by Devin Morgan
“A new client, a parolee Colleen referred to me. Actually he’s my first case like this and it’s really interesting.”
The word ‘parolee’ captured Bonnie’s interest fully. “Sounds like it could be a really different type of case than either of us has had before. Can you tell me anything?”
Sarah would have liked to discuss it but thought better of sharing anything about Carlos. The two women were no longer colleagues and she didn’t feel it was appropriate to be discussing his sessions. “No, not really.” Seeing her friend’s disappointment, Sarah asked, “You tell me now, what’s going on with you?”
“Work is pretty much the same. Oh, I saw that new vampire movie last night. Have you seen it?”
Not again! She just couldn’t get away from it. Sarah didn’t want to admit that she had seen the movie so she evaded the question. “Did you like it?”
“The guy who plays the lead is amazing! He’s a really young guy, but I couldn’t believe how many older women were in the theatre.”
Sarah decided this was a good time to ask some questions. “Bon, what is it that attracts women to vampires? I don’t get it.”
Bonnie moved a lever forward, upping the resistance on the machine while she thought about it. “I don’t know really. I guess they’re something that’s so forbidden, so alien. And they are tortured. They don’t have a choice to kill or not. They just have to do it, kind of the original bad boys.” She laughed. “I guess it’s the difference between a vegetarian and a meat eater. You eat what you have to in order to survive, whether you like it or not.”
Sarah looked at her watch. “Wow. I’ve got to speed it up. If I don’t, I’m not going to get the miles in and I don’t want to be late for my next client.”
“No worries.” Bonnie nodded to Sarah, then plugged in her headphones and closed her eyes.
#
CARLOS HAVARRO, transcript, Session 5, March 12
It was gray and cold as the court prepared to ride out to the hunt. Being one of the undead, I was neither helped nor hindered by the frigid air. I simply did not feel it however those courtiers standing, waiting to mount, stomped their feet and blew warm breath into their chilly hands; frost gathered in the warm gusts from their breath. Gratefully they shared a stirrup cup to cut the early morning chill.
At last, Elizabeth and Thomas joined us. The silver feather in his hat shimmered in the early morning sunlight; his proud black hunter neighed as they drew close. Her white horse pranced, throwing his head and great mane showing impatience to be off.
I reached for their bridles. I held them securely in my hand. “Mistress Elizabeth.” I bowed. “Thomas.”
“Aris, my friend.”
And that is how I met her. My Elizabeth. My only love.
Sarah waited patiently for him to continue.
Fear possessed me as I courted the maid. What would become of us? I felt her affection for me grow stronger. Mine could be no more than it already was. She occupied my every thought. When I was not with her, I felt in a suspended state; simply existing for the moment I would see her again. Her touch was more to me than blood.
I no longer visited the Catacombs where the others of my kind resided. I wished there to be no chance that she know what I was. I rejected my own kind, willing myself to be human once more. Pretending. Hoping. Weeks passed in a blur of banquets and masques, hunts and chilling walks along the Thames, mulled wine and blazing fires.
I could stand our separation no longer. I made my decision, I would ask her to be my wife. I searched for her and found her in the gardens where I pledged my undying love. I opened my heart. To my joy, she accepted me. Openly. Wholeheartedly, she returned my devotion. We vowed to marry.
It was then I truly began to fear. How could I husband such a delicate human? I sought out Sebastian. When he learned of my plight he gave me courage to tell Elizabeth what my life truly was. It was not allowed to reveal ourselves to humans without a purpose and the council’s permission. I petitioned to meet with the high council to beg leave to explain myself to my Bess and to take her as my life’s mate. I awaited their response. My plan was to plead my case with such eloquence, all would agree. Thankfully, my plea was accepted. I was placed on the docket for the next gathering.
I knew that as a maid of the court, Elizabeth would need consent from the crown to marry so I approached Wolsey to petition Queen Katherine. He was her majesty’s champion at court. His hatred of the Boleyns gave them a common cause. He stood as her friend. I knew she would listen to him. I was but a knight yet Elizabeth was simply a maid-in-waiting to the Queen, a match even the crown could smile upon. He bade me have patience, it would take time yet he would approach her Grace.
While we waited for compliance from the crown, I made false excuses to my lady and to the royal court to take my leave for a time. I went below, into the Catacombs, to the court of the undead, the seat of law for my kind. I tarried for one week. Two. I was put off while those of more importance to the council were granted audience. I was surrounded by fear the council would not grant my desire, fear that when I told Elizabeth the truth, she would either think me mad or scream and run from me forever. Or perhaps, both. My patience wore thin. Three weeks. Four.
At last I was called before the oldest ones of all, the King and Queen of the underworld from whom we are all descended, Khansu and Akira. At first, I was told by no means. But I held fast. I used all my wits to plead my case; I told all my reasons for requesting such a rare dispensation. My great age. Never finding love. This human, the first to touch my depths after centuries of being alone.
After days more of deliberation, I was granted permission to introduce her to the life we lead. To bring her below. No words could express my joy.
I rushed to the palace seeking Elizabeth to tell her all there was about me, about my kind. I knew our great love would overcome any obstacles, even life and death.
I came upon Thomas Wyatt as I left the stables. He was glad to see me after my long absence. He slapped me on the back as we made our way to the palace and his rooms. He left me no room to speak, he was alive with all the news of the court. He barely took a breath in between words.
We entered his chambers and as he poured wine, I asked for Elizabeth. He became a changed man. He no longer met my eye. His shoulders slumped. He became suddenly silent.
“Where is Elizabeth, Thomas.” Fear was clear in my voice. “What has happened while I was away?”
He paused a moment before he spoke, “Aris, Elizabeth is gone. Wolsey sent her to the court of the Emperor where she was to be married to a man of high status. Queen Katherine petitioned the King and he agreed. She set sail on a merchant ship.” He faced me. “One week out, the ship was wrecked in a storm and all were lost. Another merchant found the debris floating with all hands dead.”
My legs disappeared beneath me, I fell to my knees. Thomas grabbed me by the shoulders and lifted me to my feet. My body stiffened. I raised my eyes to heaven and roared. “No. It cannot be. I will kill Wolsey with my bare hands.”
My friend guided me toward a chair by the fire. As I sat, he placed a wine filled goblet in my hand. “Drink this. It will help calm you.”
I knew complete despair. “Nothing will ever calm me. I have lost the only woman I will ever love. Oh Thomas, what will I do?” My voice was a whisper. “What will I do?”
We spent the long night sitting silently, gazing into the fire. At first light, I stood and walked to the window. As the sun rose, I relinquished my dream of ever having love in my empty eternity. I vowed that Wolsey would forever be my enemy. I pledged I would one day find a way to repay his treachery.
#
“Carlos, Carlos.” He hadn’t moved since she broke the trance. “Where are you?”
“I’m right here Sarah. At least I think I’m right here.” He stirred on the leather chair. “It’s hard to lift my arms right now. Is that normal?” There was a sound of distrust in his voice.
“Yes, yes. It’s perfe
ctly normal. You were very deep in the state and it takes a few moments to recover completely. There, see? You’re wiggling your fingers now.”
“Whew. That was so freaky. I was really there. What’s this all about, Sarah.” He raised his arms over his head to stretch as he turned to look at her. “Am I nuts?”
“No Carlos. You’re not crazy.” She reached toward him, taking hold of his hands. His touch was ice cold exactly as it had been at the end of their last session. She let go of him quickly. “Here, come and sit up. Let’s sit in the sun by the window.”
As they settled in he winced. “Man, I have a rotten headache. What’s that about?”
“That sometimes happens after a deep session. It will pass in just a few minutes.”
“Okay, so what is all this crap?”
“Carlos, I honestly don’t know. I know that your subconscious is talking to us through your session. If you believe in past lives, it can be a past life that is surfacing. If you don’t, it’s just pictures from your subconscious. Either way, it’s a step toward your healing. If we can just find where your anger stems from, we can make it so much easier for you to calm it.”
“Stems from? Hell, it stems from my old man beating the crap out of me and my whole family. Haven’t you read the file that follows me everywhere I go?” His eyes were angry as he answered her.
“Yes, I read the file. It’s more than that.” Her voice had a soothing effect on him. “In past life regression work we find the place where the intense emotion originates and we work on it from that place. If we can change the outcome of that experience in your subconscious mind with hypnosis, then the uncontrollable emotion will be released. You will no longer be driven by it.” She leaned in to him. “What do you experience when you begin to lose control?”
He sat quietly, his dark eyes staring down at his boots. Finally, he spoke. “Like I need to kill something to just keep breathing.” He whispered the words so softly she almost missed their meaning.
“Kill something? Do you mean someone?”
“Yes.”
“Does it frighten you to feel like that?”
It took him more than a minute to answer. “No, it makes me feel powerful.” He raised his head, looking straight into her eyes. “It makes me feel strong.” He smiled a long, slow smile. “When I feel like that, I am invincible.”
CHAPTER 9
“Look Colleen, I just can’t see him anymore. I don’t think this is what he needs.”
“What the hell are you talking about Sarah? You told me you thought it was a good thing. Now you want to dump him just like everyone else. What the hell happened?”
“I can’t discuss it.” She chewed on the end of her pen while she talked. His file was lying on her desk. She kept opening it and closing it. “It’s client, therapist stuff. I wish I could talk about it, but I just can’t.
“What the hell? Is he a murderer or something?” Colleen’s voice became anxious.
“I don’t know.” She heard her friend gasp on the other end of the line. “No, no. Not in this life anyway. I honestly don’t know what he is. Or what he was. I just think I’m way out of my element here.”
Colleen tried to ease the tension with a sigh and a little laugh. ”Well, if he hasn’t committed murder in this life, what are you so worried about?”
“Look C, I don’t want to dump him. I just don’t want to damage him anymore. He’s had just about all he can take and I don’t want to push him.” She closed the file a final time. She put it in her drawer. “I just cannot see him anymore.”
“I swear to God Sarah, what the hell is the matter with you?” Her harsh words matched her tone of voice. “You always said you wanted to do more than work on weight issues and self-esteem and claustrophobia. I bring you someone you can really help, you start, then back off. Just what the hell do you expect me to tell him, that he’s just too scary for your lily white hands?”
Sarah was stunned. She never expected her friend to come down on her with such force. She had never seen Colleen angry before.
“Well, say something. What should I tell him?”
Sarah felt ashamed of her cowardice. It was a step backward. She was in control of their sessions and she didn’t need Bonnie to tell her she had the ability to help Carlos. She gave a long sigh, “You’re right, C. Don’t tell him anything. I’ll see him as planned on Friday. And calm down. You didn’t have to ream me out.”
“Hon, if you think that was me reaming you out, you haven’t seen anything yet. I’ll tell him you’re on for Friday.”
#
The afternoon sunlight shined in the window creating long shadows on the floor. Carlos relaxed as he sat in the recliner, a smile on his face.
Sarah used the peaceful moment to broach the subject of Carlos’ family. “Before we begin hypnosis today, I’d like to ask you a few more questions about your upbringing. Would that work for you?”
“You really crack me up.” He laughed. “You think I’m relaxed this afternoon so you can hit me up about my home life.”
“It’s important that I know everything you feel safe enough to tell me. Unless I do, I’m working in the dark and all the regression work doesn’t mean a thing. What happened in the past is dead history without a present anchor. Does that make any sense at all?”
“Yeah, you always make sense whether I like it or not.” He leaned back into the chair, closed his eyes and folded his hands on his chest. “What do you want to know?”
“You said your parents came here from Mexico. Your father was from a wealthy family and your mother was peasant stock. Do you know anything about their history?”
“Sure. It starts out romantic but turns to crap. They met in a farmer’s market. My mother was beautiful and my father fell for her. His family was dead against them being together because she was poor so they eloped.
“After they were married, my grandparents said they forgave him so, being old school, my father took my mother home to live with his family. My grandmother hated my mother. She treated her well when the family was together but like a dog when they were alone.
“My mother got pregnant and lost the baby. My grandmother got meaner and meaner. After a while, she began to poison my father’s mind against my mother.
“My mother told him about my grandmother’s rotten treatment but my father was a macho business man and didn’t want to get involved in women’s bull crap. He said it was up to them to get along. Well, it didn’t happen. It just got worse.
“Then my mother got pregnant a second time and lost that baby too. She had just come out of surgery when my father walked into the hospital room unannounced. My grandmother was screaming at my mother. He finally saw the truth.
“That’s when they moved to the states. They settled in California. Because my father had been successful in Mexico, he didn’t see any reason he couldn’t be successful here. So he was. And still is if you measure success by how much money a guy makes.
“Anyway, his father disowned him but his mother kept in touch. She wrote letters and called him all the time. Soon after they moved here, my mother got pregnant again.
“About the same time, my grandfather got really sick. My grandmother kept calling and telling my father that it was his fault his father was wasting away, that his marriage to my mother was killing the old man.
“As it got closer to the time for my mother’s delivery, my grandfather went downhill and fast. My father left for Mexico. While he was gone, I was born. Then, my grandfather died. Man, my grandmother worked my old man over. He came back to us not even sure I was his son.
“He started drinking, then the fights started. He accused my mother of messing around on him and using him to get out of the poverty she grew up in. I don’t know what all came down, just that he was always shouting at her and she was always crying. It just kept getting worse.”
There was no sound in the room except for the wind whistling around the corner of the building. Sarah sat quietly. She was grateful fo
r the information Carlos had given her about his past. It still didn’t make a great deal of sense to her but it was another step on the journey.
“You know Sarah, I’ve never told that story to anyone. It feels good just to get it off my chest.”
“That’s what this is all about, Carlos; coming to an understanding of your actions and motives. Once we know why you respond the way you do we can change the way you respond. If you want to change it.”
“If I didn’t want to make it all different, I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d be out with my old home boys. I really do want a better life. Knowing Colleen and now you has proved that there really are good people in the world, people who care what happens to guys like me. I’ve never felt like that before.” He caught her eyes and smiled. “Why do I always feel better when I’m here? I guess it really doesn’t matter why. It’s just that I do.” He took a deep breath, relaxing into the comfortable chair. “Okay, take me down.”
She used the usual induction to take him into state, then called on Aris.
The voice and accent that answered her were of his older, wiser vampire self.
“I am here.”
Carlos lay peacefully in the recliner, his eyes closed and his breath even and smooth.
“I find a certain solace here that I have not known for centuries, a peace that is without description.”
“Aris, will you tell me how you came to being, how you were born?”
“Yes, I will tell you.” His voice became so soft she was forced to lean into him to understand his words. “I am from the time of Alexander, the Great.”
Sarah gasped. “But Alexander was B.C.”
“Why does that shock you more than there is such a thing as I am?” He was silent a moment, then continued his story.
“I was a young soldier in his army. I was brave and bold and did exceptional things to bring myself to the attention of my commander. Alexander was pleased by my heroics and my strange beauty.”
Carlos turned his head toward her but his eyes stayed closed, his breath keeping the even cadence of hypnosis.