West nodded to the book in my hand. Its blue cover was faded from time. “Is that your favorite?”
“I think it’s nice how Emma tries so hard to set up all her friends, and she’s so blind to her feelings that she tries to set someone up with the man she loves.” My eyes lifted as I put the book back on the shelf.
“Friends since childhood who didn’t realize they loved each other.” West raised an eyebrow. “Or Emma didn’t realize it. Knightley knew he loved her, despite her glaring flaws.”
“I like that about Jane Austen, she never shied away from human nature,” I replied, stepping forward and putting my hands on west’s chest. “Exactly the reason I love you so much. You accept me for all of my glaring flaws.”
West’s hands found my hips. “Glaring flaws?”
“Like keeping that dress even though I know it bugs you,” I replied, cocking my head at him.
West bit his lip as he looked at the ceiling. “It’s not the dress that bugs me.”
“What is it then?”
He took a shallow breath. “What was the special occasion?”
The box flashed in my mind. My voice was weak when I answered, “I don’t know.”
But the truth was, I was afraid of the answer, and by the way West’s chest rose, and his forehead tilted to touch mine, he was too.
Chapter 27
Adam
“Why the hell are you so nervous?” Mark asked, nodding to the steering wheel where my knuckles were turning white.
“I’m not. I was just thinking.” I dropped one of my hands, flexing it to get rid of the tightness. It didn’t relieve the brick that seemed to have buried itself in my chest since Mark asked if I’d come with him to get a tattoo. I’d already gotten my new ink for the tour, and he’d finally manned up and decided he wanted one. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing West after River picked up her stuff. She seemed fine, but I didn’t know what those boxes would translate to with him. I parked the car, and Mark unbuckled, grabbing the car door handle. I kept my hand on the steering wheel as I stared ahead.
“You look like you’re going to shit your pants, man,” Mark said, pursing his lips. “What did you do this time that would piss West Brighton off?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Mark scoffed before getting out of the car. I stayed seated and he stuck his head back in. “Pansy.”
I turned the car off and followed him in. West nodded at me from where he was filling out paperwork behind the desk.
“What’s up, man?” Temp asked, and I nodded at Mark.
“I want a tattoo,” Mark said, and he looked down at West who continued with his paperwork. “You interested?”
West leaned back and pointed his pen at Temp. “Why don’t you check out Temp’s stuff?”
Mark followed Temp back to his station, and I tipped back on my heels. West dropped the pen on his paperwork, weaving his hands behind his neck as he stared down at it.
I cleared my throat, and West looked up. “Awkward.”
He ran his tongue over the inside of his cheek.
“A little bit.” He nodded over his shoulder. “Why don’t we go into my office?”
I followed him in, and West went to his desk, picking up a stress ball and tossing it back and forth. River and his dogs jumped at my legs and I leaned down to pet them before standing back up and watching the ball. He wouldn’t even look at me, and I knew that it had to do with those boxes, or more likely, the dress.
The words came out unfiltered.
“You know I don’t have feelings for River anymore, right?”
I watched the ball as it stopped, clasped in his hand and my gaze went up to his face.
His lips lifted in one corner. It didn’t appear to be my feelings that were bothering him.
He chuckled. “I am aware you have the hots for Tara.”
My stomach twisted, and I sat down on the couch, putting my head in my hands.
“It’s fucked up,” I said, looking up at him. His lips pursed and he shook his head before tossing the ball back onto his desk.
“You were there for each other. I think it’s kind of natural,” he replied, and I sat back, inhaling through my nose.
“I don’t know how to tell her.”
“It’s not that hard.” He leaned back against his desk, crossing his ankles in front of him. “You just tell her that you love her.”
My jaw went slack. I hadn’t gone that far.
“Come on.” West’s brows rose into his forehead. “You think you just have feelings for her? I think it’s a little bit more than that.”
Love.
I’d only ever loved one other person, and this felt completely different than that.
“Can you love more than one person?” I asked, my voice barely audible, and West’s eyes flashed.
He knew I was referencing the fact he’d once been engaged. I never asked him about Sophia, but I knew what happened. He told me briefly in passing, but we never got into it. It wasn’t my place, but now I needed to know.
West’s hand ran across his chest. “Yeah, I think so, and I think sometimes that love can change into something different.” His eyes flicked to mine. “I hope.”
His throat rose and fell and his gaze went to his feet. I knew he was referencing River’s feelings for me.
“River loves you more than she ever did me,” I said, and West looked up, his chest rising as he breathed in. His arms tensed as he held onto the edge of the desk. “You know that, though, so what’s bothering you?”
West ran his tongue over his lips. “What was so special about that night?”
My body went numb. I could act like I didn’t know what he was asking about, or I could say it was just New Year’s Eve. West’s chin moved forward as he watched me.
“That good?” he asked.
“It doesn’t change anything,” I said, and his shoulders lifted. His eyes widened as he waited for the answer. I rubbed my neck before giving in. “I was going to propose.”
The tension in West’s arms moved through his whole body, and I felt my body stiffen too. I was pretty sure if he decided he wanted to kick my ass that he’d be able to. He was smaller than Bobby, but he was still a hell of a lot bigger than me. The muscles in his arms rippled as he squeezed the desk so hard his knuckles went white. His eyes were distant before he shook his head and relaxed.
His voice was hoarse when he spoke next. “Why didn’t you?”
My shoulders lifted. “Honestly, I think a part of me always knew it wasn’t right. River and I were never meant to be. We’ve always brought the worst out of each other.”
West’s shoulders were the last part of him to relax as he nodded. “I kind of get that impression.”
“Interesting that she still wants me around, huh?” I ran my palms over my jeans. “I keep waiting for her to tell me it’s not going to work.”
“Whether I like it or not, you and Bobby are a permanent fixture in who she is. The second I fell in love with her I came to terms with that,” West said as he tapped his foot against the hardwood floor.
“I think you helped her come to terms with that.” I shook my head. “I still don’t get how you do it.”
“River’s a permanent fixture in who I am. If she’s broken, so am I,” West replied, and our eyes met.
My breath whooshed out through my nose as I sat back and looked at him. “I’m glad she found you.”
“Me too,” West said, and darkness flashed in his eyes. “It’s hard to be able to love someone else, but somehow River made it so easy.”
I stood, reaching for his hand, and pulled him into a guy hug. “Then be smarter than me and don’t let her get away.”
West looked down at me. “I’ve been thinking about that lately.”
“What?”
His body tensed, and his eyes went far away. “Doing what you didn’t do.”
He was thinking about proposing. Heat coursed up my neck, and I rubbed it.
“You should.”
He licked his lips, and he nodded, but the look in his eyes showed something was making him doubt it. My stomach sank. He looked at me, and the darkness deepened. I knew the exact reason why.
Me.
Before I could say anything else, Temp poked his head in the door.
“Sorry to interrupt, but can you give me some pointers?” he asked, nodding at West.
The stiffness in his eyes left, and he smiled. “Sure, that’s why I’m the boss, right?”
I cursed to myself as I followed them out. I had fucked up River’s life again, and this time, I wasn’t sure how I could fix it.
But I was going to do anything possible to make sure I did.
Chapter 28
Snow in March.
I sighed as I looked out the window of my office.
It was typical New England weather, just when you thought a season was done, it would sucker punch you. The roads already had a significant coating, and it was coming down heavy. We were expecting at least a foot. I sat back down and turned to my computer, pulling out my pen to make notes on the screen.
I’d already sent the staff home, but I was still working. I chewed my lip, and my eyes slipped to the window where I could see West’s orange Audi at the tattoo shop. He’d been distant since he’d caught me staring at the dress. My throat tightened.
He’d seen Adam a few days later, and whatever happened then seemed to have made the distance forming between us worse. I asked Tara how Adam was, and she said he’d been fine. The band was busy working on the tracks for the new album, and she was working on trying to keep them relevant during their hiatus with remote interviews. Things were better with Tara, and we’d talked a little bit but were easing into it.
I jumped as my phone rang, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Hey, Jesse,” I said.
“What are you still doing at work? We closed an hour and a half ago,” he replied, his tone laced with genuine irritation he rarely showed.
“What are you still doing at work?” I asked, sitting back.
“I’m working from home. I was hoping you were doing the same, but I pulled up the security cameras just in case, and there you are. Don’t roll your eyes! We closed for a reason, now go home,” Jesse said, and I looked around trying to spot where he was spying on me from.
“That’s creepy, you know,” I replied, shutting my laptop.
“I know how you are, so I figured I’d check on you. Nowadays, you usually relish a little time off, but you’ve been working late for a few weeks. What’s going on, River?”
I put my head in my hands. “Do you have to notice everything.”
“It’s my job as your boss.” His voice softened. “And your friend.”
“West’s been a little weird lately.”
Jesse cleared his throat. “So you’re avoiding him?”
I glanced out the window again. “I think he’s avoiding me…and then I started avoiding him. He’s still at the shop, Jesse. I mean who the hell is going to get a tattoo in the middle of a snowstorm?”
I imagined Jesse sitting back with his fingers steepled behind his desk. “Maybe you should go see?”
I inhaled through my nose. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“River?”
“Mhmm?”
“Text me when you get home, please.”
I smiled. “Of course, friend.”
“I’m never going to live that down am I?”
“Not a chance, creeper,” I replied, pointing at nowhere in particular with my eyes narrowed.
“You’re not looking in the right place.”
I turned a little bit.
“Nope.”
I tried again.
“Just go home!”
I took my time putting my coat on and gathering my things, and I jumped again when my phone rang with Jesse’s name on it. I put my hands up in surrender before heading out the door.
The snow came up over my shoes, dripping its way down my leg and squishing between my toes. I got to my car and sat down, kicking my feet against the side to get any excess snow off my boots. I hated having wet feet, but the heater was already blasting inside and by the time I made it to the tattoo shop they were already dry. As soon as I stepped out, they were wet again. Once inside the shop, I slipped my shoes off, looking around to find it was empty. I could hear voices from West’s office.
“You were so sure, man. What happened?” Ryan asked, and I heard West sigh.
“I was…but then I talked to Adam. They’d be married now, or on their way to being married, if things didn’t happen the way they did,” West said, and I could hear the pain in his voice.
A sudden cold rushed over me, and it was as if someone had slapped into me with a slab of solid ice.
The box. It was a ring box. An engagement ring box.
“You don’t know that, and besides, things did happen, and now she’s with you.” I heard Ryan clap him on the shoulder.
“She still wants him in her life, though.”
I closed my eyes. At that moment, I hated the part of me that needed Adam because I knew it hurt West.
“You could give her a choice,” Mark said, a slight laugh in his voice.
“No.” West’s tone was firm. “That’s not me. Besides, he’s my friend, too. I’m just afraid I’m going to lose her. I don’t want to lose her…not to him or anyone. But I don’t want her to settle for me just because she can’t have him.”
“Do you think she’s settling?” Temp asked, and tears pricked in my eyes.
I didn’t want to hear the answer because if it was yes, then I was a shitty girlfriend. I wasn’t settling. West was who I wanted to be with, and I needed to make sure he knew that.
“Hey, anyone there?” I called, trying to cover up the way my voice cracked with the tears I held in. The puppies plummeted out through the door, climbing up my legs. I leaned down, trying to compose myself before West could see my face.
“Riv?” West said, coming out from the back.
I stood back up, giving him a weak smile as I tapped my hands against a design booklet on the reception desk. It was the same place where he’d caught me in his arms the first time we met. It was also the first time I felt butterflies for anyone other than Adam.
I pointed over my shoulder. “Jesse sent us all home, and I saw your car was still here.”
He looked down at his watch. “I saw you were closed, but that was two hours ago.”
My shoulders lifted to my ears. “You know me. I got caught up in what I was doing. Jesse saw I was still at work and ordered me to go home, but I saw you were still here.”
“Fuck,” Ryan said coming out from the back. “They just issued a driving ban. We’re stuck here.”
Stuck here.
My chest tightened as I looked at West. He rubbed his neck, and I knew he was wondering if I’d heard. My face was hot. I was doing a shit job of covering it up. My heart hammered in my ears as I swallowed, fighting back the tears.
“I guess we’re all here for a bit,” West said, his lips pursing. “Why don’t you hooligans go see if the Chinese place two doors down is still open and get us some food.”
He held out a fifty dollar bill, and Mark grabbed it before following Ryan out the door. Temp gave me a weak smile and followed them.
West cleared his throat. “Did you… hear any of that?”
“Maybe,” I said, licking my lips. I took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish.”
“No.” West stepped forward but stopped short.
I pulled my lips into my mouth. “I will always love Adam — but not the way I love you. I need Adam and Tara in my life, and I know that sucks for you.”
“I’d never make you choose, Riv.” He closed the gap between us, putting his hands on my upper arms.
“I don’t want to hurt you, and if that means I have to choose, I will,” I said, and my voice shook. “It will always be you, West. I can sur
vive without Adam and Tara… but not you.”
West’s hands slipped up to my face, and he leaned down to kiss me. “Which is why I’ll never make you choose.”
“Thank you,” I replied, our lips brushing against one another again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my hands in his hair as the kiss deepened, making my toes curl.
West pulled away, and his mouth tipped up in a perfect smile. “I’ve been thinking we should move in together — instead of going between two places all the time.”
“The condo would be easy enough to rent,” I said, and he raised his eyebrows.
“Is that a yes?”
I leaned up and kissed him once more. “It’s most definitely a yes.”
Chapter 29
Adam
I knocked on the door to Tara’s parent’s house before letting myself in. She was in the kitchen where she was moving a batch of cookies onto a plate. It was pretty much the only thing she had any skill at cooking. This time they were my favorite; oversized M&M with oatmeal. She looked up and smiled, cocking her head at the bouquet of flowers in my hands.
Red tulips. They fit her well.
“What are you sucking up for?” she asked, her lips painted in a red that matched the flowers.
She’d finally gained back the weight from after the accident, but she was still leaner, having picked up yoga and pilates as a way to keep her mind busy. Not that she wasn’t busy enough doing our social media, managing our website and now, helping to book promo for our new album’s release. I leaned down and kissed her cheek, handing her the flowers.
“I can’t get my favorite gal flowers?”
“Favorite gal?” she pursed her lips, or tried to, but she was smiling too much. She covered it up by dipping her face into the tulips and inhaling.
“Yes,” I replied, stepping closer to her. My body was suddenly on autopilot because it wanted to be close to her as much as my heart desired it. My brain usually stopped me, but there was something about the way cookies sweet scent mixed with her cologne and that smile on her face.
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