Finding Perfection

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Finding Perfection Page 4

by Cassandra Giovanni


  I laughed. “I wouldn’t know.”

  West pointed a fry at me. “You do work in a fishbowl, though.”

  “Very true,” I said as I unwrapped my burger. My eyes drifted to my feet where Bagel had plopped his head over them and was looking at me with those sad Beagle eyes.

  “Don’t believe him,” West said as he swallowed his bite. “I already fed them, and they’re going to get fat on the treats the guys keep sneaking them.”

  “So the producers are done making them look like devil dogs?” I asked, and West laughed.

  “They don’t always help the situation,” he replied as he leaned down and scratched beneath Sadie’s chin. “Now do you?”

  “Howling?” I asked, one brow raised and West ran his tongue over the inside of his cheek. “I thought we would be able to train them not to do that?”

  He put his hands up. “So I was wrong.”

  “I’m glad you’re admitting it. Good thing we stay at your place more often than mine,” I said and West looked down at his burger. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” he replied, shaking his head. “So I took this weekend off. I figured we could go somewhere nice. Maybe head into the city?”

  My teeth ran over my lips, and suddenly, I wasn’t hungry.

  West reached over and squeezed my hand. “You deserve a happy birthday.”

  “It’s just hard. He used to always be around.” My eyes dropped. “They both did.”

  I felt West stiffen next to me. “Have you thought any more about reaching out to him?”

  “No,” I replied, playing with my fries. I let my gaze come up to West. “I don’t want to see him.”

  One of his brows quirked.

  “I don’t know. Things will never be the same. The way we left things. How could we ever pick up and fix that? Becomes friends again?” I said, and my voice cracked.

  I did want that, though.

  “I can tell you still want him in your life, Riv. And you can’t figure out what that looks like without talking to him,” he replied, reaching over and putting his hand on my knee.

  I closed my eyes, leaning my head on his shoulder. “Why do you understand so well?”

  “I’m just that perfect,” he replied with a wink.

  “This is true,” I said, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

  His eyes moved away from mine. “Just remember that.”

  “I will always remember how perfect you are for me,” I said, standing and wrapping my arms around him. “Now why don’t you remind me how perfect your kisses are.”

  West’s chest rumbled as he chuckled, pulling me into his lap and kissing just below my ear, across my chin and landing on my lips. His kisses were perfect. Agonizingly passionate and loving all at the same time. They ignited my heart along with my body in ways no one else ever had. He pulled away, and I sighed, tipping my head back. West took the opportunity to kiss my chest, and my hands slipped up into his hair.

  “No fair,” I gasped.

  “All’s fair in love and war,” he replied wiggling his eyebrows and my breath caught at the L-word. His cheeks flushed red, and he coughed as I pulled away to sit back down. “Maybe I can get the guys to let me off the hook for tonight.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You said you’re off all weekend, though.”

  He shrugged, taking the final bite of his burger. “I don’t have any more appointments, and Temp can handle himself.”

  “I’d love that,” I said, and he stood, balling up his aluminum foil.

  “We can go to bed early and then get an early start tomorrow morning,” West replied, and I bit my lip, my eyes wandering his body. He chuckled. “You’re bad.”

  I tilted my head. “Am I?”

  Chapter 7

  I rolled over in bed as West sat up. My eyes creaked open as I looked at his alarm clock.

  “Five AM? Really, West?” I said with a groan, and he leaned down to kiss my forehead.

  “You can stay in bed for a bit, there are something things I need to take care of before we head out,” he replied, which was followed by shuffling at the foot of the bed where the beagle babies were getting up. “Plus, these guys want to eat.”

  “Mhmm,” I said before settling into the spot where he’d been, comforted by his smell.

  A few hours later, I was woken by the sound of his singing downstairs. I laughed to myself. He may have been an artist, but he certainly didn’t have a good voice, and it wasn’t because he was pretending to be awful as he sung the Eagles’ song.

  He just really was that bad. I still loved being woken up by it, though. I went to get ready and then met him downstairs where he had a stack of freshly made waffles with strawberries from the backyard and whipped cream. I raised an eyebrow as he smirked at me.

  “Happy birthday,” he said as he sat down next to me on the island and slid me a Starbucks coffee.

  I smiled, leaning over and kissing his cheek. “This is already an amazing birthday.”

  West chuckled, and my skin tingled as I looked at his smile. “We’re going to keep going in that direction.”

  “Are we now?” I said. I took a bite of the waffle and found that there were chocolate chips in it. I moaned, closing my eyes. “Better than this?”

  West nodded. “I hope you don’t mind. I changed our plans a bit. I figured we couldn’t go into the city with the pups, and I know it’s a bit too cold for the ocean, but I figured we could go to the Cape. Maybe have a game of volleyball, and eat the last lobster rolls of the season. Just meander the coast.”

  The piece of waffle went heavy, sticking in my throat as I swallowed.

  The Cape.

  The last time I’d been there, Adam and Bobby had fought, and Tara had come away with a concussion. My ears rang, and I could feel the blood drain from my face. West slowly put his paper cup down.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, concern showing in the way his eyes flickered over mine.

  I closed my eyes, inhaling through my nose. “The last time I went–“

  “It was with them?” West filled in the blank, and his voice went hard at the edges. I opened my eyes to see him leaning against the kitchen island, his tattoos flattening against his arms.

  “Yeah, there was a big fight. Tara ended up going to the hospital,” I replied, and West’s eyes widened. “Accidentally. Bobby pushed Adam, and he went into Tara. She hit the volleyball net’s post.”

  West looked ahead, his tongue running over the inside of his cheek before he turned to look at me. His green eyes twinkled with a new enthusiasm. “So we fix it.”

  “Fix what?” I asked, looking at the once tasty breakfast that was now getting cold.

  “Bad memories. We’re going to make new good ones to replace them,” West replied before nodding to our breakfast. “Starting with the general birthday suckage and moving onto specifics like the Cape. When was the last time you played volleyball?”

  I swallowed, and West gave a knowing nod before playing with his waffles. His voice was deep as he continued, “Ate a lobster roll?”

  This time his eyes rose to mine.

  “He ruined a lot of things for you, didn’t he?”

  “The lobster roll wasn’t a bad memory,” I replied, and he took an angry bite of his waffle, smearing whip cream across his cheek.

  “I’m going to make it better,” he said through his full mouth.

  I laughed leaning up and kissing away the cream. “I’m sure you will.”

  One of his eyebrows rose. “Eat up, Missy. I have an ex-boyfriend to show up.”

  I laughed at that, taking a bite of the fantastic waffles and the strawberries we’d grown together. The crop had been so plentiful that half the freezer in West’s house was filled with them, and there were another two bags in my freezer. The waffles beat Adam’s perfectly gooey in the middle pancakes because they symbolized West and I. Something different. Something sweet and that we made together. Like he intrinsically knew that breakfast food like this would be th
e start of a perfect day.

  “You’re already winning,” I said, popping the last strawberry in my mouth.

  “And how is that?” West asked as he took my plate to put it in the dishwasher. I bit my lip at the way his ass looked perfect in his jeans.

  He turned, and I signaled with my finger for him to lean over the island to me. I kissed him once slowly, and then pulled away, pressing our foreheads together.

  “By being you.”

  Guilt flashed over his features as he nodded to the door. “We’ll see how you feel about that in a minute.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him as I followed him out the door, stopping in my tracks at the convertible in the driveway. He turned, tipping on his toes and pulled the keys out of his pocket. A tiny red ribbon was wrapped around the key ring. I blinked hard at him and then at the car. It wasn’t new, that much I could tell from the square shape of the car, but it was still a BMW.

  “I know you said you didn’t want a new car, but this isn’t a new car. I got it for fifteen hundred bucks a few years back, and it’s a 1993 3-18i. I had new leather seats put in and upgraded the suspension and rims, but that’s it,” West explained, jingling the keys.

  “That’s it?” I asked, stepping forward and grabbing the keys. I paused as I got to the door, looking at the red leather — faintly reminiscent of Adam’s GLI. My eyes moved to the stick shift. The last time I’d driven anything sporty like this was when I drove Adam home from the hospital after Bobby.

  “You mad?” West asked, coming behind me and putting his hand on my shoulder.

  I turned, hiding the tears in my eyes as I placed my head on his shoulder.

  “No,” I replied, my response muffled by his gray t-shirt. “I love it.”

  I composed myself and pulled away. “It’s still too much for a birthday present, though.”

  West’s shoulders rose up to his ears. “You want to drive it?”

  “Hell yes!” I replied, and a smile broke onto his lips. “And there’s even room for the pups in the back.

  He winked in response, and as if on cue, Bagel pushed open the partially closed door and tumbled out followed by his brother and sister. West turned, picking each one up and depositing them in the back. He buckled their harnesses to their seat attachment before sliding across the hood and getting in himself. I stood outside, hand on the door latch with an eyebrow raised.

  West chuckled, apparently amused with himself, and I couldn’t keep the smile off my lips as my chest warmed.

  “Couldn’t help yourself, could you?” I asked, and he patted the driver’s seat.

  “You know you wanna.”

  I rolled my eyes before giving in. The seats were molded to perfection, sculpting around my body, and I practically melted into them.

  West wiggled his eyebrows. “Good, huh?”

  I laughed as I started the car. “You? Yes, you’re definitely good.”

  “Keep it clean with the kids in the back,” West replied, smirking at me as he dropped his sunglasses over his eyes and handed me mine.

  We drove to the Cape, relishing the unseasonably warm late October air and sunshine and enjoying each other’s company. We didn’t need to talk, and the silence was the polar opposite of what happened on my last trip. West nodded for me to take a right and my body tensed. We were even heading to the same beach. My fingers gripped the gear shift hard and West put his hand over mine, working to loosen them just with his warmth. We parked and sat in silence staring out at the beach in front of us. There were more people than I thought would be there, probably those that lived in the area soaking in the last minute heat burst in fall. West took a deep breath, and for the first time, I wondered if this was hard for him, too. He told me Sophia loved the beach, but I knew he still came because he always brought her seashells.

  “Every time I come to the beach I have to take pause. Just breath it in, feel the sand between my toes, the smell of the waves and try not to let memories overwhelm me,” West said as he looked over at me. “They’re good ones, but all the same, sometimes I struggle to breathe with them coming over me. I have to remind myself of all the things Soph loved and to take them in.”

  I squeezed his hand, smiling at him. “Then let’s do that — together.”

  West’s hand came up to my cheek, and he pressed his lips against my forehead. “I’d like that.”

  We put the pups on their leashes and then headed towards the water. When we reached the sand at the end of the concrete steps, I stopped and West looked over his shoulder at me. I slipped off my flip-flops and stepped down to his level, sinking my feet into the sand.

  “Take it all in,” I reminded him, and he took his shoes off to sink his toes in.

  I closed my eyes and inhaled the salty air, tipping my head back and cracking an eye open to see if West was doing the same. He shook his head as he glanced down at me.

  “Amazing,” he whispered before following my lead. After a moment, he pulled me into his arms, and I leaned up on my toes. We kissed until the dogs started pulling us towards the ocean, bored with the little section we’d made our own at the moment.

  “Ocean?” I asked, and West nodded. We walked hand in hand, keeping a tight leash on the dogs as we neared the ocean. The dogs smelled the water and then jumped back as the waves crashed up over their paws. I leaned back into his arms.

  “This is perfect,” I said, and West put his chin on my head.

  “It is, but I wanted this to be about you,” he replied, using his hands to turn me to face him. “Not me.”

  “You’re a part of me,” I said.

  His eyelashes fluttered. “Freaking perfect.”

  “With your help,” I replied, and my eyes moved behind him where I saw the volleyball nets. A few people were getting ready for a game. West’s gaze followed mine, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “Now’s my opportunity to do the same for you,” he said, and I inhaled slowly. He squeezed my elbows before we headed over to the group and he called, “Need a few more players?”

  Chapter 8

  Volleyball with West was just fun. There wasn’t the built-in competition that always seemed to brew beneath the surface when I played with the Beckerson boys. It was like the old days when I used to only go to the beach with Bobby.

  His face flashed in front of me. Blue eyes, wind tossed dirty blonde hair and muscles. So many freaking muscles. He’d been built like a Zamboni. Made for the ice. I smiled to myself as the memory came over me.

  Every summer since the beginning of time Bobby and I had gone to the Cape bi-weekly, as long as he didn’t have hockey practice, and then when he’d been injured and couldn’t play anymore, it was every weekend.

  “I like this,” Bobby had said as he buried his feet in the sand. He still had a brace on his back, so we’d pretty much just been coming for the sand and the fact the doctors said swimming was good therapy for him. He swam, taunting me as I sat on the shore with barely my toes in the water.

  I had glanced over at him with my brows raised. He was staring at the crew playing volleyball, and his eyes filled with longing.

  “Really?” I asked, and his eyes came back to me.

  “What’s not to like?” A cocky grin came to his face as he looked me up and down. He reached forward and weaved his fingers between mine. “I’m here with you.”

  I rolled my eyes. Since high school, we’d been going back and forth like this. Bobby would give half-hearted advances, and I’d ignore them. I’d had a crush on his little brother since I figured out boys were more than just someone to play hockey with. Bobby had changed a lot since then. He went from being the chubby older brother of the string bean to the muscled one. Girls drooled over both of them and hated me. I was the center of both of their worlds without even knowing it.

  “I may be partially crippled, but I can still make you pay for that look,” he replied, narrowing his eyes at me.

  I had pursed my lips as a silence challenge, and he tackled me, pushing my
arms into the sand. His perfectly toned body hovered over mine, and his nose touched my own. A tingling sensation began at my belly, and I had squashed it. It was automatic to stop the feeling before it could roll over me. I was so used to it. It had started at some point in my freshmen year when he’d shed his pre-teen pounds. I didn’t even realize what it was.

  Until now.

  What. The. Hell.

  Butterflies. I’d had freaking butterflies. With Bobby. My head jerked back, and West looked up from the shell he was collecting from the sand.

  “You okay, Riv?”

  I swallowed hard. West’s eyes burned into mine, and that same feeling erupted. My eyes drifted to his lips. Lips I loved feeling against my skin.

  “I’m confused,” I said, and he tucked the shell into his pocket.

  “About?”

  “Bobby?” I replied, and it was more of a question than a reply.

  West tipped his head back as a sad smile came to his face. “Memories?”

  I nodded, and he leaned down to pick up another shell. He handed it to me, and I ran my fingers over the white exterior, smoothed by waves. I didn’t know what kind it was, but they were always the ones I remembered picking up as a kid. My dad had jars of them in the garage.

  “Time gives clarity. It lessens the distractions of how we think we should have felt,” he replied as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

  I felt like vomiting. I shouldn’t have had butterflies.

  “I feel like my head is just messing with me since I miss him. I know I didn’t feel anything for him,” I replied, and West licked his lips as he stared out at the ocean. I could tell from the way his eyes wouldn’t meet mine that he disagreed.

  Warmth spread through my limbs. West hadn’t know Bobby and I. He couldn’t tell if I had feelings for him or not. Especially now when suddenly even I didn’t know.

  “I never really pictured you with a guy like Adam,” West said, and we stopped walking as we reached the stairs. He turned to face me, cocking his head. “You’re both too high strung. There’s no balance there.”

 

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