Polarity of Us

by K. B. Ladnier

  Her question broke my heart. I kneeled in front of her and held her hands in mine. "I would never hate you for what you are, Addy. What you are is special and beautiful. If anything, I am jealous that you can turn into my favorite animal." I bopped her little nose playfully.

  My book that Addy loved flashed in my mind. No wonder she loved it so much. The irony of everything blew my mind. Not only did the man I was slowly falling for shift into an animal, but it was into my favorite animal. What were the odds of something like this happening? I didn't think they made statistics for these situations.

  Addy giggled. "That's good. I was hoping you wouldn't. I never get to tell anyone. Only Miss Emery knows, and I try not to change in front of her."

  I turned and gaped at Bastian, who had sat silently watching our exchange.

  "Aunt Em knows?" I asked in shock.

  Bastian nodded. "She saw us by the lake once as we shifted. She's too smart to believe it was all in her head, so I had to confess to her. She's the only one that's seen us shift."

  “How’d she react when she found out?”

  He chuckled. “She had about the same reaction as you did. Freaked out at first, but she let me explain and accepted what we were. She’s been valuable to us. I’ve had to take trips out of town sometimes to deliver furniture. Addy is still working on controlling the shift, so it’d be dangerous to have anyone watch her for me for days on end with the chance of her shifting. Strong emotions tend to make younger shifters do it involuntarily.”

  I nodded in understanding. “So, she’s the only one who can watch her.”

  He bobbed his head.

  “Well, if you have to leave anytime while I’m here, I’m happy to watch her for you.”

  “Really?” He asked with a smile.

  “Absolutely. On one condition, though.”

  “Anything,” he replied.

  “Show me your bears? While I’m conscious this time.”

  He laughed then stood and walked over to Addy. “What do you say? Let’s shift for Daisy and show her it’s actually kind of fun cuddling up to a couple of polar bears.”

  Addy cheered and zoomed out the door before either of us could change our minds.

  “You were actually kind of nice cuddling with,” I said to Bastian as we followed her out at a much slower pace. “I remember waking up to something fuzzy and soft under me.”

  “That explains the punching. You treated me like a pillow,” Bastian chuckled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, hugging me tightly to his side.

  He gave an all new meaning to the term ‘bear hug’.

  Fifteen

  The next few weeks flew by before I knew it.

  Bastian and I came up with a bogus story to explain where I’d been the night I went missing to Hannah, which Aunt Em vouched for us. Thankfully, my injuries were easily hidden, so no questions were raised. Bastian told her he’d run into me while on a hike himself and decided to join me. We went back to his place for some hot chocolate with Addy and I’d fallen asleep on the couch. Thankfully, my injuries were easily hidden, so no questions were raised. I’d gotten off with just a mild concussion, some bruised ribs, and a bunch of scrapes on my legs.

  She believed every word, thankfully.

  It’d taken me a solid hour of watching Bastian frolic around in his backyard as a bear before it hit me how incredible it really was. He and Addy were something right out of a fairy tale and I got to witness it. A lot of people in the world were always wishing for their life to be a fairy tale, and they always came up empty handed. But here I was, spending time with two amazing people who could shift into beautiful animals.

  It was during that first week after finding out the truth that I realized, I had gotten the fairytale life that I’d been wishing for the day I had sat at the fountain in Chicago. I had watched the people walk by and begged for my life to be more than what it was. And somehow, I got exactly what I wanted. It wasn’t nearly what I expected, but it was so much more than I could’ve imagined.

  When I talked to Aunt Em about it, she was pleased she didn’t have to pretend not to know anymore. We agreed not to tell Hannah unless it was necessary. She’d probably take it a lot harder than I did, so it was safer to leave her in the dark.

  When Hannah began to make preparations to leave White Hemlock at the end of our second week here, I had to break it to her that I’d be staying a while longer. She had to be back in Chicago for work, but I only had her tying me to Chicago. She was sad to be going back to an empty apartment, but she understood my need to finish this book. I just couldn’t find the will to leave here yet. Here was where all my inspiration was to write my book.

  After spending time with Bastian and Addy in their polar forms, the idea had struck me to make my character’s love interest a polar bear shifter. I’d be lying if I’d said the character wasn’t completely based on Bastian. When he was all that was on my mind, it was impossible not to put some of his aspects into it. It just fit perfectly.

  He also fit perfectly with me. I wasn’t ready to leave without exploring where he and I were going. There was something special between us that was worth finding out.

  “You’ll keep in touch and let me know when you’re coming home, right?” Hannah had said the day she packed up the car to go.

  “You know I will. I just don’t want to leave until I get this book finished. I’ve gained some pretty amazing inspiration and want to keep that flow going.” I’d answered her before giving her a big hug bye.

  “Would that inspiration happen to be because of a certain kiss between you and Bastian?” She’d asked me.

  “Maybe. But, I guess you’ll have to read my book to find out now, won’t you?”

  “I love you, Daisy Mae. You take care of yourself,” she’d said sadly as she rolled her luggage outside to the car.

  “I love you too, Hannah Banana. You go get famous for your amazing designs. That way we can both retire and live off your earnings.”

  She laughed and kissed my cheek before driving away.

  I’d miss her, but I needed to be here. I needed Bastian and Addy. They were becoming everything to me in the short time I’d been here.

  The next couple of weeks were spent between me writing my book and spending time with them. Sometimes while Bastian was working in his wood shed, Addy and I would go up one of the trails, so she could shift and get some energy out. It was the only places she could shift that we didn’t have to worry about her being seen. It was the cutest thing watching her as a bear cub jumping around in the snow and chasing the little critters that wandered along the path we would take.

  We all went ice skating when the lake had frozen solid enough. Which I learned was definitely not one of my talents. I was on my ass more often than I was on my feet. Addy did her best to teach me how to skate, but it turned out to be rather futile. I was horrible, and my coordination wasn’t meant to be used in this fashion.

  Bastian and I got alone time together at night after Addy would be in a bed. We would spend hours talking about everything we could think of. I learned that even though he was a bear, he wasn’t really a fan of fish. Addy loved it, but he could barely stand the smell. He loved rock music, while I was more into Indie. He was a huge fan of any Will Ferrell movies and could recite every line from the Shawshank Redemption. Which was actually kind of impressive.

  One of the many things we did on these nights as well, was kiss each other until our mouths felt like they were going to fall apart.

  It was like we couldn’t stop once we started. It was as if a magnetic field was constantly pulling us together the longer we were close to each other. He’d move. I’d move. I’d never felt so in tune with someone in my entire life.

  These moments with Bastian made the pain of what Matthew had done, melt away as if he never existed. The love I felt for him was nothing in comparison to the almost love I felt for Bastian.

  I knew I wasn’t there yet, but every day that passed was increasingly harder to deny
where my heart was going. I knew this wouldn’t end well since I didn’t live here. I just didn’t care.

  I wanted to live every moment I could with him while I could. No matter how fleeting it was. If this was meant to be, we’d work it out somehow when I left. I was sure of it.

  However, there was one conversation we hadn’t had that I knew we needed to.

  “You’re thinking awfully hard there, Daisy,” Bastian whispered into my ear before kissing my temple softly.

  He was leaving tomorrow for a delivery trip that would last a couple of days, so we decided to have a quiet night relaxing together before he left. We’d been sitting on the couch watching a romance movie, when the question I’d been wanting to ask him popped in once again. I knew it’d be a hard subject for him to talk about, but I needed to know the details.

  “I was just thinking about something. Something personal I’ve been wanting to ask you and just didn’t know how or when to.” I looked over at him uncertainly.

  His blue eyes flicked back and forth between mine and his smile fell a slight bit. He could read what I was going to ask just by looking into my eyes. That was yet another thing between us that I valued. We just knew what the other was feeling with a look.

  “Evelyn.” He stated.

  “Yes. I want to know what happened,” I replied gently. I didn’t want to come on too strong with my prodding. He had to tell me this story at his own pace.

  “Well, now that you know what we are, I can tell you the whole truth of what happened.”

  I situated myself to face him, giving him my undivided attention.

  “Evelyn was a polar shifter also. We had a sleuth of other shifters that lived alongside us in Alaska. Some of them were her family and the rest were friends. Unlike real polar bears who prefer solitary life, it’s very rare that polar shifters live alone. We prefer large groups of us to protect each other. Which is why it just being me and Addy has been so difficult. Our bears are on edge a lot more easily.”

  “You say your bears like it’s a separate consciousness. Is that how it works? Two minds in one brain?” I asked curiously.

  “Eh, sort of. Our bears aren’t necessarily a separate entity inside of us, but more of a second layer. Our emotions can sometimes have two sides; however, our thoughts are one. For instance, my human side could be slightly angry about something, but my bear could feel more offended and heighten that anger to a new level. A more primitive reaction, basically. We are man and beast. Not just one or the other.”

  I mulled his explanation over before nodding. “I think I understand. Sorry, you can go on. I am just so curious about all of this.”

  He chuckled softly. “I know you are. Anyways,” he continued. “One day I took Addy to one of the nearby fishing holes in the ice. The humans that lived in the area used that spot frequently and when they were done, we jumped in before the holes would ice back over. I wanted to teach her how to fish. She was still very young, and children shifter minds retain natural instincts easier than a human child learns to speak or read. So, I figured it was a good learning aspect and was a good way to bond with her.” He smiled as he silently reminisced for a moment.

  It always warmed my heart how much Bastian lit up when he talked about Addylin. A love between a daughter and father was special. I knew from experience just how much a father impacts a daughter’s life.

  “Evelyn stayed behind with the others,” he continued. His voice started to shake a little. “We spent a lot more time as bears than we did as people. So, it wasn’t uncommon for us to actually sleep in our bear forms when the winters were a little less harsh. This one was one of those nice ones where the sun was in the sky for weeks without setting. It was comfortable to sleep atop the snow beneath its rays.”

  He choked up a little and stared into the fireplace. His hand came up and swiped down his dark beard. I reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a firm squeeze.

  “You don’t have to continue. We can wait to finish the story, Bastian.”

  He shook his head and lifted my hand to kiss it. “No. I’d rather tell you so you know all of my past. It’s hard, but I want you to understand why we live the way we do now.”

  I leaned over and kissed his cheek before resting mine on his shoulder.

  “Addy wasn’t doing very well with fishing and it was getting late. We were about to start heading back, when shots began to ring out in the direction our home was.”

  I swallowed hard and my eyes glassed over. I knew what was coming and it broke my heart for Bastian and Addy.

  “I ran as fast as I could to get there, Addy clutched in my teeth. When we managed to get to the clearing, I hid Addy behind some trees. I was about to rush out to help, but Eve saw me and shook her head no. She didn’t want me to come. Then Addy whined and clutched her paws around my hind leg. I knew as badly as I wanted to help, that I couldn’t risk leaving her alone and orphaned if I was to be killed in the process. I stopped walking forward and crouched down with her, watching helplessly as my entire sleuth was slaughtered. Addy was tucked where she couldn’t see. I couldn’t bear letting her watch her mother die. It was enough that I had to.”

  Tears slipped down my cheeks. “What kind of monsters would shoot such beautiful animals?” I asked in horror.

  “The kind that want them for their fur. Our fur is an expensive commodity on the black market with hunters. Whatever form we die in is what we stay in after death. So, they had no idea they had just murdered six people. They only saw us as a paycheck and nothing more. My people died simply for being what we are. I can’t take back what happened, but I can prevent Addy from ever facing the horror of that ever again. We shift only when we have to and only when it’s safe. I hate doing that to her, but it’s the only way.”

  “You lost everyone you loved all for some fur? I can’t even imagine how that must feel. Losing my mom was hard, but I didn’t watch her be murdered. I got to say goodbye and bury her. You and Addy were robbed of that and I just can’t stand that for you.”

  Bastian pulled me in tighter to his side, putting my head onto his chest. He rubbed a hand up and down my arm soothingly and kissed my temple. “I can’t stand it for us either. But, I stay strong for Addy. One day, I’ll tell her the truth. For now, I’d rather her just have good memories in her mind of her mother. I tell her only the best ones.”

  I wiped my eyes and moved my head to look up at him. “Will you tell me some? I’d love to hear about her.”

  He smiled and brought a hand to my cheek. “You surprise me every day with how big your heart is, Daisy Lennox. Thank you for accepting me for all that I am.”

  I leaned forward and kissed him. How could I not when he was saying things like that and looking at me like I was a treasure. My heart shattered for him and Addy, but when he did things like this, he rebuilt those pieces one by one. That was what it always felt like with Bastian; like every day he was putting my soul back together. I hadn’t even known it was missing anything until I met him.

  Was this what true love felt like?

  If so, I could only hope that I would get to feel this way for as long as possible.

  Unfortunately, my impending departure from here clouded my mind. What would come of us when I had to leave?

  And honestly, would I be able to at all?

  Sixteen

  Bastian left the next day for his delivery.

  He had to make three stops in two different cities to drop off some tables and chairs he’d made. I watched the whole process as he made them and was envious of their owners. His talents never ceased to amaze me.

  Unfortunately, that meant he’d be gone at least a few days. I felt rather pitiful at how much I missed him when only an hour had passed after he left. I never much cared when Matthew would leave for a few days on business trips. If anything, it was nice to have our place to myself while he was gone.

  But this was something else. Bastian was more to me in this last month than Matthew had ever been in all those years. />
  It hit me just how hard and fast I was falling for Bastian. And how much harder leaving would be when the time came.

  It didn’t help that I was sleeping in Bastian’s bed, smelling him on the sheets and in the air. It was an intoxicating smell I couldn’t escape. It had made sense at the time for me to just stay in their cabin with Addy since all of her things were here. If I needed anything from my place, it was only a short walk away.

  Now however, I was regretting it a little.

  I distracted myself from these thoughts by playing with Addy as much as possible.

  Our first day together was what I’d always imagined doing if I had a little girl. School was out for the holidays, so we had a ton of free time to kill.

  Addylin was an energetic little girl, which only amplified ten-fold when I’d walk with her up our usual trails, so she could shift. Those walks would be the death of me. She trailed really close to the edges of small cliff sides and tended to wander after bugs when they’d fly by. It was adorable, but it gave me one too many mini heart attacks for my liking.

  We went by the lake and did some skating afterwards. Addy had started doing some jumps and landed in a spot of ice that was much thinner. She fell through and I about died of a panic attack pulling her out. She giggled the whole time like it was nothing, even though she was soaked to the bone with ice-cold water and shivering. I quickly took her back home and had her take a warm bath just in case. I wasn’t sure if her being a polar bear shifter meant she was immune to cold water like humans. I asked Aunt Em and she seemed to think Addy would be just fine.

  There was definitely no more lake trips for us while Bastian was gone.

  On day two, we both dressed up in ridiculous dresses with a bunch of costume jewelry Aunt Em had laying around. Then we baked brownies and cookies while listening to my iPod. I put on all the classic girl songs that I listened to when I was her age. She liked them well enough and even memorized the words to ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’.