by Devin Morgan
Shocked at his aggressive embrace, she pulled away from him, putting space between them. He flirted with her sometimes but he had always showed the utmost respect for her position as his psychologist until this moment.
He reached for her again, holding his arms wide. “Sarah, please. Just let me hold you.” Carlos felt out of control in his desire to draw her to him, the need to hold her in his arms. He was moved by an emotion alien to his nature, as if someone else had crawled inside his skin.
“Carlos, this is impossible.” Her heart pounded in fear of him and something else she wasn’t sure she could name. “I am your therapist.”
“Don’t tell me you don’t feel anything. I know you do.”
“Do. Don’t. It doesn’t matter.” She crossed to the other side of the room. “I am your therapist. I am here to help you to heal. And please, don’t do that again. It’s impossible.”
He looked at the gas fire. “Alright. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” Carlos leaned forward in the chair, rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands. He hung his head. “I don’t know what came over me.” He looked up at her. “Brother does that sound lame.” He hoped she didn’t see the apprehension in his eyes; his fear of these strange, overpowering emotions.
“It’s fine. It didn’t happen, okay?” She fumbled with the remote to adjust the fire. She didn’t want him to see how nervous she was in his presence. She was astonished by her desire to fall into his arms. “Am I really that empty,” she thought. She took the moment to recover her self-control. “Let’s do a mini-session here for you so you can go home and get some sleep.” She placed the remote on the coffee table, turning to face him once again. “Where are you living now? Are you back with your family?”
“No. I’m still in the halfway house. I don’t want to go back to those crazy people. I’m gonna stay straight if it’s the last thing I do. My father hates me. If I go back there, he’ll drive me nuts.” He was getting agitated just speaking about his family.
“I understand.” She smoothed her jeans with her hands and sat on the coffee table so she could be close to him while she put him in a hypnotic state yet not close enough to get comfortable. She motioned him to lie on the sofa. “Here, lie down. Let’s hypnotize you. It will calm you down so you can go to the halfway house tonight and we both can get a little rest.”
CHAPTER 11
Sarah finished her last bite of salad just as Maggie stepped inside her office door. “He’s here.”
“Fine, send him in.” She tossed the empty container into the trash can under her desk, then moved to the chair by the recliner.
“Hi.” He closed the door behind him. Embarrassed, he looked at the ground when he spoke.
“Hi.” Her first thought was to make him more comfortable. “Why don’t you lie down and we’ll start today with a session with Aris.”
“Sounds good to me.” Relieved, he flopped into the recliner and closed his eyes.
#
CARLOS HAVARRO, transcript, session 7, March 26
Now, of course, I know I could have left the cave. Then, I knew nothing of what I was capable. I did not know if time passed or stood still. I could not see my body beneath the hides and so I had no knowledge if it was still whole or had returned to dust. As I told you, there is no such thing as time to a disembodied spirit. I did not exist so neither did the passing of days or months. The cave was dark, dry and didn’t change with seasons so I was unaware if it was winter or summer. If centuries had passed. Or a millennium.”
His words were soft, difficult to hear. Sarah leaned in toward him to make sure she was able to capture every word on her recorder.
At last, I sensed something or someone outside the cave. Then I sensed sounds, human rustling and murmuring nearby. I waited anxiously to see if someone might enter.
The noises continued then became intermittent and finally ceased. They were gone. I had no idea how long it had been since I had seen another soul. I ached for the sight of just one mortal being. I felt alone, desolate on the earth.
After a time, I know not how long, the silence was broken. Different this time than the last. First horses, then several humans. There was shouting, scuffling and the clanging of swords. A sudden hush then the horses galloped away and all was still for a moment. Then I heard the groan of someone in terrible pain, a shuffling of feet. A man staggered into the cave. He was covered in blood, his hands grasped a gaping wound in his side. He fell to the ground where he lay silent, barely breathing.
My bodyless self was drawn toward the dying man, an uncontrollable vacuum sucking my soulless soul closer and closer to him. I felt his death throes were a part of my emptiness and a way out of my sorrows. My essence was swallowed by his grisly, flowing wound. The blood surrounded me and burned me, filling me with ecstasy. Just as his spirit left his body, mine claimed it. I was again an animated man with arms and legs and human senses. And I felt my new body was on fire.
The pain of the affliction almost overcame my consciousness but, not knowing how long I would survive, I refused to lose a moment of this new life. I writhed in agony. Lifting my head, I stared into my belly and before my eyes, the wound began to close. Each movement I made created a greater horror of pain yet the gash continued to seal. I laid my head back on the dirt holding the screams inside my throat, afraid, lest the killers would return. Slowly and I know not how long I lay there, the pain grew less and less. After a time, it became bearable and until at last, it ceased. My new body slept, exhausted yet alive. Yes, somehow, I was alive.
I do not know how long I slept and when I woke, my legs were unsteady as I stood. To have a body made of flesh. I almost swooned. I was overcome with sensation. I moved my wrists. I bent my fingers. I turned my hands to look at the palms. I touched my face. My fingers slid over my cheeks then down to my jaw. The flesh felt soft to my hands. I had form. I had human form. Then slowly, one tentative step at a time, I advanced. My eyes ached as I drew near the entrance of the cavern. The daylight was molten gold. Its glow revealed my new, youthful, strong male body and stoked an unfamiliar fire in my belly.
I staggered as the brilliance met my eyes. It caused a greater pain than the burning in my gut. I fell to my knees and crawled to the shelter of a rock over hang. Curling into a fetal ball, I wrapped one arm over my eyes for protection against the sun not seen for five hundred years and the other around my abdomen, a shield against the driving hunger.
I lay there in the shadow until the sun disappeared from the horizon. The night birds began their song and only then was I able to lift my eyes towards the heavens. It was glorious. Deep, black space. Cool night air. I stood and stretched my arms to the full moon that rose in the east and breathed in the scent of the night. The darkness saturated the very bones of my precious new body.
My mind raced with questions. Where was I? How much time had passed? What was the year?
As I gazed at the stars, my thirst grew stronger and lashed out as a raging beast. A beast driven by a savage hunger. A hunger for blood.
Silence filled the room. Sarah took a deep breath, and then spoke. “Human blood?”
Yes I could smell it in the air. I crept toward what was left of a camp. Did it belong to the poor unfortunate whose body I now inhabited? The smells told me it did. And my need to drink enveloped me. I burned in agony. The pain blinded my eyes and my soul, yet through it, my tracking sense was more acute than that of a stalking wolf.
I knelt to examine deep gouges in the earth made by horses’ hooves. Yes, men and their mounts. I rose and saw signs of a scuffle near his bloodied and torn sleeping pallet. Suddenly, it was clear. Bandits. This body that now was mine had been besieged by bandits in the night; they pilfered his purse then took his life. I could smell the stench of them throughout the meager camp.
Rage erupted within me fueled by a frenzied desire for human blood that heretofore I never knew existed.
My senses were a hundred fold strong. A thousand. More strong than the number of
stars in the sky. I turned to follow their trail. I would kill to feed and to avenge the departed soul whose body I inhabited. I tracked the criminals without hindrance. I stalked them the next night as they sat by their campfire and drank wine from a filthy animal skin. I watched from the darkness as they became sodden with drink and their minds and their songs turned into discordant melodies. At last, the light of the flames burned low. One by one, they ended their night in their own personal stupor. I waited patiently, quietly, watching as each one of the half dozen men fell into his own final sleep.
Just before dawn, at the deepest time of their slumber, I crept into the camp. The fire was mere embers and cast no more than a ghostly golden glow on those sleeping closest to it.
Unable to control the monster that drove my ungodly thirst, I feasted. One after another, I drained them. Silently. Deadly. Joyfully. I took their lives as I drained their warm, red blood and left their dead bodies to the elements. I fed quietly, with deadly speed until, at last, none was left alive. The blood lust left me. Satiated at last, I stood quietly, surveying my work. I grimaced at the grisly sight before me, then crept through the trees finding a sheltered spot off any path. There I rested in silence and considered my lot.
I did not choose my new life. It was forced upon me without consent. I shuddered at what I had become. As I looked at the red stains on my hands and covering my clothes, I understood my true future for the first time. I was driven to drink blood. It was primal. There was no alternative. I was a savage and would be for all eternity. I was alone, without country or family or friends. It was a desolate truth I faced on that morning and I felt I could not endure it. I know not how long I sat in solitary meditation.
At last, the forlorn stillness was broken by the sounds of bird song. I looked around me at the morning light shining on the dew soaked leaves and grass; the scent of fresh, black earth filled my nostrils. A ray of sun came through the deep green leaves of the oak trees and warmed me.
I was alive. I had consciousness, a presence, flesh and blood. The body I inhabited was young and strong. I recalled my life as a warrior in the army of Alexander. Overcome with blood lust in every battle, I slaughtered without remorse, killing on command. For those actions, I was acclaimed and exalted. How was that murder any more just than that of the slain bandits? Dead is dead. The only difference was consuming their blood and that I must do to continue my existence.
I sat without moving until the sun disappeared from above the trees. The soft light of evening settled over the forest and the air grew cool. A day of profound contemplation behind me, I was at last at peace. There was no changing my fate. I was exactly what I was, no more and no less.
I was a cold one. A blood drinker. A vampire.
#
There was only the sound of her breathing as the tip of the waning moon peeked over the skyline. She couldn’t speak. Plagued by the same questions over and over, was it true or just imagination? What was the purpose of his story? When her eyes were able to focus on Carlos through the thick dark of the room, she saw his perfect, white teeth as his peaceful smile reflected in the moonlight.
“Sarah, you have been without a question for a very long time.” He broke the long, shadowed silence. “Have I frightened you with my story?” The deep voice showed concern. “I don’t want to frighten you.” He paused then spoke again, “Yes. Yes I do.”
The lights from the office windows that filled the tall buildings surrounding them were the only lights that illuminated the room. Carlos lay still as a corpse.
Her voice shook as she answered. “You want to frighten me?”
“I want to frighten you so badly that you never call me again. That you turn this man out of your office and out of your life.”
“But why? I’m certainly not a threat to you.”
“No, yet I pose an enormous threat to you.”
“What kind of threat could you possibly make toward me?”
“Once you understand my past, you will know why I cling to Carlos so desperately, through him I have a channel to you. I have searched through time for you and now, I have found you.” Then he laughed. “But for now, I will confound you and be in your every thought.” Again, he whispered, “And remember this always, we will, once again, be joined.”
#
Sarah was stunned. She couldn’t move. Her breath came in short gasps. What did he mean? “Once again be joined,” she whispered? She stared out the window at the darkening sky.
“Don’t be a fool,” she chanted softly. “Don’t be a fool.” She convinced herself it was just Carlos’ vivid imagination and the current fascination with vampires; his subconscious playing tricks on both of them. “It’s just his imagination. Don’t be a fool.” Soon the mantra had a soothing effect on her thoughts. She was able to breathe easy once more.
When she was fully composed, she began to bring Carlos back to real time, a time where all she had to deal with was a young gang member and her hardest task was helping him stay on parole.
#
Sarah placed the remnants of her half eaten dinner on the bottom shelf of her refrigerator then sat down at her computer. She had plenty of time to finish her latest vampire research and still get to bed early.
She was stunned when she glanced up from her work to look at the clock. “Three in the morning. Good grief.” She yawned and stretched then stood up, pushing the chair back under the dining room table. “I’ve got to get some sleep.”
Turning off the living room lights, she stepped into her bedroom. “I have to be up at six. I’m going to keel over before tomorrow is through.” Crossing to the bathroom, she passed her tall mirror. Stepping in to get a closer look, she cringed at her tired reflection. “Heavens, I look like one of the undead myself.” She had circles under her eyes and her skin was as dry as parchment. “Too much coffee.” She brushed her teeth then pulled a hair brush through her hair.
She was already wearing her pajamas so she climbed into her bed, pulling the comforter close around her shoulders. Her intention had been to go to bed at eleven. When she checked the clock the first time, she still had twenty minutes left to research vampires. When she checked again, it was three a.m. “I am out of my mind. It has finally happened. I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I am obsessed by a five-hundred-year-old vampire and a twenty-five-year-old gang banger. What the hell is the matter with me? I know I have finally lost it. There is no one I can talk to about this. No one. Not if I don’t want to lose my license, be classified insane and committed to an institution. What the hell am I going to do?”
A soft voice inside her head said, “Just go to sleep Sarah.” And she did.
#
Sarah was dreamless until just before dawn. As the pitch black night sky began to brighten to a timid gray, her sleeping conscious mind stepped aside, allowing her subconscious to conjure images of a time long past. She watched herself, being a part of the scene yet somehow outside of it.
The otherworldly indigo sky above her was filled with thousands of brilliant stars shimmering their enchantment. Her creamy satin slippers reflected their starlight as her feet skimmed over the lush green grass beneath them. She was floating, weightless yet with human form. Her gown was of the finest blue satin, the color of a clear summer afternoon sky. The skirt and peplum were sprinkled with hundreds of tiny, creamy pearls sown to form flawless rosettes. Tall walls of lush green foliage lined the narrow path on either side of her. A lover’s labyrinth? A royal English maze perhaps?
Compelled to move forward, she glided slowly at first, then faster. She was drawn by an unseeable force so overpowering her will was ineffectual against it. The towering walls of the maze grew even higher until they obliterated all light from the heavenly bodies above. The air grew heavy, moist and dank. The unyielding bodice of her dress bound her so tightly, she felt she would suffocate. Her heart hammered in her chest. Her vision grew dull as her world began to spin. Like Alice in the fairy tale, she spiraled downward into a never ending chasm and amazi
ngly, still like Alice, she was more questioning of her surroundings than she was fearful. The deeper down she descended, the slower she fell until, at long last, her feet touched gently on an ancient stone floor.
She found herself in a corridor reaching to infinity in either direction. Golden sconces lined the time worn walls; the beeswax candles shuddered in a draft casting unearthly dancing shadows on the floor and ceiling. Spring water seeped through a few crevices in the enormous rocks sweetening the fragrance of the air. She stood stock still, unable to move left or right.
She was startled by a faint sound behind her as, without warning, large warm strangely familiar hands gently wrapped around her shoulders. “Do not be afraid. No. No, you must not turn around, be still”
A tremor ran through her. Even though she was distressed, his voice awakened a longing in her that was new and enticingly frightening. Her senses stirred. A feeling of deep warmth flooded through her.
“I will do you no harm.” His voice was low, caressing. He stood close behind her and as he spoke, his breath stirred her thick blond curls like a tender breeze of soft warm air. His hands slowly traced her arms as they slid down to encompass her waist. His fingers moved to the front of her blue satin stomacher where they touched, forming a “v” on her soft belly. Heat began to seep through the fabric of her gown into the core of her very being. Heat and a fire that raged. She felt faint, unable to catch her breath.
“Breathe, my beauty, you must breathe.” His palms, resting on her hips, gently pressed her into him, into his awakened manhood.
Her breath came then. Hot. Raspy. Again she attempted to turn to face him. He held her fast. His lips brushed the nape of her neck sending burning threads of fire into the deepest part of her. Her very being was consumed by her need. She felt the caress of his sweet gentle teeth against her flesh. She whimpered in pleasure.
“Please, please,” she whispered, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.