She can tell that I’m struggling to do the right thing. “Adam,” she whispers, putting her arms around my neck, pulling me fully down on top of her, my length cradled by her soft thighs, “it’s time. I want this. I want you.”
Groaning, I give in to my baser needs, letting my weight settle on Ellie. We slowly rock against each other in a tortuous rhythm as our mouths and hands express how we feel about each other.
When I reach down to touch her slick folds, her hips snap up in surprise. “Shhhhh, Sweetheart. Let me make you feel good,” I whisper against her mouth.
Ellie relaxes back into the bed and closes her eyes, absorbing every touch, every blissful rush of pleasure that I give her as my fingers slide across her wet slit. When she starts moaning and bucking into my hand, her face flushed, I know she’s ready. I line myself up with her entrance and slowly push inside.
The head of my cock breaches her opening and her eyes fly open at the intrusion, a mixture of fear and lust reflected back at me. I push further, causing her to cry out, biting her lip to contain the pain as I tear through her final barrier. She’s so tight I have to concentrate to keep from losing it the second her body wraps around my cock.
A single tear trails down her cheek as I take her virginity. I lean down and kiss it away, whispering in her ear as I begin to rock inside her. “The worst is over, let me love you, Ellie. Let me show you how much you mean to me.” It takes everything I have to keep my voice from cracking under the powerful emotions I feel for this girl. This is so different from anyone else I’ve been with, she’s important to me, we’re important together.
Her eyelids flutter open and my Ellie is back with me. The love I know that she feels for me reflects back in the deep blue of her irises. “Yes. Love me Adam.”
With Ellie, I do something I’ve never done before in my life. I gently, slowly, make love to someone who actually means something to me. It’s not shagging or fucking or getting off. It’s emotional and heart stopping and beautiful. When Ellie starts moaning and clawing at my back, reaching out for something to steady her as the unfamiliar ache begins deep inside, I know that her orgasm is near.
“Oh God, oh God!” She cries and whimpers as she gets closer to the edge of bliss. I thrust harder, faster, each of us moaning the other’s name as we both hover on the edge of the ecstasy that we crave, that will tie us together forever.
And then we fall.
Chapter 13
Adam
The loud slam of the front door sends chills up my spine from where I sit in my bedroom. It’s pretty fucking sad when you pray that your crack addicted mum is the one coming home so you won’t get your arse kicked by your abusive, piece of shit dad.
The guitar in my hands feels like lead all of a sudden. I stuff down the nervousness and stand, placing the instrument carefully on the mattress. A low shuffling sound can be heard coming from the lounge and I let out a huge breath of relief. Dad wouldn’t bother to be quiet since he’s usually so drunk that he trips and smashes his way into the flat, shouting obscenities the entire time.
I walk into the lounge and see my mum, already passed out on the filthy sofa, not that she’s ever conscious enough to care about dirt. Or food it seems. She’s thinner than the last time I saw her, which has been a few weeks at least. How she ever raised me and Danny without killing one of us from neglect is a mystery.
She moans and turns onto her back before becoming deathly still again. I stand over her for a moment, watching to make sure her bony chest is still moving up and down. I’ve done this so many times over the years that it’s pathetic. Imagine a little kid having to make sure his mum is breathing? Who does that to their child?
I take a good look at her, a really good look. My mum looks bad, and that says a lot since she never really looks like anything but the addict that she is. Her long brown hair is dull and in need of a wash. She has dark circles under her eyes, possibly faded bruises but more likely from lack of food and sleep from the drugs. She used to be pretty, the memories I have are old and faded, but I can remember a few times when her face seemed to glow and her smile was bright.
Whatever. Those days are long gone. Angry, I head back into my room, grab my guitar, and shove it into its case, slinging it up on my shoulder. Then I get my bag and put a change of clothes and my toothbrush in it in case I have to crash at Dax’s tonight. When my mum shows up, Dad isn’t usually far behind. It’s easier to avoid him than stay here and get knocked around.
The walk to Ellie’s place helps to clear my head. I don’t want her worrying about my problems on top of all of the crap she’s going through. By the time I knock on her door, I’m able to be the Adam that I want to be for her, happy, smiling, and without a care in the world.
“Adam,” Ellie’s dad says as he opens the door. “C’mon in son.” He steps back and lets me enter the tiny flat.
“Hello sir.” I put my guitar and my bag down in the entry while he closes the door behind me. Ellie’s parents are great, the type of parents every kid should have. They always make me feel like I’m welcome in their home, no judgmental looks or scowls sent my way.
“Have you eaten anything, Adam? We have some dinner leftover.” Ellie’s mum gets up from the sofa and walks over to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. Even with cancer, feeling like crap from the chemo and her bald head wrapped in a colorful scarf, Ellie’s mum is a thousand times better than mine ever was.
“Ummmm.” I hesitate. I haven’t eaten much today, but I feel guilty letting Ellie’s parents feed me all the time. They must have figured out what kind of home I come from because they’re always trying to give me food in a way that doesn’t feel like charity. They’re pretty cool. “I don’t want to be a bother,” I tell her truthfully.
“It’s not a bother, Adam.” She pulls out different takeaway boxes and piles food onto a plate. Then she sticks it into the microwave to heat and gently shoves me towards the table. “Shoo, go sit. I’ll bring it over.”
“Hi.” Ellie joins me, taking the chair next to mine, resting her chin in one hand.
“Your mum seems better,” I whisper, taking Ellie’s free hand, threading her fingers through mine.
“Yeah, it’s been a pretty good day. They found a medicine that keeps her from getting sick as much.” She leans back and rubs her tired-looking eyes.
Before I know it, a plate of hot food is slid in front of me and a large glass of water appears. “Thanks Mrs. Palmer,” I say gratefully.
“You’re very welcome dear.” She pats my shoulder and smiles. “I’m going to have a rest. You two have fun and be careful.” She turns and disappears down the hall.
Ellie’s dad is watching the news, leaving us alone in the small kitchen area. The room is quiet while I scarf down my meal. Once I’m done, I wash the plate and turn to El. “Ready?”
She stands up and smiles, but it’s forced. Whenever we’re around her mum, it’s hard for her to be happy. “Let’s go.”
“Your usual?” I ask Ellie as she slides into a booth at our favorite hangout, a small coffee shop near our school.
“Yes please.” She gives me a bright smile and I can feel her watch me as I cross the busy café and place our order at the counter.
“Hi Adam.” I cringe at the sound of the girl on my left.
“Lucy,” I say banally, not giving her the satisfaction of looking in her direction.
She trails her fingers along the back of my hand and I bristle at the touch. “Fancy meeting you here,” she purrs.
I pull my hand back and glare at her. “I didn’t meet you here, Lucy. I’m here with my girlfriend.”
Lucy’s dark eyes narrow and she tilts her head towards Ellie. “You mean that girl? I have no idea what you see in her Adam. She’s so… boring. Everyone knows it won’t last. You don’t have it in you to be faithful.” Lucy shoots a sly smile in Ellie’s direction and I see Ellie’s cheeks redden in embarrassment.
“Here you go.” The barista places my drink order on the counter and
goes to wait on the next customer.
Usually, I’m friendly towards the girls I’ve shagged, always portraying the easygoing, laid-back guy. It seems easier than being an asshole like Dax, but Lucy has shredded my last bit of patience in keeping up the act.
I turn and face her head on. The fury I feel must show on my face because Lucy recoils and her skin blanches. In a low voice I hiss, “Don’t ever speak to me about Ellie again. You have no idea what you’re talking about, so fuck off.”
Unable to stand near Lucy for another minute without doing something I’ll regret, I snatch up the coffees and stalk over to the table where Ellie is staring down at her hands, her face red with humiliation.
Fuck!
I hate that the girls at school make her feel like that. Never in a million years did I think that I’d regret my extensive extracurricular activities, but I do. Anything that puts that look on Ellie’s face was definitely not worth it, plus, I know that they give her a hard time at school. It kills me that it’s my fault.
“Here you go.” I place El’s cup in front of her.
“Thanks,” she mumbles, still staring down at her hands.
I squeeze in next to her in the booth and put a hand on her leg under the table. “I’m sorry about that, El. She’s a bitch and she’s jealous, that’s all that is. Please don’t let her get to you. You mean everything to me. Only you. Got it?”
Ellie looks up at me through her lashes, her mouth still pulled down in the corners. “I know, Adam.” She takes a shaky breath and smiles. “It’s hard to watch.” She shrugs and sips her coffee.
“If I could take it all back I would. You know that, right? I didn’t care about any of them, especially not Lucy. I don’t even like her.” I take her chin and tilt her head up until I can see those gorgeous blue eyes. “I love you, El. I’d do anything for you. Anything.”
She nods and attempts a small smile. I figure that she probably needs more time to accept the truth. I’m sure it’s difficult to believe that I only want her when my past indiscretions are constantly being flaunted under her nose.
I move slowly, deliberately as I lean in and brush my lips across hers. A faint whimper comes from her as we connect, so I deepen the kiss but keep it chaste enough that she knows it comes from love and adoration, not lust.
When we break away, she licks her bottom lip and her gaze locks with mine. “I love you too, Adam.”
I sigh and give her one last kiss. As long as she loves me, we can make this work, create something perfect together.
If I didn’t have Ellie, I’d have nothing.
chapter 14
Ellie
The closer it gets to the end of term, the harder it is for me to concentrate. My mum had her surgery and has been getting the last type of chemo, which has made her weak and very sick most of the time, but the doctor says it’s shrinking the cancer. Dad has been working just as much as usual, maybe more now that Mum has had to take leave from her job.
I don’t care about going to uni anymore. My goal is just to finish school and get a job to help out my family. My parents fought with me on this and are insisting that I continue on to study nursing like I always said I would. How can I say no to my mum when she’s ill?
The problem is, none of my past goals seem important to me. Only my mum, my dad, and Adam. Everything else is just background noise in my chaotic life.
“Well, what did you think?”
“Huh? What?” I look up at Adam blankly as the rest of the band stares back from across the empty pub.
“I guess that answers our question. You weren’t even listening, were you?” Adam asks, coming over to where I’m sitting on a barstool.
“I’m sorry.” I wrap my arms around my body to keep myself from falling apart. Sleep has been hard to come by since my mum’s illness, so I’m pretty much always on the edge of falling asleep or crying from exhaustion.
“We asked, what do you think of Sphere of Irony for the name of our band?” Adam repeats, bending down to see my face.
“Great, it’s great,” I answer without thinking, my brain on full autopilot. A minute later, I realize it makes no sense. “Wait! What does it mean?”
Hawke laughs from behind his drum set. “These idiots just took something I said and warped it,” he says, smiling.
“Yeah,” Dax laughs. “Hawke said that when we play, we’re in our own little world, like being in a bubble. Then we made fun of him for saying ‘bubble’. He got shitty and asked if ‘sphere’ sounded snobby enough for our ‘uppity British arses’.” He makes dramatic air quotes around the last three words.
“Idiot.” Hawke rolls his eyes and taps out a riff on his drums. “Then I told them that they should leave the irony to me because they suck at it, and that was that.”
I smile at the four boys, no they’re men now, Dax, Adam and myself having turned eighteen years old in the past few months, and Hawke and Gavin turned eighteen last year. “It’s brilliant, really. I love it,” I tell them, and I mean it. I still don’t get it, but it’s good.
I’m rewarded with four giant grins and they get ready to play their next song.
Once they’re done with practice, they pack up their gear and I grab my handbag to leave. One by one, the guys say their good-byes and take off but Adam lingers, spending way too long to get his guitar packed up.
“Are we going home at some point?” I ask, watching him anxiously wander around the stage area.
“Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you for a second,” he says. Grabbing my hand he tugs me over to a booth in the corner, letting me sit and then shoving in next to me on the same side so I have to scoot over to make room.
I swallow nervously. Adam’s not real big on talking, so this has got me thinking the worst. My hand unconsciously goes to my mouth and I worry at my poor, ragged thumbnail.
Adam turns to face me, our thighs pressing together in the tiny booth, takes both of my hands in his, and gently pulls my thumb out of my mouth. He stares at me with those deep, hazel eyes, the flecks of golden brown even more pronounced today than usual.
“Ellie, Hawke has an uncle who’s a big deal in the club and music scene. Hawke sent him some of our stuff and his uncle says he can book us for some gigs.”
“That’s great, Adam. God, you had me all freaked out thinking you were going to tell me something awful!”
Adam looks at me strangely, then swallows nervously. “Ellie, Hawke’s uncle lives in L.A., where he’s from. The clubs are there, he can get us into some of the best places where music producers and important people can hear us play.”
As Adam speaks I can feel my heart physically breaking in two. The pain is so strong, that I can’t breathe, or blink, or move. Los Angeles! That’s practically the other side of the world. I want to clutch at my aching chest, but Adam keeps my hands wrapped in a tight grip.
“Sweetheart,” he continues, “I want you to come with me. You can go to university there, in California. Gavin says there’s loads of schools and you could probably get into any one of them with your grades.”
It takes my brain a second to catch up, but I finally piece together what Adam’s trying to say. “You want me to move to Los Angeles… with you?” I ask, still reeling from the thought of us being separated.
He clutches my hands firmly and brings them to his mouth for a kiss. “Yes. I want you to come with me,” he says, his gaze unwavering.
He’s serious. Dead serious. Move to the U.S. With Adam.
My mind scrambles to process what he’s offering. A chance to get out of the East End, to go to school, to stay together while Adam pursues his dream with his mates. It sounds too good to be true.
“But, my parents,” I tell him as a lump forms in my stomach. How can I leave them alone? With my dad working all of the time and my mum so ill?
“You said they want you to go to university. So you wouldn’t be around next year either way? You could come back during breaks and visit.” Adam’s eyes light up with hope. “It�
�ll work, Ellie. I know it will.”
“Kate did mention that one of her scholarships was to a school in Los Angeles,” I think out loud.
“Brilliant!” Adam says, a wide grin spreading across his handsome face. “You’re so smart, I’m sure you can get a scholarship there too.”
He makes it sound too easy. Maybe it is that easy. The deciding factor is my parents. I can’t leave without their blessing. I won’t, and that breaks my heart all over again.
With only a few weeks left in the term, I have to talk to my parents about Los Angeles. I’ve applied to so many schools, I don’t even remember which ones until the letters begin to arrive. I was accepted into almost all of them, with large scholarships to several. I’m scared to death to hear my parents’ answer. If they say yes, I won’t be around to help my mum go through the last cycle of her chemo. If they say no, I’ll lose Adam and be heartbroken. Either way I can’t win.
Gathering up as much courage as I can, I sit on a small armchair in our lounge and wipe my sweaty palms on my skirt, the sounds of the television squawking in the background.
“Mum, Dad, can we have a chat?” I ask, my wavering voice betraying me already.
My dad puts down his newspaper and they both turn their eyes to me, giving me their complete focus. Mum looks tired, really tired. Chemo hasn’t been kind to her.
“Yes, dear?” my dad asks, waiting for me to speak.
I close my eyes and spit out the facts as quickly as I possibly can. “Kate is going to Los Angeles to go to university. I’ve looked into scholarships and it looks as if I’ll get enough money to go to the same school. I’d like to go, but I don’t want to leave you two if it means not having enough help round here to get Mum to her appointments and what not,” I blurt out without taking a single breath, only opening my eyes when I’m done.
My parents stare at me after my rambling outburst. They look as if I just told them I’m pregnant with an alien child and am moving to Mars. I specifically leave Adam out of the equation. I don’t want them to think I’m leaving to shack up with my boyfriend, even though that’s kind of what I’m doing.
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