by T L Swan
She frowns. “What is?”
“Jesten, that’s who. He texted me, and Josh read the text and now I have lied to Joshua and he thinks Jes is a girl.”
She rolls her eyes as she drinks her coffee. “Just tell Jes you are back with Josh, easy.” “I’m going to eventually, but they are fighting each other next week in the stupid cage- fighting shit and Jesten will bait Joshua even more if he knows that we are back together and we both know Joshua will kill Jesten even harder if he knows we are friends now,” I stammer, exasperated.
She screws up her face in disgust. “I’m too tired for this shit and you can’t kill someone harder. If they are dead they are dead.”
I put my head into my hands on the table. “Why hasn’t he texted back? What if he just turns up at my house?” I whisper, mortified.
She smiles broadly at me. “That would actually be funny though, wouldn’t it?”
I glare at her. “No, not at all.”
“Imagine if Joshua answers the door, like in a towel and it’s Jesten, what do you think
would happen?” She smiles.
I put my hand over my mouth as the horrific scene unfolds in my head.
I take my phone back out of my bag and text Jesten again.
Matter of urgency.
I’m at work all weekend.
I will call you on Monday.
My heart rate has picked up and I am starting to sweat. “Why isn’t he texting me back so I know he got the message, the idiot,” I snap
“Because he thinks you are at work. Chill out for Pete’s sake.” Bridget rolls her eyes at me. “I think Abbie is breaking up with Tristan tonight.”
My face falls. “Why? They have been getting on so well.”
Bridget shrugs. “She thinks she isn’t ready to settle down and Tristan is the kind of guy you marry and have kids with.”
“Shit,” I whisper. “That’s shitty, poor Tristan.”
“She’s an idiot, someone else will snap him up and she’ll lose him.” She sighs.
I shrug. “Who knows, I think if you are meant to be you will always find a way back to each other.” I smile.
Bridget narrows her eyes at me. “That’s romantic bullshit and you know it.”
“Josh and I have always found our way back to each other.” I shrug.
“Hey on that note has he told you he loves you yet?” Bridget questions with a raised brow.
I sip my coffee. “No, it’s a noticeably absent comment in our conversations.”
She nods as she sips her coffee. “But you’ve told him.”
“Yes, every day,” I mutter.
“Hmm,” she says flatly.
“Look it’s only been a week and I am not pushing for the sentence because I already know he has feelings for me. I can feel it.”
“I hope you’re not being deluded and he’s using you for sex,” she sighs.
I drink the last of my coffee. That thought has crossed my mind more than once. “Me too.”
We make our way back upstairs and see Joshua and Cameron sitting in the lounge area, both scrolling through their phones. Josh’s eyes flick up and he pats the chair next to him. I smile and take it. I watch Cameron to try and see if there is any indication that he knows about Joshua’s paternity. What am I going to do about this? That was close downstairs. If Cameron is onto this and I think he is then it will only be a matter of time before Joshua finds out. My stomach drops at the thought that his mother may very well implicate me in this mess.
“Tash, I have a friend who is after an internship at your hospital. She wants to know if you would pass on her resume. Can I email it to you?” Cameron asks.
Huh, umm. “Yes of course,” I mutter, distracted.
“What’s your email address for work?” he asks. Joshua doesn’t look up and keeps scrolling through his phone.
I shuffle through my bag and dig out my purse to retrieve a business card. “I don’t even know it, it’s on here.” I pass Cameron the card and he takes it and puts it in his wallet.
“Thanks.” He smiles. “Josh, what time are we training at the gym?” he asks.
“Straight after here,” Joshua answers.
I frown. “I thought you trained this morning.”
He smiles and puts his hand affectionately on my leg. “I did, presh, but I am doing a bit tonight with Cam and Murph. I won’t be long.”
I roll my eyes. “Aren’t you over the gym? Doesn’t it get boring?”
He smiles warmly at me. “I won’t be long.” He stands. “I will see you soon.” He bends and gently kisses my cheek.
“Ok,” I sigh. This may be good anyway because I can try to sort out frigging Jesten. Bridget smirks at me and I narrow my eyes at her. “What?” I mouth.
“You and your flaming vagina.” She giggles.
“Come on, as soon as we see Gran you are going to help me find Jesten.”
She screws up her face at me. “No, I’m not.”
I nod. “Oh yes, you bloody are.”
It’s eight o’clock on a Saturday night and my boyfriend is supposedly at the gym when I know he was there for three hours this morning. Where is he and what is he doing? He said he was going to be quick and I thought he would be here about six. I sit with my coffee on my lap on the lounge. Is Cameron currently telling him about his suspicion regarding Joshua’s paternity … what does Cameron know? My eyes close at the thought of the horrible conversation that one day my beautiful Lamborghini is going to have. It will come out eventually—the truth always has a way of coming out. Bridget and I didn’t find Jes tonight but it looks like Joshua isn’t going to be here anyway so I don’t know why I was so worried.
My phone beeps a text. Lambo.
Hi Tash,
I have been caught up helping Adrian with some computer stuff.
Go out with Cameron and Abbie if you want.
I’m sorry.
XX
I frown in frustration. What, so he’s not coming over now? I pick up my phone and immediately dial his number. He answers first ring.
“Hi sweetheart,” he says softly. My stomach drops. He only calls me sweetheart when something is wrong—past experience has shown me that.
“Hi, what’s going on?” I ask.
He stays silent. ‘I’m just doing some computer stuff with Adrian. I said I would do it for him—it’s been a lot harder than we thought and we can’t get it right. I’m sorry.”
I bite my lip as I listen. “So you don’t want to see me tonight.”
“No, I never said that. I want to see you tonight. This is pissing me off actually. But I may be another hour or so and I thought you may want to go out rather than wait for me.”
I sit back in the chair in frustration. “No, I don’t want to go out, I want to see you.” I sigh, disappointed.
“How much?” He smiles down the phone.
I smile in return. “I really, really want to see you and I am not going out so just come over when you have finished.”
“Ok baby, I will be as quick as I can.” His spirits seem to have lifted.
“I love you,” I whisper.
He hesitates. “Bye presh.” He hangs up the phone.
I’m showered and in the requested white nightie on my lounge under a blanket at 10.15 pm when I hear the key in the door. I pretend to be asleep and I hear Joshua put his keys on the side table. He walks over and kneels in front of me. He kisses my cheek tenderly.
“Hello my beautiful girl,” he whispers.
I open my eyes and smile shyly at him. I can’t even pretend to be mad when he greets me like that.
“Are you ok?” I whisper.
He gives me a sad smile. “I am now that I have come home to you.” He brushes the hair back from my forehead.
I take his hand and kiss the back of it. “Your body is here, Joshua … but has your heart come home to me?” My eyes frost over with tears.
He kisses me softly on the lips. “My heart has never left you—it’s been with y
ou for seven years presh. I’m a shell when I’m not with you.”
My eyes hold his as he rubs the backs of his fingers down my face. My beautiful gentle Josh is here. I kiss him tenderly. He doesn’t let his guard down with me very often and I have to take advantage.
“Where were you tonight baby?” I ask.
He frowns. “I told you, sweetheart, doing computer stuff with Adrian. I’m sorry I took so long. Right now I don’t want to talk about anything or anyone, I want to spend the night with my girl and not have to think.”
I frown as I play with my blanket. “Did you fix the problem?”
“I think so,” he replies quietly.
He kneels up and rests his head on my stomach and I run my hand over the top of his head and he blows out a deep breath.
“Right now I need to go to my place of clarity and then I need to go to my place of Zen,” he whispers into my stomach.
“What’s your place of clarity?” I ask softly.
He kisses me gently again. “My place of clarity is when nothing else matters but me and you and the tenderness we have with each other.”
“When do you get the clarity Joshua?” I love him in this mood because he tells me the truth without thinking. The glass force-field he puts around himself is temporarily disabled.
“The only time I have clarity is when I’m tasting you, with my head between your legs and your hands on my head, your hand in my hand. The way you taste, your scent, your love … is the only time I forget all the shit in my life.”
I frown. “Joshua, that’s oral sex.”
He pulls back and smiles softly. “I haven’t told you this before, Tash, but I don’t do that to other women.”
“What do you mean?” I ask softly.
He shrugs, embarrassed. “When we first broke up when we were young I did it a few times and I didn’t like it. It was too intimate, too … different to what we had. So I stopped doing it altogether.” He takes my hand in his and gently kisses the inside of my wrist. I melt into his eyes, to his touch.
“But you love to do that, Joshua, it’s who you are. I don’t understand.”
He shakes his head and smiles. “No, Tash, that’s not who I am. It’s who we are, when you are with me like that I know I am getting you ready so that I don’t hurt you. I’m preparing your body to take mine. It’s like …” he pauses as he thinks of the wording. “It’s like you are a part of me, like your body is an extension of mine. Like I can’t live without your taste in my mouth, I can’t get close enough to you … and then when you climax.” He lets out a contented sigh.
He kisses me gently and runs his tongue through my open mouth. God I love this Joshua, why can’t this part of his personality be here all the time. My arousal starts to pump heavily between my legs.
“That’s how I feel about sex, Josh, making love is something just so beautiful between us that the thought of having mere sex with someone else repulses me. I would rather go without the meaningless act,” I whisper.
He kisses me again and it is the most beautiful passionate kiss that he has ever gifted me with. The emotion behind it brings tears to my eyes.
“I love you,” I whisper.
He smiles shyly and scoops me off the lounge and carries me to bed. “Give me some clarity, my precious girl.”
I giggle in anticipation. He gently lays me on the bed and stands and slowly removes his clothing while not breaking eye contact. His large physical strength is palpable. Natasha, the name is etched down his side, how can one man hold so much power over my body? My legs drop open to the mattress. I couldn’t close them if I tried. His eyes drop to my open sex and he licks his lips and cracks his neck. My nipples harden under his gaze and he reaches out and runs his hand down the length of my body.
“I fucking adore you,” he whispers.
I smile as I pull him down to me. “I need some of that clarity, baby,” I whisper. He smiles deviously as he disappears down my body. He spreads me wide to his gaze with his thumbs and I hold my breath. I always hold my breath as he looks at me but now that I know that he doesn’t do this to anybody else it has just amplified the whole beautiful experience.
“You’re so fucking perfect,” he whispers. His hot tongue slices through my weeping flesh and I whimper as my body bows off the bed.
He stills me. “Sshh baby, let me enjoy you,” he whispers.
I nod as I close my eyes and try to stop myself from bursting into orgasm, as I start to quiver with need.
His tongue starts to lick me in deep long strokes and my hands fall to the back of his head. This is what I love … where everything makes sense, where nothing makes sense and he’s right … perfect clarity.
I start to pant as his mouth takes what it needs from my open body and I convulse into an orgasm. He closes his eyes and groans into me and I grab the back of his head in reaction.
“Stop,” I stammer, “stop it.” I’m too sensitive.
“Never,” he growls into me, “I will never stop.” He seemingly loses control and picks up my legs and puts them over his shoulders as he really lets his tongue loose. I’m going insane and he gently bites my clitoris and stretches me out to his mouth. Dear god … he’s so damn good at this. My body starts to move by itself and I have lost the art of being submissive. I want this, I want his tongue on me … inside of me. I am moving up and down the mattress as he inserts two fingers and I lurch forward as I climax again. He keeps my legs over his shoulders and leans forward and plunges his large length into me deeply. He stays deep and still, his eyes close as he tries to calm himself and when they reopen I shudder in anticipation, beautiful gentle Joshua has gone and Mr Stanton is on top of me. His mouth hangs slack and his eyes are dark with arousal as he holds himself off my body with straightened arms, his open mouth starts to run the length of my neck and he starts to ride me … hard. Long punishing strokes where I know he will take me how he wants, as deep as he wants to and I can do nothing but hold on and pant.
Joshua Stanton was born to fuck, not to make gentle love, although he does that perfectly, he was designed to take a woman and rip the orgasm from her body and damn the consequences or anyone who tries to stop him. It’s when he’s like this, when he has no control and he can’t stop, that he’s at his unstoppable best.
Tonight I am the luckiest girl in the world.
Chapter 24
I sit and stare at the computer monitor in horror. What in the hell is wrong with my emails? Where have they all gone? It’s Monday 11.00 am and I am at work. Joshua and I didn’t spend the day together yesterday but he ended up coming over last night. I didn’t ask him where he was on Saturday night, although the question is weighing heavily on my mind. All of these questions between us and yet I feel that he is cemented to me and that he’s in love with me … without actually saying the words. He didn’t let me go all night and when he thought I was asleep I could feel him gently kissing my shoulder from behind in the darkness. He now sleeps all night with a hand somewhere on me , as if he is only reassured when we are touching. What’s going through that pea brain of his? At the moment though I have more pressing issues, I’m trying to pull a client file from my emails that was sent to me last week. Where the frigging hell is it?
All of my emails seem to have disappeared and my send and receive isn’t working.
Emma, my colleague, walks into my office. “Natasha, I have just forwarded you an email that came to my inbox by mistake.”
I frown as I flag a problem with our computer tech team. “Thanks, what is it?” I ask.
“Not sure—an email addressed to me but the subject line says please forward to Natasha Marx .”
My eyes look up from my computer. That’s odd. “What does it say?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Check it out. It should be in your inbox.”
I roll my eyes. “My computer is totally shit and I can’t access anything. Can I open it on yours?”
“Yeah, sure.” I move back from my desk and she leans o
ver me and opens her email on my computer. “I have to go. I have an appointment. Do you want to have lunch?”
“Yeah, ok, if I can find this file I will. Otherwise I’m in big trouble,” I mutter as I open the email addressed to me. Emma leaves the room.
I frown as I look at the email. Is it from Josh? No, the sender says blocked … weird? I click on the attachment. It’s a rolling picture and then it goes black. Huh? I sit forward and play it again … it doesn’t make sense. I play it again … I can’t make out anything. Josh must have sent me something. I smile and dial his number.
“Hi presh,” he answers.
I smile. “Hi baby, can you send the email again. I can’t make out the picture.”
He stays silent.
“Did you hear me? I can’t open the attachment.” I sigh as I doodle on my notepad.
“Ahh … Yeah, ok. What email did I send it to?” he replies.
I frown. “It went to my work friend’s email by mistake and she gave it to me.”
He stays silent.
“So anyway just resend it, ok.” I repeat as I start ratting through my filing cabinet. “My email system has totally stuffed up and I’m in trouble if I can’t access this next client file,” I murmur.
He stays silent for a moment as he listens. “Do you want to have lunch today?” he sighs.
I smile. “Definitely, hey did you see if I left my phone at home this morning? I can’t find it anywhere,” I ask.
“No, I didn’t notice,” he replies. “What time is your break?”
“One-thirty.”
“I will ring you when I get to the hospital,” he says quietly.
“Ok, see you then.”
Adrian
Joshua and Ben walk in front of me as we search for a good coffee and two guards trail behind. It’s 3.00 pm. Joshua is in a filthy mood. He went to the hospital to have lunch with Tash and he was going to tell her about the tape. This woman has other email addresses and he knows it is only a matter of time before Natasha finds out, so he wanted to tell her first. Apparently her friend joined them for lunch though and they weren’t alone so he couldn’t do it. He’s not happy. Joshua’s phone rings.