by Diana Palmer
“I’ve always been your lover,” he murmured. “Only me. You’ve never known anyone else like this, have you?”
“No.” She stretched and sighed as he rolled away and leaned over her, smiling.
“Now let’s go see my colt,” he murmured. “And I’ll feed you supper.”
She’d wanted something more loverlike than that, and she had to force herself not to ask for it. Could he have loved her that way without feeling something for her? She didn’t think so.
“All right,” she said. “I’ll get dressed.”
“What a crime, to cover a body like that,” he murmured, watching her put her clothes back on. “My God, just touching you drove me crazy.”
“You look pretty good yourself,” she said demurely.
Keegan got up with a sigh and put his own clothing back on. When he finished, he pulled Eleanor close and held her against him for a long moment.
“I didn’t think,” he said quietly. “You aren’t on the pill, I gather?”
She swallowed. “No.”
He lifted his head, searching her eyes. “If we made a baby, I’ll take care of you,” he said, his voice deep and quiet.
Eleanor actually blushed. She pushed away from him because it sounded as if he had something other than marriage in mind. “We’d better get up to the farm,” she said evasively.
He studied her straight back, frowning.
“I didn’t get pregnant before,” she pointed out without looking at him. “There’s probably nothing to worry about.”
“There could be, if it happens again.”
“It won’t,” she said firmly, and walked into the hall. “One lapse doesn’t make an affair, Keegan.”
“I don’t want an affair,” he growled.
“Yes, I know.” She went out the front door, Keegan at her heels.
“Wait a minute,” he said shortly. “Let’s get this ironed out right now, Eleanor. You’ve got it all wrong!”
“No, I haven’t!” she returned fiercely. “You have. I’m a grown woman now, not a child. You won’t own me by seducing me!”
He seemed at a loss for words. He started to speak, stopped, tried again. “I didn’t plan what happened,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean it to happen….”
“You never do.” She laughed coldly. “I’m just handy. Handy, and stupid!”
He grimaced. She didn’t understand! She thought he was using her. “For God’s sake, it’s not like that!” he burst out. “Please, baby, listen to me!”
“Look, there’s Dad,” she said, watching Gene Taber drive toward the house with her father in the car. She flushed, thinking what they’d have interrupted minutes before. Now, however, she was grateful for the interruption. She couldn’t even look at Keegan. How would she ever be able to sleep in that bedroom again?
Chapter Ten
“I forgot my pipe.” Barnett Whitman grinned. “Can’t get my ideas together without it, not if I’m going to build a halfway decent barn. Pretty colt, Eleanor, you ought to go up and see it.”
“That’s where we’re headed,” said Keegan. He caught Eleanor’s unresponsive hand in his.
“Wait, I have to change,” she protested.
“I have seen a woman’s legs before,” Gene Taber teased.
“But it’s so informal,” she persisted.
“Don’t you have a wraparound skirt?” Keegan asked.
Now how had he known that? She nodded and rushed off to drag it out of her closet. She wouldn’t let herself think. She didn’t dare. There would be time enough for regrets later.
She drew on her white wraparound skirt and tied it, filing out the door just behind her father. Keegan came up to her as she stopped on the porch, and he held out his hand, watching, waiting. With a faint sigh, she put her own into it and felt his fingers contract, warm and possessive.
He smiled.
“Come on,” he said, leading her to the car. “We’ll drive up behind them.”
“You look better,” she murmured.
“Since I left the hospital, I expect you mean?” he asked dryly, smiling as she blushed. “Yes, I feel better, too. I never did thank you, did I, for telling Dad what to do.”
“He was upset,” she said.
He helped her into the passenger seat of the red Porsche. “So were you, I hear,” he said, noting her downcast expression as he closed the door.
Eleanor leaned back as she fastened her seatbelt and waited for him to get in and start the engine. Gene Taber had already driven off in his green Buick with Barnett beside him. It seemed the day for a family get-together, but all she wanted to do was…was stay with Keegan and never leave him, she admitted miserably. She couldn’t bear the thought of being alone again, of being without him for the rest of her life. Especially now. And what if she did get pregnant?
Involuntarily, her fingers went to her waist, pressing there in wonder as they drove up toward Flintlock. A baby would be nice. Someone to love and care for, someone to look after and fuss over. She smiled.
The man beside her saw that smile and where her fingers were resting, and he smiled, too. He began to whistle softly, glancing sideways at her and smiling.
She glanced at him and looked away again. Smug, wasn’t he? she thought bitterly. He’d had his way, and now he was satisfied. He’d be off in search of a new conquest.
“The colt is out of Main Chance, by Straightaway,” he told her. “A Triple Crown winner if I’ve ever seen one. Beautiful conformation.”
“Wasn’t Straightaway the reason you escaped from the hospital?” she asked slyly.
“I had to. O’Clancy damned near took him home.” Keegan pulled into his driveway and followed his father’s car back to the garage, pulling in beside the Buick. “Feeling all right?” he asked unexpectedly, his blue eyes concerned as they searched her face.
“Of…of course,” she faltered.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked, his voice softer than satin.
She shook her head, and he nodded, apparently satisfied. He got out and helped her out.
“We’re going to look over the layout for the barn,” Gene told them. “Barnett swears he’s up to it. Then we’ll meet you in the house for supper. Mary June’s fixing ham, by the way. She swore up and down that we’d never see another piece of chicken as long as we live after your near miss, son.”
Keegan chuckled as he locked Eleanor’s fingers in his. “Suits me. I think I’ll sell my stock in that chicken packing plant we own shares of, too.”
“I don’t blame you, boy.” Barnett grinned.
The older men wandered off across the yard, and Keegan drew Eleanor along with him into the spacious stable with its wide, woodchip-covered aisle. He stopped at a middle stall and pushed Eleanor in front of him so that she could look over the gate. There, in the stall, was a sleek, beautiful brown mare with a small, spindly-legged colt.
“Isn’t he a beauty?” he asked proudly. He put his hands on her shoulders, idly stroking them. “A fine young devil, all nerves right now. He’ll be a sight to behold in a few months.”
“He’s a champion all right.” She sighed. “I’ve always loved horses, even if I don’t know one bloodline from another.”
“I could teach you that,” he said, his breath fanning her hair. “I could teach you anything you wanted to know. And before you fly at me,” he added when she turned, glaring, “I don’t mean sex.”
That stopped her. She stared up at him breathlessly, her whole body reacting in sensuous pleasure to the intensity of his gaze.
“For God’s sake, don’t look at me like that,” he said harshly. “Don’t you realize even now the way you affect me?”
She didn’t, but when he drew her against his long, lean body, she got the message.
“Don’t pull away,” he said quietly. “You belong to me now. You know everything there is to know about my body and how it responds.” He smiled at her warmly. “Besides, you’re a nurse.”
“That doesn�
�t make me any more confident, actually,” she confessed. Her hands touched his chest through the shirt and she felt him shudder as his heartbeat increased. She pressed her fingers against him, feeling the soft, bristly pressure of chest hair through the material, feeling him stiffen. She looked up, fascinated by the newness of the relationship they were sharing, by what had happened.
“How do things stand between you and Granger?” he asked.
She shifted restlessly. “I don’t have to tell you that.”
He tipped her chin up and searched her eyes. “After this afternoon, I have the right to know,” he replied. “You gave me something Granger’s never had from you.”
Something he would never have, but she couldn’t tell him that. She bit her lower lip. “I’m very fond of Wade,” she said, which was true. She studied his shirt button.
“And how do you feel about me?” he asked.
“I…want you,” she confessed, closing her eyes. Well, it was the truth, after all. She did want him. But she wasn’t about to tell him the rest of it, that she loved him and she’d never get over him. She’d experienced him totally as a man, and her heart was now his.
His hands smoothed up and down her bare arms, strong, warm, possessive hands. “Only want, Eleanor?” he probed.
She lifted her dark eyes to his. “What are you waiting for, another breathless confession of undying love?” she asked with a harsh laugh. “Wouldn’t that be history repeating itself? Isn’t physical desire enough for you, Keegan? We’re both adults, after all. And I’m sure you’re relieved to know that I’m not going to throw my heart at your feet a second time.”
He flinched slightly, then lowered his eyes and looked down at her hands, still pressed tautly against his chest.
“Wouldn’t you like to try loving me again?” he asked softly. He lifted his eyes back to hers, searching them in silence. “I might be a better proposition this go-around,” he remarked at last. “God knows, we’re both more mature now.”
Eleanor squared her chin and stared at him for a moment. Then, “Desire isn’t enough to build a relationship on,” she said. “You told me that four years ago, don’t you remember?” She laughed bitterly.
His eyes closed. “I remember.”
“You did try to be kind, I realize that,” she acknowledged. “But you were in love with Lorraine, and you couldn’t disguise it. If I’d been a little less infatuated…”
Keegan let her go and turned away to light a cigarette, his back to her. Then he looked up toward the ceiling. “Are you trying to get back at me, Ellie? Is that what this evasion is all about?”
“No, it isn’t,” she replied. “I’m trying to tell you that what I want now is a stable relationship with a man, some security and a future that doesn’t involve stolen moments in the backseat of a car or a deserted house.”
“Oh, God,” he cried, bowing his head. “Oh, God, why won’t you listen to me?” He turned, his blue eyes dark with pain, and something like defeat. “I’m not offering you some clandestine affair!”
“I don’t care,” she forced herself to say calmly. “Wade’s asked me to marry him.” She watched that register, and nodded. “And after today, I’ll say yes, Keegan. Because I can’t risk letting what happened today repeat itself. I can’t seem to say no to you. So I’ll settle for a permanent relationship instead.”
“You won’t be able to give him what you gave me,” he said, his voice harsh.
“Of course I won’t. But I’ll take care of him, and be there when he needs me. I’ll have everything I want, and I’ll give him children.”
He looked as if she’d cut him with a knife. Abruptly he turned away, his eyes blank and unseeing, his soul in agony. So he’d been wrong. She didn’t love him. She only wanted him, after all, and she was so afraid of giving in again that she’d even rush into marriage with a man she didn’t love to keep him out of her life. What a horrible, bitter irony: he’d pushed her away when she’d offered him her love, and now that he wanted it, he couldn’t get it back. Irony.
“Then I guess that’s all there is,” he said, his voice dull, lifeless.
“That’s all there is,” she agreed. She turned away from the stall and walked outside into the sunlight.
Keegan followed her with eyes as cold as death. She was like quicksilver, he thought blankly, impossible to catch and hold. If only he hadn’t rushed her, if only he’d held back this afternoon. But he’d wanted her so desperately. He’d thought it would solve everything, show her how he felt about her. All it had done was to push her into a loveless marriage.
“I’d rather not stay for supper,” she said when he joined her at the front porch.
“If you leave now, they’ll wonder why you left.”
She grimaced. “Yes, I suppose so.”
He searched her pale face quietly, the smoking cigarette in his hand all but forgotten. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Sorry for it all. For the past, for the present. Even for the future. All I seem to do is hurt you, when that’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”
“You haven’t hurt me,” she said, folding her arms across her breasts. “I was hardly a victim, either time.”
“I seduced you,” he said, staring down at the cigarette.
“No!” She touched his arm hesitantly, searching his tormented face. “Oh, no, it wasn’t seduction. Not ever. I wanted you.”
“What will we do if you get pregnant?” he asked softly. “Will you tell Granger the truth?”
“If I get pregnant, I…” She couldn’t go on with the lie. “I don’t know what I’ll do, except that I’ll have it,” she finished lamely.
He started to touch her face, his fingers slightly unsteady. “I can’t lose you twice,” he whispered.
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“I…” he began.
“It’s on the table!” Mary June called out the front door. “Hurry up before I throw it out!”
“Damn,” Keegan muttered with a sigh. He ground out his cigarette under his heel. “Oh, well, maybe it’s for the best,” he said gruffly. “Come on.” He guided her up the steps, leaving her to ponder what he’d said.
“Thank God we can sit down to table in peace, with the O’Clancys gone,” Gene Taber declared jovially as Mary June began serving dinner. “There were nights when I was almost certain that Maureen was going to drag Keegan under the table and rape him between courses.”
Keegan glanced at his father with a faint smile. “I felt that way myself a time or two,” he murmured. “She was a bit forward for my taste.”
“I had the same fears for Eleanor when Wade came to dinner,” Barnett Whitman announced, glancing at her with a broad grin. “He was practically drooling the first time.”
Keegan banged his cup on the table, looking grim, as Eleanor flushed and Gene and Barnett exchanged discreet smiles.
“Here it is,” Mary June interrupted, her black eyes flashing as she put a platter of ham on the table. “No more chicken around this here house,” she added with a glare at Keegan. “I never seen the like. Folks trying to kill themselves with chicken poison….”
Keegan glared back at her. “I was not trying to commit suicide.”
“Any fool who’d put cooked chicken back on the same plate with uncooked chicken pieces deserves just what he gets!” Mary June retorted.
“Miss Perfection,” Keegan returned, “haven’t you ever made a mistake?”
“Yes, sir,” she agreed. “Saying yes when Mr. Gene asked if I wanted to work for him!”
“Stop it, you two,” Gene roared, banging the table with his fist. “Can’t we have just one peaceful meal in this house without the two of you coming to blows?”
Mary June sniffed. “I don’t start it. He does.”
“Ha!” Keegan shot back.
“I’ll just go and put that chocolate cake I just baked in the trash can,” the cook threatened, lips pursed mutinously.
Keegan sighed. He picked his white napkin up out
of his lap and waved it back and forth.
Mary June nodded curtly. “Good enough for you,” she said. “And see you stay out of my kitchen from now on, if you please. I don’t want folks trying to kill themselves in there. Spoils my pantry, it does.”
Keegan glared at her retreating back as she hobbled away. “Someday,” he threatened. “Someday!”
“Shhhh!” Gene hissed at him. “She’ll quit!”
Keegan grinned. “Is there hope?”
“Well, we’d die if we had to depend on your culinary skills, and that’s a fact,” he told his son.
“Just because I put the damned chicken in the wrong place…” he muttered.
“You should have married Maureen, while you had the chance,” Eleanor said with a forced smile. “She’d have baked you cakes.”
“She couldn’t even buy a decent cake, much less make one from scratch,” Keegan said venomously, his eyes narrowed. “And I can pick my own wife, thank you.”
Of course he could—some society woman with a family tree as monied as his own. Eleanor smiled faintly at her plate as she tried to eat.
“I wish you’d marry somebody,” Gene told his son. “I’m getting old enough to crave grandchildren.”
“Adopt,” Keegan advised him. He glanced quickly at Eleanor, then looked away again. “I like my freedom.”
Eleanor didn’t look up, but her heart felt as if it had been cut in two. It was the truth, of course: he didn’t want to marry anybody. But why throw it in her face now, of all times, after she’d given in to him?
“He’s baiting you, girl,” Gene said.
She looked up to find Keegan grinning at her.
“I don’t care if he dies an old maid,” she said bluntly.
“Heartless woman,” Keegan muttered. He finished his meal and sat back in his chair with a long sigh. Why not bring it out into the open? he mused. He could gain an ally or two, and he needed them.
“Why don’t you marry me and make an honest man out of me?” he asked her bluntly.
Her fork clattered wildly as it hit the china plate. She retrieved it clumsily, red-faced and breathless as all eyes suddenly focused on her.