Memorial Bridge

Home > Other > Memorial Bridge > Page 3
Memorial Bridge Page 3

by James Carroll


  Two

  At the beginning of the century the Union Elevated Railroad had built a continuous double-track line that made a closed rectangle above Lake, Van Buren, Wabash and Wells streets. This elevated ring was called the Union Loop when it opened, but before long it and the urban core it served were commonly referred to simply as the Loop. Every store, office building and theater in the heart of Chicago were within a short walk of one of ten Loop stations, and at first the downtown Elevated was regarded as an absolute boon. But it brought such a concentration of building within its limits that eventually the Loop began to strangle itself. By 1939 pedestrian and automobile traffic inside its boundaries was always congested, and at rush hour it barely moved.

  So now, late on that August afternoon, as the warm sun mellowed, a Chicago redhead had to cut through the tides of the crowded sidewalk on her way home from work. From an office window above the street, from a passing bus, from the United Cigar Store on the corner, from within the throng itself, men and women noticed her. Mainly they noticed her flashing crimson hair, the downpour to her shoulders, which from a distance, set against the sea of dark fedoras, seemed the center of a moving circle of light.

  She was slender, but her body wasn't punctuated with angles, and she had no need to lead with her elbows like others, because the rough crowd parted slightly just ahead of her. It would have seemed a presumption to bump her, as if she were Maureen O'Hara or the Luxite Hosiery Girl. She walked with a steady serenity, oblivious, taking for granted the small deference that others unconsciously showed her. She had the vibrancy of a woman on the brink of her first society curtsy.

  Her name was Cassie Ryan, and she wasn't what she seemed. She had never made a curtsy in her life, much less a movie. She was a working girl, and except for what she saw in films and magazines, she knew nothing of society. If she arranged her hairstyle, clothing and makeup to imitate the looks of screen stars and the lovelies of soap ads—Djer-Kiss Talc and Mum Cream were the Guardians of Her Personal Daintiness—that was because she was just like all the other girls who worked for a living in the Loop, where the sweethearts of the dress balls and cotillions wouldn't be caught dead.

  Cassie was glad for the summer air and glad to have her face back after its eight-hour stint inside the wire-and-leather headset of a telephone operator. She was only twenty-four years old, but she had eight years seniority with the phone company. That and her easy way with her fellow switchboard girls had led to her appointment as supervisor of her shift, with thirty operators on her rotation. They were would-be Myrna Loys and Janet Gaynors, but they were unmusical Kate Smiths too. After a day of tending to her girls, checking on the old-timers, cajoling the new ones to be peppy, being peppy herself; after a day of taking the public's complaints—Cassie's trick was to be half again as courteous as the malcontent was rude—it was a relief to be out and moving. toward the El. She was unaware that the eyes of others were unrolling a carpet for her; she walked on it nonetheless like it was hers.

  Cassie Ryan's office, the stolid American Bell Building, was on North La Salle Street near the intersecting train line. Most girls regarded having the El so close as an advantage, but she hated the way the hulking mass of steel cast its shadow on the street like a permanent tent. In the summer, as now, that shadow made the street cooler, it was true, but who would want to tarry there? Cassie remembered from excursions downtown as a child that the Loop's boundary streets were blighted even before the Depression, but now those streets were full of cheap stores, flophouses and deteriorating buildings. In their alcoves panhandlers huddled between forays out into the crowd, and they were a particular problem for Cassie.

  Most commuters seemed able to push through those outstretched, palsied hands as if they were the branches of bushes, but Cassie could not. The respectably dressed office workers and shop girls, in their refusal even to see the derelicts, seemed certain of their superiority, but she knew better than to feel that way. She knew how desolate those men were from the way they looked at her when she gave them coins. Her girlfriends chided Cassie for doing that, and more than once her mother had forbidden her to give money to men on the streets. Handouts, she said, were what enabled them to stay away from home. Which of course was the point. Cassie's mother wasn't stingy. Her bitter attitude came from the hurt of what had happened in their home.

  And not only theirs. By that phase of the Depression most of the girls Cassie knew had lost men to those alcoves and those alleys and those eerie circles around oil-drum fires. Cassie's loss—her mother's—had come early. She had had to go to work in the first place when her father disappeared way back in 1932. She hadn't finished high school and had had to lie about her age to get the switchboard job. When, after her first raise, she'd begun putting pennies into the chapped hands of beggars, it was to make them look at her. She wouldn't release her coin until the man looked up. Then she would stare carefully into his face, hoping it was familiar. Her green eyes had been her father's first.

  And she was still doing it. She always had her coins ready, to enact what by now was a ritual from which she expected nothing for herself. She was giving those men pennies and nickels because they needed them.

  "God bless you, Miss," one derelict said, raising his eyes to her.

  Cassie sensed that the man wasn't nearly as old as he looked. His face, what she saw of it beneath his lumpy felt hat, was etched with that familiar shame. But nothing else about him was familiar, and she hurried by.

  She hopped onto the first step of the stairway going up to the El. The iron structure shook with the weight of all the people. As she climbed with them, it seemed to Cassie she could feel the sadness of her fellow commuters.

  As if to change her mood, she swung her shoulder bag from her right side to her left as she took the last steps up to the platform. A man tipped his hat at her, and she smiled unselfconsciously. There was always more to be glad about than sad. God bless you, she said to herself, repeating the derelict's words, but as a prayer.

  Halfway down the crowded platform she found her usual waiting place by the cloudy, cracked window from which she could both watch for her train and look back down on the street. Her eyes went automatically to the beggar in the felt hat a few paces beyond the stairway. From there, seen through the hazy glass, he seemed a figure in a mournful side window at church. God bless you, she said again. And then she added with a sharp, unexpected pang, All of you.

  A few minutes later her train came. Cassie always welcomed the jolt of departure, the sensation at the base of her spine as the car began to accelerate. She thought that riding the El above Chicago was as close as she would ever come to flying. That was why, despite her weariness and the perennial crush of the other riders, the time it took to go from North La Salle to Canary ville seemed sometimes to be the best of her day. She never refused a gentleman's offer of his seat if it let her face the window, especially the window on the right side of the car from which she could stare out over the western stretches of the city as the sunset approached. Chicago was so flat and, once away from downtown, the buildings were so low that, even lifted above the rooftops only that much, it was possible to see for miles. The sight of the squared-off ribbons of roadway soothed her with its familiar uniformity. The dwellings of working people were all alike, and to look out above them was to see a checkered plain of tar paper and asphalt. Only the sharp upward thrust of church spires and factory chimneys broke the horizontal monotony, and those towers glowed in the kindly light of the early evening.

  When the train jogged off Archer Avenue to turn due south onto the branch of tracks that ran down Halsted, the Elevated began its slow descent to the level of the street, and Cassie strained to get a last glimpse of the distant city. Between the jagged rooflines of tenements and warehouses she saw flashes off the sheen of the south fork at the point where it met the old canal, the Illinois and Michigan, that joined the waters of the lake and the Mississippi thirty miles away. She'd read in one of the books her supervisor had given h
er—Ellen Flynn thought she should be educating herself—that the linking of those two great waterways was what had made Chicago happen in the first place. The city would have developed in a straight band westward, straddling the canal, if the whole water system hadn't been made suddenly obsolete by the invention of the railroad. You just never know. Trains had come into Chicago mainly from the south, so it was southward the city went. The South Side, Cassie's world, was built around the railroad, and that seemed fitting, since it was the Irish enclave, and most Irishmen, including her own father, had made their way west from Ellis Island as laborers on those railroads. Cassie Ryan was quite aware that her part of Chicago, instead of straddling water which never tired of flowing, straddled iron which never moved. She herself was more like water than iron, but she could not imagine that she would ever leave her family, her neighborhood or her parish behind. But neither could she imagine that Halsted Street and North La Salle would be the boundaries of her world forever.

  "We Feed The World," the huge billboard read as the train—now the streetcar, not the El—crossed Thirty-ninth Street, into the yards district. The big sign had been there on top of the five-story corner building for as long as Cassie could remember. It was the slogan of Armour and Company, but South Siders generally took it as their motto. Cassie could not read that sign anymore, though, without immediately dropping her eyes to the Halsted sidewalk where the ragged line of men in torn jackets and battered hats always waited. It was the laborers' line outside the Armour jobs office; the men there now were hoping for something on the night shift. Cassie saw them as a hiring agent might: desperate, unsteady men, half of them cradling brown paper bundles, the bottles they brought with them everywhere. We Feed The World, she thought harshly, not for the first time, but who feeds us?

  When Cassie stepped off the streetcar onto the island in the middle of the broad avenue, she took a deep breath, as if daring the stench of her own neighborhood to offend her nostrils. She chided herself for even noticing it, but that was the great disadvantage of leaving St. Gabriel's each day. For years stockyard odors had bothered her no more than the smells of her own body. She looked across at the Stone Gate and beyond. The chimney-ridden yards even then at the end of the day were pumping clouds of burnt offal into the wind.

  Above the street noises she heard the sound of a voice on the air, someone calling her name. She turned toward it, knowing right away that something was wrong.

  Cassie had six brothers and sisters, only two of whom were still at home. But her family was bigger than that, even, for in the flat upstairs lived her aunt and uncle and their four young daughters, the eldest of whom, Molly, was standing on the far curb now. She was waving frantically. Molly was thirteen. She was still wearing the white blouse and blue skirt of her uniform. Why hadn't she changed clothes after school? One tail of her blouse overhung the front of her skirt.

  Molly cried Cassie's name again and stepped from the curb into the street. But immediately an automobile screeched to a halt just short of her. The driver honked violently and Molly jumped back. A beer truck swerved away from her, cutting off a car in the next lane. Rush hour traffic had thinned out just enough that the cars were traveling at speed again, whipping along in the three lanes between the cousins. Molly froze, her hands at her mouth, staring across at Cassie.

  Cassie could see that her eyes were nearly blind with tears. "Wait there!" she called with the authority of a parent. "Get back on the sidewalk!"

  Cassie's legs twitched to be moving, but she forced herself to wait on the streetcar island until the traffic broke. She never took her eyes from Molly, her darling, clever Molly. Molly whose mind gave her no peace, who fussed forever over pencils and foot rule, over lists of state capitals and the great dates of history. Of all her cousins, or even sisters, Molly was the one most like Cassie herself.

  "Molly, Molly," Cassie said, enfolding her when finally she'd crossed the avenue. "What is it, hon?"

  But Molly only sobbed into Cassie's body. How thin she is, Cassie thought, pressing her own long fingers into her cousin's bony back. Molly was a girl who had nightmares over and over, but who on waking could never say what had so terrified her.

  "What is it, darling?" Cassie gently pushed the girl out of the corner her arms had made.

  Molly opened her mouth but could not speak. She seemed retarded or mute. A wave of worry washed over Cassie. This was the child, more than the others, to whom she'd given herself. Molly's intelligence had been evident early, and one of the things Cassie's salary had always meant to her was that Molly was not going to have to drop out of school. But Molly was as fragile as she was smart. She stared into Cassie's eyes now, a look of pure terror on her face.

  Jerry's face flashed into Cassie's mind. Jerry? Her brother, two years her junior, was the only one of her siblings who had a steady job, but it was a job Cassie had never liked. He worked in the carshops where the meat packers' refrigerated railroad cars were repaired. How many col lections had been taken up at St. Gabe's for carshop men whose legs or arms had been crushed under the huge iron wheels of—

  "Pa's dead, Cassie." Molly's face collapsed around her mouth as she forced the words out again. "Pa's dead."

  Cassie's elbows stiffened, an involuntary reflex which pushed Molly away the length of her arms. It was like pushing off from the ground, a seesaw.

  "Ma sent me to wait for you. I didn't know—"

  "What?"

  "Pa's dead."

  "Pa? Your Pa? Uncle Mike?"

  Molly shook her head up and down, making the tears fly from her cheeks.

  Cassie pressed her cousin's shoulders, but really it was into herself that she was pressing, to force calm into her voice. "Tell me, Molly. You've been waiting here to tell me."

  But already Cassie knew she was not going to believe her. Uncle Mike? Dead? It couldn't be. Uncle Mike was the man who'd taken over the place in Cassie's heart, what her own Pa had left empty. But then an image shot into her mind of her poor, soft Uncle Mike sprawled face-down on the sidewalk outside Dooley's. Like most of his kind, Mike Foley was long unemployed and by now beaten down by the sense of his own failure. Unlike so many others, he had never turned that frustration against his wife, and his daughters loved him. Cassie loved him.

  She shook her cousin. "What happened?" And while she waited for the stunned girl to speak, she repeated to herself, It can't be.

  Sean Dillon stared at the cross. The figure of the crucified Christ seemed tidy, a man in vertical repose, a positively tranquil image compared to the bloated cadaver from the blood pipes. Moran's knuckle-draggers had taken their time getting to the box basin, but when they came they plopped the corpse onto an iron-wheeled hand truck and took it away without a word, as if they were carting off the remains, say, of a disease-ridden rejected hog. Where were the police? Where was a doctor to pronounce the body dead? Those questions had occurred to Dillon, but he had to get downtown.

  Now he was sitting in the anteroom of the dean's office at Loyola. His restless fingers jitterbugged on his knees. To his great regret he was still wearing the threadbare shirt and trousers he had changed into at the slaughterhouse, not having dared take the time to go to his room. Not the rancid overalls he'd worn to and from the blood pit, true, but not the suit and tie he usually wore to night school either. He was nobody's idea of a professional-in-training now. The skin on the backs of his hands and on his face glowed even more from the ruthless scrubbing he'd given himself in the shower again. If he'd scraped away whole layers of skin, exposing nerve endings and pores, perhaps that was the reason for his strange, unsettled sense of vulnerability. He saw himself as a rube, hadn't felt so ill at ease in years. How long had it been since he was publicly rebuked by a professor. "Get out!" the man had screamed. "Get out!" As if Dillon was an obnoxious janitor come too early to clean the classroom.

  Dillon's eyes went from the dean's secretary's vacant desk to the wall behind it where a clock showed that it was nearly eight, which was when his classmat
es would finish the exam. He'd found it impossible to explain himself to his stern professor, and the dean would be worse. If he told him the unvarnished truth—lifting the swollen, rotten corpse had been like lifting a mass of congealed lard—would the Jesuit think him mad? What would justify tardiness, even to a final exam, if not such a grotesque event? But Dillon had sensed shame in Hanley, and he knew he was uneasy now because, however unaccountably, he felt ashamed too. Why? For being one of a species that would do such a thing? The poor bastard had been stuffed into the blood pipe like a cork.

  He focused again on the crucifix which hung on the wall directly opposite his chair. He had never beheld the sacred object as a source of consolation, and in the seminary that had come to seem like a failure of faith. Always the corpus's gnarled boniness—the ribs like teeth, the knees like fists—had seemed a rebuke to him for his not being in pain. The figure's hollow eyes were grottoes out of which accusations flew. Turning away from the crucifix, in fact, had been like turning away from the sight, on the street, of the desperate characters whom the years had reduced to human offal. That Dillon had long ago given up even imagining that he could help them had come to seem like both the height of his new realism and, still and always, the serious sin a pious boy sees in his furtive omission. He had concluded that the most insidious thing about the Depression was the way in which people who were barely scraping by—most of the people Dillon knew—felt that their survival, such as it was, came at the expense of those—the rest of the people he knew— who'd been chewed up by the age and spit out.

  The man in the pipes: Why do I feel ashamed? Someone else did that, not me.

  He remembered Moran's reference: Whose mark was it, the shredded skin of a flogging?

  Dillon shook the questions off, but he was still unable to look away from the cross. What the cross proves, he thought, is that if you befriend a leper, as Jesus did so famously, you become one. No wonder the religion could be so bitter. The cross was pure warning, a clenched, stingy gesture. No wonder most of what it promulgated served mainly to keep people in their cramped, dark corners. Normal Catholic piety had been impossible for Dillon since before he'd abandoned his vocation to the priesthood, and doubly so since.

 

‹ Prev