Leo didn’t react in any way and she couldn’t tell if her acceptance annoyed him or not. He stood, unmoving, a beat too long for comfort and then inclined his head. ‘How can I turn down such a civil invitation?’
‘You’ve been very quiet, Leo,’ his mother said once their plates had been removed and coffee and brandy supplied to the whole table. Anna rarely drank spirits, but she clutched her glass gladly, aware she needed some help to get her through the next few minutes. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen your picture in the paper for months.’
‘How are you making ends meet? Don’t tell me you’re looking for a job? More than time you settled down, in every way.’ The Conde swirled his brandy as he spoke.
‘I’ve been doing this and that. In fact, right now I’m working with my hands. That’s how I met Anna. She’s employed me to do some painting and decorating, haven’t you, Dr Gray?’
‘I wouldn’t say employed.’
‘Bed and board only. Still, I’m grateful.’ Leo lounged elegantly, his own glass in one hand, turning it into the light.
‘Leo’s very kindly helping out.’ Anna didn’t know why she was trying to explain, why she was once again taking up the mantle of peacemaker, a mantle she had worn through most of her childhood. ‘I’d be lost without him.’ The last bit was true enough.
‘Señor di Marquez, you’re still here?’ At this opportune moment the manager bustled up, phone in hand. ‘One more thing I need to confirm. Señorita Valentina has asked for a small discount in return for the attention generated by her forthcoming wedding. We don’t usually court such publicity, and as you know we have little need to advertise, but as Señorita Valentina is a well-loved daughter of the city and we wish her all the best for her wedding, we are happy to acquiesce on this occasion. I hope the señorita will be happy with the final quote.’
Anna couldn’t help watching the Conde and his wife’s faces throughout the long-winded speech. Their usual expressions of bored condescension betrayed into a horrified surprise. The manager had no sooner backed away when the Conde rounded on his son.
‘You’re involved in that girl’s wedding?’
‘That girl is my sister.’
‘Valentina’s holding the wedding on the island my mother owns,’ Anna interjected, not knowing whether she was making things better or worse, just knowing she needed to defuse the rapidly building tension. ‘It’s going to be very traditional, but very beautiful, I think.’
‘And she would like you there.’ Leo gazed steadily at his father. ‘Dios knows why, but she does.’ And then, when the Conde failed to respond, ‘She has asked me to accompany her down the aisle.’
‘What?’ The exclamation came from the Condessa and, glancing over, Anna saw her knuckles were white.
‘She wants a male member of her family to walk with her.’
‘This nonsense has gone on long enough!’ Anna stared at the Conde. She had never seen such palpable yet controlled anger. The Conde hadn’t raised his voice, no one looking over would guess that this was anything but a cordial discussion, yet the air throbbed with his rage. Was this how Leo had been raised? Under this measured anger?
‘You are a disgrace to the family name, to your mother and to me. Your life is frivolous and meaningless, your friends worthless and your insistence on flaunting your relationship with that girl an embarrassment. It stops now, Leo. You will return to the castillo with your mother and I, get a proper job, start shouldering some of your responsibilities and marry someone suitable. Do you understand me?’
‘And if I don’t?’
Anna couldn’t believe the nonchalance in Leo’s voice, didn’t believe his father’s outburst hadn’t affected him, no matter how easily he lounged, how amused his smile.
‘I’ll disinherit you. You’ll get the title, but nothing else.’
Leo didn’t bat as much as an eyelash. ‘Such a shame the inheritance laws preclude you from doing that. But don’t worry, Padre, I don’t need a penny of your money.’
‘I find that hard to believe. Oh, you may scrape by, sponging off your friends and gambling, but don’t tell me you’re not short of money, a wastrel like you.’
That was it. She’d heard enough. ‘I have only known Leo a few weeks, but I knew within a week that he was so much more than he portrayed himself to be. And I am ashamed, ashamed,’ she repeated, proud that her voice wasn’t wobbling, ‘that it took me that long. I was prejudiced, I admit. But I should have seen within the first hour just what a good, loyal man he is. Just how principled he is. How hardworking. It took me a week. But you? You have had a lifetime and you still don’t see him at all. Shame on you.’ Anna pushed her still-undrunk brandy away and got to her feet. ‘Thank you for the drink. Leo? I believe we have unfinished business to conclude. I wish I could say it was nice meeting you both, but I was brought up to be honest.’
And without looking to see if her words had any effect, without looking to see if Leo was following her, Anna swept out of the restaurant.
CHAPTER TEN
LEO KNEW THAT when he looked back on this moment he’d regret not taking the time to enjoy the identical shocked expressions on his parents’ faces. But all he could do was get to his feet, nod to them politely and follow Anna out of the restaurant, thoughts and feelings whirling so fast he was amazed he could walk in a straight line.
No one had ever spoken about him with such passion, such tenderness, such understanding before. Leo was used to disdain, used to amusement, used to contempt. Understanding was beyond him and, he suspected, when he processed how he felt about Anna’s intervention he would be undone—which was why he wasn’t going to process it just now.
Anna stood waiting outside the restaurant, her expression anxious. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have...’
Tilting her chin, Leo stared into her eyes for one long second, drinking in the still-simmering anger mixed with contrition before bending his head to hers and kissing her. Hard. It wasn’t the seductive kiss he had planned, not a teasing romantic gesture. It was passion, gratitude, need, lust all mixed together in one intoxicating mixture—and she kissed him back equally fiercely, her hands snaking into his hair, pulling him closer and closer until they were almost fused into one.
‘Let’s go back,’ he breathed finally, reluctant to break the contact, and Anna nodded. But he couldn’t let her go, not yet, his arm around her shoulders holding her close. Leo didn’t usually hold hands with anyone, but tonight he wanted everyone to know the blue-eyed girl in the demure black dress belonged with him. To him.
‘I didn’t mean to say anything,’ Anna said after a moment, her arm tight around his waist. ‘I hope I didn’t make things worse.’
He laughed at that, low and deep. ‘I don’t think they could be made worse.’
Anna didn’t join in the laughter. ‘Why do they speak to you like that?’
‘You heard them, my life is frivolous, a waste. They see what they want to see. They catch a few photos, a few headlines and to them, that’s the truth. I embarrass them, and if there is one thing my parents can’t take it’s public humiliation.’
‘You do know that you’re not the person they think you are, don’t you? I meant every word I said in there.’
Did he? He tried to tell himself that, but somehow he never quite managed to convince himself. The intensity in Anna’s voice went some way to soothing the pain in his soul. He tightened his grip on her waist. ‘They’ve known me for thirty years. You’ve only known me for a couple of weeks...’
‘I look for the truth behind the story, remember?’ She stopped and turned towards him, her hands cupping his face as she looked into his eyes. ‘You need to let them go, Leo. You need to move past them. Find a way to be happy.’
‘If only it was that easy.’
‘It’s not, but I believe in you. Believe in yourself.’
Finally they reached his
apartment building and Leo guided Anna up the three flights of stairs, their steps in perfect unison, hands clasped tight. Half an hour ago he had been anticipating this moment, this arrival back at the apartment, how charged the atmosphere would be between them, how ready they would be. He had planned to kick the door shut behind them, turn to her, capture her mouth, explore her body right there in his apartment hallway, couldn’t imagine having the patience to carry her to the sofa, let alone the bedroom, passion thrumming so hard it was barely contained. The passion was still there, but the meeting with his parents had dimmed it somewhat, and he didn’t want their eventual coming together to be tainted by anger and spite.
The doors to the terrace were still ajar and wordlessly they walked over, stepping through the doors, and leaned on the balustrade, staring out at the city below.
‘I grew up thinking that my parents’ approval was within my grasp,’ Leo said eventually. ‘I tried to be the perfect son, to not demand anything, to be no trouble, to make them proud, and yet they always went away again, I always messed up. Disappointed them. I broke something, didn’t know my lessons well enough, wasn’t still enough during Mass, talked at the theatre, didn’t answer their friends’ questions quickly enough. Whatever I did, no matter how hard I tried, I never lived up to their high expectations. I used to get sick when I knew they were due home, with excitement, with tension, promising myself this time would be different, that I wouldn’t fail. But I always did.’
‘It’s not failing to be a child, to act like a child. You must see that now.’
‘The thing is, Anna, it wasn’t just them. Everyone went, everyone left, every maid, every nanny. No matter how small I tried to make myself, how good, it never worked.’ He swallowed, memories bitter in his throat. ‘I couldn’t understand it. Then, when I was maybe about ten, after Valentina’s mother had left, I heard my nanny talking to her friend. About me.’
Anna leaned in close, her warmth a balm to his soul. ‘What did she say?’
Leo couldn’t look at Anna, couldn’t bear to see pity on her face. Or worse, agreement. ‘That I was no trouble, but I was too quiet to be true. It was creepy, she said. I wasn’t natural. There was something missing.’ He took a deep breath, the memory of that night so clear it was as if he were still there, standing frozen by the door, the night falling, too stunned to move. That was the night his heart had broken, the night he had realised what was wrong with him. Realised why no one stayed, why no one loved him.
There was something missing.
‘That’s a terrible thing to say.’
‘She was right though, wasn’t she? There had to be a reason, Anna. Most parents don’t ignore their only child. Most parents don’t dislike their son, spend as much time away from him as possible. It had to be me. I knew it, as soon as she spoke. Knew it was all my fault.’
‘No.’ Her voice was sharp as she turned to him. ‘I wish I could tell you that every parent loves their child, that all childhoods are happy, but it isn’t true, Leo. There’s no test for new parents, no training. And some people are simply lousy parents. Through active cruelty, or neglect, or because they’re too selfish to put their children first. Your parents made sure you were fed, looked after, educated, but they still neglected you. And that’s on them, will always be on them, will never be on you. And shame on that nanny for not seeing it, for not helping you.’
What was that lump in his throat? That swelling in his chest? Leo swallowed, willing the surge of emotion away, not sure he could cope with the consequences if he allowed it to overwhelm him. All he could do was speak, carry on unburdening his soul to the bright-eyed girl next to him—although he knew he would regret his confidences by the time dawn lit the terrace. ‘By the time I was eighteen I told myself I’d given up, but I hadn’t, not really. I still wanted their approval. To be worth more than the continuation of a name, a title. But then I found out about Valentina... I’d spent all those years wanting to be someone my parents approved of, were proud of. Overnight I wanted the opposite. I wanted to shame them the way they shamed me.’
‘Hence the pretence? Hiding behind your reputation?’
He nodded. ‘Ironically my father showed me the way. He took me to a club on my eighteenth birthday. Men only, apart from the hostesses, men of breeding like us, men with money, power. The kind of man he expected me to be. Fortunes changed overnight at this club, men gambled, bought sex, took drugs, but, crucially, it was exclusive and therefore respectable. That was the first time he made it clear—all vices could be indulged as long as they were hidden, as long as publicly I followed the rules. I knew the only way to hurt him was to drag his precious name through the dirt as often, as wildly as I could.’
Anna moved a little closer, her arm brushing his, burning, branding him. ‘How long did the novelty last?’
‘Just a few weeks,’ Leo confessed. ‘I was bored within days. I had also promised Assumptia I would help them out so I got a job, on a building site. The son of the Conde de Olvares nothing but a common labourer by day, masquerading as a playboy by night. Luckily I made a small sum of money that very first time I went to a casino. I invested some of my profits in shares, and some in a business a friend was setting up. Both prospered and so I reinvested the profits and then again and again until I could give up the job and set up my own business.’ It sounded so easy, as if it were luck, not maths and formulae, and business plans and gut instinct. ‘There have been losses of course, failure, but generally I have been lucky.’
‘And they still have no idea? What you really do?’
‘None,’ Leo confirmed. ‘Truth is I stopped partying almost straight away, but the seeds were sown. I show my face at just enough parties, the odd famous casino and they believe the headlines and gossip columns. They think I live from one spin of the roulette wheel to the next when the reality is I could probably buy the family fortune twice over.’
‘What about your trust fund?’
‘There is no trust fund. Not until I settle down, run the family estates and marry. My parents keep hoping to starve me into submission. They’ve been waiting a long time. They’ll wait a lot longer. I have no intention of giving them anything they want. I won’t be taking over the family estates, I won’t marry, I will never father an heir.’ It wasn’t just a case of thwarting his parents; what did Leo know of marriage, of love, of fatherhood? He saw Valentina, so fearless in her love for Todd, and envied her, even as he shrank from the trust she handed her fiancé along with her heart. Leo only trusted himself. It was safer that way.
‘Don’t let them take that away from you as well, Leo. They took your childhood. You should own the rest of your life. Be happy. Isn’t that the best punishment for them? Your happiness?’
‘I can’t, Anna. I can’t risk it. I don’t know what happiness is—and I would never pass that legacy on to a child.’
‘Oh, Leo.’ Anna reached up, drew a finger down his cheek. He closed his eyes at the touch, so light and yet so very right. ‘It must get very lonely being you.’
Leo paused, her words softly spoken and yet hitting him right in the heart. He didn’t like to admit any weakness and loneliness was the biggest weakness of all. He was thirty, rich by any calculation, he could walk into any city in Europe and bump into an acquaintance, be invited to a party, surround himself with people. But, Valentina aside, who truly knew him?
And did Valentina even know him? He cast himself as her protector. Showed her no weakness. She needed that from him. Somehow Anna saw through all his defences, saw deep within him. That wasn’t in their agreement, wasn’t something he wanted and yet here they were.
No, these thoughts weren’t for tonight. Tonight was the cityscape glittering below, the stars glittering overhead. Tonight was Anna, so close to him he could feel her breathing. He turned, his hands on her bare arms, and felt her quiver, the movement shuddering through him. ‘Now then, Dr Gray,’ he said softly and with satis
faction he watched her pupils flare, heard her breath hitch. ‘We were in the middle of something when my parents so rudely interrupted us. Let’s remind ourselves where we were, shall we?’ Leo bent to kiss the hollow of her throat and as he tasted the soft saltiness of her skin the rest fell away. There was only her and for tonight there was nowhere else he would rather be.
* * *
It was late when Anna finally stretched and opened her eyes. The sun slatted in through the blinds, casting a warmth on the bed, the air already ripe with heat, but the space next to her was cool. Leo must have got up some time before. She sat up, pulling the sheet with her, wrapping it around herself, aware of her nakedness, here in this strange apartment in this strange city.
She shivered as memories of their lovemaking returned. The sex had been good—really good—from the start. Leo was a skilled and generous lover and the chemistry between them added an extra heat to their activities. But last night had been intense, almost dark at times, as if Leo had been trying to lose himself in her. As if she had been trying to heal him. But she knew that she couldn’t heal him, the damage was too deep, too ingrained. Leo would have to try and heal himself. Only she was pretty sure he never would.
Why did the thought of that hurt her so much? Was it because the easy days and easier nights they had promised themselves had twisted into something darker? Or was it because she was beginning to forget her promise to herself not to fall for him?
‘Buenos dias.’
‘Morning.’ She pulled the sheet higher, suddenly, unaccountably shy, brightening when she saw the paper cup in Leo’s hand. ‘Oh, coffee.’
‘And pastries,’ Leo confirmed, tossing a paper bag onto the bed. ‘And these...’ Another bag followed the pastries. Anna grabbed it, her cheeks heating up when she saw the contents. ‘I’d hate for us to run out. And the rate we’re using them...’
‘It’s important to be safe,’ Anna said with as much dignity as she could muster, putting the bag filled with packets of condoms back onto the bed.
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