“Did you like the part where the dad showed him how to defend himself?” Sam said.
“I did like that part,” I said.
The waitress came over and asked what we were having. Sam looked at me.
“Go ahead,” I said. “Order whatever you like. No limits.”
“No limits?”
I nodded. He scanned down the menu, which was cute because I knew exactly what he was going to order. We’d been coming to this place his entire life and he always had the same thing.
“Hot caramel fudge sundae with cream and a cherry,” he said.
The waitress took down his order. “And for you?” she said to me.
“Just a coffee,” I said.
She left and Sam looked up at me, his big, bright eyes like two stars in the heavens. I was spoiling him. He’d had hamburgers, popcorn, now ice cream. It wasn’t good for him, but being bullied at school wasn’t good for him either.
“Have you been thinking about what sport you’d like to sign up for?” I said.
Boy’s liked sports. It helped them make friends. Sam had enjoyed baseball when he was younger. Soccer too. He was an active kid. It was just recently that he’d become more withdrawn. He seemed to have lost his confidence. And I didn’t know how to help him find it again.
He shook his head. “All the mean kids are in sports,” he said. “I think I’d rather steer clear of them, at least for now.”
I nodded. I didn’t want to pressure him. Tonight was about being kind, helping him find his feet after a difficult day. We’d deal with his real issues another time.
The waitress arrived with the sundae and my coffee.
“Holy cow,” Sam said.
He always said that. No matter how many times he got that sundae, it never ceased to amaze him. I poured a little cream into my coffee and gave it a stir. I looked up at my son.
“I love you, you know.”
He smiled, more interested in the ice cream than his mother’s sentimentality. “I love you too, mom.”
My phone beeped. It was a text message from Lacey. It said, “I fucking love you so much.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Lacey was probably drinking wine. I knew I should call her. “Honey,” I said, “I’m just going to call Lacey.”
“Okay, mom.”
I dialed Lacey’s number but she didn’t answer. I thought that was a little strange since she’d just texted but it wasn’t a huge deal. I sent her a text back. “I love you too, best friend. Is everything all right?”
Chapter 38
Jackson
I WASN’T IN THE MOOD for the Rusty Nail. It was nice of the boys to take me out and all, but I had Faith and Sam on my mind. I needed to reconnect with them. They were my family. I couldn’t let any more time pass us by. They were mine and I had to return to them. I had a terrible feeling that if I didn’t, I’d miss out on the opportunity to be a part of their life. Forever, this time.
“Fellas, I’ve got to go do something,” I said.
“Come on,” Grady said, “we just got here.”
“I know. We’ll do this another night.”
“What have you got to do? You just got back. You don’t have any plans we don’t know about.”
I smiled but didn’t answer. They knew what business I had. “I’m taking the truck,” I said. “You fellas will have to find your own way home.”
We’d all rode down in the pickup. Grant and Grady in the cab. Me and Forrester in the back.
Forrester shrugged. “You owe us a night out, Jackson. This was in your honor.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, walking out of the bar. I knew that if it hadn’t been for me, they’d have been more than capable of coming up with another reason to head out for a few drinks.
I got into the truck and turned the ignition. I pulled out of the lot with no idea where I was headed. Instinctively, I drove up out of the valley. I was headed for the hills. That’s where Faith was. Even if I wasn’t going to meet her, I still wanted to be near where she was. I thought about going to her house, but I didn’t want to surprise her there.
As I drove up the mountain side, I passed the municipal boundary separating the Valley from the Hills. There was a clear difference between the two areas. Most of the roads in the valley weren’t paved. They were packed dirt, compressed by all the agricultural vehicles picking up fruit and grapes. The valley was the hidden gem of California’s wine country. It had some of the best soil in the world. The climate was perfect for bringing out natural flavors. The heat built up during the day and gave the grapes a dryness you didn’t get in other places. In the evenings, cool, moist air rose off the Pacific and settled over the valley like a blanket.
It was a beautiful place to call home. It was a beautiful place to make a home with Faith, if she wanted to.
My relationship with Faith had taken an unconventional path. Twelve years apart was not something most people could survive. But I knew in my heart, Faith and I would survive anything. My love was like the vineyards in the valley. It would weather any drought. The grapes were temperamental, the weather had to be just right, but the vines themselves were hardy. They’d never give up. They’d live for centuries. My love was like the ancient vines, the solid stone of the valley bed, the Rio Secco winding its way down to the ocean.
As I got into the hills, everything became more manicured and perfect. The roads were new and clean, with irrigated rows of palm trees along the sides. The houses were large and modern, with views over the valley to the south, or the ocean to the west. Hollywood actors, Bay Area tech billionaires, you name it. They all had weekend homes in the Hills.
It was a good place for Faith to be. A good place for her to raise my son. She’d chosen well and I loved her for it.
The town was idyllic, the way all American towns used to be. There was a real Main Street, with old fashioned stores that stayed open till late in the evening. You could still walk down the street and get a soda in the pharmacy, grab a burger in Harry’s diner, or catch a movie in the nickelodeon.
I pulled up outside the movie theater and remembered all the nights I’d gone there as a child to catch the feature. I used to go there with my daddy. I missed him. I hadn’t had much chance to dwell on it since his death, but I sure missed him. I loved him like the soil loves the rain.
I wondered what sort of father I’d make. What was in my blood? Did I have it in me to be a good daddy to Sam? Would I be able to show him the things he needed to be shown to become a man? Would he want to learn them from me?
I walked by the Dairy Parlor, another place that brought back memories, this time of my mother. I’d sit in there with her and eat ice cream while she watched me. Those were old memories, going right back to my youngest years. My mother had died a long, long time ago. I looked in through the glass, peering in as if I might still see my mother in there, sitting with me as a little boy.
But she wasn’t there. What I saw was another woman, another mother.
I saw Faith. She was sitting at a booth in the Dairy Parlor with a boy. My boy. It was the first time in my life I’d set eyes on Sam, and instantly I was filled with such overwhelming love for him that the rest of the world disappeared. My thoughts disappeared, my fears, my hopes, everything. My boy. My own boy. I couldn’t believe it. It was like waking up in winter to find spring had arrived. He was life, warmth, everything.
I didn’t waste a second. I couldn’t afford to lose another single one.
I walked right in. Like I said, if you’re going to do something in this life, you’re best to just do it right away. Don’t give yourself a chance to second-guess yourself.
“Faith, is that you?”
Chapter 39
Faith
THERE ARE MOMENTS IN MY life I’ll never forget. This was definitely one of them. The entire time I felt I might cry tears of pure joy. Thankfully, I was able to hold them in.
Sam, for the first time, was setting eyes on his father. Jackson was setting eyes on
his son. Words can’t describe the flood of emotions that flowed through my heart at that moment. It was terrifying, overwhelming, and at the same time, the most natural thing in the world. Anyone watching would have sworn they’d known each other their whole lives. It was surreal.
I’d introduced Sam to men before, random dates, and it was always really awkward. They’d try to be friendly to each other but it would come across as stilted, unnatural. This was anything but awkward. It was easy. I didn’t even have to do anything. Sam didn’t know Jackson was his father, but it was almost as if he didn’t need to know.
“Jackson,” I stammered, “fancy meeting you here.”
Fancy meeting you here? What was I saying? I sounded like my mother.
“I come here all the time,” he said. “I’m an ice cream addict.”
I looked at him and felt my cheeks flush. Oh god. I wasn’t equipped for surprises like this. I glanced at Sam and prayed he couldn’t notice how hot my cheeks were.
“I see your friend is a fellow addict,” Jackson said, motioning to Sam. “What is that? Hot caramel fudge sundae with cream and a cherry?”
Sam’s jaw dropped. It literally dropped. I’m not exaggerating. It was like he’d lived his entire life on a foreign planet, and had only just for the first time met someone his own species.
“How did you know that?” Sam said.
Jackson shrugged. “Damn, kid. I’ve been having those since before you were born. I bet if I ordered one now I’d have it finished before you.”
Jackson ordered a sundae from the waitress.
Sam’s eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. Jackson swore in front of him. It was the last thing he should have done, but somehow, I felt that it wouldn’t do Sam any harm. He was going through such a hard time at school, seeing how a tough guy like Jackson acted might do him good. It might give him some confidence. Sam was excited. He watched the waitress making Jackson’s sundae. It was like he’d never had anyone else to eat ice cream with in his life.
“Why don’t you join us?” I said to Jackson, my cheeks hot with embarrassment.
“Oh, I don’t want to intrude. You two look like you’re having a nice evening. This isn’t a date, is it?”
Sam scrunched up his face.
“This is my son, Sam,” I said, looking into Jackson’s eyes. There was a tear in his eyes and it made me want to cry too. I looked at Sam before my emotions got the better of me. It was hard to speak without my voice breaking. “Sam, this is my friend, Jackson.”
Jackson squeezed into the booth next to Sam and shook his hand. I’ve never seen Sam shake hands with anyone in his life.
“Jackson Jones, at your service.”
“Sam Jones,” Sam said.
I could see the thought going through Sam’s mind. He and Jackson had the same last name.
“Sam was my father’s name,” Jackson said.
“My grandfather’s,” Sam said.
For a terrible moment I was afraid Jackson was going to cry, he looked overcome with emotion, but he held it together. He caught my eye and there was a look in it I’d never seen before.
Was it gratitude?
“So, is this a regular thing for you two?” Jackson said. “An evening ice cream?”
“Sort of,” I said.
“We just saw a movie,” Sam said.
“In the theater?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Kid, I could tell you things about that nickelodeon that would blow your mind. Some of the things I’ve gotten up to in the back row.”
“Sam’s eleven,” I said.
Jackson looked up at me while the message sunk in.
“Oh,” he said. “I see. You’re probably too young for that sort of stuff, Sammy. But another couple of years, and you’ll be real interested.”
Sam nodded. I was surprised that Sam wasn’t more shy. He was taking to Jackson like he’d known him his entire life. They seemed like old buddies. If anything, I was the outsider.
The waitress brought Jackson’s sundae and he took a big bite.
“Good, isn’t it?” he said to Sam.
“The best.”
“You in school?”
“Yes, sir.”
I almost laughed. Sam never called anyone sir. What had made him start with Jackson?
“Call me Jackson,” Jackson said.
“Yes, sir.”
Jackson laughed.
“You like sports?”
“Not too much.”
Jackson nodded.
“But you like movies?”
“Yes,” Sam said, stopping himself at the last second from adding sir.
“Me too,” Jackson said. “Me too.”
Jackson was silent for a few moments. I didn’t know what he was thinking but I tried to imagine what it must have been like for him, after twelve long years, to finally be sitting down next to his son, having a conversation, eating ice cream. I looked into his eyes and he looked back at me. There was a glow in his eyes like fire. It was as if they were made of molten lava. They were burning with passion for me. They were burning with love. I could physically feel it.
I shivered under his gaze. I remembered what he’d done to me in the back of the truck. I remembered the things he’d said to me when I first met him. He’d wanted a child. He’d made no attempt to hide that. He told me he’d put a baby in my womb, and he had. He’d told me he’d get rid of anyone who was a threat to me and the baby, and he’d done that too. A shiver ran down my spine as I flashed back to the orgasm he’d had inside me, less than twenty-four hours earlier.
Jackson was talking to Sam in a way no man had ever talked to him, other than possibly Grant, Forrester and Grady. Jackson was genuinely interested in everything Sam said. He wasn’t just making conversation to impress me. He wasn’t trying to pick up Sam’s mom. He was just talking to the kid like he was a real person, someone worth talking to.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Sam said one of those things I completely didn’t expect.
“I have no dad,” he said.
My eyes widened. I didn’t know what possessed him to bring that up. I looked to Jackson but he didn’t miss a beat.
“I hear that, kid,” he said. “I don’t have a daddy either. Not anymore.”
“Your dad died?” Sam said.
“Yes, sir. Not to speak ill of the dead, but he probably deserved it. You know the ravine bridge when you’re coming up from the city? The one that seems like the perfect place to do some bungee jumping.”
Sam’s eyes lit up with recognition. “I know that bridge.”
“My daddy crashed right over the edge of that thing. The explosion could be seen from the valley dam.”
“No way.”
“Yup. So if you want some advice from me, be very careful when you’re driving a car. It’s the single most dangerous thing you’ll ever do in your life. Even if you smoke. Even if you join the army. It’ll be your car that kills you if you’re not careful.”
“Good advice,” I said.
“Especially don’t drink and drive. Next time you’re drinking, call your mom, or call me. Don’t get behind the wheel.”
Sam laughed. I looked at Jackson but he was kidding. He laughed too. “I’m messing with you, kid. I’m messing with him,” he said, looking at me. “I know he’s too young to drink.”
“And too young to drive,” I said.
“Not for long though, right buddy?” Jackson said.
Sam nodded. He’d been too busy listening to Jackson to eat his ice cream. Jackson’s was all gone.
“Voila!” Jackson said. “Told you I’d finish first.”
“Oh man,” Sam said, slapping his forehead.
“See, man. I distracted you. Asking you all those questions. You’ve got to be on the lookout for that shit. You can’t be letting people pull the wool over your eyes.”
“I know,” Sam said, shaking his head. “Damn.”
“Sam Jones,” I said. “We don’t use wor
ds like that.”
“He did,” Sam said, indicating Jackson.
Jackson shrugged. “Old habits die hard,” he said.
Sam laughed, as if that somehow justified him.
To me, the whole thing was amazing. Sam was actually listening to every word Jackson said. If he’d had a pen and paper, he’d have taken notes. I could tell my little boy had been starved for this kind of attention his entire life. Jackson wasn’t just a man, he was a man’s man. There’s a difference. And that difference seemed to mean the entire world to my little boy.
I was enjoying sitting there but it was past nine and Sam had to get to bed. I wasn’t sure what Jackson had in mind. Had he really just been stopping by for an ice cream, or had he been stalking me? To be honest, I hoped he’d been stalking me.
Chapter 40
Jackson
HOW CAN I DESCRIBE THE feeling of meeting my son for the first time? It’s impossible. It’s like asking someone to describe the first time they saw the sunrise, or the first time they felt love so deeply it hurt.
I looked across the table at Faith. Jesus, my heart was burning for her. She was out of this world. To say I craved her would be a tragic understatement. I longed to feel her body against mine, the warmth of her breasts, the sweet wetness of her pussy.
I almost felt guilty. I was sitting next to my son for the first time in my life, and my mind was obsessed with filling his mommy with my semen.
“Faith,” I said.
“Yes.”
“I had a really nice time last night.”
She looked at me and then away. She was still shy after all we’d been through. It was the most adorable thing in the world. I wanted to see her again. I was dying for her.
“Me too,” she said.
I put twenty bucks on the table for the ice creams and Faith’s coffee.
“You don’t have to pay,” she said.
“Of course I do.”
“Well,” she said, straightening her dress. “It’s been really nice bumping into you. I’m sure Sam had a nice time chatting.”
Sam nodded. What a great kid. He was a gift, a gift Faith had given me. I’d never be able to thank her for it. But I could try.
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