by M. J. Haag
I sputtered, unable to come up with anything to say that wouldn’t somehow get turned back around to me.
His lips brushed my forehead, and his fingers began to stroke through my hair. Despite everything I’d gone through, I found both gestures comforting and closed my eyes in defeat.
Ten
I yawned, my jaw cracking with the enormity of it, and let myself drift between awake and asleep. Fingers ran through my hair, and I snuggled closer to my personal heater. I knew exactly where I was and who I snuggled. I was just too comfortable to care.
After giving into cuddle time the night before, I’d gotten the best night’s sleep I could remember since seeing the first infected shuffle past my bedroom window. However, it wasn’t a sign of me giving up. It was just me acknowledging that, sometimes, I needed to take each moment as it came. I had nowhere to go because Ghua wouldn’t let me, and I was safe enough to get as much sleep as I wanted.
A door further down the hall opened and closed. Then, footsteps echoed outside our door.
Ghua slipped out from under me—I’d been partially using him as a body pillow—and quietly left the room. His exit dispelled any hint of remaining sleepiness. I opened my eyes and quickly got out of bed, taking a moment to peel back the paper from the window. The clear blue sky and the amount of daylight almost blinded me.
I embraced the new moment and dashed for my boots and jacket. Holding both, I opened the door and almost screamed. Ghua stood within the frame, leaning against the side.
His gaze swept me from head to toe, lingering on what I held.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “Do not go outside, Eden. I’ll keep you safe, Eden. Hold still so I can butthump you, Eden,” I mimicked using a low tone. “I get it; you’re in charge.” I dropped my things and crossed my arms in a real pout. “Do I still get breakfast?”
“Of course.” He straightened away from the door and motioned for me to go downstairs.
I did while thinking all sorts of vile thoughts about Ghua. Damn guy had eyes in the back of his head.
“I did not have sex with you with my butt,” he said when we reached the bottom.
I stopped walking.
“What?”
“I did not butthump you.”
I scrubbed my hands over my face. “Okay. Fine. Just forget I said it. Now, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to use the bathroom.”
He grunted, which I took as a yes. When I turned to go down the hall, I found Benjamin watching us from the kitchen. I didn’t say anything, just continued on my way.
Through the bathroom door, I heard the deep rumble of Ghua’s voice.
“Can I ask you a question, Benjamin?”
“Sure.”
“Why does Eden always seem so angry with me? Are twelve-year-olds always like that?”
I held my breath, waiting for the answer.
“Most people don’t like being kidnapped, no matter what their age.”
“I didn’t kidnap her.”
“She sees it that way.”
After Ghua’s non-committal grunt, they didn’t speak again, and I hurried to use the bathroom.
The smell of frying spam teased my nose as I opened the door, and my stomach growled. Ghua sat at the kitchen table, watching Ben move around the kitchen until I entered the room.
“Did you brush your teeth, Eden?” he asked.
“No, you stole my jacket so I didn’t have my toothbrush.”
He nodded and stood. “Stay here, Eden. I will get your toothbrush for you.”
I watched him leave the room and glanced at Ben. The old man watched me, probably wondering what I’d do. Make a run for it? I wanted to. But, I hesitated to just go bolting out the door with all the windows boarded up. I had no idea what was lurking out there.
Not that I had any real choice in the matter because Ghua returned a few short seconds later with my boots and coat. I took the coat from him, dug my toothbrush and paste from the pocket, then went to brush my teeth. Personal grooming two days in a row and a good night’s sleep? Yep, I was getting spoiled.
The next time I joined them, a plate lay on the table for me. The plate before Ghua was already empty while Ben toyed with his portion. Ignoring them both, I sat and started eating my peas and spam.
“Did the men from yesterday say anything about where they were headed?” I asked between bites.
“No. They just asked if there was anyone else here, took what supplies I had, and left. You two leaving today?”
“Yes,” Ghua said. “I must return home.” He sounded a little troubled when he said that. When I looked up from my food, I caught him watching me with a peculiar expression. As soon as our eyes met, he focused on Benjamin.
“We will leave our food here for you. Do you have any more clothes that would fit me?”
“Wait, what?” I said. I didn’t mind sharing but completely giving it all away? Hell, no.
“Food isn’t easy to find, Ghua, and I don’t like starving.”
“Food isn’t easy for humans to find, but I have no problem finding it. You will not go hungry.”
“I have a box of Mike’s old things in the basement. I’ll go get them,” Ben said.
He left his plate on the table. I forked up his portion of spam, completely unrepentant. No matter what Ghua said, I doubted we’d find more food today.
When Benjamin returned, he and Ghua went through the clothes. Canned goods were swapped out for six shirts and two pair of pants.
Not more than an hour after waking, we headed out the front door. I scanned the clear yard in a disgruntled mood. I should have run for it. Looking back, I believed I saw the same thought echoed in Benjamin’s eyes.
“Take care of yourself, Eden,” he said from the porch.
“You too. Don’t stay here after we’re gone. Find somewhere safer.”
He closed the door, and I found myself once again alone with Ghua.
“Still north?” I asked, already taking steps in that direction.
“Yes.”
“Figured.”
“I must go there to tell my friends I will not live with them anymore.”
That didn’t sound good for my future.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because you do not want to live there. You can choose where we live.”
He wasn’t making any sense to me.
“Why do you want me to choose?”
“So you do not feel kidnapped anymore.”
I snorted.
“Letting me choose the location of my imprisonment doesn’t change the fact that I’m still your captive.”
“But you are not my captive. I am yours.”
I shot him an annoyed look.
“Yeah, right. I'm not sure you understand the meaning of captive.”
“It means someone is not free to leave. That is what I am. I am not free to leave you, Eden. Where you go, I will go.”
I studied his serious expression for a moment.
“You're telling me that if I decided to just start walking to the east you wouldn't try to stop me?”
“If there's danger, I will stop you to protect you.”
A convenient out since everything was dangerous nowadays. Just to test him, I turned to the east and started walking. He moved with me without commenting or trying to stop me. Not that his silence convinced me. It wasn't like we'd veered very far yet. He'd put a stop to it before too long.
However, after an hour walking to the east, I began to wonder if he actually believed everything he had said.
“So, this place to the north that you wanted to take me. What’s it like?”
“It's a good place with many houses. We built a wall around them to keep the infected and hounds out. The hounds still try to get in, but the infected leave us alone. They are smarter now and know we kill them. They don't want to die, so they stay away.”
“That sounds terrifying. That they've gotten that smart,” I clarified at his confused look. “The houses sound great.
”
“They are. They have electricity from the solar panels Dad helped us install. And each house has its own well. That means they all have running water, too. It is a nice place. Much different from the caves we lived in, but I like the sun.”
“You lived in caves?”
“Yes, for thousands of years. Thousands of years of nothing but darkness and the hounds trying to get inside our walls. It is not a life I want for you, Eden. If you do not want to live inside the walls we have made here, I understand.”
“It’s not the walls that I’m protesting,” I said. “It’s the loss of freedom. Walls sound like a great idea.”
“What freedom would you lose?” he asked.
“Are you serious? You pretty much told me when I’m eighteen I’m going to be your sex slave. What if I don’t want to have sex with you?”
He studied the trees around us.
“I’m not supposed to talk about this with children. Mya and Mom both said—”
“They aren’t here. I am. And the idea of you waiting for me to be old enough to have sex with you is terrifying.”
He scratched the end of his long ear, and I noticed how dark the grey was getting. Was he blushing?
“Eden, I will be your friend and protect you always. It does not matter if you never see me as something more. I will not abandon you.”
I could feel my disbelief waver just a tiny bit before it firmed again. No one was that nice. Everyone wanted something. It was like that even before the world went to shit, and I was sure Ghua was no different than humans in that regard. He might not want anything from me now, but that would change when he learned how old I really was.
“We’ll see,” I said instead of arguing.
We walked in silence for another few minutes before he put out a hand and stopped me. Without the soft sound of our passing, I could hear the faint call of an infected.
“We should go around,” he said softly.
“Infected are usually around houses or other people. Both are likely to have food.”
He grunted and looked toward the east, the direction we were heading, then up at the nearest tree.
“No,” I said firmly. “I am not spending more time stuck in a tree.”
“I can’t take you with me because you could get hurt. I can’t leave you because you will try to leave. What would you have me do?”
“We don’t even know what’s ahead. If we get into a sticky spot, then you can throw me into a tree.”
Tree tossing turned out to be unnecessary. After ten more minutes of walking, we found a house with two infected shambling around it. Ghua quickly ended the man and woman, and I waited outside while he checked the house.
“It is safe,” he said, returning to the door.
I went inside and started looking through the cabinets and the freezer. Everything was empty except for the low cabinet right behind two dishes set on the floor. I opened the door and found twelve cans of dog food.
“We’ll eat well tonight.” I started taking the cans out and passing them back to Ghua.
“Mya said we aren’t supposed to eat the ones that have pictures of dogs or cats.”
“Mya obviously hasn’t gone without food for a few days or she wouldn’t be so picky. Read the ingredients. It’s no worse than a can of spam or jar of wieners.”
“I can’t read.”
I glanced up at him. “Really?”
He nodded.
“Then you’ll just need to trust me. It’s not so bad, and it’ll keep your belly full.”
I popped the lid off of one, and my stomach growled at the meaty smell. A quick search of the drawers produced two spoons.
“Give it a try,” I said, scooping some out for him. He took the spoon but didn’t eat his bite.
“Chicken?”
He frowned and glanced at the brown glop on his spoon.
“No, it is dog food.”
“I know. I meant are you afraid to eat it?”
“No. I am waiting for you to eat first. The strongest eats first.”
“You think I’m strong?”
He reached out and touched my hair, which I’d pulled back into a ponytail.
“Your hair is longer than mine. It shows you have not died. You’re very strong.”
“Huh. Alrighty then.” I dipped my spoon in and took a healthy bite.
The one thing about dog food was that it wasn’t nearly as salty as people food. Still tasted pretty good, though.
Ghua took his bite, and his eyes widened in surprise.
“This is good.”
I grinned when he reached for his own can and popped the lid off.
“I’d rather have people food over dog food,” I said, watching him dig in. “But, dog food beats starvation.”
I wandered around the kitchen and living room as I ate, and my gaze caught the cloudy haze of the kitchen window. A tap on the pane confirmed it wasn’t glass but a hard, thick kind of plastic. Harder to break. A few of the other windows on the first floor had been swapped out, too. I wondered how many times the infected had tried to break their way into the house before they’d finally succeeded in getting the owners.
Checking the faucets, I discovered that the water ran in the kitchen. The hall light turned on and off, too.
“We should stay here for the night,” he said. “We might not find another house with water and electricity before night falls.”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
I continued my exploration of the house, looking for anything useable. In one of the upstairs bedrooms, I found better clothes for myself. Sturdy jeans and a warm, long-sleeved shirt to layer under my hoodie. And, while searching through a bedroom closet, I found a bigger bag.
“We should use this one instead of the one we have,” I said tossing it to Ghua. “It has room for everything in our current bag, the cans downstairs, and more supplies if we find another stocked house tomorrow.”
He grunted and inspected the bag.
“You know, we’ll have even more room if you ditch the dirty clothes you have on now and put on something clean.”
He tore his gaze from the bag and frowned at me.
“You may not see my penis again.”
My mouth dropped open for a moment before I recovered.
“What? Why would you even think that’s what I meant?”
He continued to look at me with suspicion.
“Just go take a shower and come out dressed. Please.”
“I can’t. Not until the sun is almost down.”
“Why?”
“You will run.”
“Fine. You know what? I’m going to take a shower, then.”
I set clean clothes aside for the next day and grabbed some sleep shorts, a tank top, and a t-shirt to help hide my boobs. If he was going to watch me like a hawk so I couldn’t run, then I was going to use that to my benefit. He’d proven he could keep me safe, and I wanted to feel normal for just one night. Four days ago, it would have been a crazy risk. It probably still was now but for different reasons. It didn’t matter. I was determined to grab another night of good sleep.
“Enjoy your guard duty.” I closed myself in the bathroom and dug through the supplies the prior owners had left behind.
While the daylight faded, I soaked in a bathtub full of hot water. It was amazing. I washed and shaved. The razor looked like I’d attacked a mouse rather than myself when I finished. I didn’t suffer an ounce of self-disgust, though. I’d been through too much to waste time with that.
By the time I drained the water, I felt completely clean and relaxed. My hands even looked unstained and dirt free. A first in weeks.
I dried, put on my pajamas, and opened the bathroom door to let out the steam since I’d purposely not used the fan.
Ghua stood out in the hall, waiting his turn. He’d ditched his shirt but had kept his pants on.
“It’s all warmed up for you,” I said, moving past him.
He grunted and stepped into the bathr
oom.
“The door stays open.”
“Yeah, yeah. And no looking. I got it.”
He grunted again, and I continued toward the bedroom after a quick glance at the blocked hallway. Even though the sun was only twenty minutes from setting, a little part of my mind whispered that I should at least try to run. I shut up that part with a little reminder that there were hellhounds out there. Plus, I did not want Ghua running after me naked. Ever.
Shaking my head at myself, I went to stand in front of the window and stared at the bright orange and red sunset. It was beautiful, familiar, and sad. How many of these had I missed since everything happened? How many more would I get to see? That was a question I couldn’t avoid thinking about any longer.
Caged in the bunker, only let out for a few hours a day, I hadn’t known just how much the infected had continued to evolve. That they were attracted to light now, the only thing that kept the hounds away at night, terrified me. What chance did I have to survive out here on my own? None. And it killed me to admit it. Where did that leave me then?
The water turned off in the bathroom.
In that moment, I acknowledged that staying with Ghua was an option. One I didn’t like, but it was still there. But, so was crawling back to the bunker. I sighed and thought of the old man we’d just left. Returning to Benjamin’s place wouldn’t do me any good. He had no food, no gun, and a granddaughter to protect.
The future was bleak and not just for me.
A rustle of sound told me I wasn’t alone. Before I could turn, fingers swiped over my hair followed by a brush. Gently, Ghua began working the tangles from the wet strands. The third stroke went over the lump on my head. Ghua immediately stopped.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked.
“No. It’s just a bump from before. It’s almost gone, now. Just a little tender.”
His fingers gently probed the spot. He grunted after a moment then resumed brushing, careful to avoid the fading bruise. The brush rasped against my scalp; and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel while I considered my options.
I didn’t like any of my choices. I wanted to be defiant and keep choosing option D, which was to go off on my own. At what cost? I hated the idea of compromising with my ideals even a little. I didn’t want to end up like May, trading favors for protection. Yet, whether I wanted to admit it or not, Ghua was my most viable option for staying alive at present. And, he seemed to actually care. It was the caring that worried me, though.