“But if you could do it differently?” Nikolas asked, overstepping his bounds. However, with Nora, he was more comfortable than with any other noble. “Would you go back to the way things were?
“No,” Nora was quick to speak. “Not quite. Almost. But not quite.”
“What would you change?” he asked, curious.
“I wouldn't search for a noble marriage,” she said softly. “I'd just go straight to the capital and meet a guard. And don't you tell anyone that.”
“Tell anyone what?” He gave her a devilish smile, happy to be trusted with a secret.
Nora smiled. Nikolas made her realize things about herself that she hadn't had the courage to say anywhere else. Moreover, he was trustworthy. It made her wonder about the future. If she had a future, could all these people be in it?
Inside, the three men were speaking rapidly.
“I need to get word to the captain,” Alexander said. “Nathan, I'm sure that you need to get word to your command as well. Our protection detail is compromised.”
“If you do that,” Loyalty suddenly spun around. “To either chain of command, you ensure that Jerrico will never work again. You know that, don't you?”
“We know,” Nathan said softly. “But, Loyalty, you're a princess now.”
“And I hate it, in case you haven't noticed,” she finally blurted out.
Nathan's face contorted in confusion. “What?”
“I hate it,” she replied. “Yes, I've taken it well, because what else could I do? It's not like someone could refuse the king.”
“Don't I know it,” Nora returned to the room, seeing that her friend was upset.
“Of course you can't,” Alexander said. “You are noble, the two of you.”
“So are you,” she snapped at him. “Remember that? That part where you had a title and lands, and the two of you had a duty, as nobles, to take in a ward and raise her?”
“Nora, this isn't about that,” Alexander said, but Mary spoke up.
“Maybe it is,” she said softly, and everyone turned to her. “Maybe it's about every person in this room doing their duty as a noble, even if they get their hearts broken because of it.”
“I agreed to be a princess, even when the evidence was shaky, because I knew it would help you and me.” Loyalty turned to Nathan. “And I knew it would help Jerrico. But I'm not sure any of this is doing any good. All we're doing is sitting and waiting for George to make a choice. And if we were closer to the big city, maybe Jerrico could get better help.”
Nathan said nothing, wrapping his arms around her.
“Everyone is doing what everyone else wants them to do and nothing for themselves,” Loyalty said, laying her head on Nathan's shoulder. “Nora and I especially, because we are women. We can't love, we can't speak, and we can't decide where we live or where we go. We trust all of you to do it for us, but...” she couldn't speak anymore, the tears coming more freely as Jerrico choked a bit, rolling over. She glanced up at him, but he didn't open his eyes. “I wish this had never happened. I wish that I had never said yes to any of this.”
“Oh darling,” Nathan said softly. “I thought that you wanted this, which is why it went as far as it did. Jerrico and I were ready to protect you for the rest of your life, to put you into hiding if you didn't ever want George to find you. We were prepared to commit that treason for you. Because we love you. Because I love you.”
“I love you too,” she blubbered, half hysterical. “But now I may never be able to marry you.”
Nora turned away, her own heart breaking. She tried to put on a brave face, turning to Alexander. “What happens? If he can't work again?”
“There is a pension,” Alexander said softly. “But...”
Suddenly, Jerrico choked again. His eyes flew open, wide and blue.
Loyalty leapt up, rushing to his side. “Jerrico?” she asked, her face lighting up. “Jerrico?”
His eyes flickered, and then he shifted his gaze toward his best friend's face. Nathan came into view, standing beside her. The two men met eyes, and then Jerrico shifted his gaze to Loyalty.
Nathan knew what he was asking right away. “I will take care of her,” he said softly. “Of course I will.”
Jerrico's head jerked, almost like a nod, and then the light went out of his eyes. His breathing ceased and his head went slack.
“Jerrico! Jerrico!” Loyalty screamed.
Alexander leapt forward again, cursing the country doctors who had said there was nothing more they could do. They said Jerrico was comfortable, that he would awaken. “Ricardo, open his throat,” Alexander said to his partner, as Nathan pulled Loyalty away. Everyone was exhausted, frantic, and overwhelmed. Ricardo was working on muscle memory as he cocked Jerrico's mouth open, making sure his throat was clear. Alexander began to press on his chest again. Nevertheless, as he looked up, meeting Mary's eyes, she knew that the worst was yet to come. “Come on, Jerrico. Come on, Jerrico.”
“Jerrico!” Loyalty grabbed Nora's hand, knowing that she wasn't going to get anywhere near her best friend. “Jerrico, please!”
“Let me try,” Nathan said, as he could see Alexander starting to tire. “I have the same training you do. Let me try.”
“On the count of the three,” Alexander said, letting Nathan move into position. “1-2-3, go.”
Nathan took over the chest compressions, trying to keep the pace in his head.
In Loyalty's head, it felt like it was hours, watching them try to give Jerrico his breath back. Then she heard a horrifying crack.
“Those were his ribs,” Alexander said, his jaw set. “It happens sometimes.”
Another minute passed, and then another. Loyalty prayed to everything that she believed in; made peace with every sin and fought God on every promise she intended to make. She felt that if she could trade her very soul at that point, she would have.
“Nathan,” Alexander eventually stepped forward, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You need to stop.”
“No,” Nathan said, sweat appearing on his forehead. “No, I'm not going to stop.”
“Nathan,” Ricardo looked up, and pulled back. “You need to stop.”
“No,” Nathan repeated.
Alexander wrapped his arms around his waist, and pulled him back. “I need you to stop,” he said, yanking him almost into a wall. “Leave him some dignity.”
Ricardo reached out, sadly, closing Jerrico's eyes.
It was over.
“No,” Loyalty whispered, looking between of them. “No, no, no, this can't be.”
“He's gone,” Alexander said, releasing Nathan. “He's gone, do you understand me?”
“This can't be,” Loyalty put her hand to her mouth. Her knees nearly buckled, but she fell forward onto the bed, catching herself. “Jerrico, please don't leave me. Please don't leave me.” However, just as fast, she turned around. “What was the point?” she asked no one in particular. “What was the point of all of this? If I couldn't save him? If you and I still couldn't be married? Why are we doing this, Nathan?”
“I don't know,” he said softly, in disbelief. “I don't know. I've always known the answer, my love, I've always been able to figure things out...but this time, Loyalty, I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you.”
Nora stepped back in silence, into Ricardo’s arms. “I can't believe this.”
“I know,” Ricardo said softly. “I've seen guards die before, of course...but this... this just makes it all worse.”
“I want you to know that I love you,” Nora whispered softly to Ricardo. “Just in case...in case I don't ever get a chance to tell you.”
“I love you too,” Ricardo assured her. “I love you more than ever.”
Mary drifted to her stunned estranged husband, who was leaning against the wall. “Are you alright?” she asked him.
He remembered the last time someone had asked him that; standing in the palace. Nora's face, after five years, had been a shock then. She was the only one he
could give a real answer to at the time. However, Mary's face in his vision brought out the truth. “No,” he said, his voice void of emotions. “I haven't been alright since you left.”
“I know,” she said, and leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her, and it felt so perfect, so right. “Do you think we can repair this? What is between us? Before it is too late?”
“I don't know,” he answered truthfully. “There has been so much between us, Mary.”
“And yet we always find each other,” she said softly, pulling back. Now was not the time to discuss their romance; not when a friend was dead and there were so many questions. They would have to arrange for Jerrico to be buried here, and their entire protection detail would have to change. It was going to be a long process.
Nevertheless, despite all the sadness in the room, Mary felt happiness; she felt hope. She knew that the next few days would be the hardest, but she felt like she could get through them as long as Alexander was by her side and there wasn't hatred between them. Love was the only way they could get through this; protect their ward, and protect the princess. If they could find their love, buried so deep in their hearts, then maybe they could come through this sadness.
7
CHAPTER SEVEN
Loyalty was sad before she even opened her eyes the morning of the funeral. She felt a crushing sadness on her chest, and tears pricked her eyes before her head rose off the pillow.
It took a moment to remember where she was. She wasn't at home; she wasn't at the palace. She was in the countryside of England, far away from anything familiar and unlikely to ever come here again.
This is where she would leave Jerrico.
She couldn't do that.
She had thought that it would be alright. Deaths were followed by funerals, and rapidly. However, suddenly, the morning that they would walk to the country graveyard, she couldn't do it. Jerrico was her best friend, and the reason that everyone had kept a smile on their faces through all of this. Jerrico was the very reason she was a princess at all, but what good was being a princess without the power that he had found her?
She sat up with a start, making Nora gasp. The two girls had fallen asleep with their hands clasped together, wanting the company of friendship on this sad day rather than lovers.
Nora knew from the look on Loyalty's face that something was wrong. “What is it?”
“I can't leave him here.” Tears pricked Loyalty's eyes and she was on the verge of hysterics. “I can't do this, Nora, I can't bury him here. I can’t.”
She went from crying to hyper ventilating within seconds, and Nora sat up, wrapping her arms around her friend.
Because they were heavily guarded and everyone was on alert, the door flew open right away. It seemed that everyone had been next door, talking quietly until they woke. Now, they were horrified at the sight of Loyalty in tears.
Nathan moved forward right away, but Loyalty put a hand out. “No, don't, don't. You'll make me change my mind. I can't leave him here, Nathan, I just can't do that. Please don't make me, please.”
“Loyalty,” Nathan's heart broke into a million pieces and he didn't care who was in the room as he sat beside her on the bed. He knew that they’d had a rough time over the past few days, but none of that mattered now. He pulled her close, despite her protests, kissing her forehead and stroking her hair. “We have to, my love.”
“I can't,” she howled, no logic left in her brain. “I need him. I can't do this, please don't make me.”
Nora pulled away, creeping out of the bed. Tears streaked her own face as Mary wrapped her arms around her ward.
It was the saddest moment that they had dealt with as a group. Jerrico's passing had seemed a mercy after what he had been through, but this was heartbreaking.
“We have to bury him,” Nora said softly as he joined them. She reached out to Ricardo, squeezing his hand.
“When that letter comes to take the two of you back to the palace, a body will only slow us down if anything is after us.” Alexander showed no emotion.
“Have some compassion, for pity’s sake,” Nora said to him. “Her best friend in the whole world is gone. If you lost Ricardo, you would also be a mess.”
The man in question squeezed her hand, putting another on Alexander's shoulder.
“I probably wouldn't leave you here, either,” Ricardo said softly.
Alexander, however, spun around. “If it was the matter of safety for a royal, I would hope you would,” he said and the two of them held each other’s gaze for a moment.
“We should let them have some privacy,” Mary said at last, drawing them away. “But Nathan Rambles is as sensible as all of you, and he won't let her give in.”
“Would you leave me?” Nora asked Ricardo as they headed into the other room. “My life has been in danger often enough, you must have thought about it.”
“I haven't,” he said, giving her a kiss on the top of the head. “Because there would be no way you would be gone while I still drew breath.”
“I love you,” she whispered, laying her head on his chest. It was in moments like this that she realized just how lucky she was to have love like his.
“I love you too,” he whispered, glad that Alexander and Mary were a pace ahead. He didn't think he could take yelling on a day like this. “And I promise I will never leave you behind.”
In the other room, Nathan had managed to calm Loyalty, her flood of tears slowed by his kisses to each one. He had leaned back against the bed, rocking her gently as he waited for her to gain her voice again.
“I promise you,” he said. “That we will be back to visit Jerrico, even if it's a matter of national security.”
“He fought so hard for me to have this life,” Loyalty said. “Too hard.”
“No,” Nathan said. “He fought for you and I to be happy, together, and he fought for you to have the best life you possibly could. Being a princess is just a means to it is all. Whatever happens, as long as we are happy, bringing Jerrico here will not be in vain.”
She closed her eyes, her head pounding. “Don't leave me today,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I don't care if the whole funeral is under attack. Please don't leave me today.”
“I won't,” he promised, kissing the top of her head. “I'm not leaving you for one moment, Loyalty. Life is too short for this uncertainty that we've been through.”
“I love you,” she said and he kissed her again.
“I love you too. Never forget that.”
By ten that morning, Loyalty's tears from the morning were dry and everyone was dressed in black clothing. The funeral was to be held in the church graveyard, the few mourners in chairs around the open grave. It was short notice, and of course, there were only a handful of them. However, despite that, with the priest in his official robes and the church gleaming behind them, Loyalty felt like Jerrico had gotten exactly the funeral he would have wanted. His closest friends, not a huge hubbub of noise, and a plot under an apple tree; he couldn't have chosen it better himself.
A fresh flood of tears came as she realized that this was the last thing they would ever choose for him. She gripped Nathan's hand, and he put an arm around her.
They sat around the graveyard, and the Nathan nodded to the priest. He cleared his throat, and began to read.
Loyalty’s gaze was fixed on the coffin in the ground. It was so still, so cold, and she couldn't believe that her Jerrico who had been so alive previously, was in there.
"We are gathered here to say farewell to Jerrico and to commit him into the hands of God, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
She couldn't help tears, and a fresh flood came. She buried her face in Nathan's shoulder.
"Lord our God, You are the source of life. In You we live and move and have our being. Keep us in life and death in Your love, and, by Your grace, lead us to Your kingdom, Through Your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord."
"Amen,” everyone echoed, although s
ome of their voices were more cracked than others. Nora hadn't known Jerrico very long, but Alexander and Ricardo were staring at their fallen comrade with such a look of sadness. Jerrico had lit up the camp, and he had always found a way to bring them through such darkness.
"In the Name of God, the merciful Father, we commit the body of Jerrico to the peace of the grave.” The priest picked up a handful of dirt, scattering it over the coffin. Nora reached over to squeeze Loyalty's hand. The last funeral that she had attended had been her mother's, and all the memories of the past were coming back to haunt her.
"From dust you came, to dust you shall return. Jesus Christ, our Savior, shall raise you up on the last day.”
Ricardo glanced to Alexander, fixated on the coffin. They had seen many fall before them, and Jerrico wouldn't be the last. It was likely, as well, that one of them would be standing over a coffin, burying the other one. Ricardo remembered Alexander's words back in the country house. He didn't disagree. Their sworn duty was to protect the nobles first, and each other second. However, he wasn't sure if his heart would let him leave Alexander behind. Friendship like this was forever, and they had already come through so much.
"Lord God, our Father in heaven, Lord God, the Son, and Savior of the world, Lord God, the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us. At the moment of death and on the last day, save us, merciful and gracious Lord God."
Everyone bowed their heads, eyes closed and praying for different things. The girls prayed for safety, for peace, and for love, while the men hoped to end their pain. No one said it was an easy life, the path they had chosen. Moreover, they’d once all said that as long as they made it through the other side, it would be worth it. Now one of them hadn't, and they were starting to realize the weight of the burdens they bore.
No one noticed, but Mary and Alexander clasped hands, glancing at each other as they did. It seemed the fitting thing to do, even if they were unsure of the comfort that each other could bring.
"Let us now listen to the words of Holy Scripture that assures us of God's safe-keeping in life and death." The priest settled in for a long sermon; a prayer that each of them had heard before at another part of their lives. Each memory brought tears. "Our Father in heaven, we thank You that, through Jesus Christ, You have given us the gift of eternal life. Keep us firm in the faith, that nothing can separate us from Your love. When we lose someone who is dear to us, help us to receive Your comfort and share it with one another. We thank You for what You have given us through Jerrico. We now entrust ourselves to You, just as we are, with our sense of loss and of guilt. When the time has come, let us depart in peace, and see You face to face, for You are the God of our salvation."
Revealing A Marchioness's Heart (The Chronicles of Loyalty) Page 24