The concern on Erin’s face was touching. “But what will you do in the meantime? You have a son to raise.”
Janie shrugged. “I’ll figure it out. I always have. They’re giving us a severance package, so I’m not totally destitute.”
It sounded a lot better than it felt. Especially because the kids were going to be crammed into larger class sizes, due to space restrictions. Which meant learning was going to be even more difficult for Sam than it already was. She couldn’t afford his reading therapy with the two jobs she’d had. So where did that leave her? More importantly, where did it leave Sam?
She hugged Erin goodbye, then started toward the ranch truck she’d been driving. The insurance company had decided it would cost more to get the smoke damage to her car repaired than it would to get her an entirely new car. She was still waiting on them to process the paperwork, but even then, that meant a drive to the city to purchase a new car. She wasn’t sure where she’d find the time to do that, but Ricky had been generous in allowing her, and anyone else who had need, the use of his vehicles.
Alexander’s words went through her head again. And then she thought about her father, and how he had talked through his latest sermon on pride with her. He wanted to encourage their community not to be prideful in accepting the help that was offered to them after the fire.
Was she being prideful in not signing the agreement?
She looked at the dispersing crowd and her eyes were immediately drawn to Alexander, who was assisting one of the ladies to her car. He had a good heart, and she knew he’d meant well with the advice he’d given her. But he didn’t know the whole story. He didn’t know how Sam’s father had taken advantage of her, then tossed her aside when he’d gotten what he wanted. He didn’t know the lack of character, or how, despite the legal agreement, she didn’t trust Bucky to keep his word. It felt like she’d be selling out her son for the sake of a temporary situation. Surely there was a way out.
But as she saw Mrs. Nelson, the librarian, getting into her car, Janie wondered if perhaps she was too optimistic. Mrs. Nelson was among those who had lost their homes, and furthermore, because the high school already had a librarian, she’d lost her job. So she was cutting her losses and leaving, moving to Denver to stay with her son until she could find a new job.
Many of the townspeople were doing the same.
It had been hard enough to make a living in the small ranching community. But with half the town gone and so many jobs lost, many people had no other options.
Janie had been happy to get her job as a teacher’s aide at the elementary school. She’d originally gone to college to get a teaching degree, but had dropped out a semester shy of graduating to have Sam.
Her parents had worked so hard to send her to college, and she’d failed them.
As if he knew she’d been thinking about him, her father approached. “I’m so sorry about your job,” he said.
Great. She was going to have to have this conversation with everyone who knew her.
“I’ll be fine. I trust that God will provide, just as He always has,” she said.
Her father nodded. “Ellen Adams is thinking about leaving town. Maybe you could talk to her about taking over her job at the community resource center.”
“They’re already low on funds. When Ellen told me they would be cutting my job, she admitted that she was also going to take a pay cut to keep the center running.”
For a moment, her father looked thoughtful, then he said, “There are other grants, you know. I would imagine that with as hard hit as our town has been by the fire, our community is probably eligible for a lot of different grants. You should look into them.”
She had done some work in that area, but not a lot. Still, if it could help their community, she might as well give it a try.
“I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re right. If you come across any resources, let me know.”
Her father hugged her. “You don’t always have to be strong. Are you taking the time you need to mourn your losses? Your mother, your home, the town?”
She hugged him back, then pulled away. “Are you? I’m doing what I need to get through.”
“I am,” he said. “Ricky has been a good friend to me, and we’ve spent a lot of time processing everything that’s happened. But I’m worried about you. Are you filling your well? Are you letting others in?”
Everyone asked her how she was doing, and she told them all the same thing—as well as can be expected.
Because that’s what they were all doing. Once again, she thought about Alexander, and how he’d encouraged her to unburden herself on him.
“I’m trying,” she said. “I’ve spent a lot of time with Alexander, and even though he encourages me to open up, it feels wrong because he’s so closed off, and he has his own troubles to deal with.”
Her father followed her gaze to where Alexander was standing. If you didn’t know the community, you wouldn’t know that he hadn’t been part of their group forever, laughing and joking like they’d all grown up together. He fit in so well, but ever since he’d told her that he would be returning home at some point, it was hard to let herself get too attached.
“He seems like a good man,” her father said. “You haven’t dated anyone since moving back home, so I can see how you would be nervous. Still, you can’t let your past pain dictate your future.”
She watched as the kids ran from the playground to surround Alexander with hugs. Sam tugged at his hand, then pointed in her direction. She smiled and waved at them, and Sam tugged at Alexander’s hand again.
“Sam likes him,” her father said.
“He’s not staying,” Janie said. “I don’t know his timeline, but he’s made it clear that he has a job and family in Denver.”
Her father shrugged. “Denver is not that far away. A lot of people are leaving. It seems like every other family I’ve talked to has indicated that they don’t have it in them to stick around and rebuild. There are better jobs elsewhere, and they won’t have to go through the agonizing rebuilding process. Maybe it’s time for you to spread your wings, too.”
Janie stared at him. “But you just told me I should apply for grants for the community center and take that job.”
“I’m just saying that you have options, that’s all,” he said. “Maybe it’s time for you to look around at the open doors and see where they lead.”
Before she could answer, Sam had let go of Alexander’s hand and was running toward her.
“I have a child to think of.”
Rather than waiting to hear what else her father had to say, Janie stepped forward to meet her son and gathered him up into a giant bear hug. He was getting big, almost too big to be picked up much longer. Before the fire, she’d noticed that his pant legs were a little too short. She’d wondered where she’d get the money to replace them, but she supposed one of the blessings of the fire was that they’d all be getting new clothes, and Sam could get some that fit.
“Guess what, Mom?”
“What?” Sam wriggled out of her grasp, so she set him down.
“Mr. Ricky said that those of us who wanted to could bunk down in the main house like a big campout. I could sleep with the men.”
The way he said men made her want to giggle, but she knew he took his desire to be a man very seriously. That was the trouble with being a single mom. While Sam had several very good male role models, he often lamented the fact that he didn’t have a dad.
“That sounds fun, but—” She didn’t know how to break it to him that because she wasn’t a man, she couldn’t join them, which meant Sam couldn’t, either.
“I asked Alexander if I could bunk down next to him, and he said yes if it’s okay with you.”
Sam turned to Alexander, but not before Janie could see the way her son’s eyes shone with hero worship.
This
was why she hadn’t dated since coming back home. She didn’t want Sam getting his hopes up over every man who entered his life. As it was, he’d already asked several family friends to be his dad. The last thing she needed was for him to get an expectation of Alexander in that direction.
“All of the guys are doing it,” Alexander said. “Kind of like a father-son thing, only Sam doesn’t have a father and I don’t have a son, but it seemed a shame for him to miss out.”
Great. Exactly what Janie feared.
“Ty said I could be his son since Katie is a girl and no girls are allowed, but it would be more fun to have a pretend dad of my own.”
It would be way more convenient for Sam to be with Ty, since Ty wasn’t a single man for Sam to put hopes on about being his dad. Even though Katie had told Sam that she would share her new dad with him when Ty married Rachel, she heard the kids conspiring on multiple occasions about getting Sam his very own dad.
She looked from Sam to Alexander, then back at Sam again.
“I could go,” her father offered. “Ricky put me up in one of his guest bedrooms, thinking I would be more comfortable there, but it wouldn’t be a hardship to sleep in the great room with my grandson for a night.”
At least he understood her dilemma. Sam, however, looked angry at the suggestion.
“It’s a father-son campout, not a poppa and his grandson.” Sam kicked the ground. “Why can’t I have a dad like all the other kids?”
Janie shot her father a look that she hoped expressed her gratitude for his attempt at stepping in.
Alexander squatted to Sam’s height. “Your poppa is a great guy. Mine died when I was a little boy, so I didn’t get to know him very well. Some people have dads, some have poppas, and others have really good friends who are willing to help out from time to time. You should be grateful for the wonderful men in your life. Not everyone has a poppa like yours, so if he’s offering to spend time with you, then you should take it.”
The solemn look Sam gave Alexander twisted Janie’s heart in a funny way.
“But you asked me first,” Sam said.
Alexander looked up at Janie’s father. “How about you sleep between us?”
She knew Alexander was just trying to help, but she didn’t think he realized how much this was setting her little boy up for heartbreak. She’d have to have a word with him later about making sure her son’s heart didn’t get broken when he left.
Sam looked over at her father. “Can we do that?”
Her father nodded. “Of course we can. I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know Alexander, so this would be a great opportunity.”
Alexander stood and ruffled Sam’s hair. “See that? A win-win solution for us all.”
Sam gave a fist pump. “Yes! And I can bring my dinosaur sleeping bag, and—”
Then he stopped. His face darkened. “It got burned up in the fire. I don’t have a sleeping bag.”
This was the hard truth they were all continually facing. Just when things started to feel normal again, they realized one more thing they had lost.
“We can get a new one,” Janie said. “The insurance company gave us money to replace our belongings.”
Sam shook his head. “No we can’t. We got it at the hardware store, and the hardware store burned down too.”
Another business that wouldn’t be rebuilding. Steve Clark had already been mumbling about needing to retire for the past few years, but hadn’t been able to find anyone to take over his business. Now he was taking the insurance money and his wife and moving to Arizona, where the winters were milder.
“We could take a drive to Buena Vista and see what they have,” her father suggested. “I need a few supplies, and you could do with a few replacements to those borrowed clothes.”
Then he turned to Janie. “We could all go. You haven’t had a break, and like your son, you could do with some fresh new clothes that are all your own. It would be good for you to get away for a while.”
Though Buena Vista wasn’t a large town, it had a lot of the conveniences Columbine Springs lacked. It was also a lot closer than Denver. Still, it didn’t seem right to leave when there was so much to do.
Alexander seemed to sense her hesitation. “Your father’s right. You could use a break. And weren’t you just telling me about the place there that has the best hamburgers in the world? You should go.”
“Jerry’s!” her father said. “I haven’t had a Jerry Burger in years. Your mother was always on me to eat less red meat. We have to go.”
The excitement in her father’s voice made it impossible to refuse.
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go. Rachel is low on groceries anyway, and while she says we aren’t a burden, I’d love to save her the trip.”
While Columbine Springs had a small convenience store that carried the basics, grocery wise, the nearest grocery store was either in Buena Vista or an hour in the other direction. Even though people were used to traveling to get groceries, it seemed like a much more difficult trip now, in the aftermath of the fire.
“You’re coming, too, right?” Sam asked, tugging at Alexander’s hand.
“I don’t need anything,” Alexander said. “This seems like a good opportunity for your family to spend some time together.”
Janie’s father stared at Alexander for a moment. “Aren’t you wearing borrowed clothes as well? Yours were in the car at the church, and I understand the insurance company said that nothing was salvageable because of the smoke damage.”
Alexander shrugged. “I got some when the Red Cross was handing things out. They’re mine now.”
The Red Cross had set up in the high school gym and were using it to pass out donated items. While a lot of it was just junk other people didn’t want and thought the town could use, every once in a while someone came out with something useful. Janie and Sam were also wearing donated clothes, and it would be a relief for Janie to have something of her own. Alexander might not admit it, but deep down, he probably felt the same way.
“Then you should come,” Janie said. “Especially if we’re going to Jerry’s. That burger alone is worth the trip.”
Alexander hesitated, then nodded. “All right. Let me check in with Ricky and let him know my plans.”
He glanced nervously at Janie’s father, like a schoolboy afraid he was about to get grilled by his date’s father. He probably was, but this wasn’t a test to pass. If her father had issued the invitation, it meant Alexander had already passed, that her dad liked him and wanted to get to know him better.
And even though Janie was doing her best to shut off her heart to him, with her father and son so open to Alexander, it was becoming harder and harder to do.
* * *
Agreeing to go with Janie and her family to Buena Vista was a bad idea on so many levels. But Alexander hadn’t known how to politely refuse, especially since it was at the pastor’s invitation.
After making a few purchases at the hardware store and a discount store for some clothing basics, they’d walked to a quaint little park next to a gurgling creek so Sam could play and get out some of his excess energy. The sun had come out, and after such miserable gray days following the snow that had put out the fire, it felt good to relax in the warmer weather. Not warm enough to go without a coat, but the sun’s rays still felt good on Alexander’s face as he sat on one of the benches. Janie was running around with Sam, and it brought a smile to his face to see what an engaged mother she was.
He wished the senator could see what he saw. Had he even talked to Janie? Maybe they could have a conversation, and the senator would understand that Janie wasn’t a threat.
Though Alexander had a vested interest in making sure Janie didn’t talk, the more time he’d spent discussing Sam’s father with her and her lack of information, the less he could see her going to the press. She was happy with her life
, and she would surely know how disruptive it would be to be in the middle of a media circus.
It didn’t explain the blackmail, but Alexander had to believe there was something they’d missed.
“I’m glad you decided to come with us today,” the pastor said, sitting on the bench next to him.
Alexander looked over at him. “As much as I hate to admit it, you’re probably right. I did need a break. It feels so good, sitting here in the sun and doing absolutely nothing. I’ve always seen ads for Buena Vista and places like the hot springs, but I’ve never had the time to visit. Now that I’m here, I wish I hadn’t waited so long. I’ll definitely be back.” He grinned. “Especially to use the hot springs. With it so close to Columbine Springs, do you guys visit often?”
“No,” the pastor said. “Like you, we’re too busy. But sitting here, listening to the creek and my grandson’s laughter, I’m reminded of the need to relax more. The hot springs are great, though. Buena Vista has two public ones. I hope you take the time to enjoy them while you’re here.”
When he’d seen the ranch website before coming, Alexander had all sorts of ideas of things he’d hoped to try. But the fire had intervened, and now he was just doing what had to be done.
“Maybe next time,” Alexander said.
The pastor nodded like he understood. “When are you planning on leaving?”
It was a good question. Alexander wasn’t sure he knew the answer to that himself. It all depended on whether or not the senator wanted him to stay. If the senator wanted him home, he had enough vacation to get him through Thanksgiving, but after that...
Sam’s laughter rang out across the playground as he kicked a ball to Janie.
Then Sam turned to them. “Poppa! Alexander! Come play with us!”
For the first time, Alexander realized he didn’t want to leave. Yes, his family was in Denver, but it wasn’t that far of a drive, and he was so busy with work that he often didn’t see them anyway. But that was the problem. Work. Even if Alexander chose to stay, it wasn’t like there were a plethora of jobs for a political analyst in the middle of nowhere Colorado. Which meant his dreams of his own political career would be worthless.
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