by Devin Morgan
“Nothing that’s going to affect Carlos. And by the way, the last time he came in, he was wearing khakis. I mean, khakis?” She dipped her French fry into the glob of ketchup on her plate and popped it into her mouth. “He said he’s looking for a job. It’s kind of weird. It’s like he’s turning into someone else before my eyes.”
Sarah shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Oh?”
“Yeah. He had this cute accent but it’s disappearing. He’s combing his hair and shaving.” She sipped her milk shake and drained the glass. “This hypno stuff really seems to be working.” She stacked her plates then wiped her hands on her napkin. “Have you hit the anger button yet?”
“No, but we’re working on it.” Sarah picked up the check then reached for her bag.
“No you don’t. This time it’s on me.” Colleen took the slip of paper out of Sarah’s hand, added some bills to it and tucked it under her plate. “Come on. Let’s go. I’ve got to get to the court house.”
As they stood to walk to the door, Colleen asked, “Would you be interested in taking on another one of my parolees?”
Sarah stopped cold. “Not on your life, C. Not on your life. I’ve more than got my hands full!”
#
Carlos sat in the chair opposite Sarah. He slouched and rubbed his chin.
“So sometimes the session is clear and sometimes I can’t remember it. What’s up with that?” He shook his head in bewilderment. “And sometimes I don’t even feel like myself any more. I’m reading books and the newspaper and I do it because I want to. It’s starting to scare me.” He sat forward on the edge of his chair, leaned his elbows on his knees and looked down at the floor. “And what’s really weird is I like it.”
He was silent for a moment. When he spoke, his gaze was directly into her eyes. “I do want to change. I do want to be someone you’d be proud to know. You and Colleen are the first people other than the brothers in the hood who have ever really cared what happens to me. Sarah, I’d rather die than let you down.”
“I understand what you’re saying. I honestly do. Please, don’t think I’m not proud of what you’ve accomplished. I see the changes in you and they’re pretty amazing.” She reached across the table that was between them placing her hand on his. “You are more calm. You have so much more control in your life.” She smiled a tentative smile. “I know that we don’t totally understand what is happening between real time and your hypnotic self. I won’t lie to you and say that it’s clear to me. But don’t discount the positive forward steps you have taken through this. You’re looking for a job. You are sober and glad to be.” Her voice was sincere as she looked into his eyes. “You have come a long way in just a few months. Don’t you see that?”
“What I see, Sarah, is you.” His words came from somewhere deep in his subconscious mind, nothing logical or mundane. ”Every minute of every day, I see you.” He took her hands in his. “Without you, I wouldn’t care about any of this. Without you, I would be alone. You’ve changed my life.”
She pulled her hands away. “No, it isn’t me. It’s you. You’ve done the work.” Her heart pounded in her chest as she felt the warm spot where he touched her skin. She stood facing the window. “You’re like a little brother to me.” The words caught in her throat. She felt so much more than that for this young man but could never admit it to herself or to him. She couldn’t explain her feelings for Carlos but she thought they were somehow connected to the strange way she was drawn to Aris, a vampire from a distant past.
He rose and crossed the room to stand by her side. “Is that what you really feel for me?”
“Yes, you are like family to me.” She met his eyes for an instant. “I care what happens to you.”
He reached for her and she turned quickly, stepping away from him, putting space between them.
“Now,” she looked at her watch as he took a tentative step toward her, “you had better go. It’s almost time for my next appointment. I’ll see you next Friday.”
“And I promise I will do my best not to embarrass you again, Sarah. I’m sorry.” He walked out the door, shutting it behind him.
CHAPTER 15
Cranking up the volume on her headphones, Sarah increased the incline on the treadmill and closed her eyes. After a few minutes, she disappeared into the zone. It didn’t seem too long since she had last visited the gym, but she could feel a difference in her workout.
“Hey Sarah.” Bonnie touched her arm to get her friend’s attention.
Startled, she glanced up quickly. She smiled. “Hey Bonnie.”
“Where have you been? I haven’t seen you at the gym since the night of the midnight stalker.” She chuckled as she climbed on the elliptical sitting beside Sarah.
“He wasn’t a stalker, Bonnie, he was a client in trouble.” She was a bit disgruntled at the negative description of Carlos.
“Sorry. It was just a little weird, that’s all.” Bonnie could feel the tension between them. Aiming to ease it, she headed for neutral ground. “How’s Colleen?”
“She’s doing great. She and Bob have set a date. Are you going to their engagement party?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it. I can’t believe she finally let go and made a definite commitment for the wedding. She’s been terrified of actually getting married ever since she said yes.” Bonnie took a sip from her water bottle.
“Yeah, well Bob is a good guy. He’ll make a great husband.” Sarah wondered if she would ever find honest, true love like theirs as she wiped her forehead with a small white towel, She glanced at her watch.
“Wow, I didn’t realize it was so late. It seems I’m always rushing. I’ve got to get going. I’ve got a client in an hour.” She stepped off the treadmill.
“Don’t be a stranger, Sarah. We miss you around here.” Bonnie’s voice was sincere as she spoke.
Smiling, Sarah squeezed Bonnie’s arm. “See you soon.” She hurried into the locker room. Humming, she stepped into the shower. The steaming water relaxed her tense muscles. She sighed in surrender.
#
“How can I help?” Sarah asked her friend as Colleen balanced two plates of hors d ’oeuvres and a tray on her hands.
“I’m good,” she pushed open the door from the kitchen heading for the kitchen and her bustling engagement party. Rock music blasted, then quieted as the door swung shut again. Sarah appreciated the charm of the old house Colleen and Bob rented. She loved the swinging door and the huge single tub sink that stood on tall ceramic legs just in front of the kitchen window. It reminded her of the old black and white movies she enjoyed watching.
“Where did all these people come from?” Sarah picked up a tray of vegetables and dip, following Colleen into the fray.
“Friends of Bob’s and some people from my office.” She placed the new dishes on the coffee table adding the tray to the assortment of finger foods on display. “It isn’t every day a cop gets engaged.” She said the words as if her fiancé was the only one involved in the engagement.
“How about a parole officer?” Sarah smiled. “Aren’t you a part of this too?”
“Sarah, I’m nervous enough about this commitment stuff. Don’t bring it up now, okay?”
“Don’t take everything so seriously. This is a party.”
“So what’s not serious about ‘till death we do part’? I’d like to see how you’d feel right about now if you were wearing my four inch stilettos and forced into setting the date.”
“Chill, Colleen. Here comes your future husband.” Sarah smiled as Bob approached.
“Sarah, great to see you.” He eyed all the food. “I’m starved. This looks great.” He hugged his future wife. “You do all this honey?”
“Yeah, I ordered it from the deli. All by myself.”
Bob kissed her on the nose. “Good job, sweet one.” He munched a tiny hotdog wrapped in cheese.
“Oh, by the way Sarah, Jeff is coming by for a minute. I hope you don’t mind. I ran into him today and I let it slip ab
out the party. I couldn’t not ask him.” He looked at her quizzically.
“How could I mind?” All she could think was she hoped her ex-husband didn’t bring his young, gorgeous, new wife. “I haven’t seen him in months.” She hoped her words sounded convincing.
“He said they might be late. Susan has to work late at the magazine.” He turned and walked away.
“I didn’t know they were coming. Honest.” Colleen spoke apologetically.
“No worries,” she muttered. “No problem at all.”
She hadn’t seen Jeff and his Susan since before their marriage. “This should be interesting anyway.” She turned back toward the kitchen. “What else can I do to help?”
“Nothing right now.” The doorbell rang at the same time as the telephone. “Actually, would you mind answering the door?”
“Sure I’ve got it,” Sarah maneuvered though several groups of laughing people.
She opened the front door. Her ex-husband and his wife were standing there, smiling. “Hi.” Sarah swallowed hard. “Come in. The party’s just starting.” She stepped aside as they passed into the living room. Bob waved to them, gesturing them toward him. Susan greeted Sarah quickly then moved away. Jeff pecked her cheek. A sheepish look was on his face as he ushered his trophy wife across the room toward their host.
Turning to shut the door, Sarah glanced down the walk way. A tall, dark figure approached. Her heart pounded as she recognized him. Her breath caught in her throat.
“Hi Sarah. Colleen invited me to stop by. She said you would be here.” Carlos was dressed in jeans and a turtle neck sweater. His leather jacket was open at the throat and his hands were in his pockets. He looked a little shy, slightly embarrassed.
“Carlos. What a surprise.” She glanced over her shoulder, searching the room for her friend. “Come in. I’ll find Colleen.”
“Wait. I came here to see you. Get your coat. Let’s take a walk. It isn’t too cold tonight.” The porch light cast shadows emphasizing his prominent cheek bones. “She won’t mind if you disappear for a few minutes.”
What could go wrong just outside the house? She had already made her boundaries clear to him. Her concern wasn’t Carlos anyway. It was her confusion about her feelings regarding his subconscious self. She decided to put her worries aside, to go walking with him. “I’ll just get my things.”
She pulled her black coat out from under the pile on the bed. As she was leaving, she saw Colleen making her way to the kitchen. She raised her voice to be heard over the music, “C, Carlos is here.”
Colleen looked around, “Great, where is he?”
“Outside on the porch. He says he wants to talk.” She glanced at the door. “We’re taking a walk. We’ll only be gone for a few minutes.”
Just as Colleen began to reply, Bob called to her from across the room. She nodded her head to Sarah as she crossed to her future husband’s side.
Sarah stepped through the door to find Carlos standing on the porch with his back to her. “Okay, let’s go.” She pulled on her leather gloves as they moved into the chill night air of early spring. “What’s on your mind?”
“I need to tell you something.” He walked quickly, his hands still jammed in his pockets.
“You have all my attention.”
“Well, there’s some trouble with my home boys. I don’t want to get involved but I don’t know what to do. I can’t just leave them in the dust.”
She stopped walking and took hold of his elbow, turning him to face her. “What kind of trouble, Carlos?”
“I can’t say but it isn’t good.” He stared over her right shoulder. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“You can’t become involved in anything illegal right now. You just can’t. One more parole violation and you’re done. You know that. You’ve worked too hard to blow it.” Her hand stayed on his arm as they talked.
“I know, I know. But more than that, I don’t want to let you down. It’s just I can’t turn my back on them. We’ve got years behind us and I can’t walk away.”
“What is it? What do they want you to do?”
“I can’t go into it. I just want you to know that you have done more for me than anyone in my life and I’ll never forget you.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Carlos?”
“Nothing.” The pain in his voice was clear. “Nothing. I’ll see you in session on Friday.” He turned then ran down the street. She watched his shadow as he passed under the streetlights.
CHAPTER 16
On Friday when he came into her office, he looked tired. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“Sarah, I’m in kind of a hurry today. Can we skip the conversation and get down to the hypno thing?”
“Sure.” She was sure his hurried attitude had something to do with their conversation at the party. “Carlos, is everything all right?”
“Yeah. Everything’s fine.” He walked to the recliner. “I’m just in a hurry today.” He lay down, closing his eyes, putting an end to their conversation.
Deciding not to push him, she sat in the chair next to him. Looking at his handsome face, she hoped he wasn’t lying to her, that things had calmed down, that he was safe.
“Now, focus on your breath.”
#
CARLOS HAVARRO, transcript, session 9, April 9
His voice was soft as he spoke, contemplative. She leaned forward with the recorder to make sure she caught all his words.
I was welcomed at the court of the Emperor and treated by him as a hero. He too had come to Spain as a foreigner so he felt compassion at my strangeness. My involvement in the capture of Francis was kept a secret by Charles and De Lannoy received the accolades. But, the inner circle knew it was my doing.
My body was young and strong and I worked long, tedious hours to renew my human, physical skills of war. My fair looks were admired and no one at court questioned my white skin and my blue eyes. There were some rare Spaniards that shared my coloring. More importantly, my high status in the eyes of the Emperor placed me above question. I was careful where I fed. While it was only the thirst and not the all-encompassing hunger that assailed me, I was content feeding on animals in the surrounding countryside and forest.
The Spanish court was a very religious Catholic court in the midst of the Inquisition. A strict eye was kept and severe judgment was imposed on those who did not render all unto the Holy See. I was made a Captain in the royal army. My mission was to keep watch over the monasteries dotting the countryside around Madrid. The monks were often accused of thievery and sexual excesses so my men and I rode from place to place, being the eyes of both the Emperor and the envoy from Rome.
I led a company of rough and ready warriors. We rode long, slow hours day after day from monastery to monastery.
The men grew bored and surly. They slept little and complained a great deal. I had not fed in some time other than on small animals and a gnawing had begun in the pit of my stomach. I worried if I did not feed soon, I would turn into a wild monster that would ravage the first human to cross my path. When I craved human blood, I walked a fine edge between civilized man and hungry animal.
It was just before sunset when we rode toward our last destination. The men were worn and the dust from the dry black dirt path filled their eyes. Their mouths were encrusted with it. As we neared the church, the fire in my belly grew stronger as I smelled a strong scent of blood in the air. Blood and fear somewhere close. I knew it came from a human. An uncontrollable sound began deep in my throat, a bestial snarl. My eyes cast about me quickly, afraid one of my troop heard but they rode on without seeing or hearing, exhausted, their mounts stumbling in the dust as they continued forward.
My senses turned feral. From the very depths of my being, I was driven to hunt. It took all my will power to contain my wild desire to feed.
I knew that I had to move toward the scent without company. I brought my men to a halt. I advised them to set up camp. To rest. To eat. I made sure the army was se
cure and told the tired men we would proceed on the morrow, that I would ride forward to be sure all was safe for our rest. They cheered and grew more light hearted. They shouted what a fine captain I was. They joked and called to one another as they tethered the horses to make ready for night. Slowly, fires appeared, dotting the horizon. I knew they would soon be fed and drawn to sleep.
I rode forward alone, driven by my now undeniable hunger. Through and around and in the center of it all was an exotic fragrance, something never before known. I rode now spurred by curiosity as well as the hunger. Which of the two was strongest, I know not.
The late afternoon was warm and dry as I rode into a setting sun. After what seemed a very long time, I reached the gate of a small monastery made of old wood and in need of much repair.
Leaping down from my horse, I let the reins trail in the tall, rich, green grass. He was a good and true steed. I knew he would not wander. I left him grazing and moved toward the building. Slowly, silently, I made my way into the small sanctuary. A cool darkness surrounded me. The altar was in shadow without any candle light. All was silent and desolate. It was clearly empty of human life yet the strange scent in the air filled my being with a sense of familiarity. The smell of blood grew stronger, firing my grisly sense of the need of human life for sustenance.
I moved into the sunset once again, creeping around the side of the building along the gray stone outer wall. The stones were broken, coated with mud and filth. I slipped as I reached the corner, grasping the slimy rock to keep from falling. The fresh scent of human blood overpowered my very sense of self. I became nothing more than blood lust, a monster designed to take life in order to live.
The sinking, orange sunlight was shining directly into my eyes. My vision was hampered. As I blinked to overcome my human sight, my vampire perception gave me a clear view. I saw the outline of two figures in the setting sun, a man and a woman. I realized the strange scent calling to me was coming from them, so strange yet so familiar and somehow safe. The blood scent emanated from the two limp shapes they held in their hands. Dropping their prey, they began to walk toward me, hands raised in the air in peace. Instantly, I knew they were of my kind, the first of my kind I had known in my existence. In anticipation, I stopped still, my hunger set aside by shock. I waited as they approached.