by Robin Leaf
Her hands covered mine again, pulling them around her. “Yes we can. Please touch me again. Make me come. It won’t take much more. I want you so much.”
“No,” I said sharply. “We can’t, Etta, not like this.”
“Why?”
“Because. You’ve been drugged. This isn’t what you really want.”
She turned around to face me, but I kept my eyes averted. “Look at me, Nathaniel.” I moved around her and searched the room for something to cover her. I found a shirt on the floor and handed it to her without looking.
“Put this on, then we’ll talk.”
“Look at me.” I sighed and turned toward her. She had simply covered her chest with the shirt. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I was scared, but I’m not scared now, Nathaniel.” She moved closer to me and dropped the fucking shirt. Magnificent. Better than I imagined. Her soft breasts and pointed nipples begged me to touch them. She touched my face. “Please, I want to feel you inside me.”
She is fucking killing me. I closed my eyes and shook my head; I think I might have whimpered. I opened my eyes and focused on her face. “I can’t, Etta.”
Her eyes shined. “Don’t you want me?”
I lifted my hand to her face, caressing her lips with my thumb. “Since the first time we met. Even more now, more than you’ll ever know.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “If you wake up tomorrow and remember any of this, and you still want to, I’ll say yes. I promise.” I linked her pinky with mine and brought it up to my mouth. “I pinky swear.” I kissed our linked pinkies, not breaking eye contact. “But understand something, it won’t be just sex. It could never be just sex with you, Etta.” I kissed her cheek. “It will mean so much more… you and me… together.” I looked in her eyes. “Do you understand that?”
She nodded her head and a tear streaked down her face. I caught it with my thumb.
“I’m going to go change my clothes,” I told her. “Please, put some on. I’ll be back in a few minutes. I don’t want to leave you alone tonight.” She started to say something, but I covered her mouth with my thumb. I pointed to the chair she studied in that looked like a big, cushioned satellite dish. “I’ll sleep in that chair.” I put my forehead to hers. “There is no way I can sleep next to you now.”
She smiled sadly. “I guess you don’t always give into my begging.”
I smiled and kissed her forehead. “There’s always tomorrow.” I turned away from her.
That was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done in my life.
“I can’t believe this,” she sobbed.
I couldn’t believe it either.
I walked to my room and opted for a quick cold rinse in the shower for several obvious reasons. It helped very little, especially when I walked back to her room and found she had not only not dressed, but she was asleep on top of her covers with the lights on.
I quickly grabbed the blanket off the couch and covered her. After turning out the lights, I sat down on the bed, smoothed her hair back from her peaceful face and watched for a moment, counting her breaths. When I was convinced that her breathing was normal, I kissed her temple lightly.
“I hope you know how hard that was for me,” I whispered. She sighed. I waited to see if I woke her, but she didn’t move. “I just lo… I care about you so much.” Can’t even say it out loud when she is sleeping. Pussy.
I did, though. I couldn’t say it, not even in my head, but I had for a long time.
I walked over and plopped in the chair, surprised at how comfortable it really was. Memories of the night replayed in my head, even though I tried to think about other things. While I knew deep down that stopping was the right thing, I couldn’t help but feel like one big stupid jackass.
Besides the night as a whole, one thing truly disappointed me. I never kissed her. That was my only real regret.
Eighteen
June 18, eight years ago
I moved to the couch around 6:00 a.m. after not getting much sleep. Something about the memories swirling with her Dreamsicle scent surrounding me made it incredibly hard. I figured she was definitely out of the danger zone by then.
I was sleeping soundly when I jolted awake by a door slamming. I had no idea what time it was or what door slammed, but it didn’t sound like the front door. Luckily, it wasn’t the bathroom door either because I had to pee something fierce. Afterward I brushed my teeth for longer than usual. Yes, I was delaying our confrontation. Any way I could.
My alarm clock in my room showed it was just after 10:30 a.m. Four hours sleep? I’d survived on less. I looked for my cell phone, which I found in the pocket of the shorts I wore last night. I had missed a call from Chris, so in an effort to put off the inevitable a little longer, I shut my door and called him.
“Nate, I’m glad you called me back. Did you listen to my voicemail?”
He was right to ask. I was notorious for never listening to voicemails.
“No.”
“Have you watched the news this morning?”
“No, Chris. Why? What the hell is going on?”
“Shit went down last night. Some girl started having a seizure right in front of Beth and me. Good thing she’s pre-med because she knew what to do. She told me to call 911, and the police and paramedics came. They found out that someone had dosed the girl’s drink with GHB. She’s gonna be okay, luckily, but they started testing all the drinks and found more drinks dosed. They searched everyone at the party, which sucked, by the way, but the guy Etta was dancing with was still there and still had the shit on him. Not real bright. But he pointed out that Victoria gave him the stuff, so they searched the house and found a bunch of different types of drugs, from GHB and ecstasy to pot and heroin. Cops said it is the biggest drug bust in Houston in a long time. Turns out Victoria’s daddy, who was out of town in Mexico, is a big dealer, which explains how they afford the house. What kind of big-time drug dealer keeps the shit at his house?”
“Jeez, that’s crazy, Chris.”
Chris paused. “Yeah, and Nate? Both Etta’s margaritas came back positive. The officer said if she had consumed all of it, she could have died.”
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
“Yeah, Beth remembered Etta told her that her second margarita was too salty. The officer said that GHB tastes like salt.”
“Thank God for her sensitive taste buds.”
“Yeah, I almost called you last night, but I decided to wait. The officer said that Etta needed to get tested today.”
“Did you give him her name, Chris?”
“No, but I did tell him that my buddy took his girl home because she seemed drunk even though she only had about half of her two drinks. He said if Etta wants to press charges, she needs to come down to the station.” He laughed. “Victoria got arrested, not only for the drug charge, but also for serving alcohol to minors. A lot of people got ticketed for minor consumption and almost everyone who had an Ethan original got it confiscated. Luckily, Beth’s was at home, and because she helped the girl during the seizure, she didn’t get a ticket.”
“How’s Luke handling all of this?”
Chris snorted. “Fucker left when the cops showed up.”
“Nice.” I heard the TV turn on. “You and Beth okay?”
“Yeah, despite the fact that we didn’t get home until after three this morning. How’s Etta.”
“Alive, and that’s all I know right now. She just came out of her room.” I sighed. “I need to go check on her.”
“You okay?” he asked.
I lowered my voice. “Let’s just say last night was rough.”
“Did you have to take her to the hospital?”
“No, nothing like that. Physically, she was okay.” I closed my eyes and sighed. “The rest I’d rather not talk about.”
He was silent for a second. “Nate, did something happen between you two.”
I scratched my head. “Almost. She tried; I said no.”
“Damn,” he breathed. �
��You know you did the right thing. Not too many guys in that situation would have. You’re a good man, Nathaniel Slaughter.”
“Yeah, then why do I feel like shit?” I grunted. “I don’t know if I can face her today.”
“She probably doesn’t remember anything,” he assured.
The problem was I secretly hoped she did. “We’ll see, Chris. Thanks.”
I sat on my bed, chicken shit that I was, trying to talk myself into just walking out there to check on her. She probably had questions. She was probably upset. She needed me.
I walked around the couch and sat in my spot. “You don’t look so hot.”
“Yeah, I feel like shit.” She muted the TV. “Care to tell me what the hell happened to me last night?” she accused.
Shit.
“What do you remember?”
“I remember going to the party, getting a margarita, which I thought was weird. Do they even serve margaritas at a luau? Then it starts to get fuzzy. I remember dancing with Beth. Then we went to sit out for a minute. I saw you were there, but I was still mad at you. Some guy approached me and started talking to me and tried to hand me a drink, but I told him to get lost. Then… nothing. I woke up this morning almost naked with the couch blanket on me and an atomic bomb going off in my head. I’m thirsty, nauseated, and really mad at you, for some reason.”
I smiled. “I’ll get you some water and some toast.”
I decided while I prepared her toast that I would tell her the truth, a version of it anyway. I didn’t want anything to bite me in the ass later.
“Eat small bites,” I told her, handing her the plate. I also handed her a bottle of water. “Take small sips, too.” She looked at the bottle, then up at me, narrowing her eyes.
“Did you give me a bottle of water last night?”
Shit.
“Yes, when I put you in the car. I thought you were drunk. It helps with the hangovers.”
“What do you mean you thought I was drunk?”
I sat down. “Okay, don’t freak out, but that drink you refused? It was drugged. And when that guy set it down, he drugged your real drink.”
“Sneaky little stupid ass jack hole.” I had to suppress a laugh, remembering that she gave him the same nickname last night. She took a bite of toast. Then her eyes got wide and fearful. “Oh my God, did he…”
“No,” I shook my head vehemently, “no he didn’t.”
“Good.” She leaned her head on the back of the couch. “Then what happened?”
I told her about the dancing incident.
“I flipped him?” She drank some water. “Wow, the self-defense class I took really paid off.”
“You took a class?”
“Yep, last year. After…” her voice trailed off.
“You never told me,” I said, trying to remember when she could have done it without me knowing.
“It was part of that Martial Arts PE class I took last summer. It was my therapist’s idea. Said it might give me back some of my confidence after what happened. I guess that shit works.” She took another drink. “Wow, I’m a badass.”
I smiled. “Yes you are.”
“How did you find out I was drugged?”
I told her about both Chris’s call last night and the one this morning.
“Holy shit, Nathaniel. That’s major.”
“Yeah. I’m glad we got out of there when we did. The cop told Chris you can press charges. If you are, then you have to get tested and go to the station.”
She took another bite of toast and thought about it. “They already have him for possession and for dosing all those drinks and for what happened to that other girl. Do they really need me?” She put her hand on her forehead. “Shit. Then I’d have to testify. My mom would find out.” She put her hands over her face and ran them through her hair. “I just don’t know.”
“You really want to let him get away with drugging you, Eddie?”
“No, I really don’t. But I’m more pissed about Victoria. She better go away for this. Why would she want to drug me?”
“She wanted me to see you with another guy. The plan, I think, was I’d see you and go have jealous sex with her.”
She stared at me with wide eyes. “That chick is crazy.” She ate more of her toast, lost in thought. “Nathaniel, how did I end up naked in my room with the couch blanket over me?”
Shit. Here’s where it gets difficult.
“Well, when we came in, you took off your shirt there,” I pointed to the spot where her shirt still lay. “Then you walked to your room,” not lying so far. “You took off your other stuff,” which is true. “And you passed out on top of your covers.” A few details omitted. No big, right? “I went to take a shower and saw how you were…”
“Oh my God, please tell me you did not see me naked.” Not completely.
“The lights were off,” after I turned them off, but hey, not exactly a lie. “I covered you with the blanket. I didn’t see much.” Except that I did, I saw almost every beautiful inch of her. It was burned into my memory. I hoped I got to see her again, but telling her this lie? I convinced myself it was for her own peace of mind. “I sat in your chair to make sure you were okay most of the night. I moved to the couch this morning.”
“It sounds like you’re my hero again.” She smiled, but it quickly turned into a frown. “So why did I wake up pissed at you?”
“That I can’t answer.” Not without problems anyway. “Maybe you’re still mad about before the party. Maybe it’s a side effect from the drug.” I looked away from her, focusing on the TV. “Or maybe you dreamed something.” I. Was. Brilliant. Make her believe any memories that might surface were dreams? Friggin genius plan.
She narrowed her eyes. “Maybe.”
“So am I taking you to the police station?”
“Yeah, but I want to take a shower first.”
“You were funny last night. You get super chatty when you are under the influence.” I looked back at her. “You told me in the car that I was hot.”
She finished the water in her bottle. “Well, duh. You are hot, Nathaniel.”
I smiled. “You think I’m hot?”
“Yes… but so do you.” She stuck her tongue out at me. “Now, would you get me something for my headache and another bottle of water? Ugh. Bottles. Filtered tap water so much more practical. We need to get one of those pitchers with a filter in it. These damn bottles make up half our landfills by now since most people don’t recycle…”
Now I’m left to carry the burden of what happened last night by myself. I hope I can handle it.
Nineteen
December 2, last year
Today would be the first time Etta and I had seen each other since my unfortunate singing incident, and I wanted to make sure things went according to plan. With Etta, I’d learned to expect the unexpected though. So, I went over the list of everyone’s advice in my head one last time on the drive to the clinic.
Apologize. Check. It was over text and got no response, which I knew was not the way to go, but I planned to do it again today very sincerely.
Give her time to cool off. Check. More than a week passed, but I knew Etta could hold a grudge for a long time, so I had that working against me.
Find a way to get her to listen. Check. She won’t risk a public showdown at the clinic, so hopefully that could work in my favor.
Throw her everything you have. Can’t check that one yet, but I have big plans.
Give her no choice but to believe you. I would have to wait on this one. I can’t control what she believes. I tried once.
Employ your mom. Check. Mom’s advice was actually pretty friggin ingenious.
Find out what she loves most and use that to your advantage. Working on that one. We’d see how well some of the things I planned would go today.
Own up to what you did and admit you’re an idiot. That one was going to be hard.
Stop being an idiot. That actually was Jake’s advice. I had to co
ncede this point, especially to Jake.
Don’t give up. I wouldn’t, no matter what. Mom reminded me how stubborn Etta is. She said I couldn’t take her stubbornness as defeat, and I needed to be more stubborn than she is. I wasn’t sure that was possible. She also said I would probably fail along the way, but I had to keep going.
Remember that no matter what, she loves you, too. Mom and Jake both admitted to me that Etta told them on numerous occasions how much she did love me. Why they waited until now to tell me? I was a little pissed about that. But I had to focus on what was important, and that was getting her to admit it to me.
“Morning, Nate,” Andre greeted. “Etta texted me this morning asking if I could get you started today.”
“Is she running late? Is everything okay?”
He smirked. “She didn’t say.” He pushed buttons to start the fast walking pace on the elliptical. “Fifteen minutes, then we’ll move to the bigger resistance bands today.” I started walking, and he stood there, smiling at me.
“What’s up, Andre?”
He looked around to see if anyone was listening. He leaned in close and lowered his voice. “I saw your video on YouTube. I’m impressed. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Oh, yeah. The number one viewed video on the website for the past week happened to be my performance – I’d gone viral, not to mention it’d been shown on just about every media gossip show and web site, including ESPN. Yet another obstacle to overcome. Luckily, Etta was not in the video. If she was, it would have been worse.
“Thanks, Andre. I’m a little embarrassed by it, so please don’t mention it to anyone around here, will you?”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. It was awesome. But I got you. Don’t worry.”
Yeah, I was worried.
Etta breezed in and moved to set her stuff down on her desk. She had to move the bananas and the jar of peanut butter, two of the ingredients for her favorite smoothies, and didn’t even touch the very expensive blender they accompanied. She just walked out of the room, nary a glance my direction. Shit.
Once my timer was up, Andre ran the rest of my workout. I moved through the exercises without seeing Etta. It wasn’t until it was time for my electro-muscular stimulation that she came into the room. She moved about me, placing the electrodes in the right places, but never looking at me.