by Sam Sykes
I paused.
That, I had not seen coming.
I turned and faced her. She held her spectacles in her hands. Her eyes, big and brimming with light, stared at me. No longer so wide and scared as they had been, they focused like arrowheads upon me, pinning me to the spot.
“I can handle myself here,” Dalaris said, walking forward. “I know what Alarin is like … and I know what Visheron is. They’re little more than bright, shiny egos that need occasional polishing. I’ll be just fine here.”
“Then why—”
“Because you won’t be fine.” She gestured to the door. “Out there. Outside of Yanmass’s walls. Whatever’s looking for you will keep looking for you. Here, between the three of our houses, you can be safe.”
“Safe, huh?” I dared a grin. “You want to keep me like a pet?”
“That’s not what I—” She looked away for a moment. “It’s just that … I owe you.”
“You owed me. And you paid me. We’re even.”
“Maybe I just … don’t want you to leave, then. I don’t have anyone who’s looked out for me like you have. I don’t have anyone who’s just been there for me. You protected me.” She looked back at me and it hurt, just a little. “Let me protect you.”
And something inside me ached.
All this time, Norgorber had spared me death, evisceration, electrocution, and worse, and I knew he had done it just so he could have a great laugh when everything came crashing down around me.
And this was it.
Right now, I was just drunk enough, just desperate enough, just terrified enough to know what I had to say next. And when I said it, it felt like pulling a knife out of my throat.
“But you can’t protect you from me,” I said.
“What?”
“I…” I shook my head, thought maybe I could just pretend I hadn’t said that. But now the knife was out and the words just kind of bled out of me. “I’ve been doing this for too long, Dalaris. I’ve been in too many shadows, cut too many throats. I don’t know how to stop. I don’t see people anymore, I just see … tools. I see ways out, I see ways to get ahead, I see ways to get away, but I don’t see people I can just sit and be with.”
“But you could! If you tried, I know you—”
“You don’t know me.” I smiled at her. The kind of smile that hurts to wear. “I don’t know me. But I know you. I know you came from bad luck, even if you were born from Heaven. Someday, someone was going to try to use you. Hell, you’ll have people trying to use you for the rest of your life. I believe you when you say you can handle Alarin and the others, but if you were to tell me you could handle me?”
“I could try,” she said, with all the conviction of a guilty schoolchild.
“Could you? Could you look me dead in the eyes when I came home with my hands soaked with blood and believe me when I told you it was an accident?”
She looked at me for a long moment. When she looked away, I no longer felt pinned. But I didn’t feel free, either. I felt like something very precious was leaking out of me.
“That’s what I thought.”
I plucked up the satchel, slung it over my shoulder, and began to walk for the door. But as I passed her, I stopped. I put a hand on her shoulder, drew her close to me.
“Neither of us really had a choice, you know,” I said. “But you’ve got a better chance than I have. I’m glad to have given you that.”
She whispered something in my ear that might have been goodbye. Or it might have been a plea to stay. I’m not really sure. I wasn’t really listening.
I was already on my way out, trying to stifle my laugh. Gods. I’m glad to have given you that. Had I really said that? Could I have been any more saccharine? Ah, well. At least it made her feel better. After all, that’s why I said it, right?
Yeah.
All of that. It was all for her.
That’s what I told myself.
And when I left the house and shut the door behind me, I could almost believe it.
* * *
My trip out of Yanmass was without fanfare, as it should have been. I was afforded a few queer looks from gentle ladies peering out their carriage windows as they rolled by. A house guard grunted something in my general direction while he and a few of his friends loitered outside a gate, clearly on break. But once it became clear I was moving toward the large gates leading out of the city, everyone seemed fairly content to let me be.
I wondered how much they knew of what had happened in Stelvan’s manor. There were a few rumors, of course: that Vishera’s former centaur lackeys had attacked out of revenge, that Vishera had been murdered and this person claiming to be her “son” was an impostor, that the people cleaning up the manor reported sounds of dark whispers and the sensation of being stared at.
No one could confirm anything, of course. All anyone seemed to agree on was that Dalaris emerging from Stelvan’s manor in her undergarments was a clear sign that she had been carrying on a lengthy affair with me, Vishera, Visheron, the house guard captain, or all four, and that anything else was just a story made up to excuse her lewd behavior.
Dalaris didn’t refute this; it was preferable to having them know what really happened. I didn’t refute it, either; it was a much more interesting story.
If all that people remembered of my stay in Yanmass was that I was an exotic mistress to one or more rich women, that was fine by me, even if I hated the idea of being called “exotic.” Norgorber knows there are worse things to leave behind.
For example, a reputation for bilking an angry nobleman out of his time and money with some trumped-up blackmail. I hadn’t found the time to send Herevard an apology letter. Ah, well. I’m sure he knew.
Still, I wondered if it was too late to stop in and tell him. I wondered if it was too late to con him into thinking I had some other dirt on him. I glanced around Yanmass’s many avenues lined with statues and manicured lawns, passed its many squares with blossoming gardens and babbling fountains, walked beneath its many eaves of beautiful trees and under the many gazes of finely wrought statues.
I had a really good thing here for a while, didn’t I?
Made me wonder why I gave it all up to help Dalaris. Sure, she was cute in that damsel sort of way, but not so cute that it was worth losing all this. And yet, now that all of that business was behind me, I wondered if it was too late to go back to her, to tell her I changed my mind, to stay here and be pampered and never have to run away from anything ever again.
And before I knew it, I was at the gates of Yanmass.
And I wasn’t alone.
Against the finery of the city, Chariel stood in the center of the gateway like a stark shadow. Her black leathers made her look like a soot stain from a fire burnt far too long on the white pavement. And her eyes, so blue and so deep, sapped all the warmth out of the afternoon sun.
She approached me. I froze. It’s never a good sign when an assassin comes at you in full daylight with plenty of forewarning.
“You look well,” she said, stopping just a foot away from me. “I trust you’ve recovered from your ordeal.”
“I have. Thanks.”
She nodded, eyed the satchel draped over my shoulder. “And earned yourself a reward, too, I see.”
“It’s not much, but yeah.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Listen, I know you did right by me with that magical poison business. If you want repayment…”
“Shaia,” she said. “I charge the Brotherhood one hundred gold pieces just to get out of bed. I can handle it.”
“Ah. Of course.” I cleared my throat. “Well, thanks, then.”
She said nothing. She simply stared at me, like her eyes were knives digging into my flesh.
Silence is an assassin’s greatest weapon, they say. But when they said it, I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean that the silence would get so awkward you’d want to kill yourself.
“Were you hoping to leave without seeing me?” she asked, suddenly.
“But you didn’t seek me out before leaving, either.”
“Maybe I knew you’d come and find me, first.”
“Maybe,” she repeated, flatly.
Another long moment passed. We avoided each other’s gaze, lest the words brewing behind our lips come spilling out. We weren’t used to honesty, people like us. It was painful to hear, even more painful to speak.
And yet, somehow, no matter how hard we tried …
“Was it all for nothing, then?” she asked.
“I told you, I’d pay you back if you wanted—”
“I’m not talking about the poison, idiot,” she snapped. “Not just the poison, anyway. I’m talking about all of it: the favors I pulled, keeping the Brotherhood off your back, doing your little dirty work to get your centaurs into the city. All that and you’re just going to leave?”
“What, you expect me to pay those back?”
“Yes!” She shook her head. “No. I’m not sure. I just thought that…” For a moment, something that looked like pain flashed across her features. But in the next, her face twisted up into a snarl. “I don’t do this, you know. I don’t pull favors, I don’t make compromises, I don’t have conversations like these. I’m not meant for it. But somehow, for you—always for you—I end up changing everything and feeling like an idiot for it.”
I opened my mouth to say something.
Like “You’re not an idiot,” maybe. Or “It’s all right to feel feelings beyond a vague sense of murderous rage.” Or maybe even “This is incredibly awkward, let’s just find a dark alley and see what happens.”
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t say any of it.
Because I knew where it would lead. Everything I could say, anything I would say, it would all just end with me and her back to our old ways. And I’d find a new reason to cheat her, to double-cross her, to steal from her, or to just run away from her.
And no matter how badly I wanted to tell her I wouldn’t, I just couldn’t see a future in which I didn’t hurt her again.
Do this line of work long enough, hide in the shadows long enough, run away from trouble long enough, you forget how to do anything else. Hurting people just comes naturally, like you don’t even have to try to make someone bleed.
She looked away from me for a moment. “I said…” She paused, choked for a second. “I said we could run, put the Brotherhood behind us, go far away from here together.” She looked back at me. “I still will. If you ask me to.”
Quiet is my business. I’ve spent days stalking a mark, not uttering a single word. But the longest silence of my life was when I stared into those big blue eyes, quivering with tears, and didn’t so much as breathe.
Yeah, it hurt seeing that tear slide down her cheek. But there are worse pains in the world.
I got one of them just a moment later when she walked past me, back into Yanmass, and disappeared without so much as saying goodbye.
And just like that, I was running again.
More like walking, but you get what I mean. This is simply what I do. Drunkards swill, addicts puff, and I just keep walking away. Into peoples’ problems, out of peoples’ lives, and so on and so on until I die.
Sometimes they chase me, of course. My problems in Yanmass were bound to. Halamox was still out there, somewhere, undoubtedly still pissed at how many times I had manipulated him. The Brotherhood was still out there, probably no more happy that their chief assassin had failed to kill me. Both of them would be looking for me, and there was an awful lot of land between Yanmass and wherever I was going.
I’d forgive you for thinking I was crazy if you could see me walking out of Yanmass smiling at that thought.
Don’t get me wrong, I was walking away alone and without much to my name, as usual. And I had left behind my share of wounds that would probably take a long time to heal. Dalaris would have her work cut out for her fending off the rich vipers of the city. Chariel would learn to hate me again. A demon somewhere in the Abyss knew my name, and that wasn’t good at all.
But these were problems I’d always have. There would be time enough to worry about them much later, when I was in a warm bed and full of wine and regrets.
For now, I had enemies. For now, I had an open road. For now, I had a knife at my hip and a satchel full of coin. For all my problems, I had enemies I could sneak up on, throats I could cut, shadows I could hide in.
For everything else …
Well, that’s what they make liquor for, isn’t it?
Glossary
All Pathfinder Tales novels are set in the rich and vibrant world of the Pathfinder campaign setting. Below are explanations of several key terms used in this book. For more information on the world of Golarion and the strange monsters, people, and deities that make it their home, see The Inner Sea World Guide, or dive into the game and begin playing your own adventures with the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Core Rulebook or the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Beginner Box, all available at paizo.com.
Abadar: God of cities, wealth, merchants, and law.
Abyss: Plane of evil and chaos ruled by demons, where many evil souls go after they die.
Andoran: Democratic and freedom-loving nation. Formerly controlled by the Chelish Empire, and before that by the Taldan Empire.
Andoren: Of or pertaining to Andoran; someone from Andoran.
Angels: Race of good-natured creatures native to good-aligned planes like Heaven.
Brotherhood of Silence: Powerful guild of thieves and assassins based in Taldor.
Bugbears: Large, humanoid monsters related to goblins. Extremely violent and ill tempered.
Calistria: Goddess of trickery, lust, and revenge.
Celestials: A collective term referring to any native of a good-aligned plane, such as Heaven.
Centaurs: Intelligent creatures with the upper bodies of humans and the lower bodies of horses. Often found in nomadic tribes on the edges of more established nations, though some integrate fully into humanoid society.
Cheliax: A powerful devil-worshiping nation formerly ruled by Taldor.
Clerics: Religious spellcasters whose magical powers are granted by their gods.
Demons: Evil denizens of the Abyss, who seek only to maim, ruin, and feed on mortal souls.
Devils: Fiendish occupants of Hell who seek to corrupt mortals in order to claim their souls.
Divination: School of magic allowing spellcasters to predict the future, learn secrets long forgotten, find hidden things, and foil deceptive magic.
Dwarves: Short, stocky humanoids who excel at physical labor, mining, and craftsmanship. Originally from the Darklands, the dwarves ascended to the surface millennia ago during the Quest for Sky.
Elementals: Beings of pure elemental energy, such as air, earth, fire, or water.
Elves: Long-lived, beautiful humanoids who abandoned Golarion millennia ago and have only recently returned. Identifiable by their pointed ears, lithe bodies, and large eyes that appear to be one color.
Fiends: Creatures native to the evil planes of the multiverse, such as demons, devils, and daemons.
First Solace: Caravan-rest located near Yanmass.
Galt: Nation locked in perpetual and bloody democratic revolution. Fond of beheadings.
Goblins: Race of small and maniacal humanoids who live to burn, pillage, and sift through the refuse of more civilized races.
Golarion: The planet on which the Pathfinder campaign setting focuses.
Golems: Magical constructs, usually humanoid in shape, built to mindlessly serve a master.
Halflings: Race of humanoids known for their tiny stature, deft hands, and mischievous personalities.
Heaven: Plane of good and law ruled by angels, where many good souls go after they die.
Hell: Plane of evil and tyrannical order ruled by devils, where many evil souls go after they die.
Hellspawn: Someone with fiendish blood
, such as from ancestral interbreeding with devils or demons, often identified by horns, hooves, or other devilish features. Rarely popular in civilized society.
Hobgoblins: Larger, more intelligent kin of regular goblins. Highly organized and militant.
Incubus: Demons formed from the souls of evil mortals who derive sexual gratification through pain and violence. Incubuses appear as muscular and attractive humanoid males with batlike wings.
Inner Sea: The vast inland sea whose northern continent, Avistan, and southern continent, Garund, as well as the seas and nearby lands, are the primary focus of the Pathfinder campaign setting.
Katapesh: Mighty trade-oriented nation south of the Inner Sea. Also the name of its capital city. Ruled by mysterious masked beings known as Pactmasters. For more information, see Pathfinder Campaign Setting: Dark Markets, A Guide to Katapesh.
Katapeshi: Of or related to the nation of Katapesh.
Kyonin: Forest kingdom seen as the elven homeland and largely forbidden to non-elven travelers.
Lands of the Linnorm Kings: Cold northern nation ruled by an alliance of the eponymous Linnorm Kings.
Lender: Term of respect for a priest of Abadar.
Maheto: Taldan city in the northern foothills of the World’s Edge Mountains, home to masterful dwarven artisans whose weapons and other products are in high demand throughout the empire.
Molthune: Expansionist nation in central Avistan, ruled by a military government and perpetually at war with its northern neighbor, Nirmathas.
Norgorber: God of assassins, secrets, and murder.
Ogres: Hulking, brutal, and half-witted humanoid monsters with violent tendencies.
Oppara: Coastal capital of Taldor.
Orcs: Race of humanoids with green or gray skin, protruding tusks, and warlike tendencies. Almost universally hated by more civilized races.
Osirian: Of or relating to the nation of Osirion, or a resident of Osirion.
Osirion: Ancient nation south of the Inner Sea renowned for its deserts, pharaohs, and pyramids.
Paladins: Holy warriors in the service of a good and lawful god. Ruled by a strict code of conduct and granted special magical powers by their deity.