“The moment he saw me, he was done for,” I said.
“Oh, Faith,” Lacey said, putting her arms around me. “That’s not the way it is. Whatever Jackson got into with you, he went into with his eyes open. I’ve never met a smarter man. If he offered you his help, you can be certain he knew what he was going to get in return, and it was worth it to him. If he asked you to have his baby, that was the most important thing in the world to him at that moment, and he was more than willing to risk his life for it.”
“I just don’t understand it,” I said. “There are so many other women who could have had his baby. He didn’t need to throw his life away to have it with me.”
Lacey shook her head. “The heart wants what the heart wants,” she said.
“I just hope he comes back to me.”
“I know, Faith. I know.”
I went quiet. I stared out the window at the glowing sky. It truly was a beautiful sight, the ocean in the distance reflecting the light like a mirror.
“You’ll make a nice life here, Faith.”
I started to cry. I wanted it so badly I could hardly bear it. I wanted to create a life in that place, in that beautiful valley, with Jackson.
“Come on,” Lacey said. “Come to my room. I’ll wake you as soon as there’s news.”
Reluctantly I followed her to her bedroom and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell into a deep sleep.
I dreamed I was on a pier, looking out at sea, and Jackson was on a boat sailing away from me. I wanted to dive into the water and swim after him, even if it meant drowning, but something stopped me. I knew what it was. It was the baby in my womb.
I woke with a start. Lacey was there.
“Is he back?”
One look into her eyes and I knew the answer. She shook her head. “Faith, I’m so sorry.”
“No,” I cried.
“Grady did everything he could but he got there too late. Jackson had already attacked Staten’s mountaintop villa.”
“Alone?”
“Alone.”
“No,” I said again, refusing to believe my ears.
“Grady heard gunfire, and he waited for Jackson to come back out of the compound.”
“But he didn’t come out, did he?”
Lacey shook her head.
I pulled the blanket over my head. I couldn’t bear for her to see my face. Tears were streaming over my cheeks and I felt lost—utterly lost.
I’d only known Jackson for a few short days, but in that time he’d burned himself into my soul. I’d never get over him. I’d never be able to look at another man. My life was as good as over. If Jackson wasn’t coming back, I might as well be dead.
There was only one thing that gave me a reason to live. I was pregnant.
Chapter 20
Faith
TIME PASSED SLOWLY WITHOUT JACKSON. It was like everything was underwater. Color faded. Sound was muted. Light was dimmed. The minutes spread into hours but I hardly noticed.
The sound of a bike engine brought me out of Lacey’s room, but I couldn’t see through my tears. I couldn’t hear the words anyone said to me.
Grady spoke of trying to get to Jackson before he went into Wolf’s compound. He said he got there too late, Jackson had already gone in, he couldn’t stop him. All I could do was nod my head.
In the coming days, Lacey and the brothers were kind to me. Lacey was the only female in the house and she set me up in a guest room, brought me my meals, and told me everything was going to be all right. I don’t know if I’d have survived those days without her. She was my anchor.
Even my own mother never showed me that much kindness.
On my third day in the house, I went out to the living room and sat by the window. It was the first time I’d left my room since Lacey had brought me to it.
She came in with Grant and they were obviously worried about me.
“We’ve got some news,” Grant said.
My heart skipped a beat.
“Jackson?” I said.
“It’s not Jackson. There’s no word of Jackson. It’s about Los Lobos.”
I thought I would throw up. The very mention of the name made my blood boil.
“What is it?” I said.
“Two Lobos are dead,” Grant said. “They announced the funerals this morning. It’s in all the Nevada newspapers.
“Is Wolf dead?”
“Yes,” Lacey said. “Wolf and one of the others.”
“Does that mean?” I didn’t dare finish the sentence.
“It means Jackson killed them,” Grant said.
“Could Jackson be alive?”
Grant shook his head.
Lacey came over to me. “If Jackson escaped, we’d have heard from him by now.”
“Maybe Los Lobos have him?”
“If they caught him, they’d have killed him, Faith.”
I nodded. I knew that was true. Lacey sat down with me and Grant got us coffee.
“How will I go on?” I said, more to myself than to them.
Lacey answered. “You’ll figure out a way, Faith. At least you have us.”
“How long can I impose on your hospitality?”
“Don’t speak like that,” Grant said, pouring the coffee and sitting to join us. “Jackson said to bring you here. You have a place with us for as long as you need it.”
“I can’t just hide away in your guest room and let depression overtake me,” I said.
“No,” Lacey said. “But you can let us help you start a new life. You’ve been through so much. Your ordeal with Wolf. Falling for Jackson and then losing him so soon after. It will take time, but life will go on.”
“I won’t be safe here. No one will be safe here now. This will start a war. If they caught Jackson, they’ll know the Brotherhood was involved.”
“They don’t know about the Brotherhood,” Grant said. “No one does.”
“So they won’t come here?”
“They have no reason to. As far as they know, Jackson was a lone gun who bought information from them.”
“Even with Wolf dead, the other Lobos will always want me dead,” I said.
“They’d kill you if they came across you, out of loyalty to Wolf,” Grant said. “But they won’t hunt you the way Wolf would have.”
“That’s true.”
“And besides, we’ll protect you,” Grant said. “We’ll always protect you, and your baby. All of us will.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You don’t have to,” Lacey said. “We’ve already discussed it. Los Lobos have lost two of the twelve. They don’t know about us. None of the remaining Lobos will be overly concerned with your whereabouts. With Wolf dead, Jackson made it safe enough for you to start a new life. With the Brotherhood at your side, you’ll be able to make a go of it here, in the Socorro Valley, with us.”
“How can I stay here without Jackson?” I said. “It’s my fault you lost him.”
“You’re not going anywhere, Faith,” Lacey said. “You’re part of the Brotherhood now. You’re Jackson’s girl. He chose you for a reason, and even in death, we look after our own.”
I knew what she was saying made sense. Jackson had made sure to burn himself into my very soul. It wasn’t just some fling, we’d had. It wasn’t just an affair. It was something deep. It went right to the core of my body. My heart belonged to Jackson and it always would. My soul belonged to him. He’d dominated me in every way a man could dominate a woman. He’d put his seed in the deepest parts of my body. If I was ever going to escape his grasp, I couldn’t see how. I couldn’t see myself ever being with another man. I was tied to the Brotherhood now, and I always would be.
I vowed then to do my best. Life would go on, and I would make the best of it. Jackson had given his life to protect me, and now that I had the Brotherhood at my side. I could at least try to make a new life for myself. I couldn’t allow the sacrifice Jackson had made to go to waste. I owed it to him to make something of my life.
And I would start immediately.
“Lacey,” I said.
“Yes?”
“Will you do something for me?”
“Of course, Faith. I’ll do anything.”
“Will you take me to a drug store?”
“Yes, I will,” she said, smiling at me kindly.
I was quiet in the car. It was my first time leaving the house since I’d arrived, and I felt like an inmate who’d just been released from prison.
Everything around us was beautiful in the morning sunlight. The town was so pretty. They called it the Hills because it was perched high above the valley. It was the ideal place to start a new life. It was the kind of place I’d always pictured myself living. It was the kind of place where I could raise my child.
We got to the drug store and there was only one thing I needed—a pregnancy test.
“Do you think it’s too early for me to take it?” I said to Lacey when we were back in the car.
“Probably,” she said. “What does the package say?”
I couldn’t read the fine print on the side of the package. I was crying again.
Chapter 21
Faith
I’D NEVER HAVE THOUGHT I’D be the one to say this, but no matter what happens to you, one thing is always certain.
Life goes on.
Especially when you’re singlehandedly raising a little boy.
With the help of Lacey and the Brothers, I got set up in a nice house up in the Hills, overlooking the valley. It was the kind of place I’d dreamed of as a little girl. It was a beautiful stone house on one of the older streets in Rio Secco’s expensive downtown. It had originally been built by a Spanish ship captain for his wife, and the colonial influence gave it such charm.
I felt it was an appropriate house for me because of what had happened to the Spanish sailor. After building the house, he’d brought his wife to California from the colonial capital in Mexico. From what I could find out at the records office, they’d had a happy life there together. At least for a time. They planted the trees that now shaded the mosaic swimming pool. They brought the red, clay tiles up from the coast that were now scattered in the driveway. And they’d had a son. A year after their son’s birth, the sailor was lost at sea and the wife raised the baby alone in the house.
Despite the tragedy, I took it as a good omen for what I was doing.
The years passed faster than I’d ever imagined possible. Before I knew it, I was in the hospital, giving birth. The pregnancy went smoothly. Lacey stayed with me during the labor. Grant, Forrester and Grady crowded into the delivery room as soon as the baby was born.
They were his uncles. All three were named godfathers. Lacey was my emergency contact. We lied and said she was my sister so she could stay with me throughout the procedure. At the christening, Grady told me to call the baby Sam, after Jackson’s father, and I did.
At first, when I’d finally come to terms with Jackson’s death, when I’d at last realized he was never coming back, I was grief-stricken. However, two months after Wolf’s death, a third Lobo was found dead in his bed. His throat was slit in the night and none of the guards heard a thing. That gave me my first glimpse of hope.
Maybe Jackson wasn’t dead.
Maybe he was finishing the job he’d started, and would come back to me when he was done.
On the day of Sam’s birth, I received a letter. It was only a few words.
*
I’M KEEPING MY PROMISE TO YOU. When I’m done, I’ll come back to you.
*
I KEPT IT TO MYSELF, but a few months later another Lobo turned up dead and I knew Jackson was keeping his promise. It was going to take him longer than he’d thought, but he was alive, and that’s all that mattered.
But the passing time was so difficult.
I was always painfully aware of his absence. My baby’s father was missing. He missed the first birthday, and the second, and the third. Every year I counted on my fingers the number of Lobos left alive, but it was always too many.
Every day that passed was only half the life it was supposed to be. Half the happiness.
I had Sam, but the other half, Jackson, wasn’t there.
And as the years stretched on, I eventually stopped counting the days till Jackson came back. I settled into my life, cherished the beautiful gift Jackson had given me, and put all my efforts into raising my son, giving him the best childhood possible, and making myself the best person I could.
I went back to school and learned all about wine. I learned how the grapes were grown, how the wine was made, and how the world’s best restaurants selected the wines to accompany the food they served. I started my own business as a wine buyer, discovering the best local vintages from the farms in the valley and bringing them to the finest restaurants in San Francisco and along the coast, where they could be discovered and enjoyed by the whole world.
On the night of the tenth anniversary of my meeting Jackson, I decided I’d waited long enough. I had no idea how may Lobos were still alive. So much time had passed that I no longer feared them coming to look for me. They must have known someone was hunting them down and killing them one by one, but they didn’t know who it was or why he was doing what he was doing.
They’d forgotten Wolf, and the night Jackson had started his blood feud, and so would I.
On that tenth anniversary, I got Lacey to babysit Sam, and I went back to the Motel on the highway near Reno. I borrowed Grant’s bike for the ride, and I rode out in the white dress I’d been wearing the night Jackson found me. I still had it.
On the way to the motel, it started raining and I couldn’t believe it. It never rained in those parts. The rain soaked me to the skin, and by the time I got to the motel my makeup was running down my face, just the way it had that night ten years before.
I walked into the bar and my eyes went immediately to the spot where Jackson had been sitting the first time I entered. The spot was vacant now, and it pained my heart to see it. Even though I hadn’t expected Jackson to be there, even though all logic told me there was no way on earth he’d be there, I somehow had held out a hope that he might be sitting there, waiting for me, like he had last time.
But of course he wasn’t.
One thing was the same though, the bartender.
“Bartender,” I said, “a beer.”
The bartender’s eyes widened when he saw me. “Miss, are you all right?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You look—”
“What?” I said, my eye steady.
He shrugged, and got me a beer. When he came back with it he said, “Miss, this is going to sound very strange, but something about you makes me feel like I’m looking at a ghost.”
I smiled at him. “I get that feeling all the time,” I said. “Every time I look in the mirror.”
“You’ve been here before, haven’t you?”
I looked him in the eye. “In another lifetime.”
He left me to serve another customer, shaking his head as he left. I finished my beer and when I was done, I asked him if he rented the rooms. He said he did and I asked if room three was available. It was and I took it.
I held my breath as I entered the room. It was as if I was walking back into a night from my own past, ten years earlier. Everything that had happened between me and Jackson was as fresh in my mind as if it had just happened the day before. We’d had such a short time together that I could account for literally every second of it.
Our first meeting in the bar in Reno, when I’d been a bitch.
Our second meeting at the bar at the motel. The sex we’d had in the very motel room I was now in, probably the very bed I was lying on.
The bike ride in the desert.
The painful conversation in the diner.
And then the sex in the desert safe house. Oh my God, that sex. I could remember every single sensation, every emotion, every taste, every spasm of ecstasy.
I lay back on t
he bed and put my hand inside my dress and touched myself.
The night in the safe house had burned me to the very core of my being. Even ten years later, the thought of it made my pussy wet. I let my finger slide over my clit as I thought about the orgasm Jackson had had inside me. He’d insisted on going skin to skin. No condom. He wanted his semen inside me. He knew it would lead to a son. And he was right.
My finger slid back and forth over my clit.
I thought about Jackson’s cock in my mouth. He’d slid it right to the very back of my throat. When he came, the throbbing terrified me. I thought he was going to explode. He’d poured so much semen into my throat I was afraid I’d choke, but I didn’t. I loved it. I’ll admit it. The sticky, metallic, hot mess he poured into my mouth was a gift. I swallowed every drop of it, and what I wouldn’t give to have the chance to do it again.
My finger slid inside my pussy and I began slipping it back and forth.
Then, to really make sure he owned me completely, to make sure that even if he disappeared from the face of the earth, which he did, I’d never forget him, he took me in the most shocking way of all. His plan had worked. It worked too well. I’d never be able to get past him. I still couldn’t imagine another man touching me.
I let my thumb touch my anus.
He’d put himself in there. It had shocked me, terrified me, and it had overcome me so utterly that I’d never be able to be anyone’s woman but his.
I pictured his face in my mind. I pictured the firm muscles of his chest, his powerful arms, his rock hard torso, his monstrous penis.
As my finger slid back and forth, in and out of my pussy, my thumb pressed against the tight muscle of my anus.
I cried out his name as I came.
“Jackson.”
“Jackson.”
“Jackson.”
Chapter 22
Jackson
TWELVE YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO BE A GHOST.
And it made it’s mark on me. I am not the man I was twelve years ago. I’m not the man who left Faith.
A million times I wanted to go back, but I couldn’t. Not until it was safe. One wrong move, one fuck up, and I would be putting her life in danger—and the boy’s. That was a risk I couldn’t take.
Heart of the Hunter Page 30