by Maree, Kay
Brandon re-appeared at super speed and immediately went over to Wyatt and shook him awake.
“Now what?” Wyatt mumbled.
“Dude, go sleep in my bed. Louisiana and I are going to hang out down here.”
Without a word and hardly opening one eye, Wyatt rolled off the couch with the covers still wrapped around him and shuffled towards the stairs.
The moment he was out of sight, the tension in the room hit a fever pitch. As if sensing the change, Brandon rolled his shoulders then settled onto the couch Wyatt had just vacated.
We sipped in silence until a blur of white sped into the room.
“Christ, Chevy, would it hurt to slow down a mile or two?” Brandon deadpanned at his hellion cat while Tom happily purred on my lap.
I laughed. “He always seems to be running.”
Brandon crooked a smile. “Has done since I got them. Those two are polar opposites. You wouldn’t think they were from the same litter.”
When our hushed laughter fell away, the strain in the air resumed its climb.
"Louisiana," Brandon started, then frowned. "Darlin', I'm gonna have to shorten your name. Five syllables are too much at the best of times."
The arch of the coffee mug paused an inch from my parted mouth, and a breathy laugh wove past my lips. “There’s nothing wrong with my name, Brandon.”
“I ain’t saying that it’s not pretty. What I’m saying is that it’s too long to pronounce when hung over.”
I sniggered at his expense, then took a long sip to hide how his drawled words warmed me. I kept my focus on stroking Tom’s head while the hammering inside my ribcage increased.
“Call me Lou,” I eventually murmured.
Despite the contract we’d both signed and the rules blatantly stated in black ink, I was letting Brandon into my heart one more little blurred line at a time.
“Lou,” he repeated with a lazy tilt of his lips. He looked too good, sleep mussed and relaxed against the couch cushions, legs wide apart and the mug resting on his thigh.
We exchanged a smile that captured and lulled me closer. The space between us filled with a genuine warmth that rushed throughout my body, and I became all too aware of how loud my breathing sounded.
As if seeking a similar distraction, Brandon ran a hand over his jean-clad thigh and coughed. “So, still want to go to the dance next weekend?”
He seemed hesitant to ask, giving him an edge of shyness I hadn't seen until now.
“Sure. If you haven’t changed your mind about going?”
Brandon’s eyes locked with mine. “Nope. Besides, I want to take you along. I think you’ll have fun.” Again with the lazy tip of one corner of his mouth.
I tore my attention away and grimaced, mentally calculating how much money I could spare from my bank account.
“What’s the dress code?”
Brandon’s low chuckle rolled my way and had an instant calming effect. He took a mouthful of coffee, then shook his head. “Pretty dress is fine, darlin’.”
“Only one problem with that…” I trailed off.
“I’ll ask Rory to take you into town this week. Shops are closed on Sundays out here.”
“What?” I balked.
“Welcome to the boondocks, Lou,” he drawled.
I snorted into my mug. “So, what’s the plan for today? Sleeping off your hangover?”
It was Brandon’s turn to scoff. “Nothing cures a hangover like riding in the fresh air. Besides, I need to ride up and check the calving herd this morning. You up for a leisurely ride?”
“Like, together? On one horse again?” My pulse jumped.
He laughed. “I’ll give Red’s back a break today; you can ride Dottie.”
Fear must have shown on my face because he quickly added, “We’ll take it nice and slow. Enjoy it.”
I almost, almost, had to fan my face. As unintentional as it was, the way he spoke was way too sensual for me to deal with.
“If you promise not to gallop off and make me follow.”
Brandon surprised me by looking offended. “Since when would you think I’d do that?”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I don’t trust easily.”
The silence drew out and when I flicked my eyes toward Brandon, he was running his hand through his hair like he had something else to say. His gaze then sliced into mine.
“It’s okay. I get that you’re missing him.”
It wasn’t a question, nor was it an accusation. It was the cold, hard truth.
I gaped, utterly lost for words that he would bring this up out of the blue. The subject had been poorly disguised in the background until now.
Tears welled in my eyes despite my best efforts to not let his statement affect me. “Every second of every damn day and night,” I whispered, while my heart crushed in on itself.
“Aw hell, I’m sorry, darlin’, I shouldn’t have brought it up. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Brandon shifted and crouched in front of me. As his hand extended, he diverted his reach at the last second to pet Tom on my lap.
“It’s okay. I want to talk about him…” I trailed off and held my breath to stop a sob from forming. “It’s just hard.”
“How long’s it been since you last saw him?” Brandon murmured after I’d calmed.
I sniffed. “Almost ten months.”
He hissed a curse under his breath, then looked at me with raw pain radiating in his hazel eyes. It was incomparable to the agony and longing in my soul, yet seeing Brandon’s shared sorrow was oddly comforting.
I ducked my head when a tear fell, then dried the rest of them on the sleeve of my hoody. My hand trembled in response to the emotions weighing me down inside. When I ran my fingers through Tom's soft fur again, Brandon snagged my hand and rhythmically ran his thumb over my knuckles.
“What’s his name, sweetheart?”
Warmth blossomed in my chest at the thought of Brandon wanting to know about the love of my life; my son.
“Ollie. He recently turned five.” Tears began to gather. I had missed his kindergarten graduation and his first day of school. I’d missed out on almost an entire year of his cuddles and laughter. I’d missed out on seeing him grow out of another set of clothes and shoes.
Brandon nodded as lingering sadness settled over his expression. He then got comfortable on the floor at my feet. “What’s he like, Lou?”
I snorted a rather horrendous laugh as I allowed the memories to surface after trying to repress them for so long—it was less painful that way.
"He's blond, like his mama, and blue eyes to boot. He's got this beautiful grin that I fall in love with every time I see it, and a laugh that always makes my heart swell..."
Heartache overtook the fleeting spike of happiness. I’d give anything to hold my son in my arms again, and that was why I couldn’t stuff up the opportunity I had at Brandon’s ranch. If I was on good behavior for the first month, I would get granted visitation rights.
“Who’s caring for your boy at the moment?”
Guilt crushed me. “The State.”
I saw Brandon’s thoughts running a mile a minute. A crinkle appeared between his eyebrows and his eyes searched the carpet as if they held the holy grail of answers.
“I’m gonna ring the sheriff and see if he can get visitation fast-tracked. A boy needs his mama.”
A fracture ran through my heart; it felt good to have someone fighting for me again instead of pushing me into the firing line.
When Brandon got to his feet, I dipped my head against a fresh wave of tears. He tenderly cupped a hand under my ear and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. Without a word, he left, then came back with a box of tissues and silently placed them on the arm of the chair.
As if knowing I needed some time, he padded into the kitchen and left me to weep away my sorrows. It was exactly what I needed, and by the time I had pulled myself together, homely breakfast
smells were wafting from the kitchen.
Brandon
The morning horse ride went excellent in terms of Louisiana keeping her ass in the saddle, as well as finding no calving problems. It didn’t, however, go so great in terms of removing Louisiana from my thoughts and desires.
My heart tore wide open when she talked about her son. All I wanted to do was gather her into my arms and hold her, comfort her. Yet, I could tell she was frayed beyond repair at the edges and understood that she needed space without me witnessing her fall apart completely.
Even busying myself with making breakfast didn’t erase the ache from my chest. I planned to pull some strings with the sheriff, based purely on the good-faith between us. Up until now, I hadn't asked for special favors for any of the program participants, but I was willing to break that clean slate for Louisiana.
As much as I tried to deny it, she meant something to me, and that something grew a little stronger with each passing day. Sure, her relationship history was messy, and she had a child, and then of course there was the jail time, but I stood by my morals and to hell with anyone who said she didn’t deserve a second chance at it all.
Looking over at her silently riding alongside me, I couldn’t help but smile. She had grown as a person so much within the week and the sharp edges of her personality had quickly smoothed over to reveal a caring, empathetic, beautiful woman. The fleeting snippets of her true self without the walls were truly breathtaking.
Louisiana caught me staring and narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“Nothing, darlin’.”
“No, say, because you’ve made me self-conscious now,” she huffed.
Damn, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I guided Red a little closer to Dottie, which gave our conversation an intimate feel.
“If you must know, I was thinkin’ that you look happy.” It was the truth—more or less.
A shy smile played out across her face, as if she was embarrassed that she’d allowed herself a moment of contentment.
“It’s hard not to feel at peace in a place like this.”
Her expression turned wistful as she looked out over my ranch. We'd just come over the brow of a small rise and the elevation gave way to beautiful views across our part of the county. I didn’t often stop to appreciate the scenery that had become dulled from a lifetime on these lands, but something dreamy in Louisiana’s voice made me look at our surroundings with fresh eyes.
“It’s somethin’ else, that’s for sure,” I murmured without taking my gaze off her.
“It really is,” Louisiana replied. The smile slid from her face when her attention returned to me and interpreted my meaning.
She smiled nervously, then rubbed her lips together as if evening out lipstick. “Why don’t you have a wife and kids already?”
Accusation tinted the question and almost felt like some kind of personal attack.
Adjusting my hat, I laughed nervously. “Uh, well I don’t really know how to answer that, darlin’.”
Lou kept her head and shoulders aimed at the trail in front of us. “I thought you’d at least have a girlfriend.” She winced as if the words left a mucky taste in her mouth.
“I’ve dated in the past. But to be honest, running this place takes up the majority of my time, and well, the city girls like coming out here for the first few times, then I guess the novelty wears off.” I shrugged. It was what it was.
Despite a family of my own becoming increasingly important to me, there simply wasn’t anyone to hold my attention long enough to make me want to put in a decent effort. Until now; Louisiana arriving onto my property had somehow changed that.
"You'd make a great husband and daddy," she said as if accidentally speaking out loud.
Grinning and reaching over to playfully squeeze her knee, my fingers lingered longer than necessary. “I would, wouldn't I?”
Lou scoffed and batted my hand away. “What about the local girls?”
Suspicion narrowed my eyes. "Why are you so hell-bent on trying to play matchmaker?"
Hers widened as her mouth fell open. “I- I-”
We were still in the stage of figuring each other out, and she hadn't yet worked out the subtle difference between my teasing and serious tones.
“Relax, darlin’, I’m messing with ya. And you’ll find out the answer for yourself at the dance.”
There was no need to add that the local girls fell into one or more of three categories: taken, friend-zoned, or had their sights set on being a kept woman on a wealthy ranch.
“Are you sure you want to take me, Brandon? I’m not exactly going to fit in with…” Lou waved her hand around. “…everything.”
“Why fit in when you can be the difference everyone else is scared to be?”
She thought on that for a few moments, then turned her sad eyes to me. “Not many people want to be a convicted felon, Brandon. I bet the entire countryside knows all about me and has already judged me based on the rumors.”
“People out here can be narrow-minded," I admitted. "There was an uproar when I started this program. Even more than when I hired Jake. Not only was I harboring ex-inmates on my property, but also a black man to boot." I snorted despite it being no laughing matter.
Offering Jake a permanent position on the ranch hadn’t been about race or his past; he was the best damn worker I'd ever had in this place and he was an asset worth his weight in gold. Hence why he wasn't just an employee, he was also a close friend.
“You did that with intention, didn’t you?” Louisiana asked with a twinkle in her eye.
“What’s that?”
“Hired him.”
I smirked devilishly. “Nothin’ gives the naysayers a bigger up yours than playing off their biggest fears while proving them all wrong, darlin’.”
Her laughter filled the sweet spring air, and she sighed in happiness. “I like this devilish side of you, Brandon. You’ve got me curious to see more.” Then a thought seemed to strike her. “Was I another up yours?”
My defenses shot up. I locked eyes with her and held her attention to emphasize my point. “I pushed hard for women to be given the opportunity of applying for this program, and I fought tooth and nail to counter every doubt and question they threw at me. I never ask to see an applicant's photo—all participants are chosen based on the merits of their application, and if you must know, you beat out two other women and seven men for this position. You earned your place here, darlin’. You weren’t simply another point to prove.”
I puffed to catch my breath after the unexpected rant. All those years ago I proposed this program because I wanted to make a difference in the world, and I was just as passionate about it today as I was back then. It wasn't a money-making scheme, nor was it to gain popularity or to make up for my downfalls; it was to give those who were willing to fight for it, a second chance after poor decisions.
Louisiana downcast her focus to the saddle where her fingers gripped. When she straightened her spine again, she looked over at me with a renewed sense of determination.
“Thank you. I know it sounds weird, but I needed to hear that.”
I threw my arms wide and rode without holding the reins. “I’m an open book, Lou. Always do me the favor of asking before you go assuming.”
“Fine, here’s a question for you—do you regret what happened in the rain?”
My heart stuttered at the memory of her rain-soaked top and parted wet lips. I forced a swallow, then a single word. “Nope.”
“Do you actually like me?”
My voice grew tight. “Yup.”
“Would you turn me away if it were to happen again?”
Christ, she was breaking my balls.
“Nooo,” I said warily this time, as if I was falling into some kind of trap.
“Does the fact that I have a son repulse you?”
There it was—the true reason behind all the questions, asked in a voice bordering on s
hrill.
“Okay,” I snapped. “Just hold on a fucking minute. Stop,” I hissed and leaned across to yank on Dottie’s reins to bring her to a halt.
With Red and Dottie standing abreast and bringing me and Louisiana in parallel, I twisted in the saddle and glared.
“Is that what this is all about?”
Louisiana jutted her jaw. “You didn’t answer my question, Brandon.”
“And I’m not goin’ to because it’s a stupid fucking question.” I barely held my unexpected temper in check. I was offended that she would even think that her having a son would be repulsive to me.
“Obviously it’s not, because you’re yelling at me!”
“Damn right I’m yellin’ at you! Are you out of your goddamn mind? Why would it repulse me?” I spat the word.
Louisiana’s face had colored with rage, and I knew our conversation was heading into dangerous territory.
“Because I’ve pushed another man’s baby out of my vagina. That changes things.” She gestured wildly down there without unlatching her glare from mine.
“You really think I’m that shallow? Well, fuck me, Louisiana. Here I was hoping to find myself a woman to love unconditionally and create a family with, but thanks for the insight,” I growled.
The raw hurt on her face filled me with a torrent of instant regret. My passion ran deep, and sometimes when challenged, it flooded me with overwhelming fire.
I reined Red in a tight circle while struggling to get my frustrations under control. I had to fight hard to stop myself sinking a boot into his flank and galloping recklessly down the trail.
Louisiana yelled. “You need someone who’s wholesome, untainted, and not insecure.”
The last three words brought me to an abrupt halt. I urged Red forward a couple of paces, then stopped abreast of Louisiana again.
We had reached the crux of the issue. Insecurity.
"Darlin', you aren’t tainted," I implored. "Anyone who treats you or tells you otherwise isn't worth the time of day."
Tears shone, but she managed to hold them at bay. The dejection in her eyes had me swallowing hard multiple times in quick succession.
“You’re too good for me, Brandon.”