by R. Cayden
“Shawn.”
Chapter Nine
Shawn
Cass’s voice rumbled in his chest as he spoke my name. I squeezed tighter, scared that if I let go, I’d never feel that pleasure again.
I didn’t know why he grabbed me like that or why he had been so nice after he caught me watching from the trees. Hell, he was nicer to me than I had ever been to myself. And the feel of his arms around my shoulders and his meaty thighs pressed to mine felt just as good as I imagined it would.
Charged, and somehow exactly right.
His familiar scent filled my nose, like mint tea and fresh rain and musk. It was a drug, and it sent me reeling even harder. From deep inside, every cell in my body responded, craving more as the stubble on his neck scraped against my cheek. It burned to my core, and my cock stiffened between our bodies.
I gasped. Cass rewarded me with a soft groan, rumbling from an even deeper place. His hand found the back of my head, and his fingers carded through my hair. The tug sent a shiver down my spine as I thought of his callused hands and the day he had spent drumming at the studio.
“Cass,” I finally managed to say, my voice lost in his neck.
“It’s okay,” he said, still holding me tight. “You don’t have to worry. I’m not upset.”
Hearing him say it, I could finally believe that was true. Cass wasn’t angry; he was holding me, lifting me with each breath so my feet barely touched the ground.
My heart thudded against my ribs, then again. Cass loosened his embrace, but we didn’t let go. Instead, he spread his legs slightly, and I found myself straddling his thigh.
Fuck, he could probably feel my cock throbbing. But when I shifted my weight, I felt him, just as thick and hard against my hip.
“I can’t blame you for watching,” he said, his hand still in my hair. “I might have done the same if it were you.”
I swallowed, and when I talked again, my lips danced across the curve of his neck. “You would have?” Cass was straight, and he’d always been straight. If he were going to fall for some guy, why wouldn’t it be someone like Leo, someone who was all muscly and hot like Cass was?
Why would he want to see me?
He stroked the back of my head, and like it was outside of my control, I started writhing up against his thigh, matching the motion. “Yeah,” he answered. “I’m starting to think I would.”
My breath was shaky as Cass joined me, grinding close as our hands explored. I felt the cords of his back muscles while he stroked down to the nape of my neck. Hot pressure throbbed down my cock. I was so hard it hurt, but all I wanted to do was to keep humping Cass and feeling the thump of his cock against me.
“Fuck,” Cass groaned. He wrapped his arms tighter and lifted me up. I gasped as my lips found his ear. Cass grabbed my ass with a squeeze as we matched each other’s rhythms, breathing and writhing and pressing.
Desire flared, and when Cass squeezed my cheek again, I realized I was wet with precum. Moaning and clawing at him, I kept going, the hillsides and the sky spinning around me. He steadied me, supporting my weight as we writhed.
And then, with a whiny moan, I shot my load. My whole body trembled and spasmed with something electric. The release blinded me, and when it faded, all I knew was the taste of Cass’s skin on my tongue and the warm, sticky mess in my pants.
Cass groaned, then bucked himself against me hard. With one more thrust, he let out a deep, long “fuck,” then loosened his grip on my ass.
I leaned against him as I caught my breath, still not sure I believed what had just happened.
“Wow,” Cass breathed. “Didn’t see that coming.”
I stepped back, forcing myself to tear our bodies apart. He smiled at me as he pushed his hair back. The trees were quiet around us, and I forced my legs to stop shaking enough that I could stand on my own again. “Yeah,” I said softly. “Me either.”
Cass gestured down at his pants with a half-grin. “I guess I should go clean up?”
I laughed, my cheeks burning pink. “Yeah, me too.”
He reached out and stroked the back of my head, trailing his fingers along behind my ear. “You want to meet me back here in five? Get some stargazing in?”
I glanced at the telescope. I wanted to say yes, of course I did, but my head was swimming. I suddenly felt embarrassed about what we had done and especially that I had shot my load in my pants, even though he said he did the same thing. “Maybe I should try to get some more writing done tonight,” I lied weakly.
“Oh, sure, no problem,” Cass answered. His voice was low, and when I forced myself to look in his eyes, there was that shadow of hurt again.
Fuck, I was not handling this right.
“I’ll catch you tomorrow, then?” he asked. “You still want to run errands in Louisville with me?”
“Yeah, definitely,” I answered. “You don’t mind picking up with the stargazing some other night?”
“Nah,” he answered with a shake of his head. “Do your thing, Shawn.”
“Thanks,” I said, then hurried away before I could embarrass myself any further.
I did the immature thing the next day and avoided Cass when I woke up, sneaking coffee and breakfast into my room. I figured we’d have plenty of time to talk on the drive to Louisville, and until then, I actually needed to compose myself a little bit.
Sitting cross-legged on the bed, I dialed up Audrey. She was on her break from the university library, and she took my video call from a bench in the park nearby.
“What’s up?” she asked right away. “There’s a high school summer education program visiting the library today. I need a good distraction.”
“I kind of embarrassed myself in front of Cass last night. Like, maybe I screwed up a little bit?”
A frisbee flew by behind Audrey. “Say more?”
I sighed. I unzipped my hoodie, then zipped it back up. “We kind of humped each other? I guess? And then I ran away from him afterward.”
Audrey stared at me, her eyes wide. She tapped the side of her headphones. “Are these working right? Did you just say you humped each other? Did you have sex with Cass last night, Shawn?”
I shook my head quickly. “No! Not at all! Well, I mean, technically, yes,” I corrected myself. “But it wasn’t sex sex.”
“You humped?”
I sighed. “We humped with our clothes on.”
“And why did you run away after that?”
I winced as I pulled my hood up, then buried my face in my hands. “I was embarrassed because I came in my pants.”
There was a long silence. When I peeked up, Audrey was looking at me with a warm smile on her face. “What?” I grumped.
“Shawn, are you telling me that you hooked up with Cass last night?”
“It might be a stretch to call it that.”
“Well, who cares if you came and he didn’t? Unless you left him hanging, that is. Did you?”
I shook my head quickly. “No, not at all! He came, too. At least I’m pretty sure he did.”
“Then what’s the problem?” she asked, throwing her hands in the air. “You’re looking at this all wrong, Shawn. It sounds like Cass might be a little less straight than you thought and probably into you, too.”
“But how could he possibly be into me? We don’t make any sense together. Cass lives in a totally different world than I do, Audrey.”
“Duh. Practically everyone does, Shawn. But that’s only because you insist on keeping your world so secret. If you and Cass are having a good time, then stop making yourself anxious and hump away.”
I blurted out a laugh. “When you say it that way.”
“I do say it that way,” she laughed back. “Now back this conversation up and start from the top. I’ve got a whole hour off for lunch, and you owe me some serious details.”
Chapter Ten
Cass
During the afternoon running errands in Louisville, Shawn and I managed to avoid talking about what happene
d the night before. He didn’t clamp up and go silent like he used to, but we filled the car ride by talking about every other thing we could think of. I played him my favorite drum solos, he told me about Atlanta, and we traded gossip about Leo. The way he waved his hands around and laughed, I could almost pretend nothing had happened at all.
Almost, but not quite. I was surprised the night before how much it had stung when he ran off to his room. I kind of expected we’d chill a little longer and hang out, even though I understood why our weird grinding session could make him feel awkward. Hell, rubbing my cock on another guy was kind of an awkward thing for a straight dude to do.
Although really, that word was making a lot less sense to me. Because the hot friction of Shawn’s body burned even better than I expected, and when I squeezed his firm ass, need jolted through me. It was animal and raw, and nothing else seemed to matter but pressing my body as close to his as I could.
Pretty far from straight, but I couldn’t really get to figuring any of it out until Shawn talked to me. So after I found us a bar to eat dinner, I decided to stop acting like a coward and just ask him how he was feeling.
“Hey, Shawn,” I said across the table. “I wanted to ask about last night.”
The bar was noisy around us as Shawn sat there for a second, poking his straw into his glass of ice water. He had put on a collared white shirt for town, and the sleeves were rolled up his slim arms. “Yeah,” he said, then looked up to me, catching me in the light hazel of his eyes. “Sorry that I ran off, by the way.”
I let out a breath, relieved to hear him say that. “It’s chill,” I said. “I just wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything to upset you.”
His eyes popped open. “Oh, no, not at all! I was just overwhelmed.”
I cocked up an eyebrow. “I know I’m good in the sack, but I don’t usually get a response like that, especially not from dry humping.”
He blurted out a laugh. “I just keep wondering… Aren’t you straight?”
I nodded. “That’s a fair question. I always thought I was straight, and all my relationships have been with women.”
The waiter appeared, interrupting us, and I ordered us the veggie nachos to share and a couple of side salads. When he was gone, I saw that Shawn’s cheeks had turned pink. Instead of staring at the table, though, he held my eye. “So you are straight?” he asked.
I turned my palms up. “Hard to say.”
“Have you ever talked to Leo about this?”
I shook my head. “I was the first person he came out to, back in high school, so we’ve had plenty of talks about this kind of thing. And I did make out with a guy when I was at a party once, but even then, Leo and I just decided it was a drunk thing.”
I had an urge to glance around the bar and see if anyone was listening but managed to stop myself. It wasn’t that I cared if anyone heard me. If someone had a problem, they could fuck off, as far as I was concerned. But still, talking to Shawn right then was my first time ever talking about hooking up with a guy, and it was funny to have a conversation like that in public.
“We don’t have to tell Leo,” Shawn said. “Or anyone that you don’t want to. I’ll make sure to respect your privacy.”
I pushed my hair behind my ear. “I’m not ashamed or anything. Leo might not be as cool with things as you’d like, though.”
“How do you mean?”
“I was talking to him on the phone the other week and he made some joke about how I shouldn’t hook up with you. You know Leo—he didn’t mean anything by it—but I got the impression he would feel uncomfortable if something did happen. I was a little defensive about it.”
Shawn titled his head to the side and tightened his lips into a smile. “You got defensive?” he asked, clearly happy with the idea.
I leaned back in my seat and gave him a good look up and down. He liked that, and weirdly, I liked him liking that. It made me feel protective over Shawn, as though he were signaling to me that it was okay to see him as mine. I gave him a slow nod as I studied the light in his eyes. “I did,” I said. “You know me. I’ve never really liked people telling me what to do.”
“Yeah, me either, actually.”
Seeing how shy he was and knowing we might not talk about this again for a while, I wanted to make sure he heard me. I was still figuring out what those new feelings meant to me, but I needed Shawn to understand he wasn’t a mistake or a regret. It was nice to circle each other in that big old house and spend our days together, and I would hate to mess that up by giving him the wrong impression.
“That’s one of the things I like about you,” I said. “Always have. You’re on your own page. Some of those kids were such assholes to you in high school, but you never changed. You just kept doing your thing.”
Shawn laughed and slumped forward onto the table. “I don’t know if I could have changed if I tried. I’ve always just kind of been me, for better or worse.”
“I’d say better.”
He smiled. “Thanks, Cass. And thanks for, um, talking to me about this.”
“I’m not going to risk letting a little dry humping make a nice thing between roommates awkward just because we didn’t talk about it.”
Shawn laughed. “You don’t have to teach me that lesson twice.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”
He slapped his palm to his forehead. “Not the story I meant to tell right now.”
“But now you started.”
“It’s not that interesting.” I gave him a look, and he kept talking. “End of freshman year of college, my roommate and I were watching a movie on his laptop one night. I guess we both got kind of worked up and ended up getting off together.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
He scoffed. “Except he avoided talking to me at all afterward. You should have seen how awkward it was when our parents came to pick us up. He acted like he’d never met me before.”
Well, that explained a little more why he ran away from me. I resolved to myself that I wouldn’t treat Shawn as an experiment like that, no matter what ended up happening between us. “Sorry your roommate was an asshole.”
“People aren’t very good at talking about sex. Myself included.”
“You’re telling me. Something about being a drummer in a band like Twice Shattered, women always assume I’m not looking for anything more than a quick hookup. I know it’s weird to complain about getting laid, but it was a pain in the ass when I was looking for something more.” I drummed my fingers on the table. It was easier to share this kind of thing with Shawn than it was with most people, but I didn’t want to dump all my feelings on him. “A couple of catches like us,” I joked. “What the hell is wrong with everyone else that we’re still single?”
But before Shawn could try to answer, the waiter appeared with our food, and the conversation drifted away.
Since we were in the city anyway, I convinced Shawn to stick around the bar a little longer. There was a dart board in the back, one of my favorite ways to pass the time, and I managed to convince him to play.
Sure, he didn’t offer much competition. The way he yanked his arm back and heaved the dart, it clattered against the board as often as it stuck, although he did throw it a hell of a lot harder than I expected. But I wasn’t complaining. Just watching him wiggle his hips and stick his tongue out the side of his mouth was entertaining enough.
And damn, were those hips doing something for me. I could see the flash of his belly when his shirt rose up, and every time Shawn turned, my eyes were drawn to the small of his back and the soft curve of his ass. We hadn’t talked about hooking up again, and I definitely didn’t want to push him on anything, but now that I had a taste, my cravings were only stronger.
“Excuse me,” a woman with pink hair said, appearing behind us. She had a pierced nose and eyes that flashed green when she stared at me.
“How’s it going?” I took my beer from the table, the one drink I allowed myself before the
drive back. “Do we know each other?”
The woman glanced at Shawn, now watching us, then back to me. “Aren’t you the drummer from Twice Shattered?”
I clenched my jaw. “Used to be,” I said flatly, then took a drink.
She brightened up. “I love you guys! You’re amazing live. I used to go every chance I could when I was still back in Nashville. All my friends, too. Everyone is talking about the new album.”
Shawn cleared his throat. “I’m just going to get some water,” he said quickly, then placed his darts on the table and rushed away.
I blew a slow breath out my nose. I would have much rather he stayed around and saved me from this conversation, but there was no way he could know that. “I’m really not a part of the band anymore,” I said to her. “But I’m glad you’re a fan.”
She pouted. Her lips were painted purple, and they formed a perfect circle. “Too bad they kicked you out,” she said.
I chuckled. “They didn’t kick me out.”
“You just decided to leave the second they made it big?” She crossed her arms. “Yeah right.”
“Is there anything else I can help you with?” I said, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Don’t get upset,” she laughed, then stepped closer and laid her hand on my chest. “I’ll still show you a good time.”
I stepped back, and her hand slid off my shirt. Quitting Twice Shattered was supposed to save me from awkward fan interactions, but if they really did become mega famous, I might be screwed. “Maybe try the lead singer next time you catch a show,” I said. “He loves a groupie.”
She grabbed my shirt and twisted it in her hand. “You sure? My friend might want to join in, too.”
I put my hand over hers, then pushed it away. “Not tonight,” I said firmly. “Sorry.”
After she walked away, I looked around the bar for Shawn. He was leaning against one of the side tables, staring at his phone. I grabbed my beer and crossed over to him. “Sorry about that,” I said. “Happens sometimes.”