by Amanda Lance
For all the worry the papers said about her safety, it sure as hell was easy to find her address. I’ll admit I got lucky though, there were three Battes in the county and she was the first one I went to. It was a real nice little place, sure as hell nicer than any place I’d ever lived in. And even though it was almost winter time the house reminded me of something warm, something real easy to curl up inside of and go to sleep in.
I wasn’t so excited that I didn’t know I had to be careful. I stayed far away, smoking one smoke after the other, and trying not to imagine which window was her’s and what she was doing behind it. When I finally did get to see her, time sort of stood still—or at least moved really slow. Addie’s hair was loose and hanging out from around her hood. I can’t even tell you how bad I wanted to just run over and take her in my arms, kiss her like crazy whether she wanted me to or not. Instead though, I tried to focus on how green her coat was and the way it dangled over her hands, making her look even smaller than I remembered. She played with the wooden buttons on her coat while she went out to start the car, smiled at the birds headed south and went back inside the house.
I followed her all the way downtown, curving around the corner slow ’til I could pull over near the sidewalk. Right away I knew where she had led me to. It was a big, wide building with limestone finish and a patched up rooftop. It was the library—her library. I’d seen it mentioned in local papers and read one of those stupid quotes from the people who worked there. I smiled under my helmet. I shoulda guessed that would be the first place she led me to.
From the shopping mall across the street I scoped out the parking lot and tried not to be too obvious about watching her. With the way the wind played with her hair though and the funny way she jumped over icy puddles, how could I not stare? How couldn’t everybody?
I lit up another smoke and watched her disappear inside. Would she even be a little happy to see me or would she go running and screaming? Faint like those ladies always do in the westerns? Had the cops brainwashed her to the point where she’d go thinkin’ I’d tie her to the railroad tracks?
I smoked ’til the pack was empty before going over to the local convenience store to buy some more. Once I was inside, I wandered around; waiting ’til the clerk was lookin’ away before I ran my fingers along the merchandise. My brain worked hard, trying to imagine her doing the same, trying to mentally pick out stuff that she would buy but I couldn’t concentrate and left when the clerk started eyeballing me.
I broke into her house the next day, mad that her old man didn’t have no kind of security alarm or nothing like that. It was easier than my first heist to get in that house after he went to work and she and her brother went off somewhere. I got over that fast though once I started walking around. It seemed crazy to think that I could really be in the same place as her, walk on the same floor she walked on every day, to sit at the kitchen table where she sat.
Her house was just as warm on the inside as it was on the outside. Everything was clean and smelled like soap, ’cept for the kitchen, which smelled like coffee and bacon. The hallways were lined with pictures of her and her brother as they were growing up and I stared at every one of her, just wishing I was ballsy enough to take one of the newer ones. Out of everything downstairs though, I liked the living room the best. There were blankets piled neat and folded on a one of the sofas and the bookshelves were overflowing so bad the shelves were kinda warped in the middle.
Like in the store, I wanted to run my fingers over everything but knew (even though I was way outta my mind) that it was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have even gone into the house, shouldn’t have driven all the way out there…
My toes were twitching before I got to her room. Somehow I knew it would be hers before I even got there, and every step closer made my toes twitch more and my heart pound with more impatience in my chest. I’d imagined it a million times, but it still wasn’t like I’d pictured it. Addie had lacy yellow curtains and a carpet that kinda matched over the middle of the hardwood floor. The poster of some old movie I’d never heard of next to one that said something about Shakespeare in the Park, but other than that and a picture of her parents, she didn’t have nothing else on the walls. The one thing I did get right guess-wise was that her bed was made, all nice and neat with purple blankets and pillows. Every decent thing in me told me to go away right then and there, but after months of not having her, I’d lost my willpower and didn’t have any more control of myself.
The first thing I did was read all the book titles on her nightstand and on top of the little TV. Course they were nothing I’d heard of, but I wasn’t surprised that every one of ’em were faded and had creased where the cover met the back. I laughed to myself, and just like a crazy man in love I went wild with her, smelling her pillow and picturing where she laid her head down every night, looking through all the songs on her iPod and trying to remember them so I could get them later.
Looking through the stack of mess beside her bed was the last thing I did. Not too interested in textbooks, I figured it was something for her school, but when I took a closer look I saw the most interesting thing yet. An application for UCLA.
There was other stuff there too, books ’bout how to write college application essays and highlighters that looked all worn down. Knowing it was stupid, I risked it anyways, riffling through the thick envelopes she used as bookmarks and seeing more stuff all about California and the schools out there.
I let myself sit on the bed and breathed in her smell. For all my daydreaming I’d never put any real thought into her actually wanting me on a long-term thing. Addie had been some dream that everyone was telling me to let go. But I couldn’t forget what she had been to me, how she had stayed quiet even after the feds questioned her. I wasn’t like Ben though; I didn’t have the brains to keep people safe, the resources. While I let myself get excited about it, I still couldn’t get the potential of her getting hurt ’cause of me outta my mind.
***
For almost two weeks I watched her, drawing picture after picture of her while I sat on the sidewalk across the street or even in one section of the library while she was in the other. Real quick, I’d learned a lot of stuff about her. If she wasn’t in class or with her family, she was sleeping—or at least trying to sleep. She went to bed early, sometimes kissing her dad on the cheek before she went upstairs for the night. But then the light would go on and off at all hours ’til she had to get up for school, and I got the sense that like me, our time together was still on her mind.
She wore her pajamas as soon as it got dark, hardly ever going out unless her old man asked her to. He was protective though, I saw that real quick, watching her from the kitchen window until she safely pulled out of the driveway every morning. Not to say that I could blame the guy. I was protective of her too and I didn’t even have no right to be. I had to fix that though, to settle that for both of us and make it right. If I couldn’t get her out of my head, then at least I had to try and top from coming to California.
I took out my phone and turned it on for the first time, laughing at how many voicemails I had unanswered. I didn’t need to hear anybody’s lectures; I only needed the help of a friend if I was going to have any chance of talking to her in person without getting thrown in jail immediately afterward.
Polo picked up on the first ring.
“Hey, Polo.”
“Charlie! Where have you been? Nobody has heard from you—”
“Yeah, yeah.” I laughed. “I know, sorry ’bout that, but I’m good. Everybody else?”
The sound of really bad music blasted in the background. “Oh, they’re good, Elise is worried about you and Reid is mad—”
“Polo, settle down and listen for a second.” I sighed into the phone and glanced back up at the library. Addie was sitting at her favorite table, and though I couldn’t see her, she had her backpack leaning up against the window. It was the same backpack thing from when we’d met.
“How’d you feel ’
bout coming over to the east coast?”
***
The house had vinyl siding so it was easy to get up once I had my footing. I had to admit it was just plain luck though that her old man’s room was on the other side of the house and her next door neighbors were so old they wouldn’t have known a B and E if it happened to them. I had tested the windows before, somewhat sure that I could get the screens loose from the outside. Naturally, I already knew she slept with the windows open, but I never coulda imagined she would have made it so easy. I ground my teeth together and made a note to myself that if nothing got resolved, at least my visit to her would teach her to take better care about her safety.
Addie was all bundled up in her bed, head sunk deep in the pillow. The blood rushed to my ears, but as much as I concentrated, I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of her soft snore and the hum of her computer. I slipped in the room easy enough, but still waited and made myself stare at the door. If I had to leave it was going to have to be within those first few seconds because she was way too tempting to ignore.
When a minute passed and nothing happened, I took a step towards her, and like I said, I didn’t have no willpower anymore. It was that same lack of willpower that had me leaning over her bed next to her a few seconds later. I had expected her to wake up right away, but when she didn’t, I got bolder and sat next to her on the bed. It moved a little with my weight, but she didn’t wake up. It was damned stupid but I even ran my fingers through her hair, amazed that it smelled exactly the way I remembered and even looked a little longer.
“Addie…”
Either her school was overworking her, or she just didn’t want to be awake, because her eyes were shut tight and she still didn’t move. As bundled up as she was though, there was just a little bit of her neck showing, and I couldn’t keep from running my thumbnail along the side there—just where her pulse beat slow and steady.
That did it. She shifted a little, and I woulda sworn I saw her smile even in the dark. I leaned down and kissed her collarbone, that inch of skin I’d been dreaming about for weeks. She shivered—whether it was ’cause of me or from her exposed skin I didn’t know. Addie swore and reached out for something in her sleep. Laughing, I covered her bare shoulders and watched her smile wider.
Draping my one arm over her, I ran my face over her hair and kissed the edge of her forehead.
“I miss you,” I heard her whisper.
I pulled her close to me. God, how could I have gone so long without this? “I miss you, too.”
I heard the sirens then, telling me that Polo had at least gotten to the right place on time. It seemed like a lot for some cherrybombs down the toilets of a government building, but the more they focused on that mess, the better I knew it would be for me. It was a real catch-22 how city officials always cringed at the idea of terrorism but still managed to get pretty in time for the cameras. As far as I was concerned, they coulda taken their sweet time with the “investigation” and clean up, as long as took attention away from Addie—away from this precious time with her.
She twitched, hard, and at that same second I could feel the steps coming up the stairs. I almost fell off the bed, escapin’ into the shadows of her room and back out the window again. I didn’t have time to put the screen back though and I jumped out before the footsteps got closer.
The drop wasn’t long, but my body was pulsing so hard that even if I did hurt myself I might never have known about it. I made myself blend in, leaning up against the house so that I kinda became a part of it—blending right in with the bushes. I closed my eyes and tried to settle myself. Still though, I thought she must have been able to hear my heart bouncing around in my chest, or at least my breathing. It seemed impossible that she couldn’t have considering how hard of a time I was having keeping everything under control.
The sirens faded down the street and I knew I didn’t have long. Still, I waited ’til long after she had talked with her old man and the light touching the yellow curtains went on again. I was still nervous, but at least I wasn’t shakin’ anymore. Those couple of seconds with her had made me strong enough to go back in, but weak enough to want more.
I’d never snuck into a girl’s room before—never needed to. But luckily the railing above the window was wide enough that I could hold onto it without a lot of trouble. If she reacted bad, then I mighta just been able to let go and fall down again.
Addie was wide awake and sitting on the bed. She was facing away from me, but I could see that she was looking at the sketch I’d left her a few days before. I didn’t know if it was the first time she had seen it, but she must have known what it meant, and she hadn’t gone to the cops yet. That had to be good, right?
“Did you know in 1880 this town only had one cop?”
“Charlie!”
She turned fast, the hair swirling around her face. I took her smile as an okay, and pulled myself up and into the window.
“One cop I could deal with, but now Summit has 46 uniforms, detectives, and a kiddy program. What’s the world comin’ to?”
She jumped from her bed and came over to me so fast she coulda been a streak of lightning. And though I wasn’t even in the room yet, she rushed me, making me grab out for her just in case. If the window had been one of those big ones at Ben’s house, she would thrown herself right out of it.
“When did you get here? How did you get here? Where have you been all my life?”
I laughed into her neck, thinking that if I didn’t muffle myself her old man woulda heard us for sure. She was wearing nothing but a pair of polka-dotted pajama bottoms and a strappy little tank-top. I shuddered a little in her arms—maybe it was a good thing that her old man was around after all. If he wasn’t, and with the way she was looking, I mighta just forgot how to be a gentleman.
“A few days. I drove here. And I was ’bout to ask you the same question.”
Just as I stumbled in the room, I put my arms all the way around her, lifting her off the ground and inhaling her deep. Addie responded in turn by wrapping her legs around me and smearing the beanie off my head. She ran her hand through my hair and rubbed her nose against my ear. Even if I did get caught, that greeting alone woulda made it worth it.
“You shouldn’t be here, Charlie. Every few minutes a state trooper drives by the house—”
“A little birdy told me those guys are gonna be too busy dealing with cherrybombs in some city hall to be botherin’ you.”
She went rigid against me. “Please tell me you didn’t—”
“If it makes you mad—then no. I didn’t do nothin’.” I stopped myself there. I wasn’t gonna push my luck by giving her details and making her mad at me. But what would I do if it was too late, if she was already mad at me and wanted me to leave? If she asked, could I without begging her to come with me?
“What are you doing here, Charlie?”
Sure enough, she wiggled outta my arms, tip-toeing to the door and putting her ear against it before locking it. I had to admit it made me feel easier. Her old man looked like the kinda guy who wouldn’t let a locked door wouldn’t stop him if his kid was in trouble. But I told myself that at least it would buy me a little time while he knocked it down.
“Y—you want me to go?”
Rolling her eyes she rushed back into me. “What a ridiculous question.”
Thank God. I sighed and kissed her neck. “You’re crazy, you know that? You should be screaming, tryin’ to kick me or something. I don’t deserve to hold you.”
Again, she ran her hand in my hair and started up giggling. “That’s a terrible thing to say. I’ve missed you horribly since California. Besides, you knew I was strange when you met me, you said so yourself.”
I confessed all of it to her, how great she looked and how much I missed her. I even admitted to her and to myself for the first time that she had been right to walk away from me—that it was the smartest thing for all of us.
“Have you been watching me?” I saw her eyes flic
ker from the new scar on my face and back to my eyes.
“I told ya I’ve been around a few days. That’s why I came over tonight. You gotta stop this California stuff, Addie. You gotta stop coming after me.”
“Charlie, how could you say something like that?” The sound of her voice was enough to tell me she was pissed off, but if that wasn’t bad enough, she took a step away from me just so she was out of my reach and crossed her arms over herself.
“I told you that you couldn’t keep me away.”
After being away for so long I had to yank her back to me. It was probably just outta pure luck that she didn’t start calling me names.
“You have to stop trying to look for me, Addie. The cops probably won’t be watching you so much anymore, but—”
“Did you know there are about 331 colleges and universities in California? No one will think twice about me living in California if I’m going to school there, Charlie. You know I’d never do anything to lead the police to you or Ben.”
I shook my head. “It isn’t that, Addie.”
“Then what is it? Have you changed your mind about me?”
I laughed. I had even missed her crazy talk. “You kiddin’ me? What d’you think I’m doing here? I couldn’t hardly stand to stay away another day without seein’ you, even if it was from far away. But Addie, since you met me, I’ve nearly gotten you killed a bunch of times. Seems like the more I love you the more danger you’re gonna end up being in.”
I pressed her forehead to mine. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could make her feel my love for her through brain waves. “I ain’t no good for you.”
She interlaced her finger behind my neck. “I’m not exactly big on trusting instinct. But it seems like if you want to trust your instincts, then you should follow your first one and go with it.”
I smiled wide, feeling better every second. It was good that she had put some thought into this, that she had all her reasons down pat. It mighta just made it easier to justify keeping her in my dark little world.