by Mia Archer
That truth wasn’t scary anymore.
I bridged the few feet between me and Claire even as it seemed like I was making a far more profound journey across that short gap. The water swished around me as I pressed myself against Claire and her free arm wrapped around me holding me up as her lips pressed into mine.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I melted into that kiss and for a perfect moment it felt as though the entire world melted away. For a moment it was just me and Claire floating weightless in the water, our bodies pressed together and our legs intertwined as she held both of us up and I started running my hands all over her body and exploring her in a way I’d fantasized about so many times.
I’d always chased that fantasy away, but it was solid and here right in front of me now. I couldn’t chase away the truth. Not that I wanted to.
And there was the taste of her. It was intoxicating. It was amazing how sense memories could be reactivated after five years, and my sense memories were firing on all cylinders as I thought back to that night and remembered the feeling of her then. Remembered a taste I never thought I’d get to experience again and now here I was feeling positively giddy as the forbidden pleasures of the past became the very real pleasures of the present.
Of course all good things and all that. Eventually I came up for air and we floated there staring into one another’s eyes. I felt like I was almost on the verge of tears from the sheer power of the emotions welling up inside me and threatening to overwhelm me. I felt like I needed to say something that articulated the powerful emotions I was feeling.
“Damn Claire. I’ve been dreaming about that for the past five years and I didn’t even realize it.”
Immediately I regretted saying that. Claire got a funny look on her face and I felt her disengaging. I tried to fight it, I didn’t want to pull away from that moment even as I felt it slipping away because of my stupid slip of the tongue, but it was difficult to keep my grip on her considering she was the one with all the leverage.
Okay, so maybe bringing up what happened that night still wasn’t the greatest idea even considering how well things were going tonight. Apparently it had done something to Claire. Pulled her back to reality when all I wanted was to continue living the fantasy with her.
I treaded water as Claire started swimming to the other side of the pool. To the side of the pool with the obvious stairs that could take her out of the pool and away from me. Yeah, the moment was slipping away and I didn’t want it slipping away. Not after I’d finally found peace with this. It wasn’t fair!
“Claire, wait,” I said.
If she heard me she didn’t give any indication, so I started swimming after her. She wasn’t moving too fast and I managed to catch up with her. I tried to stop her with a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged me away.
“Claire, seriously. If we’re going to bring up that night then the last thing you should do is make the same mistake I did.”
That got her attention. She stopped. She turned and looked at me, and it looked like there were actually tears in her eyes. Sure it was difficult to tell considering we were in a pool surrounded by water, but her eyes definitely looked a little puffy. And I felt like a piece of shit for making her feel that way. I moved forward, it was easier here since my feet could actually touch the ground, and moved a hand to her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into my hand which I figured was a good sign.
At least I desperately hoped it was a good sign.
“Allison, I’m sorry but I just can’t do this,” she said.
She sounded like it was the hardest thing she’d ever said, but she said it. I was crushed at her words, and in that moment I got it. I truly got it. I realized what it must have felt like for her when I rejected her.
I blinked.
“Damn. So that’s what that feels like, huh?”
Claire seemed confused. “What are you…”
I put a finger to her lips. It was as though everything was coming together for me in the pool tonight. Peace with how I felt about Claire at long last, and on top of that finally understanding how Claire felt. The magnitude of what I’d done to her. It took her threatening to walk away after I’d suddenly found myself pinning all of my hopes for the future on her to realize that.
I know I should have had a hell of a lot more empathy for her long before tonight, but at least I’d finally realized what I’d done to her. I suppose that was worth something.
I moved my other hand up to her cheek. I pulled her in for a kiss and she didn’t stop me. She also didn’t exactly respond to the kiss, not in the way she had before, but she at least let out a sigh that told me she was still a little interested. It’s not like I was kissing her and she was trying to pull away or anything.
I did pull back though. I needed to say something.
“I was a piece of shit five years ago. I treated you like crap and I threw something away that I’ve spent half a decade trying to run from, but I don’t know why I was running,” I said.
I pulled her in for another kiss for good measure and this time I got more of a response. This time she closed her eyes and her mouth actually opened just a little. I felt the tip of her tongue darting out and running along mine which sent a thrill running through me.
I pulled back again. “I suppose I could keep apologizing for the rest of my life and that will seem like a small price to pay to have you in my life.”
Claire frowned and I wanted to scream in frustration. Damn it! Here I was pouring my heart out to her, here I was trying to make everything right and apologizing for the second time this evening, and still she looked suspicious.
“Earlier you apologized and then you started distracting me with the kissing, but I need an answer. I need a simple yes or no without trying to change the subject,” Claire said.
“Fine. What is it?”
“You’re apologizing and saying all these things and it’s incredible, but what I said earlier still stands. I’m not going to force you into anything, but I’m serious when I say I can’t be with someone who’s still hiding from the world. Are you willing to tell the world or are you just telling me? Because I’ve been in the closet. I didn’t like it. I’m not going back there. Even if it’s to be with you.”
Okay, so that was a fair question. And now that I thought about it I suppose I did sort of dodge that earlier outside the bowling alley. Though to be fair I didn’t know what the answer was then. At the time I was still unsure of myself, unsure of the idea of letting the world know how I felt about Claire.
I didn’t have any of that uncertainty anymore, though. I was ready to tell the world. More importantly I could tell Claire that I was ready to tell the world and I could say it with a clean conscience.
“I want you Claire. I’ll shout it from the top of the highest mountain. We can go back to the bowling alley and tell all the drunks who are still out there trying to hook up with their old flames if you want. I don’t care what it takes, as long as I get you.”
A pause. I wondered if this was going to be it. I wondered if I was finally going to reap what I’d sown that night just a few feet away down the stairs on the beach. That night I had what I truly wanted in my arms and I’d been so afraid of it that I ran as far and as fast as I could and spent the next five years trying to pretend it never happened. And now in the ultimate of ironies it seemed that I was in very real danger of losing Claire now that I’d realized she was definitely what I wanted.
“You know I’ve been thinking about that night constantly for the past five years too. I almost didn’t come to the reunion because I was worried I might run into you. I’ve spent the last five years hating you and I was afraid of what might happen if we met.”
I sighed. That didn’t sound like a very promising start if she was going to end with telling me how much I meant to her. That wasn’t a phrase that led to the happily ever after that I so desperately needed. I waited for the other shoe to drop ending my fairy tale moment forever, though it was probably the
least I deserved considering how I’d treated her.
Claire reached out and brushed a strand of wet hair away from my face. Her look was surprisingly gentle. It definitely wasn’t the look of someone who hated me. No, it was more the look of someone who desperately wanted to go right on kissing me.
I felt hope kindling deep inside me even though I figured it was a futile hope.
“Now I’ve realized that all that anger wasn’t worth it. You were scared, but I shouldn’t have held that against you. It just meant we couldn’t be together.”
Damn it Claire. You were sending me on a roller coaster of emotions here! Did you want me or not? Was this going to happen or not? I’m floating here finally admitting to feelings that maybe she’d known about all along but they were still new and scary to me, and she was going back and forth between hating me and giving me hope and it was driving me crazy!
“I was afraid,” I said. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”
“In that case I think we have a chance,” she finished with a broad grin that was accompanied by her hands running up and down my body leaving a trail of fire despite being submerged in water.
There we go. That’s what I was looking for. What I was hoping for. I sighed in contentment as she leaned forward and our lips pressed together. As I felt warmth the likes of which I’d never enjoyed with a man. As everything felt right in a way that it never had with a guy.
It was a hell of a lot hotter than anything I’d experienced before, for that matter, unless I was counting my other night with Claire. I sighed as she pressed her lips against mine once more. Damn that felt nice.
17: More Than Friendly Swim
I couldn’t believe this was finally happening. This was it. This was the moment. I was pressing Allison against the edge of her pool, only twenty or so feet away from where we’d had our first makeout session on that fateful night years ago, and I felt like all systems were go. I felt like we were ready for launch and there was nothing that was going to stop us this time.
And yet I couldn’t help but wonder if this really was happening. Despite what she’d said every movement she made had me tensing up wondering if that was going to be the sign that she was pulling away and I was going to deal with a level of frustration that was completely unprecedented compared to what I’d already endured.
Only that moment never came. No, Allison melted into me and I felt as though the water around us should be boiling it was so damn hot. Her body was everything I’d imagined, everything I’d fantasized about in forbidden sessions with my plastic buddy when she would pop into my head unwanted and yet very wanted at the same time.
Her taste was exactly as I remembered. It was a taste that had been seared into my memory. A taste that was impossible to forget, and let me tell you I’d spent plenty of time trying to forget her! The feel of her body was electric and despite the heat I had goose bumps rising all over my body.
Okay, we’d been kissing for a little while and while that felt nice there was so much more that I wanted. So much more that I needed. Despite what she’d said there was still a part of me that very much worried this might be the only chance I was ever going to get with Allison, and if that was the case then I wanted to enjoy the hell out of this while I could!
I moved my hands along her arm. She sighed and if anything her kissing grew more frenzied. Okay, I figured that was a good sign. She wasn’t freaking out and trying to pull away from me or anything, so I continued.
Even as I continued I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I hadn’t been this much in my head when I was making out with a girl in years. I was starting to feel like the first time all over again, and it was a strange and also somewhat exhilarating experience. I was feeling a rush of emotions and feelings that I hadn’t felt since the first time I was with a girl other than Allison, and feeling that again was driving me wild.
I decided to get bold. I’d been with plenty of girls in the intervening years since that fumbling but oh-so-wonderful night with Allison on the beach. I had experience, and it was time for me to show her what she could really feel if she was brave enough to be open and honest with the world about who she was.
I intended to blow her mind so completely out of the closet that she wouldn’t be able to pick up the pieces after. Partly because I wanted her to be out and proud of who she was, but mostly because I figured if I gave her the most mind blowing night of her life there wasn’t a chance she’d consider going back to guys.
So what if I was a little self-serving in my desire to show her a good time? Wasn’t everybody in their own way when they hopped into bed with someone and gave a first rate performance? Wasn’t there always the desire to do so well that they came back for more?
Well Allison was going to want a hell of a lot more by the time I was done with her.
I moved my hands down to her chest. I ran my fingers over her breasts and luxuriated in how soft they were. In how hard her nipples were. In the way her body seemed to jerk as though she’d been hit by an electric current. Her arms tightened around my shoulder and pulled me closer which made it a little awkward to keep feeling her up, but I’d take that reaction!
So I continued moving down. Down towards that treasure, that tempting fold between her legs I’d dreamed of so many times in the years since, never believing I’d actually have a chance to explore her like this.
I braced myself as I ran a hand up her thigh. I figured if there was ever going to be a moment where she freaked out and decided enough was enough this was going to be that moment. Only once more there was no protest from her. No, she just sighed into me as my fingers found their goal and then I was exploring my former best friend and current lover in the most intimate way possible.
Hell, that was worth a sigh of my own. I felt like I was in very real danger of passing out. I’d been with other girls, but those other experiences didn’t compare to what I was feeling with Allison. She felt the same as other girls, but somehow it was different, somehow it was so much more intense knowing that this was Allison I was feeling up. That this was Allison who was suddenly tensing up as though she’d been hit with that live current again.
I thought the tensing might be because she was about to pull away, but once more I was pleasantly surprised. Pleasantly surprised in a couple of ways. The first was that I realized her body wasn’t tensing because she was about to bolt so much as it was tensing because her breathing was picking up, her body was starting to shudder, and it felt like she was starting to be hit by one hell of an orgasm.
Damn. I’d barely touched her and already she was over the edge! Talk about an intense feeling knowing I’d done that for her. Then again I suppose she did have years of pent up energy buried inside her. If I’d gone that long without having an experience with another woman, if I’d forced myself into a box where the only sexual outlet I had was with guys I wasn’t particularly interested in, then I figured I’d have a lot of pent up sexual energy as well.
Then again maybe I did have some of that pent up sexual energy, because my second surprise was that Allison reached down between my legs. Only there was none of the hesitation that I’d shown. She was moving down and then my bottoms were pulled to the side and oh dear God in heaven that I didn’t particularly believe in anymore that felt fucking incredible.
Fireworks. Explosions. If I thought my body was on fire before that was nothing compared to the feeling of her fingers slipping inside me. The feeling of a dam bursting inside me and all the pent up energy, all the anger and frustration, all the sexual desire I’d been feeling towards Allison and bottling up or denying, came bursting forth in one intensely overwhelming explosion that had me blacking out for a moment.
I came to a second later and Allison had pulled away from the kiss. It was just the two of us staring into one another’s eyes. Locking gazes as we were locked together at the hip, locked together by our hands between one another’s legs, locked together by the collective release of all of the feelings, bad and good, tha
t had been building between us even though we hadn’t seen each other since the night.
Blood was pumping through my ears with such intensity that I was having trouble hearing for a moment. When it started to subside gasps and cries and moans came crashing down around me. I blinked. I’d seen Allison staring with her mouth open, but I guess I hadn’t realized she was letting out beautiful cries that were echoing out across the lake.
I suppose anyone who was out there on a boat was probably getting one hell of an aural show this evening even if they probably didn’t know exactly where the sounds were coming from. Oh well. I’m sure it wasn’t the first time someone at one of these lake houses got a little too excited while they were having a little bit of fun and the noise from their fun carried out onto the water.
I didn’t care about any of that. No, the only thing I cared about was how beautiful Allison looked. Was how incredible her body felt against mine as we both shuddered and crashed against one another as our orgasms crashed over our bodies. I concentrated on how incredible her fingers felt. She was obviously inexperienced but at the same time she was obviously a woman who knew what she liked and she was able to put that to good use in manipulating me.
It was actually kind of funny the twists and turns this evening had taken. I’d come out to this reunion not daring to hope anything would happen with Allison. I’d dreaded running into her because I was worried about the feelings that would dredge up. For most of the night I’d been more frustrated than anything else because she still seemed unwilling to admit the truth to herself or to the world. Then there’d been hope as we kissed behind the bowling alley then headed out to her house.
Yeah, in that moment in her pool as we came together the arc of the evening was coming to a close. Everything was right with the world and I realized that this might actually be a thing. If she was serious about telling the world how she felt then there was a good chance this might be the beginning of one hell of a great relationship. A relationship I’d told myself over and over that I didn’t need, but now that I looked back on it I was starting to realize that maybe part of the reason why I never had a serious girlfriend despite having a lot of fun in college was because every girl had been weighed against Allison and found lacking, as fucked up as that was considering how she’d treated me and the zap she’d put on my head.