Beautiful Broken Mess

by Kimberly Lauren

  “Don’t, Jace,” I breathe out in a whisper.

  “Hmm?” he mumbles, his nose still burrowed in my neck.

  It’s difficult to think straight because, unlike my previous partner, Jace smells clean and delectable. Not an ounce of cologne, just soap and aftershave. “Stop, Jace, I’m trying… I just want to get over you,” I stumble out candidly.

  The warmth of his breath tickles behind my ear. “I like it better when you’re under me.” I force myself to pull out of his grasp and walk toward the exit. I can’t do this right now. Jace is much too tempting and not healthy for my mental well-being. He grabs my hand and spins me back into his chest. “I’m sorry, I’ll behave.” I place my left hand back on his bicep and my right in his larger hand. We continue dancing in a comfortable silence.

  “Who would have thought two kids from Texas would meet back up at a country bar in California?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

  He smiles and declares, “I have to admit I was skeptical about this place.”

  “Me too.”

  As if on cue, the slow song fades. The lights begin to darken and a fast beat begins pumping through the speakers. It’s definitely not country music anymore. It must change over after a certain time. The crowd descends onto the dance floor as if they were waiting for this music all night. A secret they were all clued in on, unlike myself. The temperature rapidly escalates with the drastic increase of body heat.

  “And… that’s exactly what I was expecting,” he chuckles into my ear. I reach back and grasp my hair into a handheld ponytail so I can cool down. Jace grabs onto my hips and begins dancing in front of me. I look up into his eyes and he shrugs as if saying, ‘Might as well.’ He spins me around so my back is facing him and then blows cool air across my neck. It feels wonderful and much too intimate at the same time.

  Looking around, I watch how others are moving. I’ve danced like this before, alone in my bedroom with the music blasting, but never in public. And never with Jace behind me. I don’t know how to do this with a guy, or how to keep a rhythm. I’m sure I look like a complete idiot just standing here. Jace continues to blow on my neck and I’m so overheated, it feels fantastic. Problem is, it’s creating an unwanted need between my thighs.

  “Relax,” his deep, melodic voice whispers from behind my ear. When I shiver, he squeezes my hips and pulls them closer to him. Slowly, he begins to slide against me and I mimic his movements in front of him. After watching the girls around me, I soon feel confident enough to turn in his arms and roll my hips while looking up into his eyes. Gradually, I loosen up and begin to have fun.

  “Every guy here is so damn jealous of me right now,” he says into my ear. I look up and roll my eyes at him, but he’s able to eventually pull a smile from me in the process. An hour passes in the blink of an eye and we’re both laughing and having a good time, but it’s sweltering in here and I need a break.

  “I’m gonna grab a water, I’ll be right back,” I holler close to his ear and gesture toward the bar.

  “I’ll come with you,” he mouths back.

  Shaking my head, I yell, “Just stay, I’ll come back and find you.” Without waiting for his response, I head off the dance floor, welcoming the immediate rush of cool air I feel once I leave the mass of writhing bodies. My skin is damp with sweat and I’m sure my hair is looking less than perfect. I can feel my limp brown curls sticking to the skin of my neck. I push my way to the bar and ask for a glass of water. When the bartender returns with it, I gulp down the refreshing liquid quickly.

  “Doll, you’re club dancing?” Lane calls out from beside me. His animated smile tells me he’s either excited for me or he’s drunk. Maybe both. I nod my head because my voice is already getting sore from shouting over the crowd. “With Jace?” he asks and I nod again. “Another checkmark in the box of things you haven’t done yet!” His excitement is contagious.

  I pull him in for a hug and laugh. “You look like you’ve been having a good time.”

  “Yeah, I have actually. Would you hate me if I headed out with Christine?” He points his thumb behind him to a waiting blonde that I’ve never seen before. “Here are the keys to the car. Will you be alright driving home alone?” I nod my head in shock because this is so unlike Lane. He never just leaves me. “Promise you’ll stay near Jace and that he’ll walk you out to the car?”

  “Why do you trust Jace, but not anyone else?”

  “I don’t know. I just got this vibe about him, that he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. Should I go talk to him about this?”

  “No, Dad, I don’t need a babysitter.” I shove him in the chest playfully.

  “Promise me or I’m staying.”

  I stick out my pinky and say, “Promise.” He wraps his smallest finger around mine and kisses my forehead.

  “How late do you think you’ll stay?” he asks, while Blondie starts grabbing for his hand.

  “No, no, Papa Bear. You’ve done your duty, time to go.” I shove him and make my way back to the crush, pushing his keys into the front pocket of my jeans.

  When I left Jace on the dance floor, I had a one-track mind: get water and clear my head from the lust-induced Jace-fog. I never thought about what he would be doing while I was gone. Of course he would continue dancing. Did I expect him to just stand there and wait after I’d asked him to stay? Regardless, seeing him dancing with two other girls, one in front and one behind, still has my heart pounding erratically.

  I stop my forward motion and watch from a distance. There’s a split in the crowd that allows a direct view of the show. Jealousy flashes through me at the sight of the girls’ faces that are thick with desire and their hands all over him. His hands are out away from them, but their bodies still connect with each beat of the song.

  When another set of hands grab onto my waist from behind, I flinch and look over my shoulder. A tall, dark-haired man smiles down at me.

  “Mason,” he introduces himself.

  “Audrey,” I call back in a hoarse voice.

  This guy is handsome. His jaw is defined and yet he has a hint of a baby face, which is endearing. His messy brown hair is tossed about and damp. I smile and decide to relax. This is what people do in dance clubs. All small talk is thrown out the window. The conversation is spoken with the movement of our bodies. Besides, I don’t feel like trying to break up the ménage in front of me.

  When I turn back around, I see that Jace is frozen, staring directly at me with his bright blue eyes. His groupies are practically begging for his attention and becoming needy with their hands. Neither of us makes a move toward one another. We’re locked in a stare-down.

  Mason’s hands move from my hips to my waist and back down again. I begin to move against him. Jace drives his hips forward at the same time. When one of the girls aligns her body with his and grinds up against him, I roll my hips and do the same to Mason. I’m instantly turned on when I see Jace’s mouth form the small ‘o’ shape. His eyes never leave mine as he spreads one hand out on the girl’s stomach and I move Mason’s over mine. Fire ignites in Jace’s eyes and I’m spurred on.

  Before I realize what’s happening, Jace and I are dancing together, only we’re ten feet apart with different partners. When he rolls forward, I grind back. Every movement Mason makes feels like Jace in my head. I wonder if Jace is thinking the same, since his eyes haven’t budged from my face or my body, not even for a second.

  We continue this hypnotizing dance for what feels like an eternity, mirroring our movements with one another. The way his body flows with the music is almost like living art. He’s a masterpiece in the middle of this packed wooden dance floor, a God amongst men. His tall frame should appear out of place, but it draws in all the eyes around him. The black t-shirt he’s wearing is putting up a tough battle against his flexing muscles and I wish it would surrender already. My fingers ache to pull it off over his head to reveal the lines and curves of his chest and stomach that I’ve stroked once before.

 
He hasn’t put his hands back on the girl in front of him, but that doesn’t stop her from rubbing her body all over his. I’ve never been captivated like this before… it’s almost erotic, and yet I’m envious at the same time. I hate that she’s feeling every ounce of muscle on his solid chest that I should be feeling. However, I don’t move forward and neither does he.

  I can’t help but think about the way this whole scene reflects the relationship that Jace and I have always had. So close, yet always so far away.

  “You’re a great dancer, gorgeous,” Mason says into my ear. I close my eyes and try to block out his voice. I hold the image behind my eyelids of Jace, who’s not even ten feet away from me, moving his body seductively. I’m lost in the withdrawal from Jace’s intoxicatingly blue eyes, and I have no idea how to respond to Mason. You’re not so bad yourself, but I’ve actually been dancing this whole time with the smokin’ hot heartthrob that’s dancing ten feet away? Might be a mood-killer.

  “Need something, Riley?” Mason’s voice shakes me out of my reverie.

  I freeze, knowing Jace must be close, but I can’t open my eyes to look. A warm hand touches my hip and his tantalizing voice says, “You found my girl.” I hear the smile in his tone and I tense at his words. “Look at me, gorgeous,” he whispers, too close to my lips.

  Because I can’t seem to convince my traitorous body to defy him, my eyes snap open. Just as I imagined, he’s bending down and looking directly at me. If I wanted to, I could move a fraction of an inch and have my mouth on his.

  “Did you enjoy teasing me?” he inquires softly so Mason can’t overhear. I’m thankful, because it was rude of me to get lost in Jace while dancing with someone else. I don’t want Mason to know about that.

  And because I’m generally honest to a fault, I respond with a simple and breathless, “Yes.” His eyes flare with excitement and his grip on my waist intensifies. He enjoys when I obey him, but he also likes to be teased. Huh… good to know. Not that this will ever happen again.

  “Seriously?” Mason groans, interrupting our stare-down. “What’s with you and Jaxon taking the good ones?” he asks Jace. Then he looks at me, saying, “Thanks for the dance, Audrey,” and turns to walk away.

  “Thanks, Mason, anytime you want to dance again, let me know. Jace and I aren’t together,” I hurriedly say before he can get out of earshot.

  Mason abruptly halts his movement, but Jace quickly stops whatever he might be thinking. “Move it along,” he growls and pulls my hips to his.

  With a scowl, I turn and say, “It’s time for me to go home. Walk me to my car?” I wish I didn’t even have to ask him, but I promised Lane.

  He takes my hand as we leave the bar, and I decide that pulling it away is not a battle I feel like having with him at the moment. He’s gripping me tightly and his eyes haven’t left my face. I feel as if he thinks I’ll run away, which is exactly what I feel like doing right now.

  “Are you mad at me?” he questions.

  “No.”

  “I can always tell when you lie, Audrey, so don’t.”

  “How about you don’t do that again? You’ve made it perfectly clear how you feel about me, so don’t stop me from being with someone else.” I continue walking toward Lane’s SUV and click ‘unlock’ on the key fob when I reach it.

  He turns me around and backs me up against the door. “And tell me, how do I feel about you?”

  “I think you’re attracted to me sexually,” I admit. He nods his head and I continue, “But you finally got that urge out of your system over winter break. In regards to everything that happened in high school, I don’t care what you think.”

  His stare becomes hard and cold when he hears my words. “What the hell?” he practically yells.

  I quickly shrink away from him, ducking my head and averting my eyes, but I can’t move too far because he has me blocked in. My conditioned response is the only one I’ve ever known. In my experience, the actions that come after words like that are not pleasant. In fact, they are the furthest thing from pleasant…they are painful. As in black eyes, broken ribs, and bruised arms painful.

  A minute passes and no blows are thrown. With my head down, I look back in front of me and see Jace’s shoes. Jace. It’s Jace. What the hell am I thinking? Jace is not my father and he would never hurt me, not physically anyway. I silently berate myself. Knock it off, Audrey; you’re not that girl anymore. Looking up at him again, I cringe at the fear in his eyes.

  JACE -

  What the hell just happened? First, she pisses me off by saying that I got an urge out of my system when we were together, and then she recoils away from me as if I would strike her. All of a sudden, she’s the girl I found on the sidewalk again. ‘Approach with Caution’ is back on her chest. Did she really just think I would hurt her? The sight of her withdrawing that way makes me physically nauseous. Why would she react like that around me?

  Slowly, I lift up my hands and show them to her, before gently placing them on her arms. Thankfully, she doesn’t flinch so I proceed. I need to calm my voice. I don’t care how angry she made me with her words; this is not the time for a heated argument.

  “Audrey?” I ask, and her big brown eyes widen as they look directly at me. “What just happened?”

  “I don’t know…” she trails off hesitantly. Bullshit.

  “Did I scare you?” She nods her head at my question and I have to step away from her. I hate not touching her, but if I frightened her, then I need to step back. Shaking my head back and forth while trying to think, I say, “I would never… I never… shit…” I’m stuttering with frustration. “Have I ever given you the impression that I would hurt you?” I never thought I would have to say those words to a girl. I would absolutely never lay hands on her, or any girl for that matter.

  She steps closer to me and says, “No, I know you would never hurt me like that. It wasn’t your fault. That had nothing to do with you. It just… happens.”

  “If it had nothing to do with me, who does it have to do with?”

  “I need to go home, it’s late.” She turns back toward the car and I lunge for her. I hold on to her hips from behind and lean down to whisper in her ear. If she can’t look at me when she says it, that’s fine, but she’s going to say it. She better fucking believe I’m going to find out who did what to her. So help me, God, if it’s Lane, we’ll be attending his funeral by Monday.

  “Who?” I ask in a low growl.

  Her shoulders slowly slump in defeat. “My dad.”

  “Your dad? What are you talking about? When? How?” My questions begin spilling out.

  “I don’t want to discuss this with you. Not here. Not right now.” She reaches out and opens the door to her vehicle.

  “Where’s Lane?” I ask, as she climbs into the driver’s seat.

  “He left with some girl he met.”

  “Shit, he just left you here?” I ask, trying to keep my tone calm. Placing my hands on her thighs, I try to regain my composure. Are we talking about the same guy who always has one eye on her at all times?

  “He made me promise that I would ask you to walk me out here.”

  “I’ll follow you home then, so I know that you got there okay.”

  “Jace… don’t.”

  “I’m following you home, Audrey. I’ll be right behind you.” I close the door, leaving no opportunity for any argument she may attempt.

  When I pull up into her parking lot, I’m relieved to see that she’s in a nice part of town and only a few blocks away from me. This is the area where most students live who are attending the university and I wonder if she going to school here now. She parks in her designated spot and I have to force myself to stay in the car. If I get out, I’ll never get back in.

  She glances at me on her way out of the car and then walks to unlock her door. A dog dashes out and excitedly greets her when she gets the door open. Damn, that dog just put a smile on her face that could make a grown man drop to his knees and pray for more.
If she doesn’t stop, that’s exactly what I’ll end up doing. Damn lucky dog.

  With a final look in my direction, she closes the door. She was probably wondering if I would get out and say something. I slam my palm against the steering wheel. Why is she wrapping me around her little finger again? I’m supposed to be over her! But right now, all I can think about is smashing my fist into her dad’s front teeth for whatever he did, locking her away in my bedroom, and keeping her all to myself. Just for good measure, I slam both palms into the steering wheel again.

  A light comes on, and I can see her moving around in what must be her bedroom. I fantasize about her peeling off those tight-ass jeans and her button-up shirt with the top three buttons undone. Standing above her while dancing, I had the perfect view down that shirt. Fucking Mason probably saw down it as well. I have to stop before I beat the shit out of my poor leather steering wheel.

  Her light switches off and I’ll bet she’s curling up in her bed. Slipping that delectable body under her sheets, turning on her side, and sleeping with her hands tucked up under her cheek. I can picture her beautiful, dark brown hair spread out across her pillow, just waiting for someone to run their fingers through the silky strands.

  I step on the gas and pull into a visitor’s parking spot. She has to know I’m still here. Even idling, my V8 can be heard from a block away. My neighbors fucking love me. Ever since Jax handed over the keys to his ’67 Camaro, I’ve been fine-tuning the engine so it purrs, nice and loud.

  My body pulls me toward her apartment, even though I should get back in the car and drive home. Out of curiosity, I make my way to her window first. It must be in my blood to check security because I test the lock and push on the metal frame. When it easily glides up, my jaw clenches in anger. Her window is fucking unlocked. Why the hell isn’t Lane checking for these kinds of things? I push her vertical blinds aside and quietly crawl into the darkness, which is not an easy feat when you’re six-three.

  I hear a soft, muffled thump, thump, thump on the carpet near my feet. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness, taking in her room by the glow of the street lamps. I see that her marvelous guard-dog is still lying on the ground with his tail wagging, despite my illicit approach into his owner’s residence. I bend down and scratch his stomach. I guess I should just be thankful he didn’t bite my head off.