by R. Cayden
Exhausted, I turned down the dirt road. I’d spent the night before packing my shit up, then drove out of Nashville at two in the morning. With my drums and some tools in a trailer behind the truck and plenty of unfamiliar roads to navigate, it took me straight through until sunrise to find my way to my destination.
Thank god for Leo, though. After quitting the band a couple months ago and breaking up with Monica last week, I was desperate for a damn escape hatch. Getting to rebuild an art studio and retreat to the mountains sounded about perfect.
Sure, I hadn’t exactly planned on Shawn being there until Leo called with the update that morning, but I’d already moved out of my studio, and I wasn’t about to turn around and couch surf in Nashville while I scrounged for work all summer. If Shawn was anything like in high school, he’d be easy to live with.
It was funny. Even though Leo’s younger brother didn’t talk much back in those days, I still felt like I knew him.
We shared these quiet walks down the hall together. Sometimes, I’d tell him about the band I was listening to, and he’d ask about his brother or make a clever joke about one of the classes we passed. He was smart, I remembered, and he noticed things that other people didn’t.
Shawn had a way of making me smile, I guess. All those bullies in the small Indiana town where we grew up were such assholes to him. I never could figure out how someone could have a problem with a guy as nice as he was, but at least I was able to help a little and keep an eye on him in the cafeteria and the hallways.
I glanced at the trailer in the rearview mirror as I bumped and bounced down the dirt road. I just hoped my new housemate didn’t have a problem with drums. The carpentry was going to be just as loud most days, so I figured if Leo thought that was fine, then a little music shouldn’t be a problem, right?
At least I hoped not. Things might have taken a turn with Twice Shattered, but just because I left the band didn’t mean I’d quit drumming. It was how I knew my heart was beating, and after my life fell apart in my hands, I needed that release.
I pulled up to the house, backed up the trailer to a clearing, and jumped out. There was a cute old Subaru parked in the driveway, which I thought I remembered from when we were all growing up. Could Shawn still have the same car? Something about it made me chuckle, which was kind of a miracle, considering how long my tired ass had been on the road.
I stretched out for a minute, pulled one arm back at the elbow, and then hopped around to loosen my legs. The house looked perfect, cozy and comfortable, and the rolling hillsides stretched endlessly into the distance. I felt a little wired from the coffee I’d grabbed around sunrise but figured a shower and a bed would be enough to knock me out.
After fetching my bag from the back of the car, I stepped up to the door, then paused. Should I knock? I was going to live there for the next few months, and Leo did say to make myself at home. There was apparently a room in the back of the house for me with its own entrance. Should I just head there?
I shook my head, obviously too tired and overthinking, then beat my fist on the door.
A moment passed, then another, and I finally knocked again. A voice called something out from inside, but it was too muffled to understand. It sounded like Shawn but kind of strained, almost panicked.
There was a knocking noise and then a scraping sound, like something was being dragged across a wood floor. The voice cursed, and a second later, I heard a loud bang.
I tightened my eyebrows, concerned, and rested my hand on the doorknob. What the hell was going on in there? When I heard another loud bang and curse, my instincts took over, and I shoved the door open.
Sprawled on his hands and knees, Shawn was gathering up a bunch of books that were scattered across the floor, which explained the noises I’d heard. It was early enough that he was in his pajamas, apparently, just a pair of boxer briefs and a T-shirt, and my eye immediately caught on his ass, hoisted in the air and wiggling while he scooped up the books.
I shook my head, obviously tired if I was staring at a guy’s ass, even if it was curvy and firm in just the right ways.
Shawn grabbed his glasses from the floor and jumped to his feet, spinning to greet me before I could offer a hand to help him up. “Cass!” he declared. He set the books in his arms down, then grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around his waist. “You’re here.”
I offered him a smile. “Shawn, man, I hardly recognize you!”
It was true, too. Back in high school, Shawn had been scrawny, with cowlicks up the back of his head and a mouth that was too big for his face. Now, though, he was still slim, and he still had those big, puffy lips, but his face and his body just kind of fit together, like all of the parts of him had grown into each other. He had a strong jaw that complimented the curves of his cheeks, and even behind his glasses, I could see the swirling silver and gray of his eyes.
He was pretty, I realized, caught off guard by the thought.
I hitched my bag over my shoulder. “Looking good. How’s your morning going?”
“It’s okay. I’m just waking up.”
Shawn adjusted the blanket around his waist while I swooped up the last couple of books, then dropped them on the coffee table. I noticed all of the stacks of papers and books that were scattered around the room, mainly shoved into piles in the corners. I leaned over the big wooden coffee table, then glanced one of the spines. “Atmospheric Rotation. Whoa, you’ve still got that big brain, huh?”
When I turned back his way, Shawn had a kind of stunned look on his face. “Yeah, I guess so. Just working on a project,” he said, his voice on edge. “Did you need anything after your ride? Coffee or water or…”
My heart softened as I remembered his nervous habits. When we were teenagers, I used to feel this weird urge to squeeze him until he calmed down. A half-grin cocked up the side of my mouth as I thought about grabbing him right there in his NASA T-shirt and pulling him into a hug.
Definitely not the right move to reintroduce myself, though. Plus, it was obvious I’d interrupted his morning. “I’m good,” I said, then rotated my shoulder. “But I have been driving all night. If you don’t mind, I’ll wash the road off and grab a nap, and we could catch up later?”
Shawn let out a shaky breath. “Yeah,” he said, looking relieved. “Sure.”
“Great. Thanks, buddy.”
Shawn pointed the way to the back bedroom, which had its own little bathroom, decorated with a pink and gray tile mosaic that had probably been installed in the 90s. I stripped off my clothes and stood in the ceramic tub while the hot water beat down on my skin, and for a few solid minutes, I just stood there, exhausted and braindead as the room filled with steam.
When I woke up later that day, the unfamiliar room around me was gray with shadows. On three sides, big square windows looked out over the trees, and a ceiling fan spun lazily above me. It took me a minute of blinking and stretching my legs under the plaid blanket to remember where I was. I needed to haul my stuff in from the truck and figure out my summer digs.
I hopped out of bed, pushed my long hair back, and then pulled my jeans on. Still yawning, I wandered into the main part of the house, my stomach rumbling. When I rounded the corner, I paused.
Shawn was sitting at the dining room table with his laptop open in front of him and a few books at his side. The screen cast a light glow over his face as he picked up one of the books, then flipped through with a gentle wave of his hand. A mug sat beside him with the string of a tea bag hanging out the side. He had an easy, pleased smile as he nodded at the book, and I realized he was so wrapped up in his thoughts, I could probably stand there all night without him noticing.
It was peaceful. And weirdly reassuring.
Then my stomach gurgled, breaking the silence. “Oh!” Shawn said quickly, slamming the book shut. “You’re awake.”
I leaned against the doorframe. “What are you reading?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s just a book. Research for
something I’m working on.” He gestured down at the book, then back to me. “I just finished my master’s degree a couple weeks ago,” he explained.
“You still have to do homework after you graduate?” I joked. “Damn, Shawn, that’s a tough school.”
He laughed, a warm, light sound that hadn’t changed in years. “It’s my own project, not something for school. Anyway, it’s boring. You wouldn’t be interested. Do you want me to show you around the house?”
I almost pushed him on that. The way he was looking at his book earlier, like he was in some kind of trance, it didn’t seem boring. But we had the whole summer together, and my stomach was still demanding attention. “I was going to scrounge up some dinner. I left my snack bag in the back of the truck, I’ll just go grab it.”
“I made a frozen pizza,” he answered. “It’s nothing special, but there’s half still warm in the oven, if you want it.”
I sniffed, catching the scent of pizza that lingered in the air. “Smells delicious. Thanks, man. I’m going to run to town in the morning for supplies, but I didn’t really think ahead for tonight.”
Shawn nodded, then rose from the table, his chair scraping across the floor. “There’s a pretty decent grocery store about a twenty-minute drive from here. I can give you directions in the morning, if you want.”
I followed him into the kitchen and watched as he pulled open the big gas stove, then grabbed a half of a veggie pizza from the rack. “Is the grocery by the hardware Leo mentioned? After I check out the art studio in the morning, I’ll need to get some supplies.”
“Right,” Shawn said. He grabbed a yellow ceramic plate from the cupboard and deposited the slices, then handed it off to me. “How long will it take you to remodel the studio, do you think? Will you be working on it all summer?”
I chuckled as I took a seat at the counter. “I take it Leo didn’t run all the details by you?”
“You know Leo,” Shawn said, rolling his eyes.
“I’ll probably work five or six hours a day and take a day or two off every week. I’ll know more about the workload once I inspect the site, but Leo had some pretty ambitious plans.” I lifted a slice, then took a deep inhale, the scent of baked bread and savory spices filling my nose. “Don’t worry, though,” I added with a glance to Shawn. “I won’t be in your hair the rest of the time or anything. I dragged my drums along to keep myself busy.”
I caught Shawn’s expression as I took a big bite from the slice. His eyes popped wide open, and anxiety creeped across his face.
Fuck, that’s right. Not everyone really loves hearing a drummer every day. But with a mouth full of pizza, I couldn’t get a word out.
“Drums?” Shawn asked carefully, his voice strained and higher than usual.
It was cute, actually.
I swallowed. “I can set them up at the art studio,” I said quickly, “Won’t be any louder than the construction, don’t worry.”
Shawn turned to look at the countertop. “Sure,” he answered with a voice that had popped up an octave.
“You and Leo used to come visit your grandma in the summer here, is that right?” I wanted to get him talking so I could concentrate on filling my stomach. “It’s a pretty sweet house.”
“Every summer, yeah. Leo stopped coming when he was a teenager, but we still spent family Christmas here.”
I looked around, glancing at all the pictures on the walls, photographs in old metallic frames mainly. “Is that your grandpa?” I asked, gesturing to a framed photograph of a slim, silver-haired man, sitting atop a small pile of books on the side table.
Shawn blushed. “No, actually, that’s, um… Carl Sagan.”
“Who’s Carl Sagan?”
“He’s an astronomer.” Shawn pursed his lips, then stood and turned to the cupboards. My eyes caught on the curve of his butt as he reached up to grab a glass “He made a television show in the eighties,” he added, filling the glass from the big metal sink.
“Do you know him? Is he your grandma’s friend or something?”
Shawn sipped nervously. “No, he’s not a friend. Just someone...” He winced, then gulped from the water. “Just Carl Sagan,” he added, a weak smile on his face.
Suddenly, I got a flash back to those high school hallways again, when Shawn had been as tightlipped as they came. The only way to get him to open up about anything was to start talking about myself first. And just like back then, I felt a weird urge from deep inside myself, like I needed to know what he was thinking before my brain would move on.
“Hey, no shade about it, Shawn,” I said. “I had a Halle Berry poster on my wall for years. Why not keep a picture of your celebrity crushes around, right?”
His silver eyes popping out, Shawn stared right at me. “No, no,” he finally said, speaking fast. “I don’t have that picture because I think he’s hot. I mean, Carl Sagan is handsome, but that’s not why I have his picture framed.” His shoulders deflated as his cheeks turned pink. “I swear,” he added weakly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I remembered Leo saying that you came out of the closet, so I was just assuming.” I shook my head as I set the pizza slice down. “I’m sorry, Shawn. That was probably ignorant of me.”
He held his hands straight up, flicking them at the wrist. “It’s fine, really,” he said, although he was still blushing. “He’s just someone I look up to, though. Not a crush. Just an astronomer.”
I had to bury a smile. There was just something about the way he freaked out that was endearing. I was so used to the guys I played music with, men who had the emotional range of a bad action flick. But with Shawn, it was like I was right there with him, riding his highs and lows as expressions danced across his face. He couldn’t help but to act like himself, and that was something I understood.
“Right,” I said. “Astronomy, got it. So that’s what you’re working on, I take it? You got a telescope around here or something?”
He nodded toward the back of the house. “I do. I’ll make sure to keep it clear of your area.”
I held the remaining pizza, bent in half at the crust. “Cool. Want to show me?” I asked, then shoved it in my mouth.
“You want to see the telescope?”
I nodded, my mouth too stuffed to talk.
“Sure, I guess we can do that,” Shawn answered, then paused. “Will you just wash your hands first?” he asked, almost apologetic.
“Pizza grease,” I said, wiggling my fingers. “Be right back.”
I smiled to myself as I washed up in the bathroom, then paused to push a few strands of hair back in place behind my ear. I’d never played around with a telescope before, but looking at something so far away seemed pretty cool, and I was grateful for any distraction from Nashville and the train wreck I’d left behind with Monica.
It made sense that Shawn had ended up doing something smart and interesting. The little glimpses I got of his brain in the past made me expect it from him.
When I found him on the back porch, he was already peering into the telescope, which he had set up right outside the door on a flat bit of concrete. The thing was bigger than I expected. It was made out of white and silver cylinders and looked like a piece of machinery that would fall off a spaceship.
“What are you spotting up there?” I asked.
Shawn shot straight up and turned to me. He’d thrown a gray hoodie over his T-shirt, and it looked soft and worn. “Have you ever looked at the stars before?” he asked.
“Nope,” I answered. “You remember, your brother and I weren’t very good at going to science class. Or any other class, really.”
“Right.” Shawn smiled. “Well, the real expensive telescopes can cost tens of thousands of dollars. I can’t afford that, but this one is still pretty nice. There’s a lot of exciting stuff coming up in the sky next week, too, starting with a meteor shower.” He bent down and looked into the telescope, fiddling with it. “For tonight, though, maybe you’ll like this?”
Shawn stepped a
side, and I bent to peer into the telescope. “Don’t touch it,” he said quickly. “Just put your eye close.” I did as he said, and for a second, I thought I was just looking at a black blur. Then, all of a sudden, my eye adjusted, and something stunning came into focus.
Against a backdrop of stars, a spiral of light floated before my eyes. A bright white glowed in the middle, and around it, light tinged with blue and purple swirled. It looked like someone had spilled liquid stars across the sky, and I’d never seen anything quite like it. “Damn,” I said, still peering. “What is that, Shawn?”
“Messier 81. It’s usually called Bode’s Galaxy.” I finally tore my eye away from the entrancing object, curious to hear his explanation. Shawn had folded his hands behind his back, and as he looked up to the sky, a slight smile played on his face. “The light in the center is a black hole. It’s kind of like a giant, weird energy ball that weighs seventy million times as much as our sun weighs. The lights around it are all stars and star dust. It’s been gathering them for thirteen billion years.”
“Stars and stardust?”
“Two hundred and fifty billion stars,” he answered with a satisfied nod.
I laughed. “I don’t know if those numbers make sense to me.”
Shawn met my eye with a grin. “They don’t make sense to anyone!” he said. “That’s why I like it so much.” I smiled back, but he turned straight back to the telescope. “Anyway, that’s the kind of thing I look at out here,” he added awkwardly.
“Dope,” I said. “Thanks for showing me, Shawn.”
“Sure,” he answered as he turned back toward me. “Thanks for looking!” As he took a step, though, he stumbled over his own feet, then lurched forward.
“Got ya,” I laughed. I caught his arm as he sprawled against my chest, steadying him. His body was warm and soft against me, and it sent a pleasurable shiver down my back. “Guess you have to look down sometimes, too, huh?” I kept my hand on his arm and offered him a smile so that he knew I was only teasing.
Shawn stepped back, then tugged at the bottom of his hoodie. “I guess so,” he said.