“I want you.” I whimper breathlessly. He moves with me, thrusting and allowing me to feel all of him as I squeeze my inner muscles around him. I let my fingers, my kisses do the talking for me.
“You have me,” he whispers and my entire body tightens hearing his voice. The pressure builds, sharp and sweet. My body is hovering right on the sharp edge of release. When our bodies fall into a perfectly syncopated rhythm, our eyes lock, and my insides tighten. I shatter around him gripping him painfully. Capturing his mouth as the orgasm rips into me, he pushes deeper inside of me. I feel his warmth fill me. I move slowly over him, wanting to feel him as long as I can. As I lie on top of him, he tenderly kisses my neck. His breath flows over my naked skin as he hugs me close.
“I don’t want to hold back with you.” I trail my fingers over his skin, resting my chin on his chest. I cup his jaw and lean forward to kiss him. The look in his eyes turns something inside of me so deep that for a moment I’m scared that what we have is stronger than we ever imagined.
He brushes the hair away from my face and smiles. “You don’t have to, ever. I’m here for you,” he whispers.
I wasn’t going anywhere.
The sun streaming through the blinds coupled with the feeling of Reed’s strong arms wrapped around my waist and his fingers making circles on my stomach wakes me. The feel of his hard body against mine sends chills through me and brings a smile to my face when I think about last night and the emotional connection we have. He seems as content as I do as I turn to meet his grinning face. I’ve never coveted someone so badly in my life.
“Am I in a dream?” I ask, brushing aside the hair that has fallen over his eye.
“I guarantee you that last night was not a dream.” He grins charmingly. He kisses me on the cheek and rolls back onto the pillow, throwing his hand behind his head as he stares at the ceiling. “Do you know how many nights I would lie here thinking about you like this, lying in my bed next to me?” He turns to me, and smiles. I blush realizing he felt those same initial emotions that I felt for him when we first met, too.
“I didn’t know,” I whisper rolling closer to him so that my body presses against his side. My own feelings for him scared me, and I didn’t imagine that he shared them as well. I couldn’t act on them while I was with Cane, but somehow we’re here and it feels perfect.
“You couldn’t know. I didn’t know myself. I was scared. I’ve never experienced anything like what I feel for you,” he says, shifting his body to face me. “But I like it, a lot.” He smiles.
“Me too.” I smile, brushing my hand over the new stubble that has grown on his face. “I like this look on you; it’s very sexy. Kinda badass.” He leans into my hand, staring at me with radiant blue eyes that I’ve fallen in love with.
“Yeah?” He replies charmingly, creating waves of goose bumps on my skin. My thoughts of him and of last night hold me captive, and I can only nod. It was more than I expected. “If last night wasn’t badass enough for ya, I can give you some more.”
“Are all men from Texas as charming as you?” I ask, tracing the rose tattoo over his heart. He laughs as he stares down at my tiny hands, sending a shiver streaming through my body all over again. I can’t believe that I ever imagined letting this go without a fight because I was scared of what might happen.
“I want to think I’m one of a kind.” He laughs, stroking my cheek. “A man with many talents.” He chuckles.
I’ve discovered some of those talents myself. No one has ever done anything so intimate like that. Not even Cane. How often will a guy change for a girl, give up everything to be with one exclusively? Regardless of all that I know about him, I’m here and I’m willing to see where we end up. When we’re together, I forget everything. Yeah, hold that thought.
“Oh shit! What time is it?” I say sitting up and pulling the comforter to my chest.
“Oh.” He groans, rolling over to check the alarm clock. “7:25.” He mumbles and I frantically search around the bed for my clothes.
“I’m late for work!” I whine.
“Oh babe, let’s call in sick.” he replies, his eyes dancing mischievously. “We can work from home. We’d get a lot more done here.” He smirks, eyeing the bed.
“I’m sure we wouldn’t.” I reply, climbing over him to look for my dress. Bad idea. He grabs me, pulling me back on top of him. “You planned that, didn’t you?” I smile coyly, not complaining in the least. He growls softly. His hands caress the curve of my back then slowly slide over my ass and down the back of my thighs.
“Maybe,” he whispers. His eyes rake over my naked curves and his smile turns provocative. I blush uncontrollably. “You’re so gorgeous,” he says, placing a warm kiss on my shoulder before releasing me. “Damn work.” He yanks the sheet off, snatches his boxers from the floor, and then stands, unashamed and glorious. I can’t tear my eyes away from his firm ass, his muscular legs, and his inked body. I stare as he pulls on his boxers, wanting to lick each one of his tattoos. Is this a god standing in front of me? Do I really have to go to work today? I’m at a loss for words.
“Are you okay?” He turns, smirking raising one eyebrow humorously as he scratches his temple.
“Yeah,” I reply trying to catch my breath.
“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” He leans over, kissing the top of my head.
“You know what you do to me, so don’t play dumb,” I reply, focusing on the V that dips into the waist of his boxers. I want nothing more than to spend the whole damn day with this handsome man who makes me swoon each second that I spend with him. I thought I had everything I ever wanted with Cane, but now I know it was just enough to get me by. With Reed, I feel like I could ask for the universe and everything in it, and he would die to give it to me.
“Well, it’s not too late to change your mind about calling in sick.” He smirks, purposely flexing his arms to persuade me a little bit more.
“The thought of spending the whole day with you in bed is tempting, but it won’t pay the bills.” I cast my eyes away from his body before I actually take him up on his offer and suffer the consequences. From where I’m sitting, his suggestion looks damn good.
“Fine. Doesn’t hurt to try.” He pouts, pushing out his bottom lip. “I’m gonna take a quick shower, and then we can swing by your place so you can freshen up and get your stuff before we head over to the Center. Unless you want to freshen up here?” A wicked grin appears on his handsome face. “We can kill two birds with one stone.” He grins wickedly, nodding his head in the direction of the bathroom.
“Hmm... Then we’d definitely have to work from home,” I reply. I sense his eyes on me when I rise from the bed to find my panties and bra lying from on the floor. It sends tingles shooting through me when I glance over to see him staring at me.
“If you’re not going to join me in the shower, you could have waited for me to leave before you did that.” He closes the space between us and pulls me into his body. “Could you be mine?” he whispers in my ear. The words sound so intimate and certain that I almost collapse in his arms.
“Do you want me to be?” I ask, tilting my head.
“In every way.” He kisses my neck softly with his open mouth, his breath flowing over my skin. “Never been so sure of anything in my life,” he says without hesitation. “But can I just give you some advice?”
“Sure,” I say breathy and light, feeling the heat pull in all the right places.
“Doing what you just did,” he says, sliding his hand from my shoulder to my hips, “doesn’t help your cause, ya know. The whole work thing will never win over what’s under my fingers right now.” He tugs me closer to him, my back flush with his warm hard chest. I bite down on my lip, fighting the urge to pull him back on the bed with me.
“I could stay here with you all day. All week. No food. No water. Just you. You’d keep me alive,” he whispers into my ear, brushing his soft lips down my neck. “I’ll be right back.” He smiles as he heads to the bathro
om.
I close my eyes, still tasting him on my lips and feeling the warmth of his body against mine. I didn’t know I could feel so content so soon after breaking up with Cane. Right now, my heart is making all the decisions concerning Reed, and I just have to trust that it’s right. I pull my dress over my head, throw my hair in a ponytail, and as I slip on my sandals, check my reflection in the mirror.
I don’t know why, but I open the top drawer of his dresser. Not sure what to expect, I breathe a sigh of relief when I find folded t-shirts and shorts. Why? In the back of my mind, I think that he’s hiding something from me. Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? Still, that doesn’t stop me. I open the next drawer because I want to find something to explain this feeling.
Large piles of neatly stacked money greet my curious eyes. Not one dollar bills but one hundred dollar bills. I try to swallow the knot in my throat. What the hell is he doing with all this money, and where did it come from? Why do I automatically assume that it’s something bad?
I quietly slide the drawers shut when I hear him getting out of the shower. Why would I even do this? Am I having doubts? Are the things Tyler and Jace told me still lingering in my thoughts? I want to prove them wrong, but is that even possible now? There’s an explanation for having all of that money, right? I can’t confront him. How does it look that I’ve been snooping around? What does that say about me?
He walks into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Beads of water still cling to his shoulders and chest, and glisten off the surface of his tattoos. His hair is wet and sticking up in unruly spikes. Damn him for being so gorgeous.
“Give me a minute, doll,” he says, shaking his head and splashing me with water.
“Hon!” I yelp, trying to push him away playfully.
“I won’t do that again if you join me next time,” he murmurs, hugging me close, the wetness from his body seeping through to my back. He leans down, pressing a gentle kiss on my neck.
Shivers attack me, making my knees buckle. Thankfully, he’s holding me right now. “I will definitely take a rain check on that,” I whisper, spinning to face him.
“Good. I knew you would see things my way.” He smirks, sneaking a peck on my cheek. “I’ll be ready in a sec.” He grabs some things from the drawers I just snooped in, and it makes me feel guilty. I can’t say anything, can’t bring it up. How would that make me look? What does that say about our relationship? Can I trust him? Has my parents’ divorce and my relationship with Cane done so much damage that I can’t trust anymore? These questions will stay with me until he tells me, if he tells me. What will it mean if he doesn’t?
When I get to work, I find out that my mom never came home last night. Jace is texting me nonstop because she didn’t call or leave a message with either of us. When I call her office, the receptionist tells me she’s in a meeting. At least I know she’s safe, even if I have no idea where she spent the night. Jace and I decide that we need to confront her together at home. I beat him to the house, and anxiously pace through the house, debating how to start this difficult conversation. It feels like I’m the parent and she’s the child.
The grandfather clock ticks away in the living room like a bomb. The front door slams and the tap of stilettos echoes against the hardwood floors. The sound of Jace and Mom talking makes my stomach twist in knots, and nausea washes over me.
“That’s not right, Mom.” Jace argues. “You can’t not call and then expect us not to worry. This is crazy!”
“Stop this.” She pleads, walking into the kitchen clutching her purse.
I spin to see Jace angrily drop his backpack on the counter.
“Mom, this isn’t right. You got to get some help for this.” He continues, clenching his fists at his side. The veins in his neck twitch and worry etches across his face.
“I don’t have a problem,” she says. She looks over at me as I stand in silence, not believing what my ears are hearing. Her denial makes this much worse.
“We know about the bottles, Mom.” I reveal, angrily stepping closer to her. She lifts her eyes, her hands visibly shake, and she knows that we have discovered her little secret. I hold back my anger as she falls into the chair at the kitchen table, sobbing into her hands. I instantly regret snapping at her. As Jace and I approach her, her shoulders shake uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry.” She sobs, looking up from behind her hair. Her mascara streams down her face in two skinny black rivers as she digs through her purse for a tissue. “I don’t want you to see me this way.” Jace kneels down to comfort her, but I can’t seem to move from where I stand. I just don’t know if she’s being sincere. When people lie to me and deceive me so many times, I lose my trust in everyone. The two people in my life that should always be there for me are also the hardest to reach. After all this time, I never thought my mom would abandon Jace and me by drowning herself in alcohol.
Then again, if I’m not there for her, then who will be? Corey hasn’t been around, and Dad’s gone. The last thing Mom needs is for Jace and me to bail on her. I don’t think Jace ever will. Even though she hurts me with her lies, I won’t either.
“You need help, Mom,” I whisper. She just hunches her shoulders and buries her face in her hands. Jace and I look at each other in silence, watching as our mother breaks down in front of us.
“I’ve looked into attending the local AA meetings. I can go with you the first time, Mom.” He breaks the silence in the room. My mother inhales deeply, places her hands flat on the table and stares blankly across the room.
“Don’t hide the broken parts, Mom. We need to see them to be able to help you.” I add reassuringly, placing my hand on hers.
“I’ve been trying, but it’s not so damn simple.” Her voice cracks as she tries to fight through the sobs.
I can’t begin to understand addiction. I don’t know what it feels like to want something so badly that you’d allow it to destroy you. I guess if you feel pushed to the edge, if you feel there is nothing or no one to save you, you might reach for something to take away the pain, the loss. I’ve felt loss, the anger when Dad left and when Cane cheated on me, but it only made me want to search for something more, something better to replace it with. Ultimately, the only person who will carry you along through it all is you. That can be scary if you’re not prepared for it. I wasn’t, but I knew that was my only option. No one is going to do it for me.
“We’ll both go with you,” I answer firmly.
“Listen,” she pauses, looking up at the both of us, “let me do this without the meetings. It’s only been a few weeks. I know that your stepfather and I may be over, and I’m ready to move forward.”
“I want to believe you, Mom. I really do, but you haven’t been completely honest with us.”
“I haven’t lied about anything.”
“Hiding the fact that you’re drinking is just as bad. What if you’d been in an accident last night or you’d hurt someone? We didn’t know where you were, if you were safe, and we don’t want to live with the fear of something happening to you.” Jace says, shaking his head. “We only have each other. You can’t do this kind of crap and not expect us to get mad or worry about you.”
“What the hell do you want from me?” She retorts, rising from the chair, clutching her purse to her chest. “I’m not a child!”
“Where are you going?” I question, eyeing her suspiciously. She can’t meet my eyes. In my twenty-two years, I have never seen my mother like this.
“I’m going to take a shower. Can we talk about this later? I’m really tired and need to lie down.” She slips off her heels taking them in her hands.
“Fine. I’m not going anywhere tonight until we figure this out.” Jace calls after her.
I listen to the water running in my mother’s bathroom, and wait until she closes the door. I quietly slip in, knowing exactly what I’m looking for. Her room’s the same disaster as it was yesterday. It seems like she has no time to do anything anymore
besides drink and work. I rummage through her room, through the clothes piled on her bed, and find her purse hidden beneath the sheets. This is the worst feeling. It’s like searching through someone’s diary, trying to get into their mind, and learning about their deepest thoughts and secrets. Who am I now, Sherlock Holmes? First, I go through Reed’s drawers, and now, I’m going through my mom’s things. Needless to say, I’m having some major trust issues with people. I tell myself that this is for the best and that it will only help her.
I unzip her purse, quietly hoping that she’ll prove me wrong. I find myself mumbling, “Please don’t have any,” over and over again, digging through it for that one thing. When my fingers wrap around it, the hourglass shaped bottle, I’m crushed beyond belief. I knew something was up when she was clutching her purse close to her chest. I pull out the two small bottles of vodka, probably her little stash of alcohol when she needs a quick pick me up. I’m not sure why she decided to pick this as her way of numbing her pain.
I don’t recall my mom drinking when she was going through the divorce with Dad, but that may be because I used running or hanging out with Tyler to distance myself from the pain. Jace and I were probably too young to recognize the signs if she was. I could call my dad and ask what he knew, but I haven’t talked to him in a month. Calling him to find out if my mom had a previous alcohol problem will raise some red flags with him.
I stare at the tiny bottles in my hand, debating what to do when I hear the water stop. If she really meant what she said, she’ll do it without me taking it away from her. I have to give her that chance. No matter what decision I make right now, all of us are going to end up damaged. Everyone’s emotions are fragile. I hesitantly put them back in her purse, placing her purse back on her bed. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. It’s trial and error.
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