by V. Theia
"I miss you, brother. I fucking miss you."
Oh, her heart. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes.
"I miss you, too. But you need to come back now, it's the right thing to do and you always do right don't you, Ash?"
“I’m sorry, Shaneo. So, fucking sorry. Should be me.” He looked at Ruby like he was begging her for forgiveness. Begging Shane for forgiveness.
No, it shouldn’t be you, Asher, or I wouldn’t have you now.
This great man, this big strong man on his literal knees begging with tears in his eyes for something that he could never get from the person himself, it was about the most painful thing she’d ever witnessed.
She wanted to give him the world. She wanted to grant him peace.
“You don’t get to decide that, Asher. I wouldn’t want it to be you, and stop saying sorry you, big pussy.” She hoped it was something his brother would have said. A noise rattled his chest that sounded like a laugh. “Time to wake up, Ash, let it go, that’s it, breathe and let it drift away. You’ve carried this burden too long on your own, put it down now and let me make it better.” She spoke as the woman who loved him.
Their foreheads together, Ruby caressed the side of his neck, every cord was tense, but as the minutes ticked back and his manic state lessened, his muttering ceased he began to droop bodily, his breaths regulated until he took one long inhale and she felt his hands touch her waist. “Babe.”
There he was. Holy fuck. Ruby had never been so terrified as this last five minutes, even less, but god, it felt never ending, trapped in Asher’s nightmare with him.
“I’m good, buddy.” He told Grinder hoarsely, who palmed the back of Preacher’s head in a bro-show of affection before he rose to his feet, staring down at Ruby incredulously looking just as shell shocked.
“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.
A storm of pain passed through his dark eyes, color staining his cheeks. Ruby wanted to enfold him in her arms, he looked up and caught her staring at him. Shame clear to see, his head went back down.
“Yeah, babe.” He seemed to struggle with working his bones, as if his emotional break had taken all his energy, he rose slowly, avoiding her eyes, only looking at the general direction she was at. “I gotta take a piss.”
Every one of her feelings and emotions were bubbling over the surface as she watched his fast stride away. She watched him until he was out of sight, only then letting out a ragged breath before she got to her feet, rubbing both hands on her face. Fuck, she felt like cracked glass. Most everyone dispersed. Only Grinder remained behind.
“We’ve never thought to talk back at him like that.”
She shrugged embarrassed under his watchful gaze. What Ruby wanted to do was follow Preacher, to check he was fine. “I thought he could do with answers, even if it wasn’t from the person he wanted them from.”
“Damn, babe. You did fucking good, you hear?” Caught in a fast hug, so unexpected she paused, stiff as a board before patting his back awkwardly. “Thanks for helping him. He’s a pain in my ass most times but I hate to see him lost like that.”
“No problem. I’m glad it did something. That was ..." she exhaled. "Jesus Christ, Grinder … that was scary as hell,” she admitted.
She didn’t see Preacher until her head turned and saw him standing framed in the archway, eyes dark as midnight, unreadable. She smiled with relief to see him.
He didn’t return the smile.
******
Ruby had been scared of him.
His heart about up and fucking stopped pumping in his chest.
A bad one. It was a bad one this time. Motherfucker. Maybe the worst in a long time. And she’d witnessed every ugly second. If only he had amnesia, but he always recalled his episodes one nasty second for another.
He’d scared her, he heard her plainly tell Grinder. Making his feet move, he went to the bar, grabbed two beers, cracked the cap off one, holding the other in the crook of his arm he tipped the cold bottle back and downed the full thing until all that was left in the bottom was foam suds. He popped the cap from the second before he looked over at her, she walked to him slowly.
There was no debilitating feeling like it than being so fucking royally screwed up mentally and having the woman you're into witness your deterioration in all its technicolor mess.
He felt like a jackass. Embarrassed to boot.
He saw eyes all over him like they expected him to bust out the crazy again any second. A growl formed in the back of his throat. It wasn’t the first time, and still, he was fucking uncomfortable and pissed that it had happened again.
He rose his voice. “Okay, ass-clowns, show’s over. Back to work. That means you, prospects, toilets ain’t gonna scrub themselves.” Three groans followed but they rushed off to obey his commands. Least he still had that going for him.
Throwing water on his face in the bathroom he’d done some fast thinking until he thought he’d bust a blood vessel he was concentrating so goddamn hard on the inevitable he had presented before him. There was no rock and a hard place for Preacher. It was a straight up delivered clusterfuck of astronomical proportions. He’d dreaded this day, and yet, he’d known it was fucking unavoidable.
Hadn’t he predicted just this? Yeah, dipshit, Ruby saw you lose your mind.
His lady saw it all and brought him back.
Goddamn, what a woman.
And yet.
Wanting what he couldn’t have for himself he was interrupted by having to say anything to her as she moved off to the side when Helen came through the door. A petite older blonde woman dressed in denim and smiles, she first kissed her husband Jed before Preacher got a chance to use her for distraction for a minute.
His head was screwed up.
Not sure how his heart felt as it continued to bang around his chest, but it felt shredded. He gulped the last of his second beer, setting aside the bottle, pasted on a smile and wrapped his arms around the smaller woman, no taller than his chest, with a head full of blonde hair, all her own, so she told it, and she paid for it making it hers. "When are you going to leave that old goat and run away with me, Helen? We can grab your purse right now and be in Vegas in a few hours. Look at the silver fox, he'd never catch us, he'd have to find his walker first."
The blonde laughed with her face stained pink before cuffing him around the arm. “Get away with you, you, big flirt. My Jed could still take you.“
“Damn right, darling.” Piped up Jed.
The distraction was soon over and he was left with Ruby. He took her in as he always did, sweeping his gaze over her lovely face, care in her eyes stiffened his jaw. “Come and walk with me, Ruby.”
She looked pleased to have something to do, to see him normal. This was about as normal as I get, baby. He’d kind of forgotten how drained an episode made him feel, raking over past pain as if it was a living breathing and live action movie all over again was a mindfuck not only on his head but every fatigued limb, he’d crash soon.
She was so goddamn pretty with her sad eyes for him. Even now he wanted to fuck her.
Always. Still.
Seeing his dead brother might make him a little mad, but his dick still had a good working head. He had to push any sex thoughts away, for fucking real he couldn’t have any arousal noise around him right now so even though they walked side by side until they reached outside, yesterday he would have grabbed her hand, today he didn’t. “Are you sure you’re okay, Preacher? Your friends seemed to know what to do …”
“It’s not their first rodeo with my crazy, baby,” he smiled tightly, letting the coolness of the breeze air him out, and cool-jet his thoughts, he needed a clear head, and considering his was a screaming basket case fifteen minutes ago it was gonna take some focus to keep clear when all he wanted to do was crush Ruby to his chest and bury his face in her hair.
“I’m sorry if…” warm skinny fingers on his arm shot electricity right through him, halted him mid step to look down at her, hi
s heart heaving like a horse carrying a fat oaf across the finish line. He wanted to bring those long beautiful fingers to his mouth and suck on each one, in turn, he wanted to leave kisses on the middle of her palm to keep for later if she needed a kiss from him.
Knowing it would come to this and having it sat there on his shoulders was a whole other handbag of fish. Preacher inhaled and let it go slowly.
What fucking man wants his lady to see him undone, to see him less than a male who in that moment couldn’t even protect her from a spider?
In a lot of ways Preacher was the old-fashioned type, color him fucking shocked, but it was true. He wanted to be the hunter gatherer, the bodyguard, and the comfort. She’d brought him out of his darkness like the goddess he knew her to be, his Ruby was stronger than she knew about herself, everyone in her life relied on her, expected her to pick up their broken pieces and hold them together all the while it chipped away at her own happiness and she did it, time and again for everyone.
Preacher would never add to that, fucking never.
And yeah, he was pussy enough to admit to himself he didn’t like her knowing that side to him, he was vain enough to have a complex about it. He wanted to be the IT guy for her, not the fucking dude who fell to pieces over shit that was done and over with long ago.
What a fucking joke. He needed a head shrink or maybe just a padded cell somewhere.
What Ruby didn’t need was someone else adding to her load.
No way.
“Listen, Rubes.” She was stroking his wrist and for his own sanity he had to take a step back or he would have dry humped her on the ground, or worse, cried like a fucking baby against her chest and let her sooth him with her fingers.
When there was a mountain to climb, there were many options of direction; Preacher favored the sharp short method basket case and he went for it, the words burning a path up his throat even as his tongue refused to say them, he forced those fuckers out. They wouldn't come. Tell her... we can't do this anymore, Ruby. I'm no good for you, what we had was great, but it's over now, be happy with someone normal. He couldn't get the words out, none of them would come past his tongue. Her fingers burned, her eyes seduced him.
“Preacher, what did you want to say?” Long fingers came back to his wrist, his eyes followed the move, a contrast in their skin color, dark and light, blended as if made for the other, the perfect merger of mocha. His perfect woman.
He needed to tell her this was finished between them. Set her free, jackass. She doesn’t need your bullshit dragging her down.
What’s that saying; if you love someone set them free?
Couldn’t do it. Fuck. Fuck. Noise filled his ears. A silent war going on in his brain. Couldn’t do it.
The right thing to do was to let Ruby go. Not involve her any further in his giant head fuck. But when had he ever done the right thing? He was a selfish greedy motherfucker. Somewhere along the line of them having fun he'd made that lady his.
My lady.
He'd do whatever he had to do to keep her, to not burden her with worry or fear. To protect her from life, even if it meant himself.
But give her up? Fuck that noise in the ass with a small dick.
Ruby Steele belonged to Asher Priest. He'd write that shit in Sharpie somewhere. Make it true. Make it real.
Ruby was a gravitational pull he'd been orbiting for years, looking and watching, not daring to touch, she was too precious and good for him, but boy, had he fucking pounced with his opportunity and now he was in her orbit, sharing the same air.
He couldn't let her go, he was too egotistical for that. Anyone could tell she was better without him, he'd drag her down emotionally if she let him, her heart was enormous and impressionable to jackasses like him, easy to hurt and to leave lasting scars behind, but he swore on his goddamn bike he'd do all he could to make that woman happy, to see her smiling and his own problems... well fuck, that he didn't have answers to, Preacher wasn't all that smart. He'd gone a year without one episode, maybe he could go another year, maybe two, until they petered out.
That was the hope.
Or what was his alternative? Lie down and die?
Not when Ruby had walked into his life, not when he felt alive for the first time in a long time.
Couldn't, wouldn't, nuh huh. A big percentage was his dick doing the talking, he knew that. Ruby had him like an animal in heat constantly.
It was no coincidence Preacher's heart began to beat again the night he saw her in Otis' bar.
Fucked in the head or not, he couldn't give her up, even if it was best for her. She'd scowl at him and tell him she knew what was best for her and to shut his mouth.
That woman. Mine.
He smiled wistfully.
"Preacher, you good, man?" Called out Snake striding towards the bike shop. Preacher swerved his body and scowled at him.
"Jesus motherfucking Christ, will you nancies quit asking me if I'm okay. Can't a man scream on his knees occasionally?" He tried to make light of it, Snake laughed.
"True. You scream like a woman, by the way. Turned me on a little ...not gonna lie."
Preacher laughed. "You're a fucking sicko."
"I try. Later, gorgeous. And you, Preach."
They walked a little. Talked a little. Ruby held his hand and stroked his fingers, each touch distracting.
When they were around the corner out of eyeshot of anyone else he backed her into the wall at the side of the shop, his voice was low, still tempered with his emotions, no one would hear him, the noise from inside was too loud anyway. The look in her eyes baited and taunted at the same time.
"Would you let me fuck you right here? if that's what I wanted right now."
"Yes." She said on an inhale.
What if I..." he flipped her around, holding her waist, keeping her pinned, he got in good and tight to her ass, his groin throbbing as he rubbed on her, "wanted to fuck you like an animal, just like this?"
"Yes."
"God. Ruby. You’d let me as well, wouldn’t you? Fuck, baby." Dropping his forehead to her shoulder, he sucked in her scent, before turning her gently, he pulled her in close, holding her tightly, her arms went around him equally tight. "What you did for me, thank you, beautiful. I didn't mean to scare you. Please don't be afraid of me, I'd never hurt you." Fuck, I hope not.
"Preacher." She pulled away slightly, looked at him. "I wasn't scared of you. I was scared for you. I didn't know what to do to make it better, I hated seeing you hurting like that."
He felt color rush into his cheeks, staining his face so he tugged her back into a hug.
Jesus, this woman was dangerous. He wanted to give her everything he had, and that wasn't much, but it was hers if she wanted to own it.
"I think you should go home and rest, Preacher."
"I can think of ten better things to do in bed."
She laughed and pulled back, arching a dark brow. "I just bet you can, perv."
"Come home with me and I'll show you."
"You sex pest, I have to stick a needle in a very burly man who might blub like a little girl in about fifteen minutes and you look like you need to sleep more than you need to fuck."
When she said fuck like that all Preacher wanted to do was hear her say it over and over, sleep was far from his mind.
"Come to my place afterward." He countered.
"Will you sleep first?"
"Yes." He was exhausted. Just as well she wasn't coming with him, he probably couldn't do justice to how he wanted to take her. "Then you'll come?"
"Yes."
"And...?" He waited with a smirk.
"And you can do me like a dirty animal."
Preacher groaned dipping his head he buried his face in her throat.
"Ruby?"
"Yeah?"
"You know this is more than fuck buddies, right?"
She went still and silent within his arms.
More silence.
Fuck.
"I do, Asher." Her vo
ice quiet.
"Good. I'll let you go stick needles in a brother." Dropping a kiss on her lips he walked her back to the main entryway, wound a fist full of her hair around his hand, tipped her head back and devoured her mouth in a kiss that left him fucking aroused.
"Wow." Ruby swayed, leaning into him.
"You're so damn beautiful, have I ever told you that?" Foreheads met, eyes locked. Preacher would swear she was embarrassed by the compliment.
"Thank you."
“You’re too damn good for me. Go inside before I take you here. Come by tonight, Ruby. I need to see you."
"I will." She touched the side of his face briefly, "go and get some sleep, Preacher man. you're going to need it." She laughed and left him there, tongue out, and watching her ass sway left and right.
Saucy little minx.
Ruby had done the impossible. She'd brought him back from the brink of an episode and she'd made him feel better.
What else was he to do except keep this woman?
War and death had been his shadows for a long time, but he could say at least he'd kissed a goddess.
She was imprinted on his soul, somehow it had happened, she'd just sneaked in there and made herself at home.
He might be a little mad, he reasoned. But at least he knew that.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
“Going back to the past doesn’t hurt, it’s returning to the future without someone you love that does the hurting.” – Ruby
Ruby had to eat crow regarding the Renegade Souls boys. She’d had preconceived judgments about that crew of people simply because they were bikers. They were some of the best bunch of men she’d ever met who had a long reach for caring for their own.
Sweetheart bikers. Now there was an oxymoron.
Maybe it was just the bikers she’d been around that were assholes, and she could attest, she wouldn’t spit on those men her father associated with if they were on fire. Either way, she liked working at the RS. And it wasn’t bad getting to know Zara, either. They'd become friendly in a short amount of time.