Subspace beckoned, a place where nothing but severe pain reached me. It was different, with him. The darkness didn't pull me under. I floated on the pain, still able to feel him. Quinn seemed calm, but I saw a little of what he kept so controlled. There was passion that made my breath catch, safe aggression that had my body burn for the roughness. He hadn't made it hurt more than I could stand. Yet. My wrists crossed so he could see my hands.
“Mmm...” he half-growled, half-groaned. “Do you want more pain?”
“Yes, please, Sir!”
Quinn went back to using his hand, hitting harder than I thought he would. He didn't stop, continuing to slap the inside of my thighs. I flinched away and forced myself back into position. It became a struggle to keep the pain from overwhelming me again. Was he trying to make me safeword? I couldn't yet... He had just started.
“Breathe. Take a deep breath.” I did as he said. “Another one.”
I jumped, feeling short smacks that struck underneath my ribs. “I'm sorry, Sir!”
“Don't be.”
The pressure against my throat increased as he wrapped his hand around my neck. In a startlingly short amount of time, I couldn't open my eyes or feel parts of my face. My fingers flexed on his wrist, ready to dig in if I felt the lurch before unconsciousness. When his grip eased, I breathed slowly, unprepared when he choked me again. My lungs were straining for oxygen by the time he let go. I saw static when my eyes first opened. The dizziness made me laugh, but I angled myself away from him before I coughed.
“... incredible.”
I leaned back against his chest, floating, recovering. The warmth radiating from his body helped me stop shaking. That, and feeling him close his arms around me from behind.
“My hand prints are already fading from around your neck. That's a really good thing to know. You don't bruise easily.”
“How do you know when to stop so I don't pass out?”
“I count seconds. Your pulse races when you fight for air. That's when I stop. I really don't want you to pass out.”
I leaned back against him. It was the answer I had hoped to hear from Rhys, not 'You don't want to pass out. It's less fun for me, but you make up for that with pain.'
“May I-”
“Not yet. Stay still for a minute.” Quinn slowly massaged both of my shoulders. “Wait. What were you going to ask?”
“May I take your-”
“That's what I thought,” he said, putting his hand over my mouth. “Don't tempt me. That you know to ask makes me want to fuck you so hard...”
He had pain feel like pleasure, something I didn't know how to thank him for. It hurt, still hurt, my skin tingling where he had smacked me, but he hadn't turned my submissive side against my masochistic side. I had felt him encouraging me to safeword rather than pushing at me, just to hear it, to know he could...
When Quinn laid back on the bed, I knelt next to him and kissed his chest. “I'm better. Thank you, Sir.”
“Really? Already?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Show me.”
I knelt between his legs and kissed the inside of his thigh. Wetting my tongue, I slowly sucked and licked the soft skin underneath his shaft. Quinn hadn't so much as moved yet. I continued sliding my lips lightly over his shaft. Up, back down, further up, almost reaching the head of his cock, I slid back down on the other side and felt him relax again. I sucked hard, using my lips to stimulate his shaft without very much pressure.
He curled his fingers in my hair, “Know what happens to submissives who tease?”
I pulled back to answer, but he repositioned me to thrust toward the back of my throat. Repeatedly. A wave of pleasure made me moan. He pulled my head back and had me take several deep breaths.
“I'm really close. Do you know how long it's been since I came this way?”
“I'm sorry about before, Sir.”
“I'll punish you for that later. Did I tell you to stop?”
The short burst of indignation burned into submission. Dominance wrapped around me and I accepted it, the control I'd let him take, and keep. I kept myself from gagging, high on his aggressive energy. It surprised me when he came, but I swallowed around him and tried to make his orgasm better. When he stopped me, I rested my head on his thigh.
“You're good with staying overnight?” He squeezed my shoulder, letting me know I could move.
“Yes, thank you, Sir.” I collapsed in the curve of his body.
“You gagged less that time. You're already trying, baby?”
“Of course, Sir. Doesn't it annoy you, having to stop?”
“It doesn't.” But he looked surprised by the answer. “I like that it's difficult for you.”
I was immediately alert when he patted the side of my arm. “Do you need something?”
“I'll get it,” he replied gently. “You need a drink or anything?”
“I want my cigarettes, anyway...”
“I don't expect you to wait on me, either. You know that, right?”
“Yes, I do now.” I smiled at him, feeling very self-conscious again. “I don't feel obligated to. I like doing things like that for you.”
Quinn's eyes darkened with arousal again as he laid back on the bed. “Bring a lighter back if you're going?”
“What do you want to drink?” I asked from the living room.
“Anything.”
I caught myself as I rooted through his fridge as though it were mine. “Hey, uh, Sir? Do you mind if I go through your fridge and-”
I heard him laugh. “I told you, get whatever you need if you need something.”
… but it was his place. And I was a- well, not so much of a stranger anymore. Not with his belt still cinched around my neck. I floated on submission for a moment, happy to be wearing his collar. His temporary collar, I reminded myself. It was only our second session. He hadn't called me 'his' yet.
“You haven't exaggerated your tolerance for pain.”
I braced inside when I heard the serious edge to his tone. We were moving into the living room, it seemed. Quinn brought the blanket out with him, laying sideways on the sofa.
“You take pain really, really well,” he said. “I want to talk to you about that, though. Your desire for pain.”
“What do you want to know, Sir?”
“You like the thought of me leaving bruises and marks on your skin?”
“Yes, Sir.” I hesitated, wondering where he wanted me. His eyebrow rose when I started to kneel next to him, on the floor.
“Here,” he said, patting the space next to him. “It's more comfortable, and we might be talking for a while.”
I laid down next to him with my head on his chest.
“Unless they're from pets, you have a few scars that I couldn't help noticing.”
“Like the ones on my ankles?”
“Yes, I remember the reason for them. There's a mark on your lower right leg, a few scar lines on the back of your arms. Are those from s/m play, too?”
“Those happened a long time ago from, uh, proving certain points.”
“That means fighting.”
“Good guess,” I replied, comforted by his experience. “I didn't start any of them. I've avoided more than I've been in. A couple, though... something was said, or done, and I couldn't just let it go.”
“I have a few scars from fights like that, too.” He showed me the raised scar tissue across two of his knuckles.
I winced. “What did that?”
“A spiked lip piercing.”
“Ouch.”
“Those look like they hurt a lot more,” he said, indicating the two crisscrossed lines on the underside of my right arm and the one that continued over onto my left. “You didn't heal that damage overnight.”
I was surprised he noticed until I glanced down at them. The light made them look darker than they were.
“I moved, briefly, to a neighborhood I didn't know was so bad.”
“I'm sorry. How long were you
there?”
“Less than a year.” I saw his next question. “I had two afternoon classes and I wasn't cautious enough getting in one night.”
“I knew they were from some kind of blade, but... what happened?”
“Someone tried to corner me on the stairs of my apartment building. I think, initially, he was only trying to scare me with his knife. When his arm came forward, mine came up to protect myself.”
“What happened to him? Did he get away?”
A vicious sense of satisfaction prickled through me with the memory. “His head hit a parking meter. I'm not sure what happened when he woke up.”
Quinn laughed before he saw I was serious. “You really did.”
“He drew blood, and I know he didn't mean to, but... he did it twice more, anyway. It made me really mad. I slammed his wrist into a railing, then I ran outside to get help. He actually chased me, which was terrifying.”
“No one helped you?”
“Only two people saw. And then they kept driving. The parking meter was there, so... I used it.”
“KO?”
“Yes. If the guy remembered what happened, he never came after me. I moved that day.” I shrugged, unconcerned. He was miles away, if he was even still alive.
“Were you okay?”
“Yes, I was-”
“That was a stupid question. You obviously weren't-- or were you?” he asked, hearing what I said. “You must have lost a lot of blood.”
“I was bleeding, but it wasn't bad until I got to my friend's place. Tom. He's a good friend to know in emergencies. After we patched me up, we went to file a police report.”
“Your friend didn't take you to the hospital?”
“He wanted to.”
“You didn't go to the ER?”
“No insurance then.” I flushed. “Seemed like a waste of money. Tom helped me disinfect the wounds. I remember things I read, and I got them to seal with lots of crazy glue.”
“... that worked?”
“After a few layers, it did,” I replied, remembering my desperate determination.
“Jesus, Clara. That's insane.”
“Tom thought so, too. He did an internet search while I got the first aid stuff ready. It was one of it's first uses, to seal wounds. That ended our debate. I actually was really worried that the bleeding wouldn't stop and I'd have to go, anyway.”
“You're good at compartmentalizing, aren't you?” he studied me in a new way.
“Not always,” I admitted. “Things could have been a lot worse than they were.”
“Always.”
“Do you ask about the marks because they bother you?”
“They don't. I was asking because I worried that-- Never mind. I'm not worried about that with you.”
His guarded expression combined with the way he glanced at my arms... I took a guess. “I've never done anything with self-inflicted pain. How about you?”
“Not at all,” he reassured me.
“If I could have gotten into the self-flagellation, self-bondage play, I would have saved myself from sub frenzy.”
“Have you tried it?”
“I didn't need to. I knew it wouldn't be satisfying.”
“I don't ever want to deal with something like that, y'know? After my last submissive, I'm not sure what 'too careful' is anymore.”
“Ask whatever you want, same as you told me, Sir.”
“Thank you,” he lightly squeezed my shoulder.
I could already tell from how dominant his energy was, but I'd been surprised before. “You've never been sexually submissive, have you?”
“You mean, have I let myself be restrained to something, or have I been an actual submissive?”
“Either?”
“I haven't, no. I've let women take control, but not in any s/m way.”
“Exactly. You've let them.”
“Opposed to?” He glanced over at me and half-grinned. “I understand what you're saying.”
“Sexy.”
I saw arousal flare in his eyes as he looked at my arms, my chest, my thighs. “When I was inflicting pain for you, you relaxed and went still. You hit subspace for a while, didn't you?”
Surprise turned into something that felt like pleasure. “I'm really glad you know what that is.”
“It's good you can get there. From pain and pleasure?”
“It's different for pleasure. Subspace from pain is safe darkness, blocking everything except what you're doing.”
“Darkness, hm?”
“Not bad darkness. The good kind, where pain is exciting. I like knowing that control could snap. Subspace keeps me from feeling overwhelmed. ”
“If pain startles you, is there any chance that you'll try to attack me?”
“I'd never lash out at you. I'm submissive to you.”
“You're absolutely sure? That's the only reason you need?”
“I'm sure, Sir.”
“I'm trusting you, you know?” He paused, grinning wryly. “I have been wanting to see you restrained to my bed.”
“You've got height and strength on your side,” I said, finally accepting he wasn't going to use it against me. “You can pick me up like it's nothing. Opponents like that scare me. I wouldn't win against you, so I'm not going to bother trying.”
He looked amused, but not nearly as wary anymore. “That's very rational of you. Lay on your stomach for a minute?”
I turned, gracefully as I could being near the edge of his couch. My heart was pounding as I rested my head on one of the pillows, safe in the new position.
“Your ass is still red, but there's not one mark. Relax. You'll be there for more than a minute.”
- Chapter 10 -
~ Spookshow Baby ~
When I woke, my lower body was already tingling with heat. There had been pain that made my body burn to have him fuck me... but he hadn't. My hips moved restlessly before I was fully awake. It was his decision when I'd feel pleasure, yet the last time had been-- My heart stopped for a few seconds when I heard his voice in my head. 'That's what happens to submissives who tease.' He hadn't been “mad” at me. Not then, nor the other two times he had me use my mouth for him. Or when he had fallen asleep with his arms around me, one of his legs between mine. Are you testing me? I stared at his arm, aching to have him fuck me.
Our sleeping positions had changed during the night. Quinn had my right leg trapped under his left knee. His forearm was a heavy, comforting pressure over my stomach. But it was already eleven-thirty in the morning, and he had said something about wanting to be awake before noon... I carefully knelt between his legs and eased his cock into my mouth.
“Clara, fuck that feels good.”
His hand eventually moved from my chin down to my neck to control how I moved. I relaxed into the way he fucked my mouth, though it surprised me when he came. He hadn't given me any of his usual signals.
“Sir?”
“Yes?”
“You, uh- Are you-” But there was something in his eyes... something calculating, sharp with expectation. “You're happy with the way I woke you, Sir?”
“Yes. Yes, I really am.” He chuckled, slightly shaking his head. “Go shower. You like to in the morning, right? After, there are places I want to go with you.”
“Thank you, Sir.” I fell into my automatic morning routine.
Should I have asked for permission to come? The shower didn't help spark any epiphanies. Somehow, I felt the answer was 'no,' yet if I were wrong-? Would he not let me until I asked? That was a worrying thought. Perhaps it really was a test.
I was still thinking about it as I waited for him on the couch. His cat decided to be friends with me, sauntering over, stretching just out of reach. When I leaned back, she leaped up onto my lap. I couldn't help bracing, ready to feel nails if she wanted to hurt me. She didn't. Her claws stayed in when she put one paw on my chest, leaning up to smell the shoulder of my shirt.
“Sasha, meet Tiny,” I said, trying to hide my
fear with a strange cat's face so close to mine.
She jumped down and gracefully stalked across the room. I was confused when she stopped halfway and came back, then started back across the living-room again. Toward her water bowl.
“Smart, aren't you?”
It made me laugh when she stretched again, circling the bowl. Refilling it helped me find a lint brush on the island.
“Thanks,” Quinn came out of the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. “I was just about to do that.”
“No problem.” The question rose to the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't ask. I almost felt relieved when he returned with clothes on. My hair was wrapped in a towel, naturally drying, as I used the lint brush for my long black skirt and button-up over shirt. The purple tank-top underneath was safe.
“That's a nice skirt.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Why was there a 'Maybe' next to the section about receiving oral sex?” He chuckled suddenly. “The note you have: 'I don't need it.'”
“You saw that, hm?”
“I might be a pretty selfish human being, but I did try. Twice. You had me fuck you instead.”
“It's something you like doing?”
“Yes. I don't just want you to take pain for me.”
“You've let me come every time I asked you for permission.” I grinned at him. “Thank you, Sir.”
“Do you not want me to go down on you?”
“It's something I've only enjoyed with women. Even with them, though, I like giving more than receiving. It's more fun for me. I'm not sure why.”
“You don't like it with men?” His eyes narrowed slightly. “Is there any reason for that?”
“Bad luck? But that's all.”
“Which brings me back to my original question. Do you want me to?”
“Whatever you want to do pleases me, Sir.”
Subfrenzy (the Subfrenzied Series) Page 10