by Shey Stahl
“How’d you do that?” I whisper, setting her bear on the pillows.
Tyler twists his head to the side after brushing his lips over her forehead. “Do you remember the week Nevaeh died and Red locked himself in his room?”
I nod. I was only sixteen when Nevaeh died but I remember my brother’s pain during those first few weeks like it was yesterday, knowing nothing would ever be the same for him. He was so broken and out of it, I didn’t even recognize him anymore.
His head tilts sideways and his brows knit together as though he’s in pain. “I helped your mom with Nova that week, and the only way I could get her to sleep at night was dancing with her in my arms. And then she’d sleep right on my chest for hours.”
“You’ll make a good dad someday,” I tell him, my hand on his shoulder, rubbing it softly. I wrap Nova’s blanket around her before Tyler lays her on the sea of pillows on the floor.
Tyler nods, setting Nova down but there’s a sadness in his expression that says he’s bothered by something I said. He stares at Nova for a moment and the sadness remains.
Standing, he steps back, his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans. “I should go home.”
“No, you told her you were staying. Don’t bail on a five-year-old.”
It gets him and he sits back down but doesn’t say anything.
Fuck, did I say something to upset him?
When we’re both lying down, I finally ask him, “Why’d you come here tonight?”
“Because you called Wang ugly,” he teases and then breathes in deeply, he takes a moment to think about the question and then says, “I like spending time with you.”
Be still my heart.
The look on his face captivates me as it always does. Instantly, he has my full attention, my heart pounding oddly fast.
He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip and then lets it go. With a grin, his fingers brush the edge of my bra strap, teasingly, lightly tickling over my collarbone.
He brushes my hair behind my ear as his eyes roam over my face lit by the My Little Pony nightlight with splashes of pink and purple. “I’ve told you, I do have feelings for you.”
I touch his purple-lit cheek. “Just not girlfriend feelings.”
“Well—” His head twists and he kisses my palm. Something in the way he looks at me unnerves me, makes my skin tingle and my breath hitch. “—I don’t have girlfriend feelings for anyone else either.”
I tip my head. “There’s that.”
He didn’t try to have sex with me either.
There’s that, too.
Maybe he’s wanting a change of subject, I’m not sure but he smiles and motions around the pink and purple sheets hanging up by a baseball bat stuck between couch cushions. “You know, the last time I was in a fort was when I was eight years old.”
I laugh lightly, covering my mouth so we don’t wake Nova. “Were you with a girl?”
He nods a bit arrogantly. “Two actually.”
“Not surprised.”
“It was the neighbor girl’s. They were twins and we were playing doctor.”
“Oh my God, you were a flirt even back then, weren’t you?”
Tyler chuckles softly, rolling on his back, his arms resting on his stomach. “Probably. Got my first kiss that day.”
“I bet you did.”
Turning his head, he looks at me with curiosity. “Who gave you your first kiss?”
“Devin West.”
He groans, his arm flopping over his face. “That little fucker? He slashed my tires senior year.”
“Yeah, because you and Red gave him shit every time you saw him.”
“We weren’t that bad.”
“Bullshit.” And then as my mind shifts through the memories, I realize Tyler is in every one of them, always in the background, or right beside me. “You know, every memory I have of my childhood you’re in it.” I have so many of him, mostly protecting me. Aside from the time he gave me my first beer when I was fifteen and then proceeded to hold my hair while I puked for the next hour.
“I have a lot with you in them too.”
“Remember that time we went camping at Sun Lakes and you carried me for two miles on your back because Rawley pushed me down a hill and I broke my ankle?”
“Yeah.” He gives a slow shake of his head. “Man, I was pissed at him. He could have really hurt you.”
“Something tells me that was the intention. I mean, it was a pretty steep hill.”
This is why I enjoy being around Tyler so much. We can talk about anything. As I remember that day, and the hot sun on my back as Tyler carried me, I can still recall the way his muscles felt, tensing and straining, and the smell of the sunscreen he wore.
“This might sound weird, but did you ever think you’d be fucking me someday?”
He laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the motion. “No.”
“Never?”
“Well, once you had tits, it certainly crossed my mind, but I don’t know, never really thought too much about it.”
Guys don’t like to talk about things like this, I can tell. Our whispered conversation fades away and we realize Nova is out cold, snoring away.
Turning off the TV, the room lights up with purple and pink, brighter now and I lay back next to Tyler, Nova at our feet where she originally fell asleep.
Side-by-side we lie, his soft breaths stirring my hair. My heartbeat is a drum in my ears, and I struggle to keep still and not turn over and cuddle with him.
Everything’s quiet for about a half an hour when Tyler jumps. “There’s a spider beside me. I felt it touch my arm. Hold me.”
“You baby, kill it.”
“I can’t. It’s dark and I can’t see it.”
Instead of killing it, he practically lays on top of me. I’m not much for cuddling and sigh about every ten seconds.
His hot breath stirs my hair, the muscles along his arm twitching as he moves his arm over my stomach. “What’s wrong with you?” His fingertips graze the underside of my breast and I stop breathing all together. “You let me put my D in your V but you won’t cuddle?”
“What’s your V, Auntie?”
And now my heart just stopped.
“Holy crap!” I sit up and stare at Nova, who’s curiously watching Tyler and me. “What are you doing awake?”
She shrugs. “Can’t sleep. Can I have a slice of pizza? I’m hungry.”
“Sure.” I’d do just about anything for her not to ask what V and D are again. But she does.
“Do I have a V?”
Tyler’s sitting up in the fort now, watching me with humor in his eyes, waiting for me to come up with something. I think he can tell I’m moments away from a panic attack when he stands and follows us into the kitchen.
“Uh, well….” Taking a slice of pizza for her out of the fridge, I place it on a plate and stick it in the microwave for a few seconds. “He fixed my car.” Okay, bad example and poorly executed and I want to take it back as soon as I say it, but this is Nova and there’s no takebacks with her.
Tyler’s sitting at the table now and drops his head forward, laughter rolling through his shoulders.
“So like his D is his tool and he can fix your V with it? Is your V your car?”
I’m so screwed.
“Yeah.” I smack at Tyler’s shoulders when he can’t help himself and breaks out into full-on laughter. “Something like that.”
Nova shrugs, but something tells me that isn’t the last of this. It never is with her.
“You were absolutely no help,” I say to Tyler, smacking the back of his head.
His eyes brighten when he looks at me, and I know he’s about to say something dirty so my glare intensifies, warning him. “I think… I’m a lot of help. Your V always seemed very satisfied with me.”
He’s got me there.
As we eventually make it back to the fort for the night, I watch Tyler sleep for about an hour with Nova right between us. It’s then I realiz
e even though I don’t have the relationship I crave. Having him as my friend is something I need and want. It’s where we started and essentially what ties me to him in every way. I can’t lose that over what I think my heart needs.
It’s official. I’m an idiot and I’m trying to force him to be my friend just so I don’t have to let go of him. And it’s okay, right? Because I’m not trying to force him into loving me. I’m just a friend and you know, that’s okay.
He wants to be my friend, too. At least I think he does because he never said he couldn’t be my friend. He just said he couldn’t love me.
My attempts to spend time with him become so bad that when I’m studying, I’m constantly thinking of him and checking my messages to see if he’s sent anything. Consumed is an understatement.
It’s this obsession that leads me to asking him to a football game. No way did he want to go to a college football game where my ex would be. Guaranteed. But I didn’t want to go to the game alone and I knew Tyler enjoyed football.
Me: Come see me. We can go to a game.
He replies within a minute.
Tyler: I’m not into football.
Me: Bullshit. You are too.
Nothing. He doesn’t reply for five minutes.
Me: So you’ll come?
Tyler: Sure. Why not.
Me: Ok, see you Saturday morning.
Tyler: K… but hey, wait…
Me: What?
Tyler: What are you wearing?
Me: Pervert.
Tyler: D misses V.
Me: Muff is going to study.
Tyler: Wang could help you relax.
Me: I’m sure… Night, Tyler.
Tyler: Fine. Study HARD.
He knows exactly what he’s doing with that last text because now my mind is on his wang… and my muff is sad.
I DON’T DO much all week, between studying and a Skype session with Tyler, it fills my week pretty well.
Saturday morning I have him meet me at my dorm room. He’s dressed in a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans that make me what to squeeze him. When I do, he smells like fall, crisp leaves, and foggy mornings.
“How’s that bed of yours? Sturdy?” he asks with an unintentional sexy smirk he has. Or maybe it is intentional. Knowing him, it probably is.
I look back over my shoulder when he steps inside and then back at him. He’s ripping the comfy sweatshirt off his shoulders as we speak and stalking toward me. “It’s sturdy enough.”
It’s the same scenario we find ourselves in every other time we’re together. A battle of dominance to get clothes off, grunting with each forceful move. His hips frantic, my body arching into his, begging he fulfill my every need and knowing he will.
His mouth, soft and tender, quickly gives into the urges, his arms of steel grasping me closer. “Fuck, I missed you,” he rasps just before his mouth finds mine again and he enters me.
High five! He missed me.
I can’t speak to respond verbally. I can barely breathe. A week apart and we are right back to where we know, a place and a moment we are comfortable with one another.
“Oh God, Tyler!” I moan when he finds all the same spots he knows so well, like the back of my neck and the spot above my left collarbone. “Don’t stop.”
With school and missing him, I’ve been so wound up and this is exactly what I need. Screw the game, I don’t want to leave this room.
“Never,” he grunts, flipping me over. His large hands cover my own as I dig them into the sheets. His stomach presses to my back, pushing me harder into my mattress. “I’ll never stop.”
His hands withdraw about the time I’m finding meaning in his words, slowly moving their way over to my hips. His thrusts are dominating, moving me up the bed with each movement.
“Jesus, Raven… fuck....” His grasp tightens. “Tell me I’m the only one, please.” His voice breaks a little at the end as he nods a couple times. “Tell me you haven’t been with anyone else.”
What? Why would he ask that?
“I haven’t.” I moan before finding his lips. “Only you, Tyler.”
He pants, nodding against my shoulder, the scruff of his jaw scratching against my back. “Thank fuck,” he grunts, pushing harder into me, his hips erratic and just as forceful. His hands wrap under and over the tops of my shoulders, pulling me into him.
Now do I dare ask the same of him? It would kill me if he tells me he went back to her.
“Have you?” I blurt out against the sheets, hoping maybe the fabric muffled my words enough.
His thrusts never let up, his breath pelting my neck as he whispers, “No, only you.” His mouth is hard against my skin, kissing and biting, so desperate, so possessive I’m light headed.
When he comes, he doesn’t stop and I look at him, a smile playing at my lips. “Not done yet?”
“One more….” And he goes for another. One is never enough for him. Last weekend after I watched Nova, we had sex four times on the Sunday before I left. Four! In a matter of two hours. Needless to say, walking was a little difficult Monday morning.
He turns me around so his weight is pressing between my hips. I want it too. I always want more so I wrap my legs around him drawing him in deeper. He groans at the position as his lips finally find mine. Giving me intoxicating kisses, I’m searching for an answer in his, one he won’t give. I’m asking what this is with passion-infused kisses. And every time I’m left with the same answer: I’m afraid to let go. If there was anything I was holding onto, just within reach, it’s Tyler Hemming.
A moment later the rumble that leaves his heaving chest, the way he throws his head back and the way his arm pins me to the bed, it’s worth the whole world to see.
Body trembling, he looks down at me as he shakes, eyes dark as he gazes at me, his brow scrunched in concentration. His breath expels in heavy gasps when he draws his bottom lip in and I know I’m staring at him but I can’t stop. He’s absolutely beautiful when he fucks me like this.
He hasn’t come a second time, yet, so I push him back, my hand on his chest, and kneel in front of him for a moment. Removing the condom, I toss it on the floor next to my bed. Taking him inside my mouth, I taste the latex from the condom but I don’t care. I have to have Tyler like this, all of him, in the most intimate way.
Tyler leans forward, his hands on my ass, body slumping against mine as he thrusts his hips into my movements. Moaning, one hand moves from my ass to fist my hair in his hand, and I grab onto his hips, driving him into my mouth as hard as he wants to go. He comes again, just as strong as the first one, hunched over and clinging to me. My mouth fills with the warmth of him a second later, his dick pulsing inside of me. “Fuck… Raven.” His words fall away just as quickly as they’re spoken. Quickly I peek up at him and his head is thrown back, his muscles flexing and contracting with each heavy breath.
Sadly, there’s a twinge of pain in my chest that this might be all I give Tyler. A release. He doesn’t give me the forever I so desperately want, but I give what I can and what he needs.
What does he give me?
“I DON’T KNOW about this,” Tyler says as we’re walking out of my dorm room, swarms of Oregon Duck fans doing the same. He doesn’t like crowds. Never has.
“It’ll be fun.” I loop my arm in his, walking with him to my car.
Tyler laughs before ducking his head a bit to get in my car. “Oh yeah, sure.” His blue eyes flash with humor. “I can’t believe you convinced me to go to a college football game.”
Something swells between us, warm and unfamiliar. The very thought of knowing he’s going to the game for me makes me emotional.
Tyler clears his throat, noticing the change. “So do I get to take you back to my place after this?”
“You want to?” I raise an eyebrow in surprise.
“I’m pretty sure you know I do,” he says, kissing me briefly again.
I don’t know what to say so I go with, “Let’s just get through the game.”
I can’t wait for after the game now!
TYLER AND I make it to the game and by the second quarter I’m convinced I need to take him to every game with me from now on. Between his constant dirty words whispered in my ear to the heckling he gives the refs on the sidelines, it’s extremely entertaining.
I also don’t miss the way every girl in the student section, bundled up in their Ducks hoodies, stare openly at Tyler and his arm around me.
Be jealous girls. Be extremely fucking jealous because he’s mine. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe not really but still, he’s here with me.
Tyler gets up to go to the bathroom and I move to stand near the rail. The games getting good, the score tied up at this point and Oregon has the ball on the twenty-yard line.
When Tyler returns, he’s smiling and holds up a piece of paper. “That chick gave me her number.” He gives a nod to one of the girls in the student section who had been watching him. She’s blonde and reminds me of the girl Holden had been with.
“Really?” Who the hell has the balls to give a guy a number when he’s clearly with someone?
He nods. “Yeah. When I walked by she stuck it in my pocket.”
That’s bold. Taking the paper out of his hand, I wad it up and then throw it at the girl hitting her in the back of the head. It’s paper. It’s not like it makes an impact but she must notice it hit her hair and turns around to glare.
I wave and then grab Tyler by the front of his shirt and draw his lips to mine. I give this kiss intention, meaning, and Tyler does too. I know he does when his arms wrap around my waist and he draws me into his warmth. There’s hundreds of people all around us in that moment but I only know what he’s giving me. The thrill that shoots through me when his tongue meets mine causes my knees to weaken as I sink into the taste of him.
I know then I’ll never tire of kissing Tyler. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met so naturally kissing him would be an entirely different experience, right? He has this way about his kisses that shake you, take away every other thought you have except for his lips and tongue on yours. I feel it in my spine, between my legs and I know he feels it too when he makes almost a growling sound in his throat and deepens the kiss despite the world around us.