by Lisa Kumar
"Besides the fact someone would attempt to surpass them, there are inherent risks in going that far forward."
There was always a catch, it seemed, whether it was an offer for free liquid detergent or a trip to another dimension’s future. "Risks like?"
"Arriving during a time of war or, worse, when the world may not exist at all. Such things might not only kill the fae in question, but could have a backlash on TirAnn through the link if it’s not inactivated fast enough. It’s been hypothesized that worlds could end in this way."
She winced. "Ooh, that’s bad."
"To say the least." He lifted her hand to his lips and placed a lingering kiss on the back of it.
The heat from his mouth zinged down to her toes, making them curl under the bed sheets. But the way his gaze swept down to her feet, he appeared to notice, and his soft laughter rang out.
"Enough of this dreary talk, my love. Let’s make your toes curl some more."
* * *
* * *
Natalie tried to hold still as Lurin examined her, but the bright morning light flooded in through an open window and nearly blinded her.
"Light bothering you?"
Sitting up, she blinked her tearing eyes and cast a doubtful glance toward the window covered only by a gauzy curtain. "Can something be done to adjust the amount coming in?"
"For you, absolutely."
With a wave of his hand, a shade lowered over the window. It filtered out the perfect amount of light. She breathed a sigh of relief. Now her eyes could stop watering.
"Thank you."
"Lorh wouldn’t thank me if he came in and saw you with tears in your eyes. Now lie back, and we’ll finish this exam. I can tell you want out of here."
She settled herself back against the pillows. "No offense, but I do."
"None taken. This place isn’t usually anyone’s favorite."
Fascination took hold as he went about his task. His hands hovered over her most of the time. When he did place them on her skin, she swore she felt some kind of energy flowing from his fingertips. She’d never seen anything like it. His hands seemed to be a barometer for health.
As he bent over the lower portion of her body, she took that time to inspect him. His sculpted face sported high cheekbones and a long, straight nose. Like Lorh, he had a decidedly nonhuman air about him. And for some reason, he felt strangely familiar. She knew she’d never met him. Weird that being in TirAnn was giving her such a huge case of déjà vu.
She shrugged that thought off and continued her perusal of him. His long auburn hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail, but it was the few white hairs mingled in with the red that snagged her notice. Here was proof that fae people aged, though admittedly at a much slower rate than humans. In fact, when she was in the marke — wait, she’d never been to the market, let alone seen any older fae people there.
She must’ve been in bed too long, and it was affecting her brain.
Lurin straightened. "You’re all cleared to leave. Just don’t do anything strenuous for the next few days."
She stifled a laugh as she sat up. "That shouldn’t be too hard. I pretty much have nothing to do."
"Feeling bored?"
"Not exactly bored. Lorh’s siblings keep me company if he can’t. But I feel pretty useless."
He gave a brisk yet sympathetic nod. "Most things take time to fall into place. If you stay, you’ll find your purpose."
Surprise fluttered like a hummingbird’s wings in her chest. "You know why I’m here?" For heaven’s sake, she didn’t even really know why.
The smile slipped from his face. "Lorh told me a little about your situation. Plus, it was easy to guess his intentions toward you."
"It was?"
"When you’ve known Lorh as long as I have, you realize he has a reason for everything he does."
Maya had said almost the same words in conjunction to Lorh. So they both believed he had good reasons for pursuing her? Now if she could only figure those out. Why would a fae male go to all this trouble for a human woman when there were lovely fae women like Maya around? There was more to it — she just knew it. "Well, I wish I understood those reasons."
"I think you will — and soon."
She sent him a suspicious look. "Is that your opinion as a doctor or as Lorh’s friend?"
"Both."
"And I suppose you won’t tell me anything more?" It couldn’t hurt to try.
"No, that’s between you and Lorh," he said, his tone gentle.
How could she argue with that? He was just a bystander to the rabbit hole that stood between her and Lorh. "Fair enough."
"Come, put a smile on that face. Lorh’s coming soon, and he’ll come bearing clothes in the hopes you’ll be able to leave. You don’t want to wear that fashionable white nightgown out, do you?"
* * *
* * *
Natalie stared at Lorh as he strode into the room. "Where are the clothes?" He only had what looked like a folded blanket over his arm.
"No hello?" He laughed and shook his head. "How are you?"
She stood up from where she’d been perched on the bed. "I’m fine and can leave."
"In that case, I thought you’d prefer to get ready in the comfort of your own chamber."
"I guess so, but I’ll have to walk there in this." She glanced down at her gown. While it was modest, there was no denying it was nightwear.
"That’s why I brought this." Flicking his wrist, he unfurled a cloak and stepped toward her.
"It’ll do," she said, trying to ignore how her pulse went wild around him.
With a flourish, he enveloped her in the cloak and fastened it at the neck. "There, you’re all presentable now."
"What a relief. The world can go on now."
"Indeed it is. And in that vein, let’s get you back to your chamber. You can ready yourself for the day. I have a little surprise arranged for you."
"A good or bad one?" She hated to ask, but she wanted to be prepared. He had a way of throwing her and sometimes not in a pleasant way.
He flashed her a smile. "You’ll have to wait and find out."
Well, she’d received the standard answer, but judging by his grin, whatever he was planning shouldn’t be anything too horrible. At least she hoped not. She could never tell with Lorh, since his surprises tended to be double-edged swords.
He gestured to the door. "Ladies first. Oh, and wear something in which you can ride comfortably."
"Ride?" Her voice came out a squeak. "I don’t know how to ride a horse, and Lurin said to not do anything strenuous. I don’t think horseback riding for a novice falls into the category of a leisurely activity."
"Who said anything about riding a horse?"
12
Unease was Natalie’s friend as she stared at the massive beasts before her. The bright sun shone off their downy eagle heads and made their yellowish lions’ bodies glow gold. Lorh said they were griffins, but to her, they might’ve come out of the latest horror movie. They took up way too much of the large courtyard’s area.
She would’ve whirled around to confront Lorh, but she didn’t want to make any sudden moves. Who knew what the creatures would do? She sure wasn’t going to take her gaze off them, either. So instead she spoke out of the side of her mouth. "You want me to get on one of those?" Was he crazy?
"These are tame and won’t harm you. They’re even saddled, so it’s completely safe."
This time she did turn to face him. "I don’t know how to drive one of these."
"That’s because we fly them, not drive them. And you won’t be guiding the griffin. I will."
That made her feel better — by a tiny margin. "Same thing. You know what I mean."
"The children ride them without problem. They’re very gentle creatures unless riled."
It’d be just her luck to see one get angry. And he let his siblings near them? She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. "They look like creatures of death and destruction to me."
>
Lorh just shook his head at her and smiled.
She shifted from one foot to the other. Ugh, she’d give almost anything to be barricaded in her safe bathroom, still relaxing in the marvelous sunken tub that dominated the space. It was one of her favorite places. Though TirAnn had no electricity, there was never any shortage of hot water flowing from the taps. She didn’t understand the plumbing or architecture needed to bring about such a luxury but still loved using it.
Even though she’d dreaded the idea of riding a horse, she’d hoped they were exactly that and not dragons or some other outlandish creature that shouldn’t exist. It appeared she’d lost another round with TirAnn. Natalie: one. TirAnn: five hundred.
She could be a gracious loser or a bad one. Ugh, what a choice.
She’d give anything for a simple horse right now.
The sound of voices nearing drew her attention back. Lorh smiled. "Our guests are here. I hope you don’t mind."
Around a corner came Lorh’s siblings. They greeted her with a chorus of hellos. Everyone appeared dressed for the occasion, the girls similarly attired to her while Aeron was dressed much the same as Lorh. Even Sirina, who was spinning around in circles, had on a miniature version of her older sisters’ clothing.
Natalie smiled, not minding that they were here in the least. She was very fond of them and had found herself wishing her future children would resemble Lorh’s siblings in some way. She’d never allowed herself to explore that thought too closely, as that led to daydreams of who their possible father might be. Her mind all too readily supplied Lorh in that leading role, though that wasn’t a smart thing to do.
She wasn’t ready to make that kind of commitment yet. The logical thing to do would be to return home. He had his life here, and she had hers back on Earth. The two shouldn’t meet but… That was the problem — there was always a "but" making her hesitate, making her want to stay.
Aiya came up to her, looking shyly at her feet. "Has Lorh told you we’re going on a picnic?" She glanced up, still not meeting Natalie’s eyes. "We’ll have great fun."
Natalie forced a smile to her lips. The little girl’s words sounded rehearsed, much like they did most of the time. Why was Aiya so uneasy around her? Sirina and Nara didn’t have the same problem. And Aeron’s sometimes reticent behavior was explainable by his age and gender. She would expect nothing else from a teenage boy, fae or not.
Her heart sped up a bit. What did she really know about fae teenagers to make such an assumption? The thought had felt so natural, as if it had been there in the form of knowledge for years.
A tugging on her shirt drew her attention away. Sirina stood there, and as soon as she saw Natalie looking at her, she held up her arms. "Up."
Bending down, Natalie complied as the toddler bounced in excitement. Little arms slid around her neck. The sensation should have felt new, but it didn’t. Even though she knew it wasn’t possible, her mind supplied hundreds of instances just like this one. She faltered slightly under Sirina’s insubstantial weight, causing Lorh to come over to her side. He slipped an arm about her waist, supporting her with the side of his body.
Her thoughts preoccupied, she couldn’t even work up the energy to give him a thankful smile. What was she remembering? Someone else’s memories? Why did they feel like hers, then? She froze. Those words replayed like a broken record, echoing in her mind. Icy-warm chills swept over her in quick succession, leaving her trembling like a plastic sack caught up in a fierce wind.
Pain exploded in her head, and memory came roaring back. First, the clear ones she hadn’t forgotten: of the incident in her chamber while combing Nara’s hair, of Lorh later coming into her room and his mystifying words. A hysterical laugh burst from her lips, and she stumbled back a step, dragging Lorh along with her.
Then, all the suppressed memories pelted against her like rocks: of the market, of meeting Maya, of the terror of Sivin’s attack, and of her recognizing Lorh in a moment of complete clarity before she’d blacked out.
The excruciating throbbing in her head almost drove her to screaming madness, but she clung to the last remnants of her sanity. She needed a few more seconds to play this out to the cruel end.
Both Sivin’s words and Maya’s made so much sense now. Even the reasons for Lorh’s mysteriousness were stunningly obvious. How could she have missed the signs? There’d been so many of them. From the moment she’d set foot in TirAnn, she’d been so blind. So blind…
Her mind threatened to crumble, and the courtyard spun around her. Only Lorh’s arms kept her upright and grounded.
Sirina’s small hand rested against her cheek, so warm and so real. "Mama," she said, patting Natalie’s cheek.
Oh heavens, this child, these children were hers and Lorh’s. She was a mother. She just couldn’t —
Her mind splintered into a thousand pieces again, but this time, no blessed darkness swallowed her up. The time to pick up the shards of her memory had come, but for every fragile piece she gathered, it seemed she dropped two.
Lorh’s voice barely registered as he called for Aeron. "Take Sirina and your sisters into the manor."
"But what of —"
Lorh cut his son off — and that was what he was to Lorh. To her. "I will come for you all, but I need to be alone with your mother for a while."
Sirina’s weight was lifted from her, and the children left the courtyard. The door to the manor closed behind them with a hushed finality. After Lorh guided her over to a cushioned bench, in her shock, he had to physically press her to sit.
Her gaze settled on the male who used to be her husband — who might still be her husband. Natalie didn’t know how such things worked. How was she even back? It shouldn’t have been impossible. The hardest fact to grasp was that she had children. She was twenty-five, and her youngest was still older than her.
He stood a few feet away from the bench, giving her some space. "You have remembered?"
"They’re m-my children and yours. How?" The sketchy memory of her previous life refused to fill in all the blanks.
A slight smile relieved the solemnity of his face for a few seconds. "In the normal manner."
That broke through her stupor temporarily, making her blink in wonder. "You’re unbelievable. I wasn’t talking about that, about procreation." She shook her head in dismay. "How did a human end up with a fae lord?"
"We fell in love." A frown etched itself onto his brow. "Surely you have some remembrance of that?"
She opened her mouth and then paused, considering his words. That flash of perfect clarity she’d experienced reminded her of the truth. Yes, she did have memory of their love. But it wasn’t so much a true recollection than a sensation, one of love and security that had swept over her like a tidal wave. On every basic level, she’d recognized him fully.
Her words stuck in her throat, but she forced them out. "I have a sense — an impression, if you will — of the love and affection we felt. The day-to-day rituals and activities of our previous life together are largely not there."
She put her head in her hands, frustration building up like flood waters behind a dam. At him, at her, at the situation. At life. "A lot is not there."
The cushion dipped when Lorh sat down by her, but he made no move to touch her. "That’s to be expected."
Looking up through the cover of her hair, she narrowed her eyes and sent him a sidelong glance. That was all he was going to add? His calmness baffled yet irritated her.
Some part of her mind told her it was merely fae nature to be so, but the other part of her wanted to see his fine restraint ground to dust under her heel. Being confused and emotionally overwrought seemed to be her standard state since arriving in TirAnn this second time. Her supposed life course was careening out of her hands, and all he could tell her was that it was to be expected?
Resentment burned until she feared she’d explode from it. Platitudes couldn’t placate her now. Maybe the releasing of some well-placed spite could, though. She
tried to stop her downward spiral to that immature level, but her control slipped with every breath.
"I don’t want to know what’s expected. I want to know what’s happened in the past and what’s happening now! Not only what my life had been like, but also what I’ve missed in the intervening years. How my previous life ties into the present." She strove to keep her voice strong, but by the end of her little rant, it sounded like a pitiful, broken thing. That only spurred her anger to blaze brighter.
He spread his hands placatingly. "I don’t feel we should push your mind any further than it is ready to go."
After jumping up, she crossed her arms. "How do you know whether my mind is ready or not?"
His mouth tightened, but his tone remained level. "If it were, you would have your full memory."
"That’s hogwash, and you know it. You just want to hold all the power, all the knowledge, so you can lord it over me." In her heart, the accusation felt like a low blow, but then, everything in her life seemed unfair. He might as well join the club.
Now she’d touched a nerve. His jaw firmed, and his voice took on a harsher note. "When have I ever done that? Think back. Did you receive that kind of negativity from the sensation you felt? While it is undoubtedly like my people — and, yes, even yours — to act in such a way, it has never been our way. I think you know that, but you’re scared and angry. Once you regain your full memories, you’ll see this. But right now, you’re looking to vent your ire somewhere, anywhere."
"Argh." Her fists clenched. Natalie so wanted to punch him and didn’t care if he was partially right. He was too controlled, too unflappable. She wanted to smash that veneer to smithereens. That would make her feel better. She was sure of it. "Easy for an ancient fae to give his wise little speech to an ignorant human when he holds all the cards."
He stayed seated and regained any equilibrium he’d lost. "If you would but calm down, I believe your memories would come back more quickly and give you the information you seek."