by Amanda Lance
I musta been outta my damn mind talking to a girl like that in the first place. Hell, she probably had some pretty boy beau making as much illegit money as me, somebody who would send her flowers and talk to her real nice—
I shook my head and tried to get rid of the picture of her in my head. It didn’t do a whole hell of a lot of good, but in the end it didn’t matter.
Chapter 2
There was even a line for the vending machines out front when I stepped out, a couple arguing in Spanish, some spoiled-ass kid begging his mom for more quarters…craziness on top of craziness. As bad as it was for my stomach, though, I knew it was real good for whatever trouble was going on in the back. If people were distracted with their own problems, then odds were low that they’d ever notice what looked like a simple cargo switch from a broken-down truck.
I kept my head low, walking to the side along with the rest of the pedestrians ’til I had the opportunity to break off and head to the bus parking lot. From there, it wasn’t hard to find where we were at, and right away I was glad I had brought my smoke with me.
The driver was on the pavement, blood spilling out in so many directions it was hard to tell where the original spot was. The second thing I saw was Yuri pushing Wallace against the truck bed while on the phone at the same time—I only assumed to Ben—and Polo mumbling to himself, trying to get the last of the cargo tied up on the SUV’s trailer by himself.
“What the hell is this?”
I was loud and I knew it, but it didn’t matter if we were as screwed as I thought. Almost all of the fluorescent lights overhead in the parking lot were functioning enough to show the blood pooling around the driver. It would only be a matter of time before someone saw something—if they hadn’t already.
“What happened?”
Wallace pushed Yuri away, and we kept ’nough distance when he drew his piece. Waving it around like some lunatic, he shouted at us:
“I’ll explain in the car! I gotta make sure nobody saw nothing—”
“No.” I gritted my teeth and reached for my own piece. “I’ll do it. You’ve done enough goddamn damage for one night!”
The driver moved a little, and Wallace lifted his gun one more time.
Yuri shook his head. “Hurry it the hell up.”
That’s when I heard it, like the coo of a bird or something, and I knew it even before I made a run for the back of the truck.
Somebody was there. Somebody saw something.
I edged along the truck that no longer had a driver, walking as slow and quiet as I could—something that I had never been real good at anyways. I could hear Yuri and Wallace going back to loading the truck, arguing back and forth, so hopefully whoever was there was focusing on that and not me sneaking up behind them. I took a few steps closer, cringing at the sound of my boots. There was a body lingering in the shadows there, though I only saw it from the lit up buttons of the cell phone it carried. If I didn’t hurry up, there would be cops there in a quick minute.
Raising my gun, I didn’t have any problem doing what I had to do next. Whoever it was was standing far from the overhead parking lot lights, so I was grateful for that. Even in the dark, though, I could tell it was a woman—with a shorter body and the silhouette of longer hair showing, it made me uneasy. I would never say I was a good guy or nothin’, but there wasn’t no dignity in an unfair fight, and guys hurting girls seemed nothing but unfair.
I stopped moving when I realized who it was.
Oh crap. How was I supposed to do this? I watched while she bit her lip and dug the end of her sandal into the ground. I didn’t like this to begin with, but how could I hurt somebody like her? How could anybody with half a brain or a decent bone in their body hurt somebody like her? At the same time, though, she had seen something, and I couldn’t forget that. Any hesitation I had was forgot when she started backing up and typing on her phone.
I rushed her so quick I don’t even think she heard me. Wrapping my arms around her, it took a whole second before I realized what I was doing. I had never done nothin’ this bad to a girl before, not if she didn’t deserve it, anyways. But it was too late now. I just barely covered her mouth with my hand before she opened it up to scream. I pulled her along with me, but her flighty legs kicked at me, digging into me more than once.
Just when I thought I was glad her aim wasn’t much better, she threw her head back so hard I thought maybe it broke my nose. I shook my head as the blood started to trickle out and wondered if it didn’t just make her as dizzy as it made me. Even though I was the one in pain, she started trying to scream again.
I was doing my best not to hurt her—or at least I thought I was. Yet now, I wasn’t so sure. The way she tried to shriek did something to my insides, and not just my stomach for a change. All of a sudden, just the possibility that I coulda hurt this girl made my heart beat real hard and my skin all tingly, like it was trying to crawl right off my bones. I wanted to apologize, to explain myself, but I knew that wasn’t possible.
“Shut up or I’ll kill ya.”
I could almost feel her fear coming out of her skin. She was freaking out, and I couldn’t blame her, but the fact was that I woulda happily let her go and just taken an early retirement rather than going down for murdering a civilian—somebody with family, a working stiff, with things to lose, a real person.
Still, as messed-up as it was, I really liked the feel of her bare arms and the smell of her hair. I got mad at myself right away and told myself I wasn’t one of those guys, told myself it was just the hit to the head that was making me think that way.
Damn it, Charlie. Get it together.
Wallace and Yuri argued louder, but I wasn’t sure if she heard it between her muffled screaming and the rustling pavement. Only then did I think ’bout the phone she had dropped, but when I looked back I could see pretty clear it had a crack in it, and I made a mental note to do something ’bout it the second I got the chance. We turned the corner, and I shielded her from seeing the fellas and towards one of the SUVs that wasn’t under the light. She must have realized what I was doing, ’cause she started fighting again, kicking and screaming like she really believed her life depended on it. And in all fairness, I guess it kinda did.
It was real screwed up, but I kinda wanted to laugh. I had known she was a smart girl before I had even talked to her. This reaction only proved my instincts were right all along.
I lost my laugh, though, when I felt the wetness on my hand. It took a minute for me to figure out though that the warm drops I was feeling were her tears, and then I did something else that tore me up on my insides. I imagined in my head that I’d just swallowed a razor blade, but it couldn’t be helped now. Yuri and Wallace both had already seen what I was doing, which meant sure enough, Ben would hear about it, too. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have let her go—not really, anyways.
Wallace’s shadow ran past us, and a few seconds later he cranked the SUV to life. It was risky, but while he was opening the cargo door for me, I glanced over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of Polo trying to re-situate the dead driver back in his cab. Probably one of Yuri’s ideas. Even if somebody did find him, they mighta just thought he was another trucker trying to grab some shut-eye. Yuri was hitting himself in the head with the flashlight, and I tried to focus on that instead of the way she was heaving and sobbing—her breaths like something that was dying.
I placed her as gently as I could between some of the crates, knowing that they’d provide some leverage if we stopped short for some reason. When she tried to jump out, I felt like something the dog dragged in, like road kill in the Georgia summer sun, but I still knew it was better me for me to tie her up than anybody else. Not only would she see their faces, but they woulda been more rough with her. And being all trigger-happy, Wallace mighta just shot her right then and there. I tied her up quick and duct-taped her mouth, avoiding lookin’ into her eyes, which were all bright from crying. I could feel her looking at me, questioning me and every
thing else. Without saying a word, I could tell she was settlin’ into that same hate that other civilians end up feeling for me eventually. I cringed and shut the cargo door.
I wish I coulda told her I was sorry.
She started screaming again when I slammed the door, though I didn’t know whether or not that was a good thing or a bad thing. I’d heard about that thing where people panic and end up choking on their own puke. I peeked in on her through the tinted windows, glad that she couldn’t see me or Polo, who tried to take a glance at her, too. But I smacked him upside the head and he got in the SUV. I half wanted to crawl in the back with her but just cursed instead, climbing in beside Polo just before Wallace pulled it into drive.
Damn, with that real quiet engine, I could hear her sniffling back there, probably crying again and terrified out of her pretty little mind. What was she thinking ’bout now? Probably thought we were all a bunch of perverts or kidnappers—though I guess technically we were, or I was. I coulda kicked myself, mighta if I was in the position to do it.
Polo was tossing himself back and forth in his seat. I knew it was bad if even he knew how much trouble we were in. “Oh man, oh man, oh man!”
“Hey,” I whispered, leaning forward to tap Wallace on the shoulder. “There’s a phone up here under the light. Turn ’round and make sure you run it over good.”
He nodded all serious-like, and I tried to ignore the glare I was getting from Yuri, but all I could hear was this poor girl groaning in the back. Wallace didn’t have no trouble finding the phone, but I didn’t care so much about that. It was real weird for me, but I cared about her, whether or not she was scared. What if she had a condition she needed medicine for or something? Damn it. I hadn’t thought any of this crap through.
“We gotta find some place to ditch her,” I said. “Someplace where she’ll get found but not until after we make port.”
If nothing else, she was alive enough to whimper, to complain, and feel her way ’round the cargo bed. I just hoped she wouldn’t try to do nothing real stupid like roll out.
“When are we supposed to do that?”
Yuri laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, we don’t exactly have a lot of free time on our hands.”
My own hands were ready to start shaking when I lit up a smoke. I inhaled real deep, still listening to the girl in the cargo bed. Maybe the guys had a point. Between the safe house and finishing loading the ship, we only had a few hours between here and there. Trying to find someplace where we could hide her where she would be found and would be safe for us would probably take more time than we had.
Her crying had slowed down so that she was only sniffling every few seconds. I had to figure that she was probably in shock like they talk about on the TV—maybe she was already passed out. After all, what were the odds that she was just brave?
“Just gimme one goddamn minute to think,” I said.
“You’re going to get us all screwed.” When Wallace said that, that was it for me. I was going to get us screwed? He was the one who had capped that driver in the first place, and I was going to get us screwed? I lost it. I reached over the seat and smacked him hard enough that his neck snapped forward.
“I’m helpin’, is what I’m doing. You’re lucky everybody in the state didn’t come over when you got rid of that truck driver.”
Yuri didn’t say nothing, but I let him have the last of my smoke when he reached out for it. Right away, I lit up another one, and like the little kid he was, Polo tried to shove his way through the tension.
“Hey, hey, hey! He’s got a point, Wally, and it could be a lot worse.”
I smacked him on the back. Leave it to Polo to try and make everybody feel better. “Thanks for the optimism, Polo.”
“Hey, Wally? Wally? Wasn’t that driver a connection of yours? What did you go and lose that guy for, anyway?”
“’Cause he’s a damn fool.”
I made a face at Polo, and he laughed louder.
“To hell with you both!” As much as I shouldn’t’ve, I thought it was pretty funny that Wallace had gotten so mad. I like seeing people other than me lose their temper. It’s a real nice reminder than I ain’t the only one in the world who’s messed up. “That greedy bastard wanted more money, a bigger percentage next time for less merchandise. Bottom line is, we had a problem, so I took care of it.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Now we got a bigger problem.”
I wished like hell I hadn’t a said that. ’Cause then Polo started laughing like he does, and I could see Wallace grip the wheel all hard when he said, “Ain’t no problem. I’ll take care of that, too.”
It was hard not to freak out when he said that, hard not to freak out when I heard her start to cry again and gag. Oh Christ, what had I done? She musta heard that whole thing and was scared outta her wits. Why hadn’t I just kept my mouth shut? Got the guys to do the same ’til I thought it out a little more?
There was a funny sound coming from the back, and I instantly knew she wasn’t breathing right, and then I couldn’t breathe right, neither—like it was contagious or somethin’. The smoke wasn’t helping nothin’, either. I didn’t wanna give it up, though, as much as I wanted to look at her. Both things I couldn’t help.
Her face was all shiny with tears, and her pretty hair messy all over her face. Instead of moving it for her, though, I just opened the window and threw my smoke out. Not having the nicotine was hurting me, but after a few seconds, she almost sounded okay again, so I tried to deal with it.
Tapping my foot was the only way I could get myself to calm down, though Yuri could see I was having a hard time, and he kept eying me in the rearview. He’s way too goddamn smart, if you ask me. I thought all those child African soldiers were s’posed to be a bunch of illiterate jerk-offs who didn’t know how to talk nothing but ooga-booga. This one’s always thinking he’s a wise owl or something.
There was a million things wrong with this. On top of adding more heat to us, I had to wonder what Ben was gonna think ’bout the whole situation. On average, he’s pretty calm when it hits the fan, but then again we’ve never had anything go so bad before. And a girl like this has gotta have people looking for her—or if she doesn’t by now, she will soon enough. Suddenly, I was picturin’ crying parents and blubbering girlfriends and hearing the sound of bars slamming in the background. Taking off my jacket, I ran my knuckles up and down the vents that were letting the cool air in.
Goddamn, if this girl doesn’t ruin my life.
I couldn’t think ’bout that then, though. Taking another glance at her, her eyes were closed, and I almost got scared again, thinking she had gone and died on me. But as we headed under the freeway lights, I saw her stomach moving up and down just a little, and my own heart started up again. I was real careful as I reached back and slipped off her sandals, sticking them under the seat in front of me. If she was as smart as I thought she might be, it would be harder for her to escape without any shoes on. If she knew that, then hopefully she wouldn’t even try.
“You checking out the goods, Hillbilly?” Wallace laughed.
I told him to screw off.
Normally, I woulda hit him for saying something like that, or even worse. But instead, I thought ’bout what her name mighta been and tried to listen in real close.
I listened to the sound of her breathing.
Chapter 3
I woke up when Polo started laughing his ass off, nudging both me and Yuri while he jumped up and down in his seat. “Hey! Hey, guys! Look! She died from fright!”
I hadn’t been asleep that long, but the second I heard that, I was wide awake, the whole world spinning around me. The sun was barely up, and we were just pullin’ into the lot by the safe house, but everything seemed real far away like it wasn’t there at all—just watching it on TV or something.
I spun around and tried to look at her, but she had her face turned away, and her real messy hair covered just ’bout everything else. Feeling The Red rise up in me, I sprang to my
feet, not caring a whole lot ’bout the looks I was getting’ from the fellas and with only one thing on my mind: how could I have let this happen? Why didn’t I pay closer attention? Making sure the guys were still inside, I tried to peek in on her from the outside, but with the sunlight and tinted window, I couldn’t see nothin’. I was already sick in the stomach before I shoved Wallace aside and the hit that little button on the driver’s side that let the cargo door open. Before it budged an inch, I was there, chanting quietly for her to still be alive.
There was a combination of relief and surprise when I saw her eyes open, ’cause a split second later, she sat up and barreled her way past me, hopping her way around like a little bunny rabbit or somethin’. Yuri cursed and Polo started freakin’ laughing again, but it didn’t make her stop. In a way, I was kinda amazed, amazed that she would still try and wasn’t too afraid to just give up and beg like they did in the movies. I ain’t never seen anybody so determined-looking before. Her eyes narrowed and focused, even though she musta known there wasn’t nowhere to go. A warm feeling rose up in my chest when I realized how much I liked that, that and the way her hair came undone, hiding the rest of her face.
Even then, though, she didn’t stop, and I took the opportunity to pick her up and toss her over my shoulder. I did my best to be as gentle as I could, but she was so light that I mighta put too much force into it and hurt her—not bad enough to keep her from kickin’ at me again, though.
So she was hitting me, and kickin’ at me, and it ain’t half a wonder that she wasn’t getting somewhere with it ’cause she was trying so hard.
“Think you can manage?”
Wallace was real lucky I had my hands full, or else I woulda wiped that grin right off his face. Polo was laughing, of course, which I could’ve also gone without, but it was pretty obvious this chick wasn’t gonna just sit still if I left her alone, neither. If I was honest with myself, too, I much rather woulda had my hands around her than around Wallace’s neck.