by Maree, Kay
And to the ones who thought what they had was all they deserved.
The pain and the nights alone.
No, darling, you are so much more.
Your feet will always bring you to where your heart is.
~ Aleisha Maree
Acknowledgements
To my readers, without you all there would be no Aleisha Maree. Thank you for loving my words as much as I love writing them for you all.
My husband, you love me regardless of how insane I am. You keep me inside safe hugs and cherished stares. Forever will I be your wild girl from the South Island, and always will you be my beast from The North.
My children, I will love you forever under the moon and over the stars. Thank you for letting me love you crazy, intense like I do and kissing and hugging you in public. I know my boys are hating on me silently, especially the 23-year-old. Sorry boys, but Mumma loves you hard. My girls stay wild. Stay you. The world can bend to you, not you bend to the world. I will always have your back and I will always help you love. For what is the world without love?
To Susan without you I would be lost, you are truly the most beautiful soul I know. I am honored to call you more than a friend and mentor. You have become family and I will always love you no matter how far away we are. You’re the first person I reach out to when it’s all too much and my children adore you and Poppy. Thank you for loving them. Thank you for believing in me and giving me the love that I never knew I was missing.
Kym and Nicole, Vic and Cass, Lyssa and Ruby, Kay and Cathy, I am one lucky lady to have you beautiful souls in my life. I am me and you guys just take that and roll with it. I finally feel like I can be me and crazy and it is all ok. Thank you all so much for loving me.
Elizabeth, you are absolutely amazing. I message you at such random times and you are like always there answering, talking me through things, making suggestions that rock and polishing my words so it doesn’t sound too crazy but just crazy enough to be cool. Thank you so much for always being there, patient and willing. You are one remarkable lady. You have become more than my editor and friend; you have become a part of my soul. I cherish you.
Amanda Williams, Babes I have known you since the start. We have been friends for what feels like forever. I adore your soul and love your talent as an author and editor. I am so lucky that I have you to go over my work with your keen eyes and assist in crafting my stories for the world. Between you and Elizabeth, I am becoming more polished and just badass. Thank you, babes, I absolutely adore your soul.
Michelle Heron, Honey, I am so thankful that I have found you. You are an amazing friend and an even better author manager. Without, I would be a complete mess. You have organized my author world and added some epic new things. You take the stress out of it, which allows me to just write.
I am so grateful to you for not only your friendship but your support and your love. The chats we have and the laughs. You’re beautiful.
Ruby Carter, Even though I thanked you above. I need to give you a special thanks down here. I have been honored to have you in my life. Blessed is not a word I could use because blessed does not fit how lucky I am to have you in my life. You see me at my worst and pick me up. You see me at my happiest and cheer me on. You push me to be better. You listen when I am losing it. You're there always and no matter what, I know you will always have my back. You call me out when I need it. Yell at me, laugh with me, encourage me and cry with me. I adore your soul and love your crazy banter. Thank you, my crazy Brit, for loving me more than I love myself. You are just too amazing for words. Each human needs a Ruby and I am so thankful that I have my very own.
I love you, babes.
Naadira Moodley @ Bookedmercy, This woman right here world does some crazy epic graphics. She always pulls out all the stops when I holler into her DMs with a ‘Hey babes what you doing’ she never hesitates to help me and never fails to deliver absolutely mind blowing graphics for all my book babies. She is like the queen of my soul and can just look at my cover and pull out of that some work that is to die for. So polished, so me, so my characters, and so just woahzzzzer. I love you girly and I am beyond stoked that I have you in my life. Stay you and keep wowing the book world with all your awesomeness.
Theme Song – Ocean – Lady A
Spotify Playlist– https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5weT4pL6GQMUX7o4minqGj?si=DLXY4pzwQ5CfttMGBZzXbw
Spotify Profile - Aleisha Maree Author
https://open.spotify.com/user/p7tej673vwh280o7jvl3191qw?si=EVY7ZznwTLamo7_WSL-0jQ
You can’t see me cry.
~Eka Peno~
Thursday Evening
The spirits of past-one’s dance around me as I watch the white man drink, smoke and yahoo around the fire embers which are dancing on the cusps of wind. I seek to escape the mentality of the men who make their women walk with a sadness inside the pools of their eyes. The windows to a soul sad, lonely life with no light nor happiness.
Eka sits alone, twisting her long black hair into a braid. The heat is sticky, so a sweat sheen graces her flesh as fire dances over her skin.
Her eyes have lost the bright lust for life they once had. It took eight moons for her eyes to dim to a bleak pale, like an oyster with no pearl. Eight moons of being with a white man for her soul to break. Her spirit for life to be shattered.
Her eyes meet mine. I give her a sad smile; it is all I can do, even while my own heart breaks. I know that there is nothing I can call on to save her from herself. This is a journey she must travel alone, for she chose to lay with an outsider.
Pulling my shoulders down into my buckskin jacket, I walk toward where the horses are stalled. Kids are running around, their laughter floating on the wind as their momma’s are fixing their dinner and their daddy’s are readying for the rodeo.
“Mr., Mr. are you a real-life Indian cowboy? My Pa says you are and one of the best.” A tugging at my chaps stills me, making me look down at the boy with massive pools of blue in his eyes filled with amazement.
“I sure am, little guy, but I’m surly not the best, that would have to be ya Pa.” I ruffle his sandy-blond hair.
“He’s not only a real-life cowboy, he’s also the best bull rider this side of the west.”
I knew it was my Eka, even before she spoke, and I looked up. You could feel a woman as unique as Eka before you saw her.
“No way! Bull Riders are my favorite.” The little guy’s smile nearly touched his ears.
“Yes way.” Eka beamed down at him. “I wanna be just like you Mr. when I grow up.” He jiggled on the spot, full of excitement or the need to pee, I was unsure.
“I ain’t nothing special, little man. I’m sure your Pa is the best and you should wanna be like him,” I said to the little guy, which made his smile break slightly.
“My Pa just ropes, Mr.” His voice still shone with amusement as he spoke to me. Eka stood beside him looking beautiful, so close I could smell her.
“You’re so much more than that, Wolf Thunder-horse,” Eka’s soft voice echoed around me, clenching my heart, reminding me that she could never be mine.
“OMG, OMG.” The lad jumped near out of his skin, tugging at my buckskin. “You’re Wolf Thunder-horse! OMG, Jimmy’s going to die when I tell him I met you. He will be so jealous and I’m going to write to Mary-Lou and tell her my first stay over at rodeo I met Wolf Thunder-horse. You’re like a real-life superhero. All the kids at school say so.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the lad, he was beyond excited. I loved the fact that he and his mates thought I was something special. I wish the woman my heart danced for could see it also.
“I will let ya in on something,” I said, crouching down to meet his eyes with mine. He could barely hold himself together, nodding his head so fast I was worried it would snap from his shoulders.
“It’s all in here, little man. It all comes from here. You have the heart; you will have it all - no superpowers needed. Just heart.” His eyes lit up as he c
ontinued to nod and smile, nod, and smile. I placed my hat on his head.
“Come on, I’ll show ya some tricks before ya momma calls ya for supper.”
Grabbing his hand, I link his fingers with mine. Eka reaches out for my arm. “Wolf.” Her eyes plead with me, her voice cracking on the F in my name.
“See you round, Eka,” I said, tipping my head to her.
I can’t figure out why.
~Eka Peno
Eka watched the way Wolf was with the children and you could see how it set her heart a flutter. The same way it used to whenever he looked at her from afar, upon a horse out riding, or the same way he looked at her from the age of five when he told her that when he was 20, he would marry her and make her his Indian princess. She lost it all with a bleak mind and a stupid decision. A mistake that can’t be undone. A decision that she has to live with for what feels like has already been forever.
“I didn’t want to lose you, Wolf,” Eka whispers under her breath, sending the message out to him. Their bond is not as strong as it once was, so the message goes unheard. Her eyes well with tears. Blinking them away, she tries to be brave, but she’s broken. Reality hits her that maybe the old one was right. She lost her mirror, so he is no longer staring back at her.
Watching her, you can see the way her mind travels back to the times when she would catch him watching her watch him. The way she could feel him before she even saw him. For she was the sun, and he was the moon, and every once in a while, they would lock in the sky like lovers and he would hold her tight. Now it has changed, it has shifted, and she is no longer his sun. But he will always be her moon. The Wolf that is standing before her now, cold with sheltered eyes, isn’t the Wolf she used to know.
He’s broken, and she did that to him. She hurt him in a way that is unforgivable.
The way he looked and spoke to her shattered more of her soul than Cody’s harsh words ever could. That’s what hurts her the most, knowing that she did that. Knowing that they were so close, and she ripped it all away for what?
She looked around, feeling so empty and lost.
It hurt more seeing him dismiss her just now than it did the night her father disowned her and told her to leave the reserve. It was better that she left without a word, not even saying goodbye. She could see Wolf leaving the inside of her father’s tent and walking down to his on the riverbank. The same riverbank that they had made plans, watched clouds turn from white to purple to blood orange. The same bank where their skin came alive with just the smallest of touches. The way the spirits spoke to them on cusps of wind falling from the mountains. They were meant to be a great Indian love story.
Until she broke it all.
Watching him walk away hurt more than her mind re-thinking what could have been.
I caused his heart to bleed.
~ Eka Peno
Day One
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
The loud sharp invasion into the still dark trailer jolts Wolf awake. His face scrunches up as his tight and tired muscles scream out at the movement.
His body is stiff from the ride to Perrie and the work from days of mustering the wild horses onto the reserve before he left.
Slamming his palm onto the black box, the red numbers blink at the force.
Scrubbing his hands over his tired face, he had a restless sleep, Eka was still embedded in his mind. It had been one long night of him thinking, then wanting to drink her from his mind.
He didn’t envision seeing her at all. He didn’t even know she would be on the road with Smith. Last Wolf heard was that he had left her at his ranch while he was touring the circuits and having as many fine filly’s as he could bag in any given night. Him and his best mate, and riding partner, tag-teamed young women like they were property, not women who are daughters and sisters… aunts even.
But he did, and she had affected him in more ways than he had wanted. She could still evoke feelings in him. She could still whip around him like smoke from the fire ceremony of a new moon. Pulling him in and holding onto more than just his senses. She made it hard for him to breathe, to think straight, to see. He spent hours seeking counsel with the old ones. Hours of drinking and even more hours smoking a pipe to try to rid her from him, to exile her from the fibers of his DNA. She continued to be like a film, rolling on in the dark on repeat. Wolf spent so many more hours sitting with his grandmother at his tent on the edge of the river trying to find a way to bleed her from him, as nothing else was working he needed to rid his soul of her memory. She was no longer his homeland. She was no longer his road nor his journey to take from the land to the heavens, to the rivers and seas. She didn’t even give him a warning sign, nor did she say goodbye. He could read her… her body, her eyes, her mind… and he couldn’t even turn her around. He didn’t see this coming, and that’s what broke him the most. That’s what hurt the most. She had broken so many silent promises, so many secrets that she fractured their link… and she had done it all for a white man. Her memory crumbled into a black dust the night her father banished her.
Wolf’s heart couldn’t find a way to be free, while his mind screamed. He had to. The elders had said he was playing with fire by still seeking her out inside the plains of his mind in the sleeping hours. They saw everything. Nothing could get past their eyes. Their wisdom was a force that held them all - linked them together in human and spirit form.
Just like Eka had bound with his spirit, he was bound so tight to hers that he felt all her pain. He saw all the horror from her nightmares. It walked with him, screamed at him. He walked inside her eyes and saw all that she had seen and felt as it happened. They could always communicate that way, even miles apart. They could speak to one another. This is how they fell in love.
It was beautiful.
It was theirs.
It was something that was from the old times that only a few were ever blessed with. Some say it was a curse.
Some say a gift.
I always said it was a different kind of belonging.
A new form of love.
It was the deepest form of a spirit soul connection. It was more than the moon and the stars, hotter than the sun and a midnight fire.
Something that was meant for the story books.
But it wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough.
So now I see flickers when she is at her darkest. When she is crying and alone, broken on the bathroom floors of seedy hotels.
His beautiful Eka - she was a wild spirit. She was just what her name meant, what it translated to.
Unique Wish.
But she was fading…she was falling…she was just about gone…Wolf wanted nothing more than to steal her away, far away, but he couldn’t. It was no longer in the stars. She had made sure of that.
The desire to touch her was almost painful. No, not almost. It was excruciating.
Seeing her reminded him of how painful loving her was. Eight moons since she left. Eight painful moons and the truth still was as bitter as it was before. Eight moons of trying to not see her with him or hear the way he spoke to her. Eight moons of trying hard to break their bond so he no longer had to walk inside her eyes and see all that she did.
But all his anger and hurt had died when he had locked eyes with the unique woman who should have been his. It was written in the stars and ran with the moon.
They were destined.
Yet she wanted more but didn’t know what she had.
With him he would have lassoed the moon for her and pulled it down just so she could touch it. He would catch her a pocket of stars to light up her darkest of nights.
Wolf reached down and pushed his legs through the cool denim of his jeans, buckling his belt and stomping his feet into his worn boots, dispelling a little anger with each stomp. He threaded his arms through his white tee and slipped on his flannel shirt. Time to check in for the day’s events and tend to his horse. He couldn’t spend the morning like he did the nighttime hours, g
oing over what he had lost when really, she wasn’t ever his to lose in the first place.
It was a lie that his heart had told his body.
A spell.
It was all just a dream.
It was something his heart wanted to feel, but the I love you wasn’t enough to capture the wild.
You still owe me a reason
~ Eka Peno
The pain from a broken heart comes in waves. Eka watches Cody as she sips on her morning coffee. She’s outside his horse trailer they are staying in while they are at Pierre for the weekend circuit. Cody is all shades of pissed and annoyed, more so that Wolf is here and riding hot on his points tail. She heard him complaining to one of his friend's last night as Eka tossed and turned in the bed, waiting for him to come back from drinking and chasing his buddies around the fairground with a horsewhip. It seemed to be more fun than laying with his girlfriend and talking, spending time, holding her. That’s all Eka wanted, what it was like at the start. Before he grew bored, before the novelty wore off from bagging the Indian princess and taking her from the reserve. It hurt her that that was all she was to him and his buddies… a game. Now she’s his punching bag when he’s had a bad day. After hours of drinking and leaving her lonelier than she has ever been before, that is what he would do.
“You thinking about him?” Cody barked at her, throwing his empty camp cup at her. She had looked up and didn’t duck her head fast enough so it hit her on her cheek, the warm enamel on tin stunning her cold cheek.
Her hand flew to her cheek as her stomach dropped into the soles of her buckskin boots.
“Well,” he screamed at her as he stormed over.
“N-n-n-no,” Eka stammered out as his hands reached for the back of her neck, pulling her up into him hard. His fist wrapped around her un-braided hair, stinging her scalp. She tried hard to blink the tears back while her eyes scanned around as much as they could as she didn’t want Wolf to see this violent exchange. She ran away with a white man who promised to love her and all he does is hurt her. She had the love this man promised at home with the one man who saw her for all she was, and she threw it away.