“Sweetie, do you blame Adrian for what Michael has done.” I narrow my eyes at mom as I think the opposite of that.
“No, if it’s anyone’s fault then it’s mine.” “Why would you say that?” I exhale as I reply.
“I lead Michael into believing that we could be more than friends. I wouldn’t let him go, I needed him and I forced him into loving me. I don’t blame Adrian because everything is my fault.” My frowns at me as she increases her grip on my hand.
“Sweetie you can’t think like that. You have such a big heart and you wanted to be Michael’s friend, don’t ever think that you made an error, you always want to see the good in people and you saw the good in him. Everyone knew that you cared for him, but in a friendly way, it’s clear to see that you love Adrian will all of your heart and Michael never stood a chance, don’t blame yourself.” I leap into my mom’s arms and she holds me tight as she gently strokes my hair. I inhale her Chanel No 5 perfume and I grip her as tightly as I can –I have missed my mom so much.
Later that afternoon my mom and I decide to go for a little bonding session – shopping. We have taken a cab to Bendels and for the first time in forever I am excited about going shopping. When Adrian and I first got married I spent a lot of time shopping and I can’t believe that I am saying this, but I had become so tired of stores that I never wanted to enter another one again. I had gotten to know almost every store in London and I could find my way around them with my eyes closed. So in the months that have passed I have stayed well away from shopping –hoping that my passion would return.
My mom and I arrive at Bendels and when we step out into the cold street of New York, I begin to have a sudden rush of Adrian running through my mind. I miss him so much and I wish that I could be with him right now, but I can’t. I need to stay away from him for as long as it takes to clear my head and from now on I am not going to allow myself to think about him. It’s too hard to have these constant reminders of him everywhere I look, so I am going to put my Adrian worries out of my mind.
“Let’s shop!” My mom says as she links her arm intomine. I briefly smile at her and then we walk towards the entrance of Henri Bendel. We enter the gorgeous store and I cannot help but smile as I take in its beauty. The store is decked out in its trademark white and brown stripes. The never ending selection of stunning, cute and to die for accessories spans over three perfect floors of shopping pleasure. Everything is stunning and I can’t wait to get stuck in.
My mom and I prowl the first floor of the store and whilst I check out the lovely key chains and jewellery, I hear a voice that I am familiar with. I close my eyes and I try to pretend that I am invisible as Noelle –Portia’s mom rushes over to us.
“Belle, darling, how lovely to see you,” I roll my eyes at her whiney voice and I watch in horror as she air-kisses my mom on both cheeks. Noelle is everything that I hate about New York, she is pretentious, selfish, only cares about her image and what other people think. She doesn’t givea rat’s ass about anyone other than herself and thinks that family and love is secondary to money and power. Noelle is my worst nightmare, come true.
“How have been?” My mom says in a smooth tone. Noelle flashes my mom a big wide grin as she stands in her tight, blue mini dress. Noelle has a very petite figure and she knows how to show it off. She is always dressed in figure hugging clothes that flatter her curves in all the right places and her shoulder length, brown hair is always high in a perfect bun. She has nice almond shaped, hazel eyes that strike out at you when you look at her. Noelle is a beautiful lady on the outside but on the inside she is hideous.
“Let me tell you darling, I have been so busy the last few months.” Noelle says in her tightly perfected accent. I roll my eyes at her and my mom catches my actions and she quickly shakes her head at me in disapproval. I flash my mom an apologetic smile and then I begin to look through the sunglasses as Noelle fills us in on her life.
“I have hired Frank to redo the hotel décor, but let me tell you darling, we are really behind in schedule. He insisted that I change the theme of the hotel to a hideous shade of purple and let me tell you that I ripped everything out as soon as he laid it. So now we are back to square one and we are back to the drawing broad.” I gently laugh at her pathetic problems. I would hate to see Noelle have an actual problem like being stalked byyour best friend/brother in law for instance.
“That’s an ordeal, what does Robert think about it?” Noelle rolls her eyes at the sound of her fiancés name. Robert and Noelle have been together for about three years now and they have been planning this over top the wedding since they met. Robert isn’t Portia’s father in fact she has never met her real father –only her mom’s latest rich boyfriend.
“Oh you know what Robert’s like, he always away on business and he never has time for my dramas.” Noelle laughs at her own joke and then she turns to face me. I wrinkle my nose as I wait for her words. “How is married life treating you, Alanna?” My mom shoots me a darting look and she silently pleads with me to not share my inner most honest thoughts with Noelle –as if would anyways. I force myself to smile at her and then I answer her question in my most excited voice.
“My marriage is great, I love it.” Noelle smiles at me and then she runs her finger across her perfectly shaped eyebrow as she considers her next words.
“That’s wonderful, what’s your life like in London? You do live in London, right?” I stare at her as her quizzing words pass from her lips. “We live in London and our life is amazing.” Noelle smiles again and then she looks as if she would like say something else. Her lips are curved and her eyebrows are raised and I don’t like the sight as I know that her next words are going to make me feel uncomfortable.
“There are so many rumours surrounding your husband. People don’t know who he is or where he came from, he is such a mystery.” I frown at her –I hate Noelle and her quizzing ways.
“What rumours?” I snap. “Come on Alanna, you met him in London and then a few months later you two were getting married. Of course rumours are going to be started with that type of behaviour.” I frown at Noelle, how dare she question me on my actions.
“Noelle that’s a little harsh,” my mom says in a soothing tone. Noelle rolls her eyes and then she stares at me for my response.
“Adrian isn’t like anyone that you have ever met. He doesn’t like to share every detail of his life with complete strangers and he isn’t like you and your friends. He doesn’t live to show off and to compete with everyone else, like you do. Now I am sorry, but I have to go.” As I walk away from my mom and Noelle I can hear that my mom is apologising on my behalf. I clench my teeth together as I can’t believe that my mom is taking Noelle’s side. I rush out of Bendels and back into the cold street of New York. I whistle for a taxi and as a yellow cab pulls alongside me, I hear my mom shouting after me.
“Alanna, wait,” I turn to look at my mom as she rushes towards me. “Alanna what was that?” I frown at her.
“Seriously?” I snap. My mom looks at me with confusion in her eyes.
“I know that Noelle was a little harsh, but Alanna, you didn’t need to flip out like that.” I roll my eyes at my mom as I cannot believe her right now. “Mom how can you take her side, Noelle was ridiculing me and she was being disrespectful towards Adrian. How did you expect me to react?” My mom shakes her head at me and then she leans in and takes my hand in hers. She looks at me with her sympathetic eyes as she tries to soothe my outburst.
“Sweetie, you know what Noelle is like; she doesn’t always stop to think before she talks, instead she just says whatever is on her mind. You need to let this one go,” I smile at my mom and then I agree with her –perhaps I did over react a little.
Twenty-Five
I have been in New York for just over two weeks now and every day that I have been here, my heart has ached for Adrian. I wake up in the morning –in a daze, hoping that he will come and find me –but he never does. I know that it was me who wanted
this break, but now that I have had time to deal with everything, I feel that I need to return to Adrian. Yesterday I convinced myself to go back to London, but I didn’t because I am not sure that Adrian wants me anymore. My head is jumping in all sorts of directions because Adrian hasn’t called or emailed me since I got here. I am terrified that he has forgotten about me and that he doesn’t care if go back to him or not. I haven’t tried to contact him because I am scared that he will reject me and I don’t think that I could survive it if he did. I have told my parents that I am pregnant and they are ecstatic about the news and Penelope is buzzing about becoming an Aunt. It so cute to watch her as she plays with her baby dolls and I overheard her the other day telling my mom that she is so excited and that she hoping the baby is a girl so that she can play dress-up with her. I personally think that baby is going to be a boy with green eyes –just like his fathers, but only time will tell the answer to that one.
My mom has started to nag me a lot more about Adrian since she found out about the baby. She has been urging me to go back to London and to work everything out with him –but how can I do that when he hasn’t called me? I feel that Adrian doesn’t want to know how I am and even when he left me because he believed that it was for the best, he still called the hospital every day to make sure that I was okay. Now that I am the one who has left him, I am scared that he feels that I have bailed on our marriage. The feeling that I have every time that thought enters my mind is collapsing. I would hate for Adrian to think that I have given up on us, because I haven’t. I love him so much that I can’t breathe when I think about him. My stomach curls into a million pieces and my eyes cover in a fog at the sight of his vivid green eyes. He completes me in every way possible and now that I have time to heal from the incident with Michael, I am ready to go back to him –but will he still have me?
I slowly rise up from the bed and I carefully slip myself out. I make my way over to the writing desk that is on the other side of the room and I slide open the drawer and I take out my mom’s spare laptop. I rush back over to the bed and I climb in once again. I pull the silk covers over me as I wait for the laptop to boot-up. The screen flashes on and I instantly click onto the Hotmail logo. I sign into my emails and I frown when I see that Adrian still hasn’t contacted me. I scan through the fifty emails that I do have, but I don’t open any of them as a notification pops onto my screen –Adrian is online. My heart begins to race as I try to decide what to do next. Should I email him or should I wait to see if he will email me? I rapidly tap my finger against the hard surface of the laptop as my impatience takes over and then with one swift movement, I open the chat box and I compose a message to Adrian.
Alanna: Hello,
He replies almost instantly.
Adrian: Hello baby. Alanna: How are you and William?
Adrian: William is fine, but I wish that I could say same for me. Alanna: What’s wrong?
Adrian: I missing you like mad for starters. I smile at his words as I have longed to hear him say that he has been missing me. I know that we have only spent two weeks apart, but it feels like a lifetime and I was scared that he had forgotten about me. My heart is still racing, but I manage to compose myself as I reply.
Alanna: I miss you too, what else is on your mind?
Adrian: Work is crazy; I am the office just now. I have a meeting in a bit with Jeff.
Alanna: How’s the case against him coming along?
Adrian: It doesn’t look good baby; I have been talking with my lawyers and they seem to think that my only option is to pay him.
Alanna: Isn’t there anything else that you can do?
Adrian: I don’t think so, Jeff is about to become a very rich bloke.
Alanna: How much do you think that you will have to pay him?
Adrian: He is asking for ten million, but my lawyers think that they can halve his asking price.
Alanna: Five million?
Adrian: Yeah, anyway how are you feeling?
Alanna: Apart from missing you like crazy, I am fine.
Adrian: Are you being honest with me?
Alanna: Of course I am and I miss you so much that I can’t breathe.
Adrian: I believe that you miss me, but I don’t believe that you are fine. My heart is now pounding –why doesn’t he believe me?
Alanna: What are you saying? Adrian: I am saying that you cannot be fine because you haven’t returned to me yet. Alanna: It took me a while to get over everything, but I have moved on now. I never came home because you didn’t call me; I thought that you didn’t want me to come back.
Adrian: How could you think that of me? I never called you because I respected your wishes when you asked me for space, you never called me either.
Alanna: I wanted to, but I was scared of your reaction. I didn’t know how you felt about me and I was scared that you were going to reject me. Adrian: You are one stupid girl. How could I ever reject you?
Alanna: You did before.
Adrian: That was different and you know it.
Alanna: It still hurt me and it still does every time that I think back on your words.
Adrian: I had to say those things to you, it was the only way that you would let me go.
Alanna: It worked, I let you go, but you came back to me.
Adrian: I loved you too much and I couldn’t stay away from you, no matter how hard I tried.
Alanna: Do you still love me? Adrian: What kind of question is that?
Alanna: The kind that I need an answer to.
Adrian: I see that your smart mouth is back, then?
I gently laugh at his sarcastic comment and then I focus my attention back to Adrian. Alanna: This feels like when we first got together, me trying to get answers out of you, whilst you put up your walls to fight me. I have missed this; I have missed getting to know you.
Adrian: Then come back to me and I will let you get to know every part of me. Alanna: I want to, but I don’t know if I can.
Adrian: What is stopping you? Alanna: If I come back then so much is going to change. I have accepted that the situation with Michael and Chad might not have been entirely my fault, but I can’t be around their parents. I know that you adore Charles and Tabatha and I would never ask you to choose between me and them, but I can’t have them in my life. I am sorry.
Adrian: Baby, you were right when you said that Charles and Tabatha would blame you, they have blamed you for what has happened, but I am no longer a part of their lives. I am grateful to Charles for everything that he done for me, but he lost my respect when he told me to divorce you.
Alanna: I knew that they would blame me and he actually told you to divorce me?
Adrian: Yes baby he did, but I told him where to go. The Jenkins’s aren’t a part of our lives anymore.
Alanna: How is Emma? Adrian: Emma is fine, she has left the hospital and Maggie is staying with her at The Dorchester. They do not blame you for any of this; I promise you that they are on our side.
Alanna: I am relieved that Emma is okay. Have you spoken with your father, lately?
Adrian: No actually, he is a little busy at the moment.
Alanna: Don’t be sarcastic!
Adrian: I wasn’t, I am being honest. He is in love and I haven’t seen him in ages. Alanna: Who is he in love with?
Adrian: This might surprise you, but he’s in love with Maggie. Alanna: That doesn’t surprise me because he told me that he was.
Adrian: Really? I thought that you didn’t like him?
Alanna: Come on I never said that I didn’t like him. I just didn’t like the decisions that he made regarding his children.
Adrian: Okay, okay, I believe you.
Alanna: So has he told Maggie how he feels? Adrian: He has!
Alanna: And?
Adrian: She has decided to give it another shot with him. Alanna: What about Ryan?
Adrian: Maggie ended her relationship with Ryan a few months ago, but she never told anyone about it.
Alanna: Now tha
t’s surprising!
Adrian: I think that the bloke was a weirdo anyway. He never even bothered to call and see if Emma was alright.
Alanna: Then perhaps they are better off without him. But Maggie and Edward are back together? That is unbelievable.
Adrian: It is, but you should see them together, it’s like magic.
Alanna: I am happy for them.
Adrian: Baby, there is one more thing that I need to tell you. Alanna: Go on,
Adrian: Zara has signed custody of William over to me. She doesn’t want to be a part of his life anymore.
Alanna: I don’t know what to say.
Adrian: Say what you feel! I pause as I reply to Adrian’s message –how do I feel about William living with us permanently? I never thought that Zara would abandon William, but now that she has, how do I feel about being his mom? I close my eyes and a flash of his beautiful face spins around in my head. His plump, rosy cheeks and his glowing green eyes fill my memories; I love William and I care about him as if he was my own son. I love spending time with him and I can’t wait for him to share the rest of his life with us.
Alanna: I feel that it’s wonderful; you know that I love William.
Adrian: I know you do and he loves you. He never stops asking me when you’re coming home.
Alanna: Tell him that I miss him and that I will be home soon.
Adrian: Is that true? Will you be home soon?
Alanna: I don’t know, so much has happened in London and I don’t know if I can get over it.
Adrian: Do you not want to live in London, anymore?
Alanna: I don’t think that I can, but I would never ask you to leave your home, for me.
Adrian: Then don’t ask me!
Alanna: Being sarcastic, again?
Adrian: No I wasn’t, actually.
Alanna: Explain! Please!
Adrian: I am relocating my company to New York. Alanna: Why?
Three Thousand Miles - Forever, (book #3 of Three Thousand Miles, Series) Page 31