Janie smiled at him. “I did the same thing. I took the wedding picture they kept on the dresser. It isn’t much, but I’m sure they’ll be happy to have it.”
There was something very tender and sweet about Alexander and his thoughtfulness through this whole process. He’d come, unsure of the welcome he’d receive, or if he even wanted to be here. And yet he jumped right in because their community needed his help.
“I know you didn’t sign up for this when you came here,” Janie said. “But I hope you know just how much we appreciate it.”
* * *
No, he hadn’t signed up for this. Alexander still wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking, driving toward the fire, calming a crazy horse, then getting in a trailer with it when it could stomp him to death.
But what other choice did he have? He wouldn’t have been able to walk away and feel good about himself, knowing these people needed his help. In some ways, it deepened his resolve to go into politics, because he liked knowing he was helping people. And with the power of political office, he could help more people.
The old canal road obviously wasn’t driven very often. But since they were headed away from the fire, they could take things more slowly. Alexander felt his muscles relax as they got farther down the road.
“That has been the closest to death I’ve ever come,” he said, trying to laugh and make a joke of it.
“You know, even though we did make a deal that I could talk to you about Jesus, I don’t want you to feel obligated just because you had a near-death experience. You don’t owe God your allegiance for saving you. God just wants you to love Him.”
He could tell there was more to it than that, but Janie was trying to be gentle with him. She was giving him an out, which he appreciated. But the peace he felt in his heart told him that maybe it was time for him to know God. Not because, as Janie had suggested, they had just cheated death. But because he wanted to know more about whatever it was that had brought such a deep peace to his heart.
“It’s okay,” Alexander said. “I genuinely do want to hear more. But first, you should check your cell signal and see if we can get one now. Ricky is probably worried.”
Plus, even though he did want to know more, he still needed to figure out the discrepancy between knowing he needed to get Janie to sign the papers and the fact that something about it felt wrong. Janie wasn’t the woman she’d been depicted as. But he’d seen for himself all the evidence of her blackmail.
Surely she wasn’t that good of a liar. But what other explanation was there?
“Ricky?”
The silence after Janie’s question told him that she’d been able to get through. Then she said, “I think we’re losing some of the cell towers. We made it to the old canal road, but it’s slow going because the road is in such bad condition.”
She listened to whatever he had to say, her face falling with every word.
When she hung up, she looked devastated.
“The winds have shifted, and the fire is headed toward town.”
Alexander’s stomach sank. How could there have been so much devastation in such a short period?
“Is there any hope?”
“There’s always hope,” Janie said. “You should start seeing planes dropping retardant on the fire soon. And we’re getting fire crews from elsewhere in the state. They’re starting to arrive now. But it doesn’t look good.”
Alexander could see a crossroads in the distance.
“Turn right there,” Janie said. “It’ll take us around town the long way, and then we can cut across to Ricky’s ranch.”
The dejected tone of her voice made Alexander’s heart hurt. What would it be like, having everything you loved threatened like this?
“Will your home be okay? I don’t mind risking it if there are valuables you want to get.”
Janie shook her head. “I don’t know. But Ricky specifically said it was too dangerous for us to go to town. He told us to take the long way to be safe, but also to stay out of the way of people being evacuated and emergency responders trying to do their jobs. I have insurance if my house burns down. My most valued possession is already at Ricky’s ranch. As long as I have Sam, I have everything.”
Her words humbled him. All along, they’d been thinking that Janie’s motivation was all about money. But what if it wasn’t? What if there was something more to what Janie wanted?
However, if her house burned down, even with the insurance money, she would be desperate for funds. It would be so easy to get her to sign then.
But how could he take advantage of that level of desperation?
He might not yet have had that talk with Janie about God, but he prayed with all his heart that God would spare Janie’s home and the homes of her loved ones—because he wasn’t sure he could live with himself if that was how he’d get her to sign those papers.
Chapter Four
Everything was gone.
Janie sat on the twisted remains of her favorite bench in her mother’s prayer garden at the church and surveyed the town. The entire northeast part of town was gone. Nothing more than charred remains.
The fire had ripped through their town four days ago, and emergency responders were just now letting people back in to survey the damage.
The sound of footfalls behind her made her turn.
“Have you been to your house yet?” Alexander asked.
Janie shook her head. “There’s no point. It’s gone.”
She pointed in the distance to the part of town that had been the worst hit.
“You never know, you might find something in the rubble,” he said.
Janie shook her head. “Not likely. From what I’ve seen in the videos and heard from people who have been able to get near there, there’s nothing left to find.” She gestured around the churchyard. “Not like here. They caught the fire before it crossed the road and hit the church and this part of town. Even though there’s damage, at least much of it is salvageable.” But as she said the words, she looked around the remains of her beautiful garden and her heart ached.
The firefighters had staged in the spot, and while she knew they had just been doing their job, it bothered her to see how carelessly they had trampled all over the rosebushes.
And yet, as soon as she thought it, she felt guilty. They had been doing their best, trying to save the town. How could she be worried about a few rosebushes when their loss had meant that so much of what she loved had been saved?
Alexander must have sensed her thoughts, because he put his arm around her. “This must have been a beautiful place,” he said. “I know it won’t be the same, but we can rebuild. I’ve seen memorials built in other parts of the state where they had destructive fires. Maybe we could build a memorial of our gratitude that no lives were lost.”
He must think her a terrible person for being so upset over the loss of such a seemingly trivial place.
“This was my mother’s favorite spot.”
Alexander pulled her closer to him. “You’ve told me that. I’m sure it makes your loss feel even worse. I hope I didn’t sound too insensitive to your grief. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you to be grieving your mother and dealing with this at the same time.”
It was strange, accepting comfort from him. From anyone. Janie was used to being the strong one. As wrong as it felt to have Alexander’s arm around her, she also didn’t want him to let go.
“Thank you,” she said. “It’s strange, because in all the loss that this town is suffering now, my mother’s passing seems like such a small thing.”
Her voice wavered and she could feel the tears wetting her eyes. She shouldn’t have gone there. She needed to have all her faculties so she could help with the cleanup effort.
Alexander pulled her into a tight hug. “You don’t always have to be strong. While you’re not the only
one who’s lost something here, it doesn’t make what you have lost insignificant.”
His words gave her permission to do the thing she hadn’t allowed herself to do since her nightmares began.
Janie sobbed.
It wasn’t those pretty sobs that you see on television where the woman’s makeup still looks perfect and you wonder if she was really sad at all. She sounded like a braying cow, and she wanted to make herself stop, but she couldn’t.
Her mother was dead. Her house had burned down. The town was virtually destroyed.
She tried to pull away, but Alexander held her tighter. “Let it out. You’ve been strong for everyone else, and now it’s your turn.”
The trouble with Alexander not having grown up in this town was that he didn’t understand it was her job to be strong for everyone else. Everyone counted on her. They needed her. Especially with her mom gone.
She just couldn’t bring herself to break free from his grasp to tell him that.
So she stood there, crying in Alexander’s arms. And after what felt like hours, her tears slowed, her sobs subsided and her grip on him loosened.
He gave her a tiny squeeze and whispered in her ear, “It’s going to be okay.”
It seemed almost ridiculous to believe him, except she did. Janie pulled away and nodded. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.
“Here.”
He waved it at her like he didn’t want to tell her how badly she needed it. But she knew she looked a mess.
As she took it, she laughed. “Are you implying that the raccoon look isn’t a good one for me?”
Alexander smiled and shook his head. “I would never imply that a lady is looking less than beautiful, when a woman’s true beauty is in her heart.” Then he gave a small smile. “And if I were to judge you in that way, well...” He turned away, like he was embarrassed.
“I can’t tell if you were trying to pay me a compliment or not,” Janie said.
Alexander looked back at her. “I did intend to pay a compliment, but then I realized that’s not appropriate, given the circumstances. So I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just trying to be nice.”
The way he stumbled over his words softened her heart toward him. It had been a long time since a man had complimented her like that. Sure, Ty and some of the other guys she’d grown up with would say things to her from time to time, but that was different. They were friends, and they’d known her forever.
Even though he’d stammered over it, and tried to dismiss it, Janie had to admit that it felt good to have someone who saw her this way. It didn’t mean it would go anywhere, of course, but she’d forgotten what it was like to be admired by a man.
Sam’s dad had been full of compliments back when they were dating. He’d been almost too effusive in his praise. Janie should have known that he hadn’t been sincere, but back in college, it had been the first time since anyone had ever seen her as more than just one of the gang. Or worse, as the untouchable pastor’s daughter.
She could tell Alexander was trying to do his best. Tears filled her eyes again as she realized just how starved she’d been for such genuine appreciation.
She smiled at him. “It’s okay. It’s kind of nice. Sometimes you get lost in the world of being a mom and serving others.”
The way he was looking at her, she wondered if she’d said too much. She sounded like a total dork. Or worse, desperate.
“I’m sorry.” She took a step back and turned toward the church. “We should probably check on my father. I know he wanted to be alone for a moment to survey the damage, but I know he shouldn’t do this completely alone.”
She didn’t wait for his response, but strode in the direction of the church.
While the church hadn’t burned, the smoke around it had caused so much damage, it would be a while before they could hold services there.
Ricky had let everyone use his lodge yesterday for church, and many of the neighbors whose barns were still standing had come together to offer theirs up as well. While it wasn’t an ideal situation, Janie couldn’t help thinking that this was what church was supposed to look like. Everyone who was able shared what they had for the good of the community.
When she entered the church, Alexander hung back.
Had she scared him off with her weird comment about enjoying his compliment?
This was why she didn’t date or get involved romantically with anyone.
Janie stopped. Wait. What was she thinking? Going from accepting a compliment to considering dating him? That was just too weird. Obviously, the fire and her grief had gotten to her. Poor Alexander was here on a difficult mission of his own. Rather than connecting with his long-lost family, he had been helping the community deal with the fire. Janie had spent more time with him than he had with his new family. And now, he was here for her. He didn’t need this kind of complication in his life. And really, she didn’t, either.
Janie found her father in the chapel, examining the broken cross that had always stood at the front of the altar.
Janie stood beside her father. “It can be fixed,” she said.
Her father shook his head. “It won’t be the same.”
She slipped her hand into his. “That’s not what the man who raised me used to say. Do you remember the story you told me about how the Japanese would put gold into cracks in porcelain to make it even more beautiful? Is this not the same thing?”
Her father put his arm around her. “You’re right. But it just seems like so much all at once.”
She squeezed him back. “We’ll get through it. No matter what troubles have ever come our way, you’ve always told me that God would bring us through stronger than we were.”
He pulled her close and hugged her. “I know you’re right. And if anyone came to me with a list of the problems that we face, I would tell them the same thing. But it seems so much harder without Bette by my side.”
They hadn’t spoken much of their shared grief. They’d been so busy preparing for the funeral, and now dealing with the fire, that this was the first he’d spoken of his loss.
“I know,” Janie said. “I need her, too. There’s so much I want to talk to her about. And I want to just sit with her for a moment.”
Her father squeezed her tight. “What are we going to do?” he asked. “I know God will get us through this. I just hadn’t expected it to be so much all at once.”
Then he looked up at her. “I keep asking myself what your mother would do, but I can’t get to the answer because I miss her so much.”
Janie pulled away and gestured at the broom closet. “You know what she would do. Let’s see how much of this mess we can get cleaned up before they kick us out.”
Her father brushed his tears away with the back of his sleeve and nodded. “You’re right. I can picture her now, rolling her eyes at me for being so stupid and not seeing the obvious.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “She was a good woman. I see a lot of her in you. We’ve been too busy to talk much the past few days, but I hope you know just how proud of you she would be.”
Tears filled her eyes at his words. “I know I’ve disappointed you in the past, like when I got pregnant. I’m trying to do better.”
Unexpectedly, he pulled her into his arms again, giving her a tight hug and kissing her on top of the head. “You have never been a disappointment. Yes, it was hard when you came back from school, pregnant and alone. But it turned you into the woman you are today, and it gave me my grandson, so I’m not disappointed at all.”
Something about his words opened up a wound in her heart she hadn’t realized hadn’t fully healed. Tears flowed down her face. “I still feel like everyone judges me for what I did.”
Her father gave her another squeeze, then pulled away, staring at her intently. “You judge yourself more than any
one else has. You’ve proven your integrity time and again. You chose to trust the wrong man, but that doesn’t have to be the shame you live under forever. God has forgiven you. We have forgiven you. So maybe it’s time to forgive yourself.”
She hadn’t thought of it that way. True, there had been a lot of whispers when she first came back to town. And yes, initially her parents had questioned her. But she had to admit that no one had said anything negative about her recently.
A noise at the back of the church caught her attention. Alexander. He’d asked about Sam’s father, as many did, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized he hadn’t been judging her. He’d just been curious.
She turned back to her father. “You may be right,” she said. “It’s obviously something I need more healing on.”
Janie started to go toward the utility closet to grab the broom, but her father stopped her. “I hope you get it. It pains me to think that you are living under the shame of something that happened years ago, that you’ve repented of and that God has granted his forgiveness for. You’re free. If you let yourself be.”
Tears stung the back of her eyes as she nodded and took a deep breath to calm down. “Thank you. But we have a lot of work to do if we’re going to get this church back up and running.”
Her father shook his head slowly and chuckled. “You are your mother’s daughter.”
When she went to the closet and grabbed the broom, Alexander was right there.
“Can I help?” he asked.
The hesitation in his voice made her realize he wasn’t just asking about the cleanup. She’d already fallen apart in his arms once today, and she wasn’t ready for a repeat. Everyone counted on Janie to hold it together. Her father had just said it himself. She was her mother’s daughter. No one would have ever accused Bette Roberts of being weak. It was Janie’s job to take care of everyone, just like her mother had. And even though what she really wanted to do most right now was crawl up in her bed with a cuddly blanket and cry until she had no more tears left, that wasn’t going to help anyone else in this town recover from the devastating fire.
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