by Maree, Kay
Tick.
Shaking my head, looking down at my girl drowning out that fucking sound as I take in her still pale complexion.
Cora is in a private room with an attached bathroom, so I have no reason to leave.
Forcing half the sandwich down.
My stomach tightens just thinking about swallowing it but I do it cause again like that clock dad won’t stop until I do.
“Mum will stop by later after work and bring you dinner.”
I nod, knowing the drill.
“I gotta go check that Brett has everything under control, but I’ll be back.”
He squeezes my shoulder “Want me to bring back anything?”
I shake my head, feeling guilty as shit that Dad has had to work the land without me, but nothing could tear me away from Cora, and he knows that. Cause if it was Mum laying in this bed he would be the same way.
Wild horses couldn’t tear us away.
“Just if you could keep looking after Yogi for me.”
“Don’t worry that dog is getting the royal treatment like usual,” he rolls his eyes, smirking.
“Oh, yeah, some funny shit happened,” he continues.
“What’s that?” I ask, not really giving a fuck.
“Paul tried to ride Bandit, and I mean he tried but after about ten paces Bandit bucked him off, and he fell ass-first into a pile of shit,” he laughs and for the first time since this, all started I laugh.
“No shit,” I chuckle, my throat scratchy.
“He complained the rest of the day about a sore ass, he couldn’t sit properly for a week,” he chuckles moving towards the door.
“Thanks, Dad,” I mumbled after I finished laughing.
“You got her, and we got you son. Don’t ever forget that. You ain’t alone in this we love her too,” he gruffs out before heading out the door.
Love?
Is this what love feels like?
Besides my parents, my horse and Yogi, I don’t think I have ever loved anyone.
Resting my head against the side of the bed, I leave the half-eaten sandwich on the rolling table at the end of the bed.
Placing her little hand on my cheek, careful not to bump the tubing attached to the back of her hand, closing my eyes a rough breath leaves me.
Love… Yeah, love isn’t a strong enough word for what this is between us.
“Mr Steel.”
I stir, my muscles protesting.
I push the discomfort to the back of my mind as my eyes fly open, looking towards a still resting Cora.
“Come on baby, I got you,” I murmur kissing the tips of her delicate fingers before laying her palm back on the bed.
“Mr Steel,” a low voice says again.
Turning my head, seeing Doctor Harris standing at the end of the bed with Cora’s patient folder in his hands.
“Sorry, I must've fallen asleep,” I clear my throat.
“That’s quite alright,” he nods with a small smile.
“What’s the verdict, Doc?” I stand, stretching out my back.
“I have scheduled a CT scan for tomorrow morning, and I just got the test results back from her blood workup.
You would be happy to know the medicine we gave her to fight off the infection she sustained after the operation has worked, now it’s just a waiting game. Tomorrow we will take a look at why this little lady doesn’t want to wake up.”
“Good... that’s good,” I nod, releasing a shuddering breath, running my hands through my hair.
“How long will she have the cast on her arm?” nodding towards the bright pink cast on her right arm.
“Another four weeks. We will take another X-ray when you come back in four weeks and if more time is needed we will put another cast on for an additional two weeks. Let’s not jump ahead, let's just get through the coming days and get her to wake up.”
“Okay,” I nod as the door opens and mum walks in with a covered plate of food.
“Everything is on track Mr Steel, she is breathing on her own and her body is responding well to our treatment plan.” He smiles putting out his hand to shake mine, all I can do is nod.
Turning he smiles at my mother and heads out the door.
“How’s our girl doing?” Mum asks, placing the plate and cutlery down onto the rolling table.
Shooting me a shitty look when she sees my half-eaten lunch still sitting there.
“They are taking her for a CT Scan in the morning,” I shrug.
“You don’t like that idea?” she asks, coming up to my side.
“There is nothing wrong with her brain she is just being stubborn,” I gruff out.
Sitting back down covering her hand with mine.
“It doesn't hurt to check,” Mum says slowly rubbing my shoulder.
“Well, it’s a waste of time,” I grumble, making her laugh softly as she makes her way around the other side of the bed.
Sitting down in the other seat Dad was in earlier.
We sit in silence, letting the sounds of the machines take over the room.
“I love her Mum,” I whisper, running my fingers up and down Cora’s arm.
They probably feel like sandpaper against her skin, but I can’t stop touching her.
“I know,” she whispers.
Lifting my eyes to Mum’s I notice they are wet with unshed tears twisting my gut and all I can do is nod.
“You may be rough and tumble like your father, but you got my sensitive side,” she smiles gently. “You have just managed to lock it away from the rest of the world. But when Cora turned up I saw it come through. We fight hard for what we want, Baby Boy, it’s in our DNA, but we love harder.”
Her soft soothing voice reminds me of when I was a little boy, I take comfort in it now because I feel like I am hanging on by a thread.
I’m scared shitless right now that it may snap.
“I need her to wake up.”
“She will because she loves you too.”
I hear the smile in her voice, my eyes snap to hers.
She runs her nails down the side of Cora's face, sliding her hair off her cheek.
“I’m scared,” I barely get out, feeling my own eyes glass over.
Gritting my teeth, I push it back.
“Understandable, but not necessary. Cora is gonna wake up.”
Her voice is steel now, but again all I can do is nod.
I have been telling Cora nonstop to keep fighting like it’s a prayer without looking at myself. Knowing I need to fight as well.
I need to push all the negative away and just concentrate on the moment, take each minute she is breathing as a plus.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Fear is a valid emotion, but it was never meant to be dwelled on, stay in the dark for a while but break for the light when you are done because life's too short not to see the sun.
Low humming sounds rolls through me.
Oh god not again I can’t handle coming back mentally and not physically anymore, it’s too much and not enough at the same time.
Being powerless in one's body and not being able to break free with a simple movement is a new nightmare altogether.
Not being able to speak is one thing, however not being able to move is a totally different feeling I don’t think I will be able to handle.
I don’t want to live my life dependable on others.
I couldn’t think of a worse fate.
Okay, I could be dead, but I may as well be if I can't do anything at all.
Panic rises high and fast through me, a whimper crawls up my throat, with every bit of strength I have I snap my eyes open.
Everything is hazy but I refuse to allow them to close again.
After a few seconds, my body takes over forcing them to shut against the dim lighting in the room.
A relieved breath leaves me when they open again.
A soft smil
e curls my lips when I see him...
Nash Steel.
His mouth is moving, but I’m so focused on the man as his stormy grey eyes stare into mine.
I miss what he is saying.
“Cora, don’t close your eyes,” he rushes out, framing my face with warm palms.
His lips hit my forehead and I melt into the bed.
“I… I mis-missed… you,” my mouth is dry, throat rough, the words stutter off my tongue and I can’t help wincing.
“Shh Beautiful,” the bed starts to lift up a little, so I am in a semi-sitting position.
Moaning as pain slices through me.
“Sorry, Little Mare,” he mumbles.
Grabbing a jug of water, a cup with a straw in it from the bedside table.
Filling it about halfway before lowering the straw to my lips.
Opening my mouth, I suck it down greedily.
“Slow sips Beautiful,” he gruffs out.
Nodding as the cool liquid slides down my throat.
Humming from the soothing sensation.
Once I finish it off, he places the cup beside the bed.
Lifting my hand, careful of the many tubes attached to the back of my hand, he lays my palm against the side of his face.
Tilting his face into my palm, he places a soft kiss in the middle before his hand overlaps mine, keeping them against his cheek.
My nails begin to run through the short beard that's come through.
“How long have I been asleep?” I whisper, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears.
“Two weeks and one day,” he shrugs, but I see the strain behind his eyes.
Exhaustion clings to him and I really see what those lost days have done to him.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, blinking as my eyes glass over.
“Why are you sorry?” his thumb runs across my cheek in a circular motion.
He doesn’t give me a chance to answer.
“None of this is your fault,” his voice is so gruff my heart twists.
Looking down.
It’s then I realize my arm is in a bright pink cast, and a dull pounding makes itself known in the back of my head.
“What the hell happened to me?”
I try to think, but everything is in shambles.
I don’t have a clue how I ended up here, but it must have been bad.
“You don’t remember?” one dark brow quirks up, a worried look crossing his features.
“I-I,” I stop short as my breaths pick up speed as panic begins to run rampant through me not remembering.
I only apologize because it’s just natural for me to do so.
What if this is something that was my fault?
Then why would Nash say it wasn’t?
My head spins.
My stomach twists.
The water I drank only minutes before begins to churn.
Trying to take deep breaths in and out hoping it will help settle the queasy feeling but it’s no use.
It begins to slide up my throat.
Pulling my hand away from Nash’s hold against his face, I slam it over my mouth.
“Oh shit,” Nash hisses frantically, looking around for I don’t have a clue.
I gag against the bile hitting my tongue, my eyes water, knowing I can’t hold this back.
My body lurches forward and before I know it, the bed gets covered in vomit.
He covers my mouth with a small white bag, Nash’s fingers slide through my hair pushing it out of the way.
I couldn’t be more thankful at the gesture as my body lurches for the second time.
A violent shudder races through me, and now I’m crying for a completely different reason.
Sniff.
Sob.
Hiccup.
“Shh Baby, I got you,” Nash says softly.
Stripping the now vomit-covered blanket off the bed, rolling it into a ball, he tosses it to the floor.
“What’s wrong with me?” I cry out, my whole body shaking, my teeth chattering.
“The Doctors coming baby,” he moves so his back is against the head of the bed, wrapping his strong arms gently around me.
Exhaustion taking over and I relax into his hold.
Burying my nose into his chest, breathing him in, the shaking slows to a slight tremble when his aftershave surrounds me.
Closing my eyes.
I soak in the feel of his arms wrapped tight around me, centring me.
“So good to see you awake, Miss Hope.”
A gentle voice pushes through the moment a few minutes later.
Slowly opening my eyes I take him in from head to toe mid to late sixties, short in stature, thinning salt and pepper hair, slightly rounder in the middle wearing a white coat.
I try to smile when I see the soft smile plastered across his lips, but I’m miserable.
“My name is Doctor Michael Harris, I have been looking after you for the past two weeks,” he smiles as he flicks through what I assume is my file in his hands.
“She just threw up,” Nash gruffs out, running a hand up and down my back.
I snuggle deeper into his chest, not wanting to move.
Doctor Harris looks up with a pinched brow, face washing concern.
“How are you feeling now?” he asks, but I note the worry in his voice.
“Sore and tired,” I murmur.
“That’s to be expected,” he nods coming to the side of the bed checking the monitors.
“Was it clear when you threw up?” he asks, jotting something down in the folder.
“Yeah, but it burned.”
“Okay, well what I can see here everything seems normal but I’m going to get the nurse to come in and take some more blood for testing. I’ll get her to lower the dosage on the medicines going through your IV,” he pauses for a minute as he takes the white bag from my hands and looks inside.
“I’m assuming you had some water.”
I nod in answer, feeling really tired all of a sudden.
“About half a cup,” Nash speaks for me.
“Okay, well, I’ll send Sally in with a fresh blanket and to take the blood sample. Until then, try not to stress out and get some more sleep,” he pats my sheet-covered leg before leaving the room.
I sigh, feeling Nash’s lips hit the crown of my head.
“Will you tell me what happened?” I ask, my voice still low.
“How bout you sleep for a little bit and when you wake up in the morning, I’ll tell you what you want to know,” he breathes out.
It's then I notice how dark it is outside.
Nash shifts a little under my head and with my good hand I clench his T-shirt into a fist, worried he is leaving.
“Don’t worry, Little Mare. I’m not going anywhere you just stay where you are.”
Nodding I relax into him feeling the back of the bed lowering a little bit.
I move over a little bit to give him a bit more room, moving back into position once he settled. I rest my head back in my favourite spot over his chest.
Curling my body into his warm side as the rhythmic beat of his heart settles through me.
Closing my eyes, I melt around him.
He whispers sweet nothings into my ear that combined with the vibration running through his chest soothes my very soul.
“I missed you,” he breathes out as sleep finally pulls me back under.
“You have some special guests here to visit you, Little Mare,” Nash says, a small smile tipping up the corners of his mouth.
The smile on his face hasn’t disappeared since I woke up this morning.
He’s still refusing to tell me how I got here.
Telling me right now all I need to worry about is recovering, which was reinforced more when I threw up again.
When I woke I didn’t argue with him because I really didn’t have the brain function to deal with it, but he did promise to tell m
e everything later today if I’m feeling better.
I don’t want to tell him that bits and pieces are starting to come back to me.
Which I think triggered vomit gate number three.
Instead, I smiled the best I could and tried to push it all to the back of my mind to deal with later.
Returning his smile, I lean back against my pillow when he waves a hand towards the door.
A gasp gets lodged in my throat when Sophie, Lucy and John walk into the room.
Tears gather at the corners of my eyes and I can’t stop them from falling.
“Baby Girl,” John gruffs, coming forward kissing my forehead.
When he pulls back, I notice his eyes are red-rimmed and glassy.
Sniffing I try to control myself but it’s no use and the tears come harder.
“Oh God, stop,” Lucy mumbles, waving her hands in front of her face.
“You know I can’t handle it when people cry,” she scolds, making us all laugh.
“I am so glad you are okay,” Sophie says, coming to the other side of the bed and folding me in a gentle hug.
“So am I,” I murmur back.
“I’m amazed that man of yours let you out of his sight,” I say, smiling, knowing there is a lot of stuff going on for her at the moment.
“That man couldn’t keep me away from my best friend right now,” she chuckles, trying to hide the tinge of pink I see in her cheeks.
“Did you guys drive up? That’s a long drive.”I ask.
Worry swimming threw me thinking that they spent all night driving up here.
“Oh God no, Demetri organized a private plane,” Sophie winks.
“Oh you should have seen it, Cora.” Lucy says wistfully ”It was amazing and talk about luxury,” she pumps her eyebrows, making us laugh.
“I wanted to start singing Fancy by Iggy Azalea the minute I stepped foot inside.
It had black plush carpet throughout, black leather seats, marble and gold trimmings that blinded my corneas. It had a bedroom, bathroom and bar,” she sighs dreamily.
“What’s this shit about you wanting to start singing?” Sophie laughs.
Staring pointedly at her younger sister.
“Okay, so I may have mumbled a few of the lines,” Lucy rolls her eyes, smirking.
“Don’t forget the hip roll and sway to your ass on your way to your seat,” Sophie smarts back, adding a little more fuel to the fire.