Saturday morning and the sun is streaming in through the blinds and hitting me straight in the eyes. I squint, put my hand up to block it out, and roll over to look at the clock. Nine-fifteen. Damn, I never meant to sleep in late. I have managed to blag a day off from the shop by getting some extra help for Muriel, so the day will be my own, but I don’t want to waste it lying in bed all day. I have planned to chill out and indulge in some girly beauty treatments, so I will look fantastic for my night away with James later. My mind ponders over what I have to do before he picks me up later this afternoon, and as soon as I think about him the guilty feelings came rushing back. I groan to myself, roll over and bury my head under the pillow.
The kissing incident is still very much on my mind. I haven’t seen much of Robert since that night and I want to speak to him to work out exactly what happened. Well, I know what happened, I just need to pinpoint how it happened. As my mind ruminates on what I have done, I imagine myself sitting down with James and gently explaining to him the events of Thursday night. In my imagination he tells me not to worry; he doesn’t blame me for kissing someone when I was drunk and not fully in control of myself. Then reality slams back into focus. Yeah right, never going to happen, James will have a blue fit if he finds out about me locking lips with Robert.
As I pull my head back out from under the pillow, I hear murmuring coming from downstairs, followed by a woman’s high pitched giggle, then Robert’s husky voice. I screw up my face as I pull back the duvet, and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Who the hell is that? The voices continue as I grab my robe and push my feet into my slippers.
Downstairs, as I approach the kitchen door, I hear the laughter again and I realise who is in the kitchen with Robert. I stand outside the door and listen to them. ‘I just love motorbikes. The Harley must be amazing, I’d love to ride pillion,’ she says.
I push the door open to see Chrissie, sitting at the table with her back to me, cup of coffee in one hand and Robert’s dog sitting by her side with his head in her lap. She is stroking the dog’s ears, and her tinkling laughter is filling the kitchen, like a giddy schoolgirl. I wrinkle my nose in disbelief.
‘Hey, Lola.’ Robert spots me first and motions with his head towards the demolished croissants on the table. ‘Chrissie bought you some breakfast.’
She spins around in her seat, her cheeks flushing slightly. ‘Lola, you’re up.’
‘And so are you I see.’ I narrow my eyes as I scan the cosy little scene. ‘Did you need to speak to me?’
‘I just wanted to give you a schedule for next weekend.’ She pulls a piece of paper from her bag and looks me up and down. ‘You do remember the hen weekend?’
‘Of course I remember, how could I forget it.’ I take the schedule off her, drop it on the table without looking at it, and grab hold of her arm. ‘I need to speak to you anyway.’
Robert stands up and collects the cups and plates off the table to put in the dishwasher. ‘Don’t mind me, chores to do.’
I drag Chrissie out of the kitchen, and march her towards the front door, her heels clipping across the tiles. She spins her head round to face me. ‘He is divine, I just want to lick him all over.’
‘For goodness sake, Chrissie, what are you playing at?’ I lose her arm when we reach the door and then mimic her voice. ‘I just love big throbbing motorbikes between my legs.’
She has the decency the blush a little. ‘We were just chatting, that’s all. He’s so adorable, Lola, how can you keep your hands off him?’
Now it’s my turn to blush, and I start to move from one foot to the other, a sure sign I’m nervous. Realisation washes over her face. ‘Oh my god,’ she says, giving an ear piercing laugh. ‘You’ve done him, haven’t you?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ I snap back.
‘Yes you have. It’s written all over your face you dirty little mare.’ She peers at me closely, scrutinising my face. ‘How was he? I bet it was fantastic. God, I wish I was single again.’
I drag her outside into the portico and pull the front door closed behind us. ‘For God’s sake, Chrissie, keep your voice down,’ I shush her. ‘I haven’t done him, as you so eloquently put it.’
‘Well you’ve done something, Lola. You never were very good at hiding these things, so come on, spill.’
I groan softly to myself, knowing she won’t let up until I give her the gory details. ‘We went over to the pub the other night and we were both drunk when we got back.’
‘And?’ she says, almost bursting from the suspense.
‘And, we had a bit of a moment,’ I say, not wanting to say it out loud.
‘What sort of moment?’ she looks confused.
‘We had a bit of a kiss and a teeny tiny grope.’ I hold my thumb and index finger an inch apart to demonstrate how small a grope it actually was. More of a brushing incident really.
‘I knew it,’ she announces triumphantly, looking pleased with herself.
‘God no, Chrissie. I feel really bad about it. What am I going to tell James?’
At the mention of James’ name she twists her lip in a sneer and pulls her phone from her bag, thumbs scudding across the screen. ‘Why do you have to tell him anything?’
‘Because we’re getting back together, and making a new start, while at the same time I’m busy getting it on with the lodger.’ I think of Robert’s arms around me again and feel the shocks of pleasure shooting through my body. I pull my robe securely around me.
‘Have you and James done the deed yet?’ Her head is still down, thumbs still scudding.
‘No, what’s that got to do with anything?’
‘Well you’re not really back together yet are you; you’ve just been on a few dates. You’re not exclusive, so don’t tell him anything. It was only a kiss after all, you lucky dog. I’d definitely snog him and not tell Cal.’ A smile lights up her face as she reads a text message.
I can feel my frustration building at her lack of interest. ‘I’m sure that bodes well for your married life together,’ I say, dryly.
Her head snaps to attention. ‘Oh don’t be so prissy, Lola. It’s just a kiss, no big deal. Go and shag the living daylights out of him, then you’ll have something to feel guilty about. It’s not that you feel guilty that’s bothering you, it’s the fact that you liked it and it scares you.’ She drops her phone back into her bag with a flourish.
‘But I do feel guilty,’ I say. I’m definitely not going to admit I liked kissing Robert. That would be a dangerous road to take.
‘Get over yourself, Lola, and stop being so serious all the time. Just enjoy it for what it is,’ she says, before hugging me briefly. ‘Anyway, I can’t stand here all day talking about your love life, you horny little devil. I’ve got some hot passion of my own to think about. I’m taking Cal to the Lake District this afternoon for lots and lots of mind blowing sex.’
I can always rely on Chrissie for an honest appraisal. But her words have stung me. Although, I had pushed for her opinion so can’t get defensive now. I roll my eyes at her. ‘Well, try not to give him a heart attack.’
She laughs, as she walks off down the drive, her bag swinging from her hand. ‘I fully intend to do my best on him.’
I shake my head as I watch her depart, and then go back into the house, closing the front door behind me.
The kitchen is empty when I return, so I pour myself a mug of coffee and stand by the worktop thinking what to do next. Despite what Chrissie has said, I would feel better if I could get it off my chest properly. I really need to speak to Robert and get things cleared up between us so, mind made up, I go and tap on his door. He answers after a few seconds, pulling a tee-shirt over his head and then stops in the doorway expectantly waiting for me to speak.
‘Hi.’ I am momentarily stuck for words, and begin to pick at the paintwork on the architrave with my finger nail. ‘I just thought we ought to discuss that thing from the other night.’
He looks at me, his eyebrows framing a puz
zled stare. ‘That thing?’
‘Yes, you know what happened when we got home?’
Realisation flickers over his face. ‘Ah, that thing.’
I wait for him to elaborate but nothing comes so I take a deep breath. ‘I’m confused, what was that all about?’
He exhales with impatience. ‘It was just a kiss, Lola.’
His casual attitude is beginning to irritate me. How can he be so blasé when I can think of nothing else? ‘I can’t be kissing random men, Robert; I’m trying to make a go of it with James.’
A smile tugs at the side of his mouth as he stares off into space. ‘It was a very nice kiss as I remember.’
‘Regardless of how nice it was, what about James? What am I going to tell him?’
‘Look, Lola, I’d like to say I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing, but I did. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I think you did too.’ He challenges me with his stare, burning right into my eyes waiting for me to disagree, but I don’t. ‘It was a spur of the moment thing. I just knew I had to do it. But I don’t want to mess up your relationship and I’m not going to spoil things for you. If you want me to move out just give me the word. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.’
Maybe I was making a big thing out of a little kiss, you kiss your mother after all. Okay, maybe not quite like that. I feel myself deflate. ‘I don’t want you to move out. I like having you here. I just needed to know where we stood.’
‘It happened, and I don’t regret it, but I promise it won’t happen again.’ He offers me his hand. ‘Purely professional relationship between us from now on, so let’s shake on it and leave it in the past shall we?’
I think about it for a minute. I really don’t want him to go, I have gotten so used to him being here, and it’s nice to know there is another human being in the house. But what happened was wrong; I can’t do that to James again. I am determined to make it work with him, so I resolve to make damn sure it never happens again. I shake his outstretched hand, turn and carry on upstairs to get ready for my date, my mind now set on making things work with James.
Later in the afternoon, James picks me up, slightly late as usual. I’ve been for a manicure and pedicure. I have showered, exfoliated, waxed, scrubbed, plucked, moisturised my body and then blown and straightened my hair to within an inch of its life. I am feeling pretty damn good and I have Katherine’s midnight blue dress in a suit bag ready to put on later. I have managed to get hold of the blue velvet corset too so I can’t wait to unleash it on James. He is going to have a heart attack when he sees me in the corset, but hopefully not literally. I am determined to make this work. I smile to myself confidently, all thoughts of Robert now definitely on the back burner.
When we get to the hotel James checks us in, and we get changed ready for dinner. I have put the fabulous blue dress on over the corset and feel fantastic in both. I stand in front of the mirror and James comes up behind me and runs his hands over my body before spinning me round to face him. ‘Not sure I can wait until later, babe.’ His hands grasp my butt and he pulls me into his body and I feel how ready he is for me.
I kiss him full on the lips teasingly then push him away slightly. I still feel nervous of the fact we haven’t been together for over a year. ‘Wouldn’t you rather wait just a little bit longer?’
‘No, I want you right now.’ He pulls me back into him and kisses me long and hard. His hands travel from my backside, round my front and his breathing quickens. I am in no doubt how urgent his desire actually is. His phone rings in his pocket and he pulls back quickly. ‘Oh, great timing.’
He walks off and leaves me standing there while he talks on his phone. Not a great start I think to myself. I am fluttering inside with nerves, and could have done without any interruptions.
A while later, the phone call having cooled his desire, we go down to the bar for a quick drink before our meal. As we sit down at a table by the window, looking out onto the perfectly manicured lawns of the hotel gardens, James’ phone rings again. ‘Sorry, babe, I have to take this.’ He holds up the ringing phone to me and quickly disappears out of the door to take the call in private.
Now I just feel irritated, so I sit alone and sip at my wine for twenty minutes, getting a more and more impatient, when he finally reappears. He swoops down and kisses me on the cheek. ‘Work call, sorry.’
‘Could you not turn your phone off, just for tonight?’ I ask, feeling a little narked not for the first time tonight.
‘Can’t, babe, we’ve had a few projects on simmer for a while and now they’re all coming to the boil at once.’ He looks at me apologetically. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t get any more calls now so you have my undivided attention.’
Half an hour later we have been seated in the restaurant overlooking the terrace. A cool breeze is blowing in through the French doors and a pianist is playing soft music in the corner of the room. The mood is perfect for a romantic evening. James takes hold of my hand across the candlelit table as our first course is served.
‘I wanted to come here, away from everything, to focus exclusively on us, Lola. I want to put the last twelve months behind us and pick up where we left off.’ He gives me a searching look. ‘What do you think - could we put it all behind us?’
‘I think that would be nice, James.’ I mean that with all sincerity, I really feel we could move on together. I am sure he is trying really hard to change and I need to at least give him a chance. I put my free hand on top of his and smile.
‘That’s what I wanted to hear, Lola. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but breaking up with you was the stupidest thing I ever did. I really hope we can move on and cement our new relationship. So, I have been thinking quite a lot about where we left off and what would probably have come next for us if we hadn’t broken up.’ He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small ring box and places it in my hand. ‘Will you marry me, Lola?’
To say I am shocked is an understatement. I never in my wildest dreams imagined he would propose. This was way too fast for me and I feel more than a little bit uncomfortable. I move my eyes away from the little box in my hand back up to his eyes which are smiling, hopefully back at me. ‘Oh, I didn’t expect this, James.’
‘Well you must have known which way I was heading, Lola. We love each other and we’ve spent many years together, so why shouldn’t we get married?’ He is struggling to hide the indignation in his voice.
‘But we broke up for twelve months, James. I can’t just jump back in where I left off. I thought we were working on it?’
‘But what better way to work on it, babe, than showing the world our commitment to each other?’ He looks so hopeful, as if this is indeed the only logical step for us.
I look back down at the box in my hand and place it on the table before me. I think a lot of James but I haven’t fallen straight back in love with him over the last few weeks. I can’t see how he has jumped to this conclusion. It’s too soon. I look back up at his face and he wears the puppy dog expression again. Deep inside me I want to say no thanks, you’re going too fast, but then I will hate myself. So I decide to stall for time. ‘Can I think about it, James?’
He hesitates for a few seconds until he regains his usual composure. ‘Of course you can, babe. I don’t want to push you into anything - you’re too special to me. But you’ll see how much sense it makes.’
My eyes flick back down to the little box on the table. I haven’t even looked inside yet, which to me is not a good sign. James sees me eyeing the box and slides it back across the table. ‘Keep hold of this in the meantime while you think about it, it may just help you make your mind up.’
The atmosphere feels a little awkward and I can’t imagine how the rest of the evening can possibly play out well, but several glasses of wine do help to relax everything. When we get back to our room, James immediately pounces and puts his arms around me, holding me close.
‘Let me help you make your mind up and remind you what
the future Mrs. James McCormack can look forward to.’ He feels his way up my back and slowly unzips my dress and lets it fall to the floor, my blue velvet corset now on full display.
His eyes widen, and his eyebrows shoot up, while he licks his lips in anticipation, he says one word. ‘Wow.’
Then his hands are all over me, his lips on my mouth and my neck and my shoulder. He stops for breath momentarily. ‘If I’d known you were wearing that underneath your dress I would have bought you back to the room much sooner.’
And so, we pick up where we left off twelve months ago. Being back with James feels sort of familiar and comfortable, like slipping into a favourite pair of shoes. When he eventually falls asleep, I lie awake next to him, thinking about the proposal. Marriage probably would have been the next logical step if we hadn’t broken up instead. But now, a lot of water has gone under the bridge. I have changed and I don’t feel the same as I did before. Although I am more than willing to work on what we have, but I’m not prepared to make any hasty decisions. And it is nagging at the back of my mind why he feels the need to hurry things along.
Chapter Twelve
Five boxes were delivered to the shop on Monday morning from a house clearance, which Muriel and I were now sorting through. So far, we had found a few prize items inside but a lot of it was only fit for the charity shop, so we sort these into a separate pile. Muriel carefully slits open the third box and pulls out a beautiful nineteen fifties style wedding dress. It is ivory coloured and three quarter length, with a skirt which fans out over many layers of net. The bodice and sleeves are made of thick lace which comes down to a point at the wrist. We both ah’d all over it and Muriel held it up against me.
‘That would look so beautiful on you, Lola,’ she says, inspecting the lace carefully.
I flush to the roots of my hair and push her away making a joke out of it. ‘But it deserves to be worn, Muriel and I’m not getting married.’
She hangs the dress on the rack ready for specialist cleaning. I still haven’t made a decision, and I also haven’t told her any details of the weekend. I’m not sure why, but it just feels like a guilty secret. Another guilty secret. The ring box is burning a hole in the bottom of my handbag, and I still haven’t looked at the ring inside. I should have been jumping for joy, but instead I feel hemmed in, like I’m going to suffocate.
Lola's House (Lola Series) Page 9