by Devin Morgan
She ruffled through the file folder she held on her lap. “We finished up just when you were born. What happened after your father came back from burying your grandfather?”
“Yeah, well, he kept drinking. Crazy as it seems, when he wasn’t drunk, he treated us pretty well. They had another kid, my brother, Javier. I don’t know why but as time passed, my old man drank more, the hard stuff. He got meaner and meaner. When he’d start up, I’d hide under my bed. I remember I’d cover my ears with my hands to try to make the shouting go away. As I got older, it didn’t tear me up as bad when he was beating on me as when he was going after my mother or brother.
“One Saturday he started drinking at breakfast and was raving by noon. Things changed that day. My little brother spilled milk all over the table. My old man took off his belt and began to swing at him. Something tweaked in my head and I started hitting him with my fists. I was only ten but I was big for a kid my age. I got him good a couple of times. That made him nuts. He broke my nose and cracked a couple of ribs. I swore one day I would make sure he never hit any of us again.
“Time passed but things stayed pretty much the same except Javier and me, we learned to stay out of his way. I grew taller and bigger than he was. Once I started high school, he left me alone. He knew I’d stand up for Javier so he backed off from him too. And I never saw him hit my mother again.”
She took notes on a yellow tablet. Bonnie teased her about her hand written notes but she thought a laptop made the session too impersonal. “What about high school?”
“We lived in a pretty good section of town but I didn’t fit in with the kids from my own neighborhood. They were all from middle-class families with normal lives so I just stayed by myself most of the time. Then they started bussing kids in from the barrio. They were more my style. I guess I was a perfect recruit for the imported bangers.
“The guys were cool and friendly to me. The leader was the oldest one, Manu. He was already a petty thief but I didn’t know it then. I guess he saw me as a way to get to the kids with money; I was someone he thought could help him steal from the homes in my neighborhood. He really courted me.
“And I was glad. I was tired of hanging alone all the time. He introduced me to alcohol and drugs. He made me feel like I was finally part of something. I still can’t separate myself completely from the guys. They’re more family to me than my blood.”
“But if you knew he was using you, why did you stick it out?”
“I wanted a tribe. Manu showed me one. He took me for my first tattoo. He was like an older brother to me, I guess. He introduced me to his sister Maria. He really protected her. He said he knew I’d take care of her and respect her. And I did.
“One night I had a huge blow up at home. I slammed out of the house, found Manu and told him I was ready to make it official.
“In order to be initiated, I had to steal a car. I did and brought it to Manu. He sold it. He gave me some money from the sale. ‘Easy money,’ he said. ‘The insurance company takes the fall, it’s just a business.’ I figured I could do a couple of jobs a month and maybe get my brother out of that crazy house.
“So I started my life of crime,” he smiled sarcastically. “Eventually I got caught, did a little time and got paroled. When I got out, I went down to see the guys. When I found them, they were high and Manu was bragging about a drive by. Everybody was laughing and joking about this kid who was shot. After spending time in jail, hearing those guys talk woke me up. I saw what I was becoming and it scared me. I asked Colleen to help me and she got me into rehab. It’s been tough but I’m still straight. I plan on staying that way.”
“Carlos, what did you do after you graduated high school?”
“I didn’t graduate. I ran away and lived in the streets. I lived with one or another of the guys. I wouldn’t stay more than a couple of nights at any one place. If there was a job, I’d stay in a cheap motel. I know it sounds rotten but it wasn’t all bad.
“The half-way house is the first permanent home I’ve had where I really feel safe. It means a lot, but at the same time, all my buddies think I’ve turned on them. I don’t hang with them. I even stopped seeing Maria. I’ve lost the only family I ever had. Those people accepted me for who I am. No, who I was. I’m not even sure who I am right now.”
“I understand Carlos. There have been so many changes in such a short time.”
“Part of it has to do with the vamp. Sometimes it’s like Aris is an older brother too and a lot tougher than Manu.”
The spring twilight gave a glow to Sarah’s blond hair. Carlos wanted to take her in his arms but he knew she wouldn’t let him. He wondered why he was telling her his life story. He supposed that part of it was her obvious innocence. It made him trust her. He believed she really wanted to help him stay straight. But why was he so attracted to a woman so much older than he was? Why did he want her so much? That was a question that had no answer. He watched her as she wrote on the tablet.
“Say Sarah, you seem pretty wrapped up in Aris yourself. Sometimes I wonder if these sessions haven’t just become a meeting ground for you and the vamp.”
“Don’t be silly Carlos. You are the vamp.”
He thought about her words for a moment then smiled.
CHAPTER 19
“Jeff, I thought I told you I couldn’t help you with your domestic difficulties.” She took the phone off speaker and raised the handset to her ear.
“Sarah, it’s more than that. I need to see you.” The voice on the other end of the phone was pleading. “I need to talk to you about more than my marriage.”
“Look, I’m sorry you are having trouble but I can’t help you.” She swiveled her desk chair toward the window, the movement she always made when she didn’t want to face an issue. The city was something so much bigger than she was, a few million lives that didn’t come to her for therapy. Somehow, seeing the size of the city and realizing the number of stories in it, she was able to cope with her own scenario a lot easier. “I told you, you need a therapist who isn’t involved in this.”
“I don’t want your expertise.” There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. “I need your friendship.”
The flat, pensive tone to his voice made her realize he wasn’t just being dramatic, he was really in need. She worked for months in therapy to make sure he would never manipulate her again and yet here it was, she couldn’t help herself. “All right Jeff. Let’s meet for drinks at The Bistro. Half an hour?”
The uplifted change in his tone was noticeable. “Great. Half an hour.”
#
She arrived before he did. She settled on a stool at the bar. As she waited, she decided this was a meeting warranting something a little stronger than a merlot. “A green apple martini,” she told the bartender as he leaned forward to hear her through the noise of happy hour.
“You got it miss.” He moved away from her, grabbing a shaker. He tossed the bottle of vodka in the air, catching it behind his back. “He’s seen way too many movies,” she thought just as she felt a hand touch her arm.
“Sarah.” Jeff sat on the stool next to her. “You look great.”
“Yeah, well what is this all about?”
He cleared his throat. “Let me order a drink first.” He signaled the bartender. She was surprised when he ordered scotch.
“Since when did you start drinking whiskey?”
“About two months after I married Susan.” He laughed a short, ironic chuckle. “I thought she was everything I wanted, easy to be with, undemanding. I liked that she thought I was perfect.” He turned to look at his ex-wife. “We got married and it all changed.” When his drink was placed on the bar, he picked it up. He downed it in one swallow.
Sarah looked at him in amazement. She had never seen him so upset, so out of control.
“Look, Jeff. I really can’t counsel you on your marriage.” She sipped her drink carefully as she wondered what he was getting at. “Don’t you think it’s a little outra
geous for you to come to me for advice?”
He leaned toward her and reached for her hand. “It isn’t advice I want, Sarah.” He looked down at the bar. He paused. When he spoke, he looked up, catching and holding her eyes with his. “It’s reconciliation.”
“Are you crazy?” She didn’t think before the words fell from her lips. “You have trouble with Cinderella and you come back here for advice and pity?” She stood behind the bar stool. “Reconciliation? I can’t even respond to that.”
Turning on her heel, she grabbed her bag. She left the bar just as the home team scored and everyone cheered.
#
Lincoln Park was bursting with green. The trees finally awakened after their long winter sleep. Flowers budded along the sidewalk as the two friends looked for an empty bench to share their lunch. They were happy to find the hotdog vender back in business. Chicago dogs on soft steamed buns with pickles, onions, tomato and celery salt couldn’t be beat. They both piled mustard and relish on the top, wrapped them back in the sturdy white paper they came in and searched for a place to sit.
“It’s the first day we’ve been able to eat outside since October.” Colleen shifted her huge shoulder bag to her other arm, grabbed Sarah with her free hand and guided her to a bench where a young couple and their little girl were preparing to leave. “I thought spring would never come.”
They sat, spreading their lunches between them. “The sky is so blue today. After all the rain the last few weeks, this is heaven.” Sarah unwrapped her hotdog and took a bite. “Yum. I sure missed these during the winter. Nobody does a dog better than Louie.”
“You got that right.” Colleen followed suit and the two women ate in silence, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere between them.
Sarah popped the last bite in her mouth then wiped her lips on her paper napkin. “I could go for another one. How about you?”
“Yeah, I could eat it but I’ve got to fit into the nightmare of a dress I bought to walk down the aisle. If I put on another pound, it won’t zip.” She giggled. “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Come on C, you know you’re looking forward to the wedding.” Sarah balled the refuse from her lunch into a little, tight ball then tossed it into the garbage can. She unscrewed the top of her water bottle. She took a long drink.
“What I’m looking forward to is it being over.” Colleen shook her head from side to side. “I don’t know how I ever let Bob talk me into this big wedding thing. I’d much rather just get married by a judge.”
“That’s just because you spend half your life in court rooms.” Sarah brushed the crumbs from her lap. “Want to walk?”
“Sounds good.” Colleen disposed of the remnants of her lunch in the same garbage can. Standing, she glanced down at her watch. “Let’s go. I have another half an hour before I have to be anyplace.”
They took their time, strolling at a comfortable pace and not talking.
After a few minutes, Colleen broke the silence. “Did Carlos tell you they gave him more hours and increased his pay at the store?”
Sarah stopped walking, turning to look directly at her friend. “No, he didn’t.” She stood still for a heartbeat then moved forward. “When did that happen?”
“A couple of weeks ago. He’s been working hard and staying clear of trouble. It’s amazing what you’ve done with him.”
“Yeah, amazing.” Sarah wondered why Carlos hadn’t told her. It was certainly a reason for him to be proud. It was the first real job he ever held and he was doing well according to Colleen. Why had he kept it from her? She decided to ask him the next time he had a session.
“Sarah, look.” Colleen pointed to the grass by the root of a tall tree. “It’s the first robin of spring.”
Her voice had a pensive tone. “Yeah C, the first robin of spring.”
#
A handful of spring flowers appeared around her door, then Carlos stepped into her office. “Here, these are for you.” He appeared uncomfortable as he pushed them at her.
Sarah was surprised, delighted at the array of color and fragrance she held in her hand. “Thank you. What a great surprise.”
“The store has more flowers than we can sell. I never have figured out why a grocery store sells flowers.” He dropped in the chair across from her desk.
“It’s just another commodity, I guess, they might as well make the money as a florist.” She buzzed Maggie.
When her assistant peeked into the room, she was smiling. “Need some water for those poseys?” She crossed to take them from Sarah’s waiting hand.
“Yes, just leave them on your desk. I’ll get them after our session.” She looked a little embarrassed as she completed her thought. “And Maggie, you might as well go home. Carlos is the last client of the day.”
Maggie gave her boss a knowing wink just before she left the room. She closed the door quietly.
Sarah leaned back in her chair, staring at him. He was beginning to feel uneasy when she finally spoke. “Okay Carlos, want to tell me why I’m the last to know how well you’re doing at the market?” Her tone was flat but not accusatory. “I would have thought you would be proud of it.”
He wiggled in his chair. She could see her words made him uncomfortable. “Yeah, I’m still just a stock person. It’s nothing to brag about.”
“Well, I think it is. It’s the first job you’ve ever held for more than a week and they must be pretty happy with you to give you a raise.”
His stare was angry, his words clipped. “So what gives? You and my parole officer been talking about me? I thought that wasn’t allowed.”
“Carlos, we both care what happens to you. She’s proud of your accomplishment, that’s why we talked about it. She just assumed you told me already.”
He tilted his head and smiled a slow, sideways grin. Teasing, he said, “You really do care what happens to me Sarah?”
He wouldn’t drop his gaze. She began to feel uncomfortable. “Of course I do.” She stood, picked up her recorder from on top of her desk and walked to the chair near the recliner. “Are you ready?”
He joined her, still grinning. “I’m so ready Sarah. You’ll never know how ready I am.”
#
CARLOS HAVARRO, transcript, session 12, May 14
The torchlight cast tall dancing shadows on the damp stone walls as we descended deeper and deeper under the castle. Richard led the way, I walked in the middle and Gabriela moved in silence behind me. The slippery steps seemed to spiral down without ceasing. At last we reached the bottom and were in a narrow, cold corridor. Richard held the torch high as we stepped over pieces of rock that had fallen from the rotting walls. I didn’t know stone could smell so musky and old. There were puddles of water here and there to be stepped over or gone around.
We walked for what seemed a very long time, finally arriving at a huge, ornate door. The ancient wood and metal hinges and latch were encrusted with slime. Richard pushed hard; at last the door swung open.
I was stunned by what waited on the other side. We entered a great room, larger still than Henry’s audience chamber. It was opulent. Torches and candles burned everywhere and the room felt warm and dry. As we moved forward I felt small bursts of fresh air coming from between some of the stones of the floor.
There were no tables or chairs in the room. All the walls were decorated with gold and rare jewels, shimmering in the candle light. I glanced at the high ceiling. I saw it, too, was encrusted with treasures.
“This is the antechamber. We remain here until we are called.” Richard spoke quietly as if not to disturb the hundreds of flames illuminating the room.
“What..?” I began to speak, but Gabriela touched my lips with her fingers to silence my question.
“We just wait, that is all,” she whispered close to my ear. “Do not speak until you are requested to do so.”
Time is very different to my kind than it is to humans so I am unable to tell you how long we stood. During the sea voyage to England I l
earned to put my mind in a suspended plane where I silenced my thoughts, felt no sensations. A different kind of death, I suppose.
A door I had not noticed on the other side of the room opened. A tall male courtly figure walked rapidly toward us causing the candles to flicker and gutter.
“You may enter.” His deep resonant voice suited his dark, handsome features. He was further proof our kind was a beautiful species. He spoke just his name, Sebastian. We passed into a smaller chamber, the walls equally as richly decorated. This room also contained two large golden chairs set on a dais and resting in their seats were soft cushions of the richest, deepest blue velvet; more beautiful than any I had seen in either the Spanish or English royal courts. On the floor just in front of the thrones were several larger cushions of the same luxurious material. Sebastian motioned us to kneel on the cushions, to lower our heads.
We obeyed and again, we waited. Despite the deathly silence, I did not hear them enter. I felt a touch on my shoulder and raised my eyes. They appeared to be male and female. They sat tall, lean and unmoving on their thrones, statues of marble. Their skin was white, their waist length hair silver, shiny as polished metal. It flowed over their shoulders and settled in the seat of the chair surrounding their entire bodies with a glistening halo. Their eyes were light in color. I couldn’t see anything except two dark outlined circles where the pupils should have been. They wore long blue cloaks to match the velvet of their chairs. They were both frightening and incredibly beautiful. I perceived they had never been human.
“Rise new born,” requested the female. “Come closer.” Her voice was low and melodious, almost as if she were singing the words instead of speaking them.
I glanced at Richard and Gabriela. They both continued to kneel with their heads bowed. I rose to my feet then step by slow step, moved closer to the royal pair.
“Halt!” ordered the male. His voice was deeper, more resonant but still melodic. He rose from his chair, moving toward me with slow, measured steps. I stood frozen, waiting to see if he would come all the way to my side. As he raised his hand behind him, the female rose, following him.