is nice,” Maggie said, glancing around her.
“The food’s excellent,” John told her. “I think this is probably my favorite restaurant.”
“You come here often then?” she asked.
He suddenly looked uncomfortable and swallowed hard. “It’s been awhile.” He wished he hadn’t mentioned favoring this restaurant. He and Kim had come here often when they were married, but he had somehow forgotten that. He had actually forgotten about her.
He sat up taller in the chair and took a deep breath. The last person he wanted to talk about was his ex, and it was probably too soon to do so, but he said nonetheless, “To be honest, my ex and I used to come here a lot.” He made an alarmed face. “But, that’s not why I like it.” He swallowed hard. “Wow, I’m … sorry. I understand it’s poor form to bring up an ex on a first date.”
“Former girlfriend?” she asked.
“Wife,” he said, and then winced. “Should we go somewhere else?”
Maggie actually laughed. “John, we’re living in a relatively small town. I imagine you’ve been to many places here with your ex. You can’t avoid them all.”
He laughed, seeming to relax. “You make a good point.”
Maggie cocked her head and eyed him thoughtfully. “How long have you been divorced?”
“Just over a year.”
“Are you … okay? Divorce is traumatic,” she noted. “I’ve had a couple good friends go through it and the breakdown of a marriage is probably one of the most painful things there is.”
He nodded. “It was, but…” He took a deep breath. “I’m over it—her,” he clarified.
When a waitress appeared to take their beverage orders, John appeared relieved. As she stepped away, he sighed. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I haven’t dated in so long, I don’t think I know how anymore.”
She smiled. “Well, we’re in the same boat then,” she said reassuringly. “We’ll get through it.”
He burst out laughing. “You sound as if this date is something we’ll have to slog through, as if it’s going to be painful.”
She joined him laughing. “No, no, not at all. It’s just … new,” she explained.
He grinned. “I understand and you’re right. It is new for both of us. But I’m happy to be here, with you.”
She met his gaze, realizing that she was happy to be here, with him, too. “John,” she said, “if there are rules for a first date, let’s just forget about them. Don’t worry that you might say something wrong. I won’t judge you.”
He nodded. “Sounds like a good idea. And I would never judge you.”
Both appeared to visibly relax. The waitress reappeared with their beverages, and asked for their food orders. Maggie gave an embarrassed laugh. “I haven’t had a chance to look at the menu. Can you recommend a favorite entrée? I trust you to order for me.”
He nodded and placed their orders, and then eased back in the chair once again. “You look beautiful, by the way,” he told her.
She smiled shyly. “Thank you. You look very nice too.”
The couple chatted for awhile, and soon, their food was placed in front of them. They thanked the waitress, and then began enjoying their entrees. “The food is excellent,” Maggie enthused of her seafood fettuccine.
“I’m glad you like it. Leave room for dessert.” He smiled. “We should take something home for Rickey. They have an excellent fudge cake.”
“He’d definitely like that,” Maggie said.
“He’s a great kid,” John said. “You’ve done a terrific job with him.”
“Thank you. He sure thinks the world of you too.” Maggie remembered her resolve not to bring men into Rickey’s life—men who might not be around for the duration.
John noticed the subtle shift in her manner. “Is everything all right?”
She forced a smile. “Everything is fine.” She laughed. “I just miss him, that’s all. I’m rarely away from him during the evening hours.”
John nodded. He admired her devotion to her son. “My oldest sister has two little girls. I know it’s hard for her to let anyone watch them, other than our mother.”
“I’m so grateful to have met Gloria. She’s been a godsend, and Rickey absolutely adores her. Is your family close by?”
“My folks and sister live out of state.”
“Do you see them often?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Not as often as I like. Everyone is so busy…”
Maggie sighed. “Isn’t that the truth? Between work, and laundry,” she quipped, “there’s little time for anything else.”
John recalled living with Kim, and suspected their domestic routine bore little resemblance to Maggie’s life. He and his ex-wife had eaten out on those nights he’d been unable to cook. Of course, he’d been working a day shift during the last couple years of his marriage, so he had often arrived home in time to cook dinner.
He’d always accepted Kim’s assertion that she couldn’t cook, but the truth was, she’d been unwilling to do little else toward running the household either. He abruptly frowned. If they had had a child, the poor little thing would have lived in chaos. Kim was unwilling to disrupt her set routine, which included hours at the gym and several weekly visits to the salon.
He subsided against the chair. He realized he was seeing Kim with more clarity and he didn’t particularly like her. And what’s more, he didn’t like himself. He should have asserted himself more—to assure that the lines of communication had remained open. Instead, he had shut down, shut up, and picked up the slack. Theirs had not been a partnership in any sense of the word.
He was brought back to the present when Maggie reached across the table and patted his hand. “You’re not over the divorce yet,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for…”
He snapped his eyes to hers. “No, no, that’s not why…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I was lost in thought, but not because I’m not over my divorce.” He sighed and glanced away, before returning his gaze to her face. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about what constitutes a good relationship, and I’ve realized, I didn’t have one. My wife and I lived parallel lives, and that’s never what I wanted when I entered the marriage.”
Maggie nodded. She and Shane had definitely made an effort to assure they were in sync with one another, and never took one another for granted. They’d been a team, despite experiencing the same trials that others experienced in marriage.
Maggie sighed. “When I got married, my expectations were very low…” She made an ala
rmed face. “Wow, that sounded awful. What I meant to say is, I was raised in a pretty volatile home environment. My parents fought constantly, so it’s basically what I knew. I guess I expected all men would be like my father—loud, combative.”
John nodded, urging her continue.
“Anyway, I married young. I went into the marriage bracing for the worst, I guess.”
John took her hand, recognizing she’d experienced pain in her life and wanting to ease it away.
She gave a tremulous smile. “But Shane was nothing like my father. He was sweet, understanding, and pitched in at every turn. He never judged me for my failings…”
As John watched her beautiful face, he doubted whether Maggie had any failings. He’d never seen her be anything but conscientious and hardworking, and most notably, devoted to her child.
“Anyway,” Maggie continued, “I realized that marriage could be good, peaceful, even pleasant. I realized I was lucky, and I decided immediately that I would do whatever it took to make my marriage a success. And Shane made the same commitment.”
“You both understood what was important,” he mused, and then sighed. “I’m afraid I married too young. I had some idea of what marriage should be, since my folks definitely have a good one…” He gave a humorless laugh. “I knew things weren’t right with Kim and me from the get-go, but I don’t like to admit when I’m wrong. I guess I figured if I dug in and picked up the slack, everything would work out, and it did, to a point.”
He gave his head a swift shake. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I never intended to get into this in depth a conversation about my failed marriage on a first date.”
“It’s okay,” she assured him. “You’re human. And a year isn’t a very long time. You have a lot of healing to do.”
He acknowledged her words with a nod, though he felt he’d done more healing in the last few weeks than he’d done over the past many months. And he knew, Maggie and her little boy had much to do with that.
Chapter Thirteen
Maggie walked into her family room and found Gloria watching a program on low volume. She glanced up. “How’d it go?”
The Happiest Season Page 11