“How much could have happened in such a short time?”
Elle sighed. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me,” Gris said, forcefully.
“Well, I met someone, okay. I know there are better men then you out there. Men who don’t make me feel like shit. Men who don’t try to make me weaker all the time. I know I have options, Gris.”
“What options? You’re not talking about that little prick I saw hanging around the other day, are you?”
“Who?”
“You know who I mean? The pretty boy with the tattoos and that piece of shit pickup truck.”
“What do you know about him, Gris?”
“Nothing?”
“Don’t lie to me. You know something.”
Gris sipped his coffee. There was a leering smile on his face that gave Elle the creeps. “I know he’s never coming back for you, Elle. He had enough of you already.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“Because I know you, you little whore. I know how worthless you are. I know how unloveable you are. You’re disgusting, Elle. No man in his right mind would want more than a quick fuck with you. You’ve never been loved, and you never will be loved. That guy you were with is proof. If he loved you so much, where is he? Why the hell did he skip town on you?”
Elle felt the blood rising to her cheeks. She tried to stay calm, she tried not to show emotion, but she knew she was letting Gris get to her, and she knew he could tell. She’d never been good at hiding her feelings. She wanted to cry, she wanted to burst into tears in despair, and Gris could read it on her face like a book.
“You know it’s true, Elle. Even your own mother gave you away. And she didn’t just put you into care like a normal person would, she didn’t give you over to child services. No. She sold you to some pimps who would make a sex slave out of you. If that’s not hate, then I don’t know what is, Elle. Hate. That’s what the world has in store for you. Not love. So get your head out of the clouds and stop trying to be something you’re not. You’re a sick little bitch. A worthless little whore. No one has ever loved you, and no one ever will. Even your new boyfriend has dumped you already.”
It was only then that Elle remembered Grace and Kelly were standing by her side.
“I think you’ve had enough coffee, mister,” Grace said.
“I agree,” Kelly said.
“Now get out of here before I kick you out.”
Gris laughed. He wasn’t afraid of them. Elle knew he’d spoken to the police already. That’s why he was so cocky. She’d seen him do things like that before. He was very adept at influencing, or blackmailing, people to do his bidding. Nevertheless, he got up from his seat. He’d said what he’d come to say.
Elle waited until the door slammed behind him before collapsing to the floor.
“Elle,” Kelly yelled. “Are you all right?”
Elle was on the tiled floor of the diner. She wasn’t sure how she’d gotten there.
“Come on, child,” Gracie said. “You had a little spin. You fainted. Let’s get you home to bed.”
Chapter 33
Forrester
FORRESTER OPENED HIS EYES. He wasn’t on the bed in the cell, he was on the cold, concrete floor. It was night. He looked up at the small window across the corridor. Stars twinkled in the icy sky.
“I was wondering when you’d wake up, fucko.”
It was Gris’s voice. Forrester didn’t answer it. He tried to move but he couldn’t. His entire body burned with pain.
“Don’t get up,” Gris taunted. “You can’t. We beat the shit out of you while you were unconscious.”
Painfully, Forrester turned his head to look at Gris. Gris was pointing a camcorder at him.
“What are you doing?” Forrester said.
“Just getting some insurance. I have to persuade that little piece of ass you’ve been enjoying that she really should forget about you and come home with me.”
“You mean, she still hasn’t given up on me?” Forrester said, disbelief in his voice.
Gris laughed at him. “Aww, you poor baby. You think that means she loves you?”
“Fuck off,” Forrester said to him.
“Well, it will all be in vain,” Gris said. “She might have waited for you this long. To be honest, I’m surprised. I thought she’d have come running back to me by now.”
“She’s not the girl you think she is, Gris.”
“Maybe not,” Gris said, putting away the camera. “But she will be. I know her. I know how to work her. I’ll grind her down, break down her confidence and self-esteem, until she believes she’s the worthless piece of shit I know she is.”
“Why? Why would you do that?”
“What do you care, fucko? You’ll be rid of her. Her and me, we’ll be gone. You’ll never have to think about her again.”
“I won’t forget her.”
“Well, let me give you a little bit of incentive to move on with your life. I want to make sure you forget all about her.”
“I’ll never forget about her.”
“She was a whore, Forrester. Before you knew her, before even I knew her, she was a whore. She was the property of Los Lobos. They owned her, and they did whatever they wanted with her.”
Forrester said nothing. Gris was nodding. Forrester knew what he was thinking. He thought that this information would make him forget about Elle. He thought it would make him move on, that it would make him not want her anymore.
He was wrong.
That wasn’t the way Forrester’s heart worked. He’d have done anything for Elle, and knowing about her past only made him love her even more intensely. The hardships she’d been through, the struggles she’d had to overcome, that only made him love her even more. He’d die for her, and more importantly, he’d kill for her. She was his girl now. He’d told her that, and he’d meant it. They’d made love, and not even just that, but they’d done it without a condom. They were linked now. Tied together. Forever. There was literally nothing that Gris could say or do that would make Forrester love Elle less. He was locked onto her the way a wolf locks on its mate.
But he didn’t have to let Gris know that.
In fact, it would be better for him if he let Gris believe that his plan was working. If Gris thought Forrester wasn’t coming after him, it would make him more likely to slip up and make a mistake.
“What’s the problem, fucko? You got nothing to say? Cat got your tongue?”
“Fuck you, Gris.”
“Oh, you seem upset. Was it something I said?”
Forrester tried to get up but the pain in his body kept him firmly on the ground.
“Fuck it,” he said. “Fuck it all. Have a good life, Gris. I hope I never see you again.”
Forrester lay there on the ground and shut his eyes. He tried to look as if he’d given up. He had to make Gris believe he wasn’t going to follow him. He didn’t say another word. He knew what he had to do. He had to get up. He had to get out of that cell. He had to win Elle back, before Gris did something terrible to her.
Chapter 34
Elle
ELLE SWORE SHE WAS ALL right, but Kelly and Grace insisted on driving her home.
“I don’t know what I’d do if anything were to happen to you tonight,” Grace said.
“Me too,” Kelly said. “As far as we know, Gris doesn’t know about your apartment. Once you’re in there safely, I’ll feel better.”
“I really don’t want you two making a fuss about me,” Elle protested.
“It’s not a fuss. That jerk practically threatened to kidnap you. We should have called the police already,” Kelly said.
They’d already been over it, and Grace had agreed with Elle. There was no point calling the police if Gris had already gotten to them. The best thing was to lay low, stay out of Gris’s way, and hope he found something else to put his attention on when he realized Elle wasn’t interested in going back with him.
Grace pulled
up outside the little apartment.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to spend the night?” Kelly said.
“I’m positive, Kelly. You’ve done enough. Both of you. I’m able to look after myself.”
They nodded, although Kelly seemed to have her doubts. Elle hurried from the car, in through the door of her apartment, and shut it tightly behind her. She locked it and went upstairs. The apartment was warm. Dennis had made sure of that, and Elle silently thanked him.
She sat down on her bed and stared at the empty fireplace. There were some logs of wood and she threw them onto the hearth. Then she poured a little of the lighter fluid that sat next to the logs onto them, and threw in a match. After a few minutes of coaxing the flames, she had a nice fire going. She needed the comfort of it.
She’d vowed to herself that she’d be strong, that she wouldn’t let Gris get to her, but his words cut like a knife. He knew exactly what to say. Her past was like a black mark on her soul, or so she felt. No matter how hard she tried, she didn’t seem to be able to rid herself of its stain. What if Gris was right? What if she was unlovable? What if Forrester really had changed his mind about her?
She shook her head. Her diary was sitting on the bed next to her and she grabbed it. There was that quote again.
*
It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.
*
She didn’t want to be hated, but she definitely didn’t want to be loved for something she wasn’t. Deep down she knew, if someone was ever going to love her, he would have to love her for all the things she was. All the things that made her her. All the imperfections, and scars, and difficult things she’d been through. Those were the things that made her Elle. Those were the things that she was most proud of, not ashamed of.
What was it that Gris had said about the police? That he had them wrapped around his finger? That’s where he’d slipped up. She had to believe that. She might not be the perfect girl, she might not have had the perfect life and the perfect upbringing, but she deserved to be loved. She knew that. She had to believe it. And she had to believe that Forrester hadn’t run out on her. He hadn’t abandoned her. Gris had arranged something with the sheriff. That was why she hadn’t seen Forrester.
She looked out the window. For once, it wasn’t snowing. She put back on her coat and marched down the stairs. If Forrester was still around, she was going to find out. If he needed her help, she was going to figure out a way to help him. She wasn’t the kind of person to give up on someone she loved, no matter how terrified she was of running into Gris.
Once out on the street, she looked carefully in every direction. She knew Gris. She knew the kind of man he was. She knew how easy it would be for him to grab her, pull her into his car, and take her away with him. But she couldn’t let that get to her now. She hurried to the intersection by the diner and turned toward the police station. She walked hurriedly, her boots making footprints in the snow like an Arctic explorer. The streets were completely deserted.
When she reached the police station she didn’t know if she should be relieved or scared. On the one hand, the police were supposed to protect her. On the other, she knew Gris had corrupted them. She could see into the sheriff’s office, and beyond it, the county jail. It didn’t look like anyone was on duty in the front office, but she knew there had to be someone working in there. There were lights on, a few cars parked out front.
And then she saw it. It was Gris’s car.
What was Gris doing at the sheriff’s office?
Her stomach turned. She knew something wasn’t right. He had no business being there.
Could this be the reason Forrester had disappeared so suddenly?
As she stood there on the sidewalk, looking through the fence at the sheriff’s office, a battle raged inside her. It was a battle between everything she was, everything she’d been in the past, and everything she wanted to be in the future.
On the one hand, she could hear Gris’s voice telling her that no one would ever love her. That was the part of her that feared Forrester had up and left, abandoning her to her fate. She knew that was a real possibility. What if Gris or the sheriff had simply told Forrester about her past? About the life she’d led as a child? Surely that would be enough to get a guy to think twice about her, no matter what he’d thought he felt for her before. As if to drive home her fear, Gris’s black car sat there in the parking lot, the back still dented and damaged from when she’d rammed into it.
On the other hand, she could picture Forrester’s face telling her he loved her, telling her to never forget that, telling her that he wanted her to have his baby. How could that not be real? How could she allow herself to believe the other voice in her head over that one? No. She would get to the bottom of this.
She took a deep breath as she entered the parking lot of the police station. Quietly, she made her way from car to car, all the way to the entrance. She peered in through the glass doors. Everything inside was lit up, the door was unlocked, but no one was sitting at the reception desk. As quietly as she could, she slipped inside. She was inside a waiting room. She walked around the desk into the administrative area, and through that into the sheriff’s office. There was a door from the sheriff’s office leading to the jail but she didn’t go near it. All her attention was on the coat that was hanging on the hook by the door. It was Gris’s coat. She’d recognize it anywhere.
He sure had made himself at home with the Stone Peak police department.
Then she saw something else. It was on the desk. A key. And on it, on the fob, was a little metal pit bull. It was Forrester’s truck key.
They had his key.
Did that mean they had him too?
If they had him, where would he be? Where would they keep him?
She realized it all at once.
The jail.
Chapter 35
Elle
ELLE LOOKED AT THE DOOR. It was orange with an electronic lock. At eye-level there was a small window of reinforced glass. Hesitantly, she walked up to the window, then peered through it. What she saw took her breath away.
Beyond the door was a corridor, and at the end of it was a jail cell. Standing outside the cell was Gris, and behind the bars, lying on the ground in a pool of blood, was Forrester. She gasped and had to stop herself from making a sound. What had they done to him? What had they done to her Forrester? She’d kill them. She’d kill all of them.
They were talking, and she held her breath so that she could hear what they were saying but it was no good. She couldn’t hear a word. She saw that there was a speaker by the door and hit the green light on it. Then she could hear them.
“Well, it will all be in vain,” Gris said. His voice made her want to scream. “She might have waited for you this long,” Gris continued. “To be honest, I’m surprised. I thought she’d have come running back to me by now.”
“She’s not the girl you think she is, Gris.”
Her heart pounded in her chest at the sound of Forrester’s voice. She’d thought she’d never hear him again.
“Maybe not,” Gris said. Gris had been holding a video camera in his hands and he put it away. “But she will be. I know her. I know how to work her. I’ll grind her down, break down her confidence and self-esteem, until she believes she’s the worthless piece of shit I know she is.”
“Why? Why would you do that?”
“What do you care, fucko? You’ll be rid of her. Her and me, we’ll be gone. You’ll never have to think about her again.”
“I won’t forget her.”
“Well, let me give you a little bit of incentive to move on with your life. I want to make sure you forget all about her.”
“I’ll never forget about her.”
“She was a whore, Forrester. Before you knew her, before even I knew her. She was a whore. She was the property of Los Lobos. They owned her, and they did whatever they wanted with her.”
Elle couldn’t breathe.
She couldn’t believe what she was witnessing. There was Gris, the man she’d trusted with everything, and he was telling her deepest, darkest secrets to the man she was in love with. This would change everything. Forrester would never look at her the same way again. He’d lose whatever love he’d had for her.
She watched, mouth open, as Forrester said nothing. Gris only nodded.
“What’s the problem, fucko? You got nothing to say? Cat got your tongue?” Gris taunted.
“Fuck you, Gris.”
“Oh, you seem upset. Was it something I said?”
Forrester moved on the ground but he was too injured to get to his feet.
“Fuck it,” he said. “Fuck it all. Have a good life, Gris. I hope I never see you again.”
And that was the moment Elle’s heart broke. That was it. As simple as that. Forrester had stopped loving her. He didn’t want her. He was done with her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him. What man in his right mind would want a girl with her past?
Forrester lay there on the ground and shut his eyes.
Elle couldn’t see. Her eyes were too full of tears. She couldn’t think straight. She couldn’t move. Her heart felt as if it had just been squished by a boot. Her stomach was in knots. She wanted to run out into the corridor and tell Forrester not to stop loving her. She wanted to beg him to give her a chance. She was more than her past. She was so much more than that. She wasn’t what he thought.
The quote, from the French author, it kept running through her mind.
*
It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.
*
And then the door opened. The force of it knocked her back off her feet. She fell to the ground and when she looked up, there was Gris, standing above her, his jaw set in a cruel snarl. It was exactly the look he always had before he laid into her. She rose her arms in front of her face to protect herself from the barrage of abuse she knew was coming, but it didn’t come. Gris just laughed. He made sure to shut and lock the door carefully behind him. He saw that the microphone was turned on and that just made him even more amused.
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